contents

Copyright

Acknowledgements

Chapter One

Chapter Two

Chapter Three

Chapter Four

Chapter Five

Chapter Six

Chapter Seven

Chapter Eight

Chapter Nine

Chapter Ten

Chapter Eleven

Chapter Twelve

Chapter Thirteen

Chapter Fourteen

Chapter Fifteen

Chapter Sixteen

Chapter Seventeen

Chapter Eighteen

Chapter Nineteen

Chapter Twenty

Chapter Twenty-One

Chapter Twenty-Two

Chapter Twenty-Three

Chapter Twenty-Four

Chapter Twenty-Five

Chapter Twenty-Six

Chapter Twenty-Seven

Chapter Twenty-Eight

Chapter Twenty-Nine

Excerpt from Feedback is Love

child of mercy

fallen [4]

lisa olsen

(2012)

Rating: ★★★★☆

Tags: angels and demons

angels and demonsttt

Editorial Review

Abandoned by Adam, Mercy picks herself up by her bootstraps and gets on with life without too much wallowing in weepy tears. More family drama ensues as Mercy helps plan Matty's wedding to the odd, but ever entertaining, witch, Oriana. It's a struggle to rein in on the crazy and keep her life as normal as possible now that everyone knows she's got a bun in the oven, but Mercy's determined to make a stable life for her child. Faces from the past show up to complicate Mercy's hard won normalcy, and she finds herself with a terrifying new friend when the play for her child turns perilous. I thought maybe the book would end with the birth of the child, but there is a whole new can of worms opened after the delivery. Thankfully, author Lisa Olsen didn't leave us with a cliffhanger for once, but I hope this isn't the last foray into Mercy's world.

Product Description

"Have you ever gone to sleep one night and woken up and it's two months later? Okay, not literally, but I swear it felt like two months went by in the blink of an eye. Still no word from Adam, but each day got easier to accept his absence, and I started to believe he might never come home. I started to think... maybe I didn't want him to anymore."

Child of Mercy continues the saga of angels and demons in Book IV of The Fallen. Left to raise a child on her own, Mercy contends with normal pregnancy woes, and a slew of dangers as new enemies and old vie for a piece of the child. Her heavenly cousins don't seem all that pleased with her impending motherhood either, and Mercy needs all the help she can get to keep her baby safe. Luckily, she has friends and family around to help out (a little too much family if you ask Mercy), especially Parker who is more than happy to fill Adam's vacant shoes. The question remains - will Adam stay away? And more importantly, if he waits too long, will Mercy want him to?

Table of Contents

- Copyright

- Acknowledgements

- Chapter One

- Chapter Two

- Chapter Three

- Chapter Four

- Chapter Five

- Chapter Six

- Chapter Seven

- Chapter Eight

- Chapter Nine

- Chapter Ten

- Chapter Eleven

- Chapter Twelve

- Chapter Thirteen

- Chapter Fourteen

- Chapter Fifteen

- Chapter Sixteen

- Chapter Seventeen

- Chapter Eighteen

- Chapter Nineteen

- Chapter Twenty

- Chapter Twenty-One

- Chapter Twenty-Two

- Chapter Twenty-Three

- Chapter Twenty-Four

- Chapter Twenty-Five

- Chapter Twenty-Six

- Chapter Twenty-Seven

- Chapter Twenty-Eight

- Chapter Twenty-Nine

- Excerpt from Feedback is Love

Child of Mercy

By

Lisa Olsen

Copyright © 2012 Lisa Olsen, all rights reserved.

This book is sold subject to the conditions that it shall not, by way of trade or otherwise, be lent, re-sold, hired out, copied, or otherwise circulated without the publisher’s prior consent in any other format or changed in any way, including the author’s name and title, and without a similar condition being imposed on the subsequent purchaser.

This is a work of fiction.  Names, characters, places, and incidents either are the product of the author’s imagination, or are used fictitiously, and any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, business establishments, events, or locales is entirely coincidental.  The use of any real person, company or product names are for literary effect only and used without permission.  The publisher does not have any control over and does not assume any responsibility for third-party websites or their content.

Visit the author’s website at http://www.lisaolsen.net

Acknowledgements

Thanks to everyone who suggested baby names for Mercy’s child!  Beckie Pimentel (the newest addition to my editing team) came up with the winning name and it fits perfectly into the plot.  That leads right into me thanking my editing team, Beckie, Marilyn Weaver, Keri Keen, and last but not least James Olsen, for helping make this book be a better version of what I imagined it could be.  More thanks go out to my beta readers Randi Pandi and DevilishLittleAnne for being my reader litmus test and my continuity experts.  And big thanks to all my readers for the great reviews and support for the series, I love hearing from you!

Chapter One

“Mercy?  Are you okay?”

It took me a minute to realize Daphne was talking to me.  “Okay?” How could I possibly be okay with the giant hole where my heart used to be?  But that isn’t what people want to hear when they ask a question like that, even if they’re your best friend.  Unless you’re bleeding out your eyes, people just want you to smile and say, “Yeah, I’m fine.”

“Are you sure?  ‘Cause you look kind of green.”

“Yeah well, being pregnant can do that to a girl.”  I’d already thrown up so much, there were broken blood vessels underneath my eyes, but thankfully my supercharged angelic healing meant they’d fade in a few hours.  Mostly it was nerves though, the upcoming meeting with Adam’s attorney kept me up most of the night.  The folded slip of paper in my fingers with the lawyer’s name and address was worn to a sharp crease from all the times my fingers smoothed over it.

“Even with that, you look kinda…”  At my look, Daphne’s mouth snapped shut and she seemed to think better of what she’d been about to say.

“I can’t help it, I don’t want to do this.”  Somehow meeting with they guy made it all seem that much more real.  If I put it off, I could still fool myself into believing Adam might stroll through my door some day, make a smart aleck remark, and life could get back to normal.  On second thought… normal?  Who was I trying to kid?  My life hadn’t been normal since I’d found out about fallen angels, demons, and all the supernatural stuff in between.

“Don’t you want to know what Adam set up for you?”  Ever upbeat and bubbly, my best friend Daphne tried to look on the bright side of life.  I would have appreciated it for the most part, if I hadn’t been so absolutely certain there was no bright side for me in the foreseeable future.

“I don’t care about any money.”  Even the idea of taking handouts from Adam left me cold.  Maybe it was a stupid stand to take facing life as a single parent.  When the hospital bills came from the delivery I might change my mind, but for the moment I hadn’t budged from my perch on the high moral horse I’d hopped onto.

“Maybe they’ll have a message from him.”

“I know you’re trying to help, Daph, but the last one seemed pretty final.”  I gave her a grim smile.  In order to keep me and our unborn child safe, Adam fled for parts unknown and he didn’t intend to come back.  Ever.

“But maybe…”

Whatever ray of hope Daphne had been about to offer, she cut it short when the door opened, and a guy with wispy brown hair and thin shoulders entered.  Everything about him was tan or brown (including his socks, which I’m pretty sure started out as white at some point), except for his aura which was a deep purple.  While we watched, he struggled to remove his Member’s Only jacket without dropping the paper bag balanced on top of the coffee cup in his hand.  His eyes bulged slightly when he noticed us, at least I thought they did, but once the surprise faded, I realized they bugged out naturally.  Not exactly what I’d been expecting in a lawyer, but I guess they come in all sizes and shapes.

“Ah… sorry, it’s my secretary’s day off.”  He offered a toothsome smile.  “Can I interest either of you in some coffee or a donut?”

“No, thanks all the same, I’m good.”  I looked to Daphne and she shook her head with a smile.  “You are Mr. Finch, right?”  All of a sudden I started to wonder if we had the wrong office.

“That’s what it says on the door.”  A half shrug was given.  He hung the jacket on a hook before entering his inner office.  “Come on in, girls.  I won’t bite.”

He didn’t act much like a lawyer either.  Then again, my experience with lawyers was limited to reruns of Matlock and LA Law.  Daphne and I traded looks as we gathered up our coats and followed him to the cramped office.  It wasn’t that the room was small, but file cabinets lined all four of the walls, making the room feel claustrophobic.

“So…”  He laid his hands out on the desk as we took a seat.  “You probably came to see the enchilada, right?” At my blank stare he pulled open the top drawer to his desk, rifling through the file folders.  “I had it right here…”  His brow puckered as he dug deeper, until he pulled out a weathered interoffice envelope tied closed with a piece of string.  “Ah, here we go, Merceline Renault.  That would be you, right?  He described you to a T.”  Not that it was all that hard to tell us apart, Daphne and I don’t look a thing alike.  She’s got golden blonde hair that naturally falls in perfect ringlets past her shoulders and my hair is dark and wavy.  I was in the process of growing out my bangs and they formed a heavy fringe just above my eyes.

Finch held the envelope out to me and I took it, unsure if I should open it, or if he had more to say.  When he waited expectantly, I unwound the string, peering inside.

“I’m Mercy,” I confirmed.  “What is all this stuff?”

“Mr. A asked for the premium package.  That gets you a new bank account, checking and savings, credit rating expunged, and credit cards with a platinum limit.  Plus, a clean passport, just in case,” he winked.

I pulled out a slim, leather wallet full of credit cards for all the major chains in the mall, as well as Visa, my fingers tracing over my name imprinted at the bottom.  A matching sleeve held the checkbook and my eyes widened at the balance.  I showed the number to Daphne and she let out a squeal.  I’m glad one of us found something to be giddy over.  It struck me as guilt money, as in, to lighten Adam’s guilt for ditching me.

The addition of the passport struck me as odd, and I opened it almost as an afterthought.  My own picture smiled back at me, but the name on the forged documents read Jennifer Thompson.  Why on Earth would I need a phony passport?  My eyes narrowed as I looked up at Finch’s expectant face.  “How did you get all this stuff set up for me without my input?”

“That’s part of what I do, honey.  What, you think he pays me for my good looks?”  His crooked smile widened.  “You’re gonna want to come and see me around tax time, I’ll fix you up.”

I opened my mouth up to ask Finch what else he handled for him, but I heard Adam’s voice, as clearly as if he’d spoken in my ear, saying don’t worry your pretty little head about it, and I dropped it.  Plausible deniability might be the only thing saving me from prison for white collar crime someday.

“There’s plenty more where that came from, so knock yourself out.  That’s a direct quote from Mr. A, by the way,” Finch added.

“What do these go to?”  I held up a pair of keys at the bottom of the bag.

“The big one is for the black Audi parked outside, and I have to tell you, it’s cherry.”  He kissed the tips of his fingers in appreciation.  “The other one is the key to Mr. A’s house, which you now own, free and clear.”

“Shut the front door, he gave you a house?”  Daphne’s voice rose to a pitch only heard by rodents and small house pets.

“Fully furnished, taxes all paid up until next year,” Finch beamed.

“Mercy, can you believe it?  He set you up for life!” Daphne gushed.  I cleared my throat, but couldn’t seem to find the words to respond.  It all felt like a dream, it couldn’t be my new reality.  All those things I’d talked about with Adam - moving in with him, maybe quitting my job, traveling to Fiji or seeing the world - I could do all of those things without breaking a sweat.  I’d just have to do it all alone.

“Where um…” I swallowed and tried again.  “Where is it?”

“The car?  It’s parked outside, but I can have it delivered to the house if you prefer,” Finch replied, but I shook him off.

“No, I mean, where is the house?” I asked softly, embarrassed to admit I had no idea where Adam lived.  The guy who’d set me up for life, as Daphne put it.

“Oh,” Finch blinked, recovering right away.  “The address is in there on the copies of the paperwork from the county recorder’s office.  I’d be more than happy to keep paying the gardeners and utilities if you want.  Mr. A always had me handle the small stuff for him before.”

I nodded dumbly; I didn’t know anything about owning a house.  The last time I lived in one was as a little girl.

“Are there any more messages from Adam in there?” Daphne asked, a hopeful smile on her face as she tried to get a good look inside the envelope.

“I’m afraid not.”  Finch leaned back in his chair.

“But you do have a way to get ahold of him, right?”  The thought popped into my head.

“I have a number…” he hedged and I sat up straighter in my chair, really interested in the conversation for the first time.

“Can I have it, please?”

“I’m not really supposed to…”

“Oh, come on, you can give it to me, can’t you?” I smiled, turning on the charm.  I could tell he wanted to help but fear of what Adam might do kept him from cracking in the end.

“Tell you what, if you have a message you’d like me to pass on, I’ll send it along, alright?  Other than that… my hands are tied.”

Super.  “Have you worked with Adam for very long?”  I changed tacks, digging for any information I could find.

“Him and I go way back.”  He laced his fingers behind his neck, propping his feet up on the desk.  “He relies on me to take care of all the details.  You should feel free to do the same.  You need something, you come to see me.  If I can’t square it for you, I’ll find someone who can,” Finch boasted, and I couldn’t help but wonder where he thought Adam’s money came from.  Did he assume Adam was a criminal?

Maybe he was…

With his abilities, he’d be able to steal the money any number of ways if he didn’t have any qualms about it, and Adam had already proven to be on shaky moral ground in some cases.  Those kinds of thoughts nearly made my brother Matty’s head explode with possibilities when he found out about my Grace.

“Do you have a message for him?”

“No.” Tossing the items into the envelope, I wound it closed.

“Mercy…” Daphne gasped.  “Nothing?”

The lawyer frowned, feet hitting the floor as he sat up straight again.  “I can always get him a written message if you don’t want me looking at it.”

Oh sure, like I trusted him not to read it, given his profession.  “I have nothing to say to Adam unless he calls me himself.  He knows where to find me.”  I wanted to communicate with him, didn’t she think I wanted to?  But why should Adam get the satisfaction of hearing from me when I was completely cut off from him?

“But Mercy…”

Rising to my feet, I hesitated at the plaintive look on Daphne’s face.  I really did want to talk to Adam.  Then it hit me… I had the perfect resource sitting right in front of me.  Not passed off second hand messages, but a direct pipeline to Adam.  With a wave of my hand, Mr. Finch froze in place, his face scrunched up in dismay.

“Quick, help me find an address book or something that might have Adam’s number in it.”

“OMG, that’s genius!” Daphne beamed, immediately on board with the plan.

“You go check the secretary’s desk, I’ll search him for a cell phone.  Look for anything with either the name Adam or Mr. A to start with, okay?”

“Roger that.”  Flashing a silly salute, Daphne scuttled out of the office, and I heard drawers opening and closing from the next room.  Not quite sure how long the effect would last, I dropped my stuff on the chair and practically hurdled the desk to pat down the man himself.  I could only imagine what he’d think to find himself suddenly unstuck with my hand on the inside of his shirt pocket.

I struck pay dirt when I got to his back pocket, and with a bit of finagling, managed to pry a slim phone out of his pants without getting more personal than I wanted to.  It took me a sec to figure out his contacts list, and with trembling fingers, I scrolled through the A’s… right into the B’s with no sign of anything resembling Adam’s number.  Continuing to scroll, I didn’t find anything under the M’s either, not that I expected him to list Adam under Mister A.  That left one thing left to try.

Grabbing a pen, I filched a piece of paper and jotted down every single number in his call log, both received and made, whether labeled as Chinese food or whatever.  It would take a lot longer, but it stood to reason he’d been in contact with Adam at some point to set up my premium package.  I just finished the last of the numbers when Daphne poked her head in, dismay clouding her pretty features.

“I can’t find anything that looks remotely like it belongs to Adam,” she reported in disgust.  “Did you have any luck?”

“Not exactly, but I’m hopeful one of these numbers will lead me to him.”  Snapping the phone shut, I eased it back into his pocket as quickly as I could manage.  “Come on, we have to get back into place before he wakes up.”  I waved her back into the room.  Of course that meant she got in my way as I came around the desk, and we spent the next ten seconds re-enacting every episode of I Love Lucy, with less than hilarious results.  Finally, I had to stop, wait for her to move past me, and sit down before taking my place by the desk.

Resisting the urge to chat while we waited, I concentrated on trying to get into the exact same position I’d been in before.  Was the envelope tucked under my arm or in my hands?  I couldn’t remember, but the lawyer didn’t seem to notice when he snapped out of it.

“Are you sure you won’t change your mind?” he asked, and I struggled to remember what we’d been talking about while Daphne’s eyes got bigger and bigger as her nerves kicked in.

“My mind?  Oh, no… nope, I’m good.  Hey, listen, put the car in storage for me, okay?  I don’t want anything happening to it.”  Tossing him the key, it sailed right through his fingers to clatter on the floor.

“You’re not taking it with you?”

“Nope, I have my own car.  Thanks anyway though.”

“Suit yourself,” he shrugged, probably thinking I was a fruitcake anyways.  “I’ll take care of it for you.  Just give me a call if you want it brought around to the house.”

“Why don’t we drive it to the house and put it in the garage?” Daphne asked, and I could have smacked myself for not thinking of that in the first place.

“You’re right, that’ll be cheaper and just as safe.”  I wiggled my fingers at Finch and he retrieved the key, placing it in my hand.  “Thanks for your time, Mr. Finch.”

“Any time, miss.  Just remember, you need anything, you come to me.”  His crooked smile left no doubts he really meant anything.

“I’ll keep that in mind.”

* * *

The ride to the house went smooth as silk in Adam’s fancy sedan.   Daphne offered to drive it over for me, but I admit, I wasn’t above wanting to take the expensive car out for a spin.  Years of driving my little, maroon Escort left me with the point of view that cars were important for basic transportation and little else.  I had no idea how much fun driving a brand new car could be!  The seat warmer kept my backside nice and toasty as I wound my way through the Seattle streets, the intermittent setting on the windshield wipers keeping the light drizzle at bay.  All the while the pleasant lady trapped in the dashboard gave me turn by turn instructions to Adam’s house.

So distracted by the luxurious ride, I almost didn’t pay attention to how much bigger the houses got the further away I drove from my neighborhood.  I almost missed the entrance to the house.  If not for the GPS lady telling me I’d arrived at my destination, I would have driven right past it.  No house numbers were visible from the street, and the entire front of the property was obscured by tall hedges.

Checking to make sure Daphne still followed behind in my car, I turned into the narrow driveway, glad to see the three car garage at the end of a roundabout up ahead.  A quick check of the sun visor revealed a garage door opener, and I pulled directly into the garage for safe keeping, noting a shiny, black motorcycle parked in one corner.

By the time I got out of the car, Daphne had parked out in front of the house and you could have knocked me over with a feather when I saw Sam step out of the passenger’s seat.  The blonde angel looked shaken, but otherwise alright for having survived the car trip, and I wondered if he regularly rode in cars?  What else had changed that I’d been too wrapped up in my own business to notice?

“Sam, what brings you along for the ride?” I smiled, digging in my pocket for the key to the house.

“I came to see your happy home,” he replied, stepping away from the car like it carried a communicable disease.

“I thought he might spot something inside that could lead to a clue where Adam is,” Daphne added, hands in her pockets against the cold, January weather.

“Good idea,” I nodded, unlocking the heavy wooden door.  Decorated similar to his place in the Ether, in neutral taupes and beiges, the dominating feature in the room was the expansive view of Puget Sound.  A million dollar view like that meant the house was worth a mint, easy.  I remembered Adam saying something about a pool and a pool house too, not that I wanted to go exploring outside in the lousy weather.  “You’ve really never been here before?” I asked Sam, and he shook his head.

“No, I have not.  I’ve been to some of his other cribs before, but never to this one.”

“MTV?” I mouthed to Daphne, and she nodded in amusement.

“It’s gorgeous,” Daphne gushed, plopping down on the leather sofa.  “We should totally do next Totally Awesome Tuesday night here!”

I couldn’t bring myself to have our weekly movie night there, no matter how nice his TV was.  “I don’t… I’m not staying here.”  I swallowed uncomfortably, hands running over the sleeve of a jacket tossed carelessly on the end of the breakfast bar.  “Not without Adam,” I murmured, touching the soft leather.

“But he gave you this place.”  Daphne’s face fell and Sam’s expression mirrored hers.

“It may be some time before he returns.  Surely you need the room for the child,” he suggested, and I shook my head, not ready to have that conversation yet.  I left them in the living room while I explored down the hallway, finding an empty bedroom and one made up as a guest room.

The master suite waited at the end of the hallway and I felt a wave of longing wash over me once I stepped into the first real indication I’d crossed into Adam’s territory.  Again, the décor mirrored the house where we’d met in the Ether, far less pristine.  The large bed dominated the room, sheets rumpled as if he’d just stumbled out of bed.  The bathroom held similar signs of disarray, towels tossed carelessly on the travertine tiles, an assortment of male accoutrements spread out over the granite vanity (I knew he spent more time in the bathroom than I did cultivating that messy look).  The steam shower needed cleaning and I wasn’t sure whether to shake my head over Adam’s untidy habits, or look for a memento to prove to myself he existed.

The realization that I was close to pocketing his gross hairs for a keepsake sent me from the bedroom to keep exploring the master suite.  Besides a sitting area in front of a big bay window, the walk-in closet proved almost as big as my entire bedroom.  His clothes were hung neatly enough, and I was surprised to see an entire bar empty.  Was that set aside for my clothes?

It was supposed to be my room.  Our room.

I sat on the end of the bed, trying to picture myself living there.  Making coffee in the kitchen, long soaks in the deep tub big enough for two, Adam bringing me pancakes in bed.  I still wanted all of that in the worst way.  “Damn it, Adam, why did you have to freak out?” I asked the empty room.

Laying down on his side of the bed, I drew the comforter around me, imagining I could still catch Adam’s scent where his head last touched the pillow.  Maybe it was silly, but I did feel closer to him lying there.  Focusing on the tendril of a connection we shared through the Grace, I could feel him out there somewhere.  I couldn’t tell much more beyond that, just that he was alive and in the world, not stuck in Midian or any other demon realm.  At least, I didn’t think so.

“Mercy?”  A tentative knock sounded at the door, and I looked up to see Daphne and Sam leaning against the doorframe.  “Are you really alright?”

No.  “Yeah, I’m a little tired.”  I tried for a reassuring smile.  “You guys can go on home.  I want to stick around for a while before I head out.”

“Are you sure?  We could have a sleep over here, sorta break the place in.”

“Oh, lets!” Sam caught on to her enthusiasm, his handsome features alight.  “I understand there’s anything but sleeping involved in a sleep over, which counts me in.”  He bounced as he plopped down on the edge of the bed.

“Yes, Adam has a killer sound system for his TV and I’m betting we can find chocolate somewhere in the house.  We can watch movies until we pass out,” Daphne nodded encouragingly, but I wasn’t up for it.

“I’m sorry guys, we’ll do the movie night another time, okay?  I’m not in the mood.”

“But that’s the whole point… to get you in a better mood,” she insisted, trying to tug me out of bed by my arms, but I pulled my hands free from her grasp.

“Another time,” I declared more firmly.  “It’s your night off, why not do something fun together?” I deflected.  “You know, they have Finding Nemo re-released in 3D at the Cineplex this week.”  That was all it took to make Sam sit up straight, his face taking on the look of an eager golden retriever with a cookie in sight.

“Can we?”

I almost felt a little bad for Daphne, clearly torn between her desire to drag me out of the dumps and spending a G-rated night at the movies with her honey.   In the end, Sam’s earnest face won out.  “Alright, if you’re sure you don’t want to come with?”  She tried a last ditch effort, but I waved them away.

“You two go ahead.  I’ll catch up with you later.”

“Wait, but how will you get home?”

“I can manage, I’ve got my own ride.”  Not that I’d tried exercising my wings since my return from Midian, but in theory they still worked.

“You do?” Daphne’s brow crumpled in confusion, clueless to my meaning.

Sam drew her aside, catching hold of her hand.  “What if I were to take you home and we leave Mercy’s infernal contraption to her?”  My mouth hung open as I caught on to what he proposed, and I could see Daphne still didn’t get it.  “I could take you wherever you wish to go very easily.”  His snowy, white wings extended with a sudden rush of air, echoed by Daphne’s gasp of surprise.

“Oh, Sam…” she breathed, her face alight with wonder.  What ever happened to not showing his wings as a sin of pride?  All of a sudden he wanted to offer taxi service?  “Yes, let’s go now.”  Her fingers threaded through his.  “You’ll be alright then, Mercy?” she asked as an afterthought.

“I’m good, you go on ahead,” I replied, trying to catch Sam’s line of sight, but he only had eyes for Daphne.

God help them both, but I hoped they weren’t a disaster waiting to happen.

Chapter Two

They were gone without so much as a backwards glance and in the sudden stillness, I couldn’t help but feel a little neglected, even though I’d been the one to insist they leave.  Without their chatter, the house seemed awfully lonely, and I could feel the depression threatening to swallow me whole.

What the hell was I doing?

Did I really think I’d feel better wallowing in Adam’s bed?  Did I think I’d somehow be able to hold on to my connection to Adam through his psychic vibrations left in the room?  I had to get out of there and stop feeling so sorry for myself.

Adam was gone and there wasn’t much point in moping around his house, hoping he’d decide to stop being such an idiot and come back.  Without delaying any longer, I locked the house up tight and headed for home in my beat up Ford Escort, sorely missing the heated leather comfort of the Audi already.

I hit my second wind coming up the three flights of stairs to my apartment, the earlier nausea thankfully having passed.  I didn’t have to work, which meant a long night ahead of me trying to stay distracted, but I had a project in mind.

The sight of Nelo popping out of the shadows at the top of the stairwell almost made me lose my balance, and I clutched at the railing with a wince as my wrist took the brunt of my weight.  “Don’t do that!” I gasped, regaining my footing.

“My apologies, Mistress.  I wanted to warn you before you reached the apartment, I did not think of the danger in startling you.”  The little guy’s head hung in shame, and I immediately felt bad for yelling at him.  You’d think a demon would have a thicker skin, but I knew Nelo could suffer agonies aplenty at a single harsh word from me.

“It’s alright,” I hurried to soothe, his exact wording finally catching up to me.  “Wait, what do you mean warn?  What danger?”

“There is someone waiting for you in the apartment.”

“Who?”

“One of the heavenly host,” he whispered, amber eyes stretching wider.

“An angel?” I blinked, expecting a demon maybe or something dangerous.  So far I hadn’t had any trouble with any of the angels.  In fact, they seemed to be pretty taken with me as a whole.  “Which one?”

“I don’t know, I hid the moment he entered.  Was that wrong, Mistress?  Should I have defended your territory?”

“No, it’s fine, Nelo.”  I patted his head.  Other than being a little annoyed at the unauthorized entry, I didn’t see it as particularly dangerous.  Not until I realized I might be on the wrong side of the skirts in Heaven since I had a bun in the oven.  Had someone upstairs figured out I was carrying Adam’s child?  With the Angel of Death safely tucked away in Midian, had the job of dispatching me been farmed out to someone else?

My hand froze on the doorknob as I clued in to the reason for Nelo’s distress.  But forewarned was forearmed.  I let myself in carefully, prepared to materialize my sword at a moment’s notice.

The TV was on, I noticed that right away, turned to some trashy reality show… That didn’t fit the usual behavior I associated with the stuffy angels in Nathanael’s crew.  There was no sign of anyone in the living room though, the television played to an empty room.  My apartment wasn’t all that big, from the entry hall I could easily see the main living area and into the kitchen.  Unless I had an intruder crouched behind the breakfast bar, there wasn’t anyone in there.

A quick check of my bedroom and the bathroom came up just as empty, and I was about to chalk it up to a drive by visit when I heard the TV turn off in the other room.  “Crap…” slipped out, as I whirled to face the bedroom door.  So much for being alone…

Whoever it was in the other room had to be messing with me, and I called forth my sword, not in the mood to play.  “Whoever it is, you’d better show yourself,” I warned, moving slowly back into the living room with my eye on the door.  “I’m not in the mood for games.”

“Aw, you don’t wanna play, kittycat?”  A voice at my ear drawled, and I whirled, barely stopping myself in time from lopping off Remiel’s fool head.  Dressed similarly to when I’d first met him in a white wifebeater and faded jeans, he at least appeared clean and sober, blonde hair falling over his brow with a rakish tilt.  He didn’t even have the grace to look worried either, his smile revealing a pair of dimples and even, white teeth.  Definitely the smile of one of the Fallen.

“Oh, it’s you,” I muttered, the tension draining out of me.  No way in Heaven or Hell Nathanael would have sent Remiel after me.  He’d never take orders from the pompous angel either.  “You’re lucky, an extra inch and this would have turned messy.”

Remiel gave a half shrug.  “I can take anything you dish out, sweetcheeks, never you mind about that.  Ain’t you gonna invite me to sit down?  Where’s your sense of hospitality?”

“Nelo?  It’s okay, it’s just Remy, you can come out now.”  I saw him peep his head out of the bedroom, but the little guy didn’t leave the safety of the shadows.  I knew he found the company of angels unnerving, I guess I couldn’t blame him for that.  “My sense of hospitality is reserved for those who knock at the door like normal people.  It kinda goes out the window when you break and enter.”

“I entered right enough, but you left the bedroom window wide open, sugar.  That’s practically an invitation.”  His grin almost reminded me of Adam’s utter confidence that whatever female he spoke to would eat it up with a spoon and I had to admit, he was an attractive man.  More than attractive.  If I’d been susceptible to his angelic allure I might have bought such a line, but nursing a heartbreak didn’t put me in the most receptive mood.

“What are you doing here, Remiel?”

“Mine’s bigger.”  His eyes flicked to the sword I still left leaning against his shoulder with a smirk.

“What?  Oh, ick.”  My nose scrunched up at his attempt at banter, letting the sword disappear back into wherever it went when I let go of it.

“What are you doing here?”

“Dyin’ of thirst.  I don’t suppose you got a bottle we could dip into?  Talkin’s thirsty work.”

“How about you tell me whatever it is you came to tell me instead?” I pressed.  “Please don’t tell me you heard Adam skipped town and you thought you’d come to collect on that favor I owe you,” I groaned.  That was all I needed, a handsy fallen angel who thought he was God’s gift to women.  Well, okay… I could have used one, but only my fallen angel.

“Ain’t that a fine howdy do?”  He shook his head in disgust.  “I come all the way out here to check up on ya like Adamiel asked me to and you ain’t even gonna offer me a drink?  Maybe I’d better be on my way…”

It was like a light bulb went off at the magic word.  “You saw Adam?” I demanded, dragging him over to the sofa before he got away.  He wanted a drink?  I’d get him a drink.  It wasn’t like I had much use for alcohol for the foreseeable future anyway.  I grabbed the first bottle I could lay my hands on and plopped it down in front of him, figuring he didn’t need a glass.  True to form, he picked up the bottle and took a swig without missing a beat.  “When did you see him?  How was he?”

“He was pretty upset when he came to see me.  I ain’t seen him that tore up since… well, since before…”  He meant Mariah, Adam’s first wife, at least that’s what I assumed.

I digested that for a moment.  “Good,” I said finally.  Why should I be the only miserable one?

“Atta girl,” Remiel chuckled, taking another swig.  “Serves him right.”

“Then you think he’s in the wrong for leaving?”

“You wouldn’t see me leavin’ my woman behind, that’s for damn sure.”  He shook the bottle at me.  “In fact, seems like you should think about teachin’ him a lesson.”  Remy scooted closer, his arm circling around the back of the couch.

“What do you think you’re doing?”  I raised a single brow.

“Helpin’ you teach Adam an important lesson in guardin’ his valuables,” he grinned.

“Alright,” I decided on the spur of the moment, an idea taking hold of me.

“Alright?” he blinked.  “Uh… alright what?”

“Alright, let’s go.  You and me.  Let’s teach Adam a lesson he won’t forget.  He left me, right?  I’m free to do whatever I want with whomever I want.  I could use a night of cheap, torrid sex to wipe the memory of Adam clear from my mind.”

“You’re serious?”

“You’re not?  And here I thought you of all people would have the stones to back up your mouth.” I shook my head, fingers tracing a path up his bicep to the cord of muscle atop his shoulder.

“I thought you were stuck on Adamiel?” He blinked again, clearly puzzled by my reversal.  So… he could dish it out, but he couldn’t take it.  It was like a challenge, one I suddenly found myself wanting to accept.

“I am, but he made no bones about the fact that he’s gone for good.  That’s what he told you too, right?” I scooted a little closer when he nodded.  “So, what am I supposed to do, join a nunnery?  I bet…” My knee pressed against the top of his thigh. “I bet you could make me forget all about Adam, couldn’t you?”

“Damn straight I could.”  Remiel licked his lips, but something held him back.  Something that made him wriggle out from under me to pace around my coffee table, taking a long pull from the bottle.

“I knew it!  You’re all talk!” I crowed with delight.  I had a sneaky suspicion he couldn’t be as sleazy as he put on, not when he put his neck out there for a friend in need.  Plus, I’d seen the look in his eye when he’d refused Adam’s money to lend me Lysha’s ring.  There was a good man in there, buried under the façade of debauchery.

“I am not.”  His brow darkened into a disgusted scowl.  “Adamiel would kick my ass three ways from Sunday if I so much as touched you.”

“Then why all the come-ons, for crying out loud?”

“You never know, it might be worth it,” he grinned, regaining some of his good humor.  “You were playin’ with me all along, weren’t you?  You never wanted to jump in the sack with me at all.”  He shook his head, retaking his seat on the couch.

“No, not really.  I was playing a hunch,” I admitted.  “Sorry.”

“That’s cold, woman,” he sighed, offering me the bottle, but I shook it away.  “But I gotta admire your gumption,” he said, his grin returning.  “I reckon that’ll come in handy when the shit hits the fan.”

“Is that why you’re here?  In case the shitstorm takes a turn in my direction?  I don’t get it, if Adam was so worried about my safety, why leave in the first place?”

“He’s got it in his fool head he’s protectin’ ya better by bein’ apart,” Remiel shrugged, and a thought occurred to me.

“How much is he paying you to babysit me?”

“Don’t worry your pretty…”

“…little head about it,” I finished for him, hearing Adam’s voice in my head at the words.  “Alright then, I’m always glad to have another person in my corner, but I don’t know what kind of danger I’m really in.  I haven’t heard a peep from the guys upstairs.  For all I know, they’re not even watching right now.”

“Pretty soon it’s gonna be real obvious you’re in a family way though,” he pointed out, propping his feet up on the coffee table.

“Comfy?” I asked mildly, with a pointed look at his feet.

“Gettin’ that way.  Don’t suppose you could rustle me up some tacos or somethin’, could ya?”

Was he for real?  “Look, I might appreciate you checking up on me every now and again to make sure I’m okay, and I’ll give a holler if I get into trouble, but I’m not your slave girl either.”

“Course not, you’re wearin’ way too much for that gig,” he winked.

“Well, there’s a great taco stand right around the corner, feel free to stop by on the way out.”  I tried to make it clear I meant immediately, but he didn’t budge an inch.

“That’s alright, I don’t mind stayin’ to make sure you’re alright.”

“I’m sure I’ll be fine.”

“Better safe than sorry.  ‘Sides, I like it here fine.”

That had a much more final ring to it than I liked to hear.  “You weren’t planning on staying here with me, were you?”  My eyes narrowed suspiciously when his grin widened.

“Why not?  Don’t worry, I won’t hog the covers none.”

“The hell you are.  Nobody said you could stay with me!”  My voice rose an octave in a heartbeat.

“How else am I gonna make sure you’re safe and sound?  Won’t do no good for you to call if I ain’t close by.”

He had me there… “Oh, I’ve got it!  Why don’t you stay at Adam’s house?  I’m not using it anyway and it’s not all that far if you had to get here in a pinch.”

“Yeah?”  I’d managed to surprise him alright.

“Sure, why not?  Knock yourself out.”  I dug for the key in my pocket and handed it over.  Then I remembered the state of his motel room and the layers of filth.  “But if you trash the place Adam’s gonna kick your tail,” I warned, not that he looked worried one bit.

“Not if he don’t come back.”

That thought sobered me up quick enough, and I decided I didn’t feel like having company over anymore.  “I think maybe you’d better be on your way.”

“Aw shit, I didn’t mean…”  Instantly contrite, I could see the regret wash over him.  “Hell, sugar, you can’t take anything I say at face value.  I’m sure he’ll turn up, he always does sooner or later.”

Only what if it turned out to be much later?  Angels measured time so differently from humans.  What if he didn’t turn up for a year?  Or ten?  Or a hundred?  Pushing that thought away, I gave him a weak smile.  “It’s okay, it’s not your fault he took off.  You should probably get going though, go check out Adam’s place.  I’m sure you’ll love it.”

“It’s barely the shank of the evenin’ though,” he replied, clearly in no hurry to leave.  “You ain’t even told me how things worked out for ya before, getting Azazael out of Midian.  I bet that’s a hair raisin’ story to tell.”

I wasn’t in the mood to hash it all out at first until I caught the look behind his eye.  Was Remiel lonely?  Remembering how eager Sam was to chat when I first met him, I wondered how long it had been since Remy had been able to actually talk to someone about what he was and the world he lived in.  Changing my mind, I filled him in on the epic tale, starting with Adam and I opening the portal and finishing with Ben disappearing with Azazael in tow, trapped in the pink jewelry box.  Remiel proved an apt listener, and he enjoyed the story immensely, I could tell.  When he wasn’t acting like a pig, he wasn’t all that hard to be around.

“Hang on a minute, I have your ring…”  Leaving him in the living room, I dug the ring out of my top drawer, handing it over.  “Thanks for lending it to me, we couldn’t have done it without your help.”

Remiel accepted the woman’s ring, staring down at it for long seconds before he tucked it away in his pocket.  “Welcome,” he muttered, uncomfortable with my gratitude by the looks of it.

“Have you thought about what you want?  For lending it to me?”  We’d made a bargain after all, and I was no welcher.

“Is that a trick question?  I been thinkin’ about it plenty since Adamiel asked me to look after ya,” he smirked.

Just like that the smarmy bit was back, and I suppressed a roll of the eyes.  “He didn’t ask you to look after me like that and you know it.  Besides, we agreed, it’s a favor of a non-sexual nature.”

“You sure know how to wound a man.”  He rubbed the back of his neck with a sigh.  “Alright, I know what you can do for me.  Give me Azazael when you track him down.”

Of all the things he could have said, that one knocked me for a loop.  “What would you want with him?”

“It’d tickle me to think about burying him someplace he’d find particularly offensive.”  A malevolent grin stretched across his face and I felt my own lips respond in kind.

“Alright, that sounds good to me.  If we find Azazael he’s all yours.  I don’t even want to know where you bury him, as long as he’s out of commission for good.”

“You got a deal, gorgeous.”  He stuck his hand out and I clasped it warmly.  It wasn’t much for him to ask.  In fact, it benefitted me plenty more than it did him, but he must have his reasons for wanting to see Azazael gone for good.

“Hey, do you mind doing me another favor?” I asked, recalling my project.

“You changed your mind after all…”  The smile turned into a leer and that time, I did roll my eyes.

“Do you have a cellphone?”

“Course I do, why?”  His brow furrowed in puzzlement.

“Can I see it?”  If I could cross reference the numbers in his phone against my list from the lawyer’s office, it should make my search for Adam’s number much faster.

All of a sudden he gave me a knowing look.  “His number ain’t in there.”

Damn, was I that obvious?  “How do you reach him then?”

“Got everthing I need right up here.”  He tapped his forehead.  “But I ain’t givin’ ya his number, that’s part of the deal.”

“Are you sure there isn’t anything I can say to change your mind?”  I sent a wave of soothing Grace through him.  “He’d never have to know I got the number from you, it’d be our little secret.”

Remiel swallowed uncomfortably, and I hit him with another burst of Grace.  I could tell he’d never had anyone use the Grace on him like that before and I concentrated on making him as calm and relaxed as possible, circumventing his natural instincts.  I noticed the instant his resolve cracked and tried to conceal my glee when he rattled off the number.  “You are one dangerous woman.”  He swallowed again as I released him and he realized what I’d done.

“You’d better believe it.”

Chapter Three

Only once I knew the phone number, I wasn’t sure what to do with it.

A quick check showed the number did appear as one of the incoming calls on Mr. Finch’s phone, cementing the notion it actually was Adam’s number, not a string of gibberish to throw me off track from Remiel.

For two days I thought about calling Adam, even going so far as to program the number into my phone and add his picture to the entry, but something kept me from pressing send.  What if he changed his number once he talked to me?  I was convinced I could bring him around to see cold reason if I had a chance to really talk to him, but a long distance call didn’t seem like the most opportune time to exert my influence over him.

In the end I stored it away, leaving it as an option for the future, but not wanting to cross that particular bridge just yet.  There were far too many other things to worry about anyway.  My brother’s wedding to Oriana loomed right around the corner, and I spent most of my free time hammering out last minute details with my mother and the bemused bride.

Matty and Oriana didn’t seem to care too much about fancy churches or tons of guests, they just wanted to tie the knot on February second (a favorable day according to the witch).  My mother ran roughshod over their tastes, dictating the style of the wedding cake down to the flowers.  Matty, clueless about the details as most grooms were, was happy to let her take over the arrangements as a whole.  The only thing his diminutive bride insisted on was the ceremony be held outside; she wanted to feel the Earth beneath her feet.

I shook myself out of distraction long enough to object when my mom wanted to dress Oriana in a frothy concoction of ruffles and lace that would’ve set Matty back half a year’s salary, insisting simplicity fit the theme of the wedding much better.  With Oriana’s pale coloring, she would have looked completely washed out in stark white anyway.  In the end, we settled on a bridesmaid’s dress in a pale pink that brought out the roses in her cheeks.

We chose a local park, despite the cold weather, and we planned to have a small reception at a nearby Chinese restaurant (Oriana’s favorite food since escaping Midian).

I’d counted on having Adam escort me to all the nuptial proceedings, but without him by my side I was strictly stag.  Parker couldn’t even fill in for me, as he’d already asked Luz to be his date.  I briefly considered asking Remiel to come with me, but decided I didn’t want to explain his presence to my friends and family, or listen to him make lewd suggestions all through the reception.

The Friday night before the wedding, we gathered at the park to do a quick rehearsal, and seeing the happy couple together, I started to think they had the right of it.  Getting married under the open sky, the grass under our feet and none of the trappings of the wedding business to get in the way of the love they shared.  I just wish they’d picked June instead of January to make us stand around in the park.

“Always a bridesmaid, never a bride,” Daphne sighed loudly as she joined me under the canopy of a nearby tree while Matty talked to the minister.  On the day of the wedding we planned to set up a camping pavilion, just in case we got more rain than drizzle.

I looked down at the ring on my hand.  My odds of becoming a bride had taken a sharp turn off course, but I hadn’t given up hope for good.  “Don’t say that, you might end up a blushing bride someday.”  As soon as I’d said it I snapped my mouth shut, wishing I could take it back at the hopeful look that lit up her face.  The odds of Sam proposing were way worse than Adam coming back, but I hated to break it to her and crush her dreams.

All set to steer her away from the subject of our love lives, I froze as I caught sight of a man loping towards us from the parking lot.  He was thinner than I remembered, with more gray hair than dark on his weathered face, but the way he carried himself struck an unmistakable chord within me.

It couldn’t be…

“What is he doing here?” I murmured, squinting to make sure I wasn’t having a weird flashback.  It was him alright, dressed in dark work pants and a blue button up shirt that had seen better days.  His graying hair stuck up in strange angles when he whipped off his ballcap, in need of a trim.

“Who?”

He looked nervous, which almost made me think I’d made a mistake, until he approached Matty and gave his hand a mighty shake.

“Who is that, Mercy?”

“My father.”

My initial reaction was to turn around and walk away, but I changed my mind at the last moment.  Why should I be chased out of my own brother’s wedding just because he decided to put in an appearance?  My lips pressed into a firm line, I stalked across the grass to see what he had to say for himself.

“Thanks for coming, Dad.  I didn’t think you’d make it.”  Matty’s grin was a mile wide and I wondered if he’d been the one to call him.  I didn’t even know he knew how to get ahold of the man.

“Well, it’s not often my son gets married, is it?”  Victoire Renault (or Vic as he liked to be called), looked fit to bust with pride, revealing a mouth full of nicotine stained teeth.  His aura reminded me of nicotine stains too, the pale blue nimbus pocked with holes that showed a red core – a sign of his quick temper.  “And is this the little lady that stole my boy’s heart?”  He offered a wide smile to Oriana, who recoiled from his offered hand.  I knew there was a reason why I liked that girl… an excellent judge of character.

“His hands are dirty,” Oriana shook her head, making no move to leave Matty’s side.

Matty’s brows drew together in confusion.  “No, they’re fine, look.”

“They’re dirty on the inside,” she said into his chest, voice muffled as Oriana refused to look at him.

My father let his hand drop.  “It’s fine.  I ah, guess I must be a little ripe from the trip.”

“Or the bottle of Jack you drank on the way over…” I muttered.

“Merceline!” my mother hissed.  “Don’t speak that way to your father.”

“Why the hell not?  I didn’t say anything that wasn’t true.  He smells like a barroom floor.”  My mother backed down, but Matty looked embarrassed.  Well, what did he expect would happen if he invited the jerk?  My feelings towards him weren’t exactly a secret.

Vic’s eyes narrowed at me, but his voice was calm as he replied.  “I didn’t have much time to haul my ass up here, I didn’t get to clean up as much as I wanted to.”

“Won’t wash clean no matter how much you scrub them,” Oriana declared solemnly.  “Perhaps in the next life.”

Interesting.  I resolved to have a chat with my sister-in-law-to-be about him sometime.  “Don’t worry, he won’t bite you.  But, I wouldn’t lend him any money either.”

“I have no money to lend, nor patience to give.  Beloved, can we not begin the rehearsal?  It grows cold.”

“Oh, right… sure.”  Matty shook himself out of his daze.  “We can have a good, long visit later over dinner.”

* * *

My father had them charmed all through dinner, it’s what he did best.  Always the life of the party with a big, infectious laugh, Vic knew how to spin a tale that had even the waiters standing around listening until the end.  Even Oriana lost some of her trepidation, smiling openly at his jokes.  I wished Parker wasn’t working that night, I thought he of all people could have understood my lack of kindness towards a man I shared a genetic link to.  My mother was the only one besides me who didn’t seem to be having a wonderful time.  Uncharacteristically silent, she picked at her food, excusing herself before dessert was offered.

Chasing after her, I caught up with her near the front door.  “Mom, are you alright?” I asked, worried to see her looking pale and drawn.

“I’m fine, just a little tired.”

“You don’t have to do that anymore,” I stopped her, recognizing my own words.  “You’re not married to him, you can call him a sonofabitch and he can’t do anything about it.”

“It’s better not to antagonize him.  You never learned that lesson.”  She shook her head sadly.  “Just seeing him again… it’s brought back memories, you know?”

“I know.”  Boy, did I know.

“He’ll be gone soon enough and we can get back to our lives.  For now I think I’ll go back to my hotel and have a lie down.  I’ll see you on Sunday, alright?”

“Yeah, I’ll see you then.”  On impulse, I pulled her close for a long hug, not sure who needed it more, her or me.  “I love you, Momma.”

“I love you too, Merceline.”  She hugged me back, looking a little brighter when she pulled away.  I felt better too as I walked back to the table.  She was right, Vic would be gone in a couple of days and then I could go another decade without seeing him again, no sweat.  I clung to that thought as I retook my seat at the table.

“Matty, do you remember that time we drove down to Ensenada, and you tried lobster for the first time?  That sucker was two feet long at least, I shit you not.”  Vic held his hands up in the air.  “Damn, that was a good trip.”

“Yeah, I remember,” Matty grinned.  “I don’t think I’ve ever seen a lobster so big since.”

“Mercy was too picky though, said it looked like a goddamn cockroach, remember?” Vic wagged his finger at me accusingly.

“I remember.”  Oh, did I remember…

“I told you to quit your bitchin’ and eat it, and you loved it, didn’t you?  You should listen to your old man more often.”

Daphne shot me an uncomfortably sympathetic smile, she’d heard the story before.  Oriana listened with interest, her head going back and forth like she watched a tennis match.  “Actually, the way I remember it is, you didn’t listen to me when I reminded you I’m allergic to shellfish,” I said dryly.  “And then you yelled at me the next day for slowing you down when I was out of breath and covered in a rash.”  I met his gaze squarely.  “Good times.”

“You were fine, you just liked to make a big deal outta nothin’, you always did,” he waved it off, unconcerned.

“Oh, like the time the police confiscated all of our Christmas presents for evidence?  Something about stolen goods, I think, wasn’t that it, Matty?”  I turned an innocent look to my brother, who became fascinated with the bottom of his glass.  “Yeah, I think that was mostly me making a big deal out of no presents until you gave me something to really cry about, wasn’t it, Vic?”

“Don’t you take that sass tone with me.”  My father growled across the table at me.  “You’re not so old I can’t take you across my knee if the occasion calls for it.”

“Oh, I’d love to see you try it, old man.”  My eyes blazed with anger.  He must have seen something in my face because for the first time ever, Vic backed down first, laughing weakly.

“God save us from uppity women, huh, son?”  He raised his glass to Matty.  “I hope you got yours in hand.”

“Oh yes, he is wonderful with his hands,” Oriana sighed dreamily, oblivious to the context my father meant.

“I think Matt knows how to treat a woman with respect and kindness.”  I raised my glass to my brother.  “Though God knows where he leaned that from, ‘cause it sure as hell wasn’t from you,” I added under my breath.

“I know how to treat a woman with kindness, when she deserves it,” Vic replied, swaying in his seat from the drink, and I decided I’d had enough.

“I think I need a little air…”  Pushing myself away from the table, I rose to my feet.

“Do you want me to come with you?” Daphne whispered, but I shook my head.

“I’ll only be a few minutes, finish your ice cream, it’ll melt.”  I got as far as the hall to the bathrooms when Matty caught up with me.

“Jesus, Mercy, don’t you think you’re being kinda rough on the old man?”

“Are you kidding me?  After the way he terrorized our childhood?”  I had to remember Matty hadn’t suffered all that badly.  As the boy in the house, he hadn’t been subject to the same injustices my mom and I had, and he’d been too young to see what it did to our mother before she left him.  “Why did you invite him up here anyway?”

“Because he’s family, Mercy.  He’s the only father I’ve got.  It’s not like Oriana had much in the way of family either.  I thought maybe he could walk her down the aisle or something,” he shrugged.

“Maybe you should ask your bride about that and see what she has to say about the idea?”

“Oriana sees things… a little differently sometimes, but she’ll come around.”

“She’s got good instincts about people, you should try to remember that.”  In her own twisted way.

“Can you cut him a break maybe while he’s here?  For me?”  Matty gave me a lopsided smile that tugged at my heart strings, remembering a little boy with that same smile.  My mother’s words echoed in my head.  If you can’t say something nice…

“I will try to keep my mouth shut, alright?” I relented.  It didn’t mean I wouldn’t still think those things on the inside though.

“Thanks, sis.  I’d better get back, are you coming?”

“I’ll be there in a minute,” I waved him off, wanting a few minutes of peace and quiet to let go of some of the pent up anger I still had swimming around inside.  I had the women’s restroom to myself, and took my time, not at all eager to get back to the table.  It was only a matter of time before Vic degenerated into bawdy songs (it was coming, I knew all the signs) and we got kicked out of the restaurant.  At least it was nice to know some things didn’t change.  If he’d turned over a new leaf, I might have had to think about forgiving him and that wasn’t something I wanted to get into.

Deciding I’d put it off long enough, I left the bathroom, bumping into someone passing by just outside the door.  “Ow,” I scowled as a manly shoe stepped on my foot.  Looking up, my mouth dropped open at seeing who stood before me.  “Hey… what are you… ow!” I flinched as his arm flashed out and a sharp pain struck my left hip.  Had he just pinched me?  “Wha…?”

I think I said more inside my head, but it didn’t get past my lips as the room got spinny and went dark.

Chapter Four

I smelled toast.

In and out of consciousness, I drifted, my mind spinning its own reality in my drug induced slumber.  Vaguely aware I lay on a couch that wasn’t my own, I preferred to believe myself in more pleasant circumstances, on the plush leather sofa at Adam’s place.  Nevermind that I had no business being there, my mind spun a cocoon of false comfort leaving me feeling safe and very, very sleepy.

Another waft of toast reached my nose.  Was Adam making me toast?

“Hey, are you awake yet?”

I felt a touch at my hair, and I leaned into it, so sleepy.

“I thought you could use something to eat.  Can you eat something for me, baby?”

So sleepy… the drugs left my head all fuzzy.  And pliable.  I believed what I wanted to, reaching up to capture Adam’s hand, pressing a small kiss to his palm without opening my eyes.  “Not hungry… sleepy,” I nuzzled his hand.

“I can see that,” he chuckled, and I felt the touch on my hair again.  “I’ll leave you to it then, I can always make you something else when you’re feeling better.  The important thing is we’re together now, and we’ll never be apart again.”

The words were soft and comforting, and what I wanted more than any food was to feel Adam’s arms around me again.  “Missed you.”  Leaning up, I caught his neck in a light kiss.

“God, I missed you so much, Mercy.”  He crushed me to his chest, arms tightening around me and I felt his lips raining kisses down the side of my face.  “I’ll never let you go again, I’m going to fix everything.”

“Sounds good to me.”  I didn’t know what I’d done to bring him back, but I wasn’t going to let Adam go ever again if I had anything to say about it.  My head turned, lips seeking his and I felt the urgency of his kiss.  It felt… different somehow.

“You’re mine forever now.  You’ll see… I’ll make you love me the way I love you.”

Through the fog I realized dimly that his voice sounded strange.  I felt strange, floaty.  Blinking at the bright light as I opened my eyes, I expected to see Adam holding me close, instead I saw an entirely different man.  “Ben?” I choked, pushing weakly at his shoulders.  “What are you…?”  Christ, had I just been kissing him?

My head swam at the movement, and I fought to remain conscious.  The adrenaline coursing through my veins helped shake off the worst of the exhaustion, but I still had trouble sorting through what I’d thought was happening with what actually was.

“I’m loving you,” he smiled, “the way you deserve to be loved.”  Ben’s hand dipped lower, skimming over the flare of my hip and I shoved at his arm weakly, scooting away from him as best I could.

“Ben, stop it!  I didn’t know it was you, I thought you were Adam.  Let go of me!”

“Don’t say his name,” Ben growled in uncharacteristic anger.  No, not uncharacteristic anymore, not since he’d been tainted by his stay in Midian.  “That bastard doesn’t deserve you.  I’m the one who really loves you, and I know I can make you love me again.”

My fingernails dug deep into his wandering hands, desperate to make him stop.  With my superior strength, I should have been able to toss him across the room, but whatever he’d dosed me with made me weak as a newborn baby.  Oh God… “The baby… What did you give me?”

“Shhh, don’t worry, the baby’s perfectly fine, I’d never hurt our baby.”  His hand cupped protectively over my abdomen and I looked for any sign of sanity in his face.

“Ben…” I began, slowly and carefully.  “This isn’t your baby.  You know that.”  How did he even know I was pregnant?  It was too early for me to show.

“Not yet, but it will be.”  He gave me that smile I loved so much… the one that used to get me every time just made me feel sick.

“You’re not making any sense.  Try and listen to what you sound like.  This isn’t your child, and it never will be, no matter what you think you can convince me of.  Now let me go, before you do something we’re both gonna regret.”  I tried to put an edge to my voice despite the weakness sapping my vitality, but it was all a bluff.  I was too muddled to scrape a thimbleful of Grace together.

“No, no you don’t get it, of course you don’t.”  His smile didn’t falter.  “This is so simple, I don’t know why I never saw it before.  This is the perfect way for Azazael to be reborn, through your baby, and then you and I will raise him together.  It’ll be everything we ever wanted.”

“Azazael.”  My eyes narrowed to slits.  Was he still pulling Ben’s strings?  “Oh, Ben… what has he been telling you?  This is crazy talk!  It’ll never work.”

“See, that’s why I had to get you here where I could make you see, make you understand we belong together,” he said, his eyes blazing with fervor.

Hello broken record…  I had to think hard and fast about how to get out of it without hurting him, because I didn’t blame Ben for how far he’d fallen.  If anything it was my fault he’d gotten mixed up with Azazael in the first place.  I tried softening my voice, wishing I could concentrate enough to send him some soothing Grace, but all I got for my trouble was a dull, throbbing headache.  “Let’s talk about this, okay?  Can you maybe let me up?  This is all happening so fast I can hardly think. Where are we?”  I didn’t recognize the living room we were in, and it didn’t have a motel room style to it either.  The room was furnished with 80’s castoffs, and it had the feel of somewhere that didn’t see regular use.

“Someplace safe.”

Safe.  Did that mean remote?  Just how long had I been unconscious?  Where the hell was I?  The only thing I could take solace in was the fact that Ben was clearly more concerned with getting me alone than hurting me, so I wasn’t in immediate danger.  Which meant it was up to me to make him see reason and let me go.

Somehow.

Time was on my side though.  If I waited long enough, the effects of whatever he’d dosed me with was bound to wear off, and my strength would return.  Searching for something else to say, my eyes lit on the food he’d prepared on the coffee table.  Toast and eggs… so I hadn’t been completely delusional.

“You cooked for me?”

“I told you, I only want to take care of you, Mercy.”

“Yeah, I remember.”  I smiled in acknowledgement.  “Are the eggs gonna be crunchy though?  Any shells in there?”  He seemed to be relaxing a bit; I was on the right track.  If I could just get him off me and maybe slip off to the bathroom…

“Hey, give me a little credit.  How about you quit your belly aching and give them a shot before you criticize?”

He sounded like the old Ben, and that almost made it worse.  “It’s kinda hard to eat with you half on top of me.”  I gave him a pointed look.

“You used to like me being this close to you.”

That was before you turned into a nutbar…  “Ben, I’m pretty uncomfortable.  Do you think you could maybe let me up?  Then I can eat and we can talk.”

Ben’s eyes narrowed suspiciously, and he pulled a pair of handcuffs from somewhere, slapping them around my wrists before I realized what was happening.  “Okay, let’s talk.”

I stared at the metal cuffs stupidly, my drugged brain having trouble processing the fast motion for long seconds.  “You cuffed me.”

Ben shrugged, scooting off me to sit at the opposite end of the couch.  “The coffee’s decaf, so it’s safe for the baby.  I made it just how you like it.”

Did he expect me to thank him?  “Yeah… but you cuffed me.” I waggled my fingers at him.

“You can still eat.  Go ahead, before the eggs get too cold.  We don’t have a microwave here.”

Dutifully, I picked up a piece of toast and munched on it, more because I figured a little food might help me recover from the effects of the drugs than out of any real hunger.  At least my hands were cuffed together instead of to anything else, so that left me mobile.  Could I fly with my hands cuffed together if I needed a quick getaway?  I wasn’t sure my muscles would let me move in the right way.

“I will,” Ben muttered, his head canted towards the kitchen.

“You will what?”

“What?  Oh, nothing.  It’s too soon to think about that, we have to get you on board with our new life first.”

I didn’t like the sound of that…

“Ben, you know you can’t keep me here indefinitely, right?  Eventually I’ll break free, and if I don’t, someone will come looking for me.  What do you think Adam will do when he finds out you’ve taken me like this?”

“Can’t you see what I’m trying to build for us here?” he replied, a trace of irritation in his voice.  “We have a chance at a real family, the three of us.  We can be happy together, Mercy, you’ll see.”

“No, Ben.  I’m sorry, but I told you, Adam’s the one for me.  That’s not gonna change just because you blew a mental gasket.  Take a look in the mirror, Ben.  Drugging and kidnapping me?  What kind of love is that?”

“More love that that bastard has ever shown you.  Where is he, Mercy?  Go ahead, say his name, I dare you to.  You and I both know he won’t come because he doesn’t give a damn about you, not like I do.”

The worst thing was in a way Ben was right.  I knew Adam loved me, but I also knew he wouldn’t come, even if I screamed his name at the top of my lungs.  But just to put the fear into his eyes, I opened up my mouth and yelled, “Adamiel!” for all I was worth.

Ben didn’t so much as blink.  “He won’t come.  The sooner you realize that, the sooner we can start to build our lives together.”

“Oh, for crying out loud…” I lost my last ounce of patience.  “Why can’t you get it through your thick skull that I love him and he loves me?  I might be mad as hell at Adam right now, but that’s what love is.  It doesn’t disappear at the first sign of trouble.  You can drug me and kidnap me and drag me down whatever debauched fantasy Azazael is spinning in your broken, screwed up mind, but it’s not gonna show me that Adam’s any less deserving of my love.  It shows me what you’ve become.”

Instead of growing angry, Ben shook his head.  “He said you would resist.”  Rising from the couch, he went to the breakfast bar, his body obscuring my view of what he was doing.  “I told him I could get you to see things our way, but he had you pegged alright.  It’s a good thing I like to plan for contingencies.”  Circling around the couch, he held his hands in such a way I couldn’t see what plan he had in mind, but I could tell from the look on his face, it didn’t bode well for me.

My head spun as I tried to stand and lost my balance, falling back against the couch.  The hell with calling for Adamiel, I opened my mouth to scream for the backup he left in his absence.  “Rem…” I never got the rest of his name out as Ben forced my jaw shut and slapped a wide strip of duct tape across my mouth.

“Ah, ah, ah, none of that,” he chided lightly.  “I think for now, we’ll have to keep doing this the hard way.”  Gathering me up into his arms, Ben carried me into a bedroom, depositing me lightly on top of the bed.  I heard a jingle of keys, and for a brief, shining moment, I thought maybe he’d free my wrists, but Ben quickly brought my arms up over my head and refastened the cuffs with my wrists trapped by the brass headboard.

I screamed against the tape, doing little more than making it harder for me to breathe and I started to really panic that I might pass out again.  It wasn’t funny anymore, God only knew what he had in mind for the hard way.  With my hands in that position, I couldn’t easily produce my sword, and I couldn’t call for help either.  Forcing myself to calm down, I focused on gathering my Grace around me while he did something outside my visual range.

“Here we go.  I think you just need another dose of my little love potion, and then we’ll try this again.”  Ben appeared, syringe in hand, and my eyes bulged at the sight of the needle as he sat beside me on the bed.  I couldn’t let him keep doping me, but I either couldn’t focus, or couldn’t figure out how to blast him with my hands chained in the wrong direction.  “Shh, relax, Mercy.”  He stroked the side of my face with the back of his fingers, the needle only inches from my face.  “I’ll keep you company while you sleep.”

My mind scrambled for anything I could possibly use to defend myself, and in a desperate attempt at self preservation, I threw everything I had at him.

Ben froze in place, the syringe pressing against my inner arm.

With a mewling cry of relief, I squirmed to inch away from the needle, tears gathering at the corners of my eyes as I stared at the fat drop of liquid that gathered at the tip.  So close!  Only, how the hell was I supposed to get free?

With a bit more struggling on the bed, I brought my leg up enough to give Ben a shove with my foot, sending him toppling off balance onto the floor.  Hopefully he hadn’t fallen on the syringe, but at that point, it was either him or me.  No amount of wriggling brought my mouth close enough to my hands to pull the tape from my face to call for help.  I pulled until my wrists grew chafed and sore, but the cuffs didn’t budge.

I heard a groan from the floor and in a panic, I froze Ben again, half expecting it not to work, but he fell silent.

Now what?

How long could I keep it up?  Freezing Ben every few minutes… would my energy run out before the drugs wore off enough to break free?  Or was I kidding myself in the first place?  Was I even strong enough to break myself free at my full strength?

“Fancy a bit of help?” The mild question brought my head up, wondering if I was hearing things.  In the doorway stood a well dressed man in an exquisitely tailored suit, diamonds winking from his cuffs and the pin in his scarlet tie.  His blonde hair was slicked back from a perfect brow, and the smooth curve of his lips framed gleaming white teeth.  Almost too pretty to be real, he looked like James Bond and some kind of gangster wrapped all in one.  His bright blue eyes and golden nimbus marked him as an angel, though I had no idea which one.

Nodding vehemently, I made an mmph sound.

“I could help, you know, but I’m not certain you’d accept it if you knew where it came from,” he considered aloud, not moving a muscle in my direction.

Who the hell was this guy?

“Oh sorry, I should introduce myself.”  He sketched a half bow, as if reading my mind.  “Lucifer, Prince of the Fallen, at your service.”

Chapter Five

Even without the duct tape across my mouth I would have been speechless at the introduction.  Lucifer?  The actual devil himself?  Was he for real?  What the hell was he doing there in the bedroom?  Was he in cahoots with Ben?  Those and a zillion other questions sped through my mind, but all I could manage was another mmph.

“That won’t do at all, will it?” He pushed away from the door, crossing to the bed.  “Let’s remove this offending impediment, shall we?”  With a charming smile, he reached down and slowly peeled the sticky tape from my mouth.  It hurt like a sonofabitch, but I was glad he hadn’t ripped it off fast or my lips might have come with it.  “Now then… how may I be of assistance?”

Mashing my lips together against the sting, I took a couple of deep breaths before I answered.  “You’re really Lucifer?  As in Satan, Beelzebub, the devil and all that stuff?”

“A rose by any other name…” he chuckled.  “I trust you, of all people, know not to judge a book by its cover.”

What the hell was that supposed to mean?  If I judged him by his appearance, he seemed like a suave, good looking guy about to leap to my rescue.  Did he mean he had some ulterior motive?  A guy like him most definitely would.  Or was he talking about bad press?

“Nice to meet you.”  My manners asserted themselves as I floundered under the implications of such a meeting.  “I… um, don’t suppose you’d consider letting me out of these, would you?”

“I’d be very happy to, Mercy.”  His smile flashed wider, and with the barest wave of his hand the cuffs popped open.  I snatched my arms down, rubbing my aching wrists tenderly.

“Thanks.”  I scooted off the bed, feeling better with it standing between us.  “How did you know my name?”

“I like to keep tabs on the movers and shakers up here from time to time.  You, my dear, are definitely a shaker,” he chuckled.

“How did you know I was here in the first place?  Or is that why you came?”  My eyes narrowed suspiciously.  “Are you playing good cop/bad cop with Azazael or something?”

“Actually, Azazael and I are on opposite sides for this one.  So, for the time being, that places me firmly in your corner.”

“For the time being…” I didn’t like the sound of that.  Everybody who’d ever seen a horror movie from the seventies knew the devil wanted nothing more than to escape his imprisonment in Hell and take over the world.

“Oh, I make no promises for the future,” he smiled again.  “But for now, I came to make sure Azazael didn’t get what he wanted, namely a foothold on this plane.”

“Why would you care what Azazael does?”

“In general I don’t, but his current scheme to be reborn through you happens to interfere with some of my more… long term plans.  So here I am.”  He spread his hands wide.

“Well, um… thank you,” I replied, still not very sure I could take him at his word.  “I can just mosey on out of here then and you won’t stop me?”  I took a step towards the door, never taking my eyes off of him.

“Of course.  Or I could give you a ride if you prefer.”  Ben groaned, shifting positions on the ground and Lucifer delivered a swift kick to his head, silencing him as he slumped over again.  “I have to say, I rather like playing the hero, it’s refreshing.”

“Hey, don’t… don’t do that to him, he can’t help it if he’s gone kazoo.”  Torn between leaving and making sure he didn’t do worse to Ben, I hovered by the door.

“An interesting perspective, given his treatment of you.”  He raised a single brow.  “What would you have me do to him?”

“Nothing, don’t do anything at all to him.”  My hands came up in a supplicating gesture.  “Like I said, it’s not his fault Azazael did that to him.”  Speaking of which… I meant to take a look around and see if I could find the pink plastic jewelry box we’d trapped Azazael in while I had the chance.

“Surely you don’t intend to let him go in this condition?  What’s to stop him from coming after you again?  From what I saw, he seems to have developed quite an obsession with your considerable charms.  That sort of thing isn’t easily discouraged.”

“I know.”  I chewed on my bottom lip thoughtfully.  “I don’t suppose you can help me decontaminate him, can you?” I threw it out there, kidding mostly, but Lucifer’s smile turned beatific.

“Absolutely I can.”  His lips puckered, and Lucifer gave a strange little whistle, repeating the tones three times.  A small winged creature appeared in a puff of black smoke.  It had a pixie-like body with an oversized head, its dark wings leathery like a bat’s.  Settling on Lucifer’s outstretched hand, the tiny demon rubbed its head against his thumb like a cat seeking a scratch under the chin.

“What is that?”

“A souleater, of course.  Affectionate little thing, isn’t she?”  He brought it up to his face and the tiny demon nuzzled against his cheek.

“Yeah, she’s adorable,” I murmured, not liking the thought of being near anything that had the word “eater” as part of its name.  “Now that you called her here, what are you going to do with her?”

“I would have thought that would be self evident.”  He gave me a reproachful look.  “The evil in your friend’s soul will keep this beauty fed for a week.”

“Um… won’t that be a bad thing?  Him walking around without a soul?”  Maybe Lucifer didn’t care, but I was pretty sure Ben would.

“Don’t worry, she’ll only eat the tasty bits.  His soul might be a good deal slimmer when we’re done with him, but he’ll be alive right enough.  Undoubtedly better than the holy fire I’m sure my brethren pitched as his only salvation, yes?”

He had a point there.  “Alright, if you’re sure that’ll do the trick… and it won’t mean you’re getting any part of his soul, right?”

“Contrary to popular belief, I don’t actually spend my waking hours in pursuit of human souls,” he sniffed.  “I can assure you, our gates are overflowing without any need to recruit.”  Great, I’d managed to offend him.

“Sorry.”  I offered a contrite smile.  “Sunday school didn’t exactly prepare me for anything like this.  Please, whatever you can do to help him would be awesome.”

Mollified, Lucifer bent to whisper something to the souleater, the words blurred and indistinct to my ears.  The creature gave a chirp like a bird, and flew to land on Ben’s shoulder.

“How does she…”  The words froze in my throat as the demon pried Ben’s lips apart, wriggling her way into his mouth.  As I watched in growing horror, it completely disappeared inside, and I saw movement under the skin of his neck as it moved with slow purpose through his body.

Ben’s eyes popped open, confusion clouding his features and then he screamed - the most god-awful sound I’d ever heard a human being make before.

“You have to stop it, she’s killing him!” I started towards him, not knowing how the hell I could help, but needing to try.  Lucifer had other ideas though, easily catching hold of me before I’d gone two steps.

“I wouldn’t get between her and a meal just now.”  He held me by the shoulders, his grip incredibly strong.  “Steady now, it’ll soon be over.”

“But…”  Tears gathered as I watched Ben writhe in unfathomable pain, helpless to do anything but curse myself for agreeing to any plan Lucifer suggested.  What had I been thinking?

All of a sudden Ben went still.

Too still.

I pulled at Lucifer’s grasp, but he held tight.  The air above Ben’s chest shimmered and waved, like when you look out over the hot pavement in the blistering Texas sun, and as we watched, the souleater pushed herself out of Ben’s body.  Moving slow and sluggish, she made another chirping sound and disappeared in a puff of smoke.

“There now, you see?  Good as new.”  Lucifer smiled broadly, releasing his hold on me.

Lurching out of his grasp, I took a deeper look, past Ben’s unconscious body to really see him.  His aura lost the dark ring around the center, returning to his natural deep indigo.  “I can’t believe it, it worked…”  My jaw dropped in amazement.  Could Ben really be back to normal?  Was it that simple?  If so, why hadn’t Adam, Sam, or even Nathanael suggested it as a way to avoid the horrible evil that was supposedly unleashed on the Earth from Ben’s tainted soul?

Kneeling by Ben’s side, I satisfied myself by feeling his pulse beat slow and steady at his wrist.  He hadn’t regained consciousness yet, but for the first time in a while I felt that knot of worry start to unfurl inside of me.

“Don’t know why more people don’t come to me for help.”  Lucifer brushed a speck of lint from his sleeve nonchalantly.  “I’ve got the skills.”

“Maybe they don’t want to owe you anything.  I don’t, um… owe you anything now, do I?”  My eyes stretched wider as I regained my feet.  “Because I didn’t call for your help or anything.”

“Oh no, consider this one a freebie.”

“You really don’t want anything from me?”  Somehow I couldn’t accept that at face value, but his charming smile returned at the question.

“Of course I do, but I’m willing to wait.”

There it was.  “Wait for what?”

“For your blessed event, of course.”  His eyes dipped to my abdomen and my heart almost stopped.

“I really need to be going now.”  I edged towards the door, and Lucifer made no move to stop me.

“As you wish.  I’d be more than happy to give you a ride anywhere in the city you’d like to go.”

“No thanks, I’ve got my own ride.”  I extended my wings with a flourish, taking up more than my share of the room.  Maybe I was showing off a little, but it couldn’t hurt to remind a guy like Lucifer I wasn’t the usual pushover he was used to dealing with.  He looked suitably impressed and took a step backwards, spreading his hands.

“Then I’ll bid you a good night.  Take care, Mercy, you’ve got the light of the world growing inside you.  That’s no mean feat.”

“Yeah, right,” I nodded, not quite sure how to reply to that.  “Thanks for your help.”

“Anytime,” he smiled wide.  “I’ll be keeping my eye on you.”

“Super.”  ‘Cause that wouldn’t give me nightmares or anything…

Chapter Six

The cool night air perked me up as soon as I stepped outside, and I felt much more in control of my Grace as I shook off the last effects of the drug.  I decided to leave Ben to wake up on his own before I forgot it wasn’t his fault for putting me through all that.  Besides, the more distance I put between me and Lucifer, the better.  A little uncomfortable with the idea that he kept tabs on me for some endgame I wasn’t privy to that involved my unborn child, I wanted the comfort of my friends and family around me.

I wasn’t sure what time it was, but it felt late as I took to the sky.  Though I hadn’t practiced keeping myself invisible while flying, I didn’t find it hard to split my attention that way, and it seemed to work.  No one pointed to me flying by at any rate.  I admit, I enjoyed the freedom of slicing through the night sky under my own power (no wonder Sam preferred flying to cars), and I got back to the restaurant with surprising speed.

Unfortunately, the restaurant was closed by the time I got there.  When I looked at the time, I could see why.  Desperate to share my tale about Ben and Lucifer with Sam, I stopped by his place next, but found it equally empty.  I considered hanging out at Sam’s place, waiting for him to come home, but decided I had a good idea of where he’d gone.

I didn’t hesitate one bit at knocking on Daphne’s door when I saw the light on in her window.  It was a fair chance I wouldn’t be interrupting more than the two of them making baby cow eyes at each other while pretending to watch a Disney flick.  Daphne answered quick as anything, not looking flushed or hair out of place or anything, so that meant I was right about their relationship not having made it to the next level.

“Hey, I wondered when you’d show up,” she greeted me, swinging the door open wide.

“You did?” I followed her inside the tiny apartment, decorated with Daphne’s eclectic taste in garage sale finds.

“I didn’t think you were going to bail out like that or I would have come with you at the time.  It got really weird at the table with just your Dad, Matty and Oriana.  I got your purse for you when you didn’t come back to the table.”  She went to the kitchenette to retrieve it for me and I took a seat next to Sam on the couch.

“I wasn’t planning on the disappearing act, but someone else had other ideas in mind.”  I’d been about to mention Ben, but was distracted by the frantic way Sam waved his arms at me, his head shaking from side to side as he rose from the couch and moved to stand by the window.  “What?”

“What, what?” Daphne asked, plopping my purse on the cluttered table.

“What’s with Sam?”

“He took off early.”  A drawn out sigh left Daphne as she sat beside me on the couch.  “I think I said something to upset him, something about the kind of wedding I wanted some day.”

“Sam left?” I replied, looking directly at where he stood, his features flushed with guilt.

“Yes.”

“Uh huh,” I nodded slowly, narrowing my eyes at Sam who brought his hands together in a pleading gesture, his lips mouthing please over and over again.  “How long ago was that?”

“Maybe about an hour?  I’m not sure, but we hadn’t even gotten through the opening credits of the movie.”

I gave Sam a brief nod, keeping his secret for the time being.  Looking at the DVD box on top of the player, my lips quirked into a wry grin.  “Sparkly vampires, Daph?  No wonder he left.”

“No, it wasn’t that, he said he wanted to watch it.  That’s not it at all.  We made a deal not to talk about the future and I broke it.  I shouldn’t have said anything so stupid, but we were talking about the wedding and I couldn’t help myself.  Do you think I freaked him out?”

That would have done it alright, but I didn’t want to make her feel any worse than she already did.  “Maybe a little,” I allowed, “but it’s a normal thing to talk about, a normal thing to want.”

“Not for us,” Daphne replied, her face glum.  “We can’t ever be together like that.  I used to think you and Adam found a loophole to share that happiness, but now it’s not in the cards for you either.  It’s not fair.”  Her head slumped over and I wrapped a comforting arm around her shoulders.

“No, it’s not.  It sucks on a huge scale, trust me, I’m right there with you.  I’m sorry you have to go through this, but at least you can spend time with him.  That’s gotta be better than nothing, right?”  I sent a pointed look in Sam’s direction, in case he got any bright ideas about taking off like Adam had.

“Yes, I guess you’re right about that.  Most of the time it’s okay.  I can live with that and nothing more.  But sometimes… sometimes, Mercy, I want it all.”  Daphne fixed me with those bright blue eyes, all watery with unshed tears.  “Does that make me a sinner?”

“No, Daph.”  I pulled her into a real hug.  “It makes you a woman in love, and there’s nothing wrong with that.  You have a big heart and you’re a good person, don’t let anyone tell you differently.”  I decided not to get into my troubles with Ben for the moment, she had enough on her plate to worry about.  Instead, I did my best to distract her, even watching the vampire movie about teen angst, cracking jokes the whole time which eventually got her to smiling again.

Sam watched us the whole time.  Or rather, I should say, he watched Daphne during the entire movie, his mouth unconsciously drawing into an accompanying smile whenever Daphne smiled and a pucker of worry appearing on his brow whenever she fretted over the doomed pair.  When I was reasonably sure her mood had improved, I made my excuses, surreptitiously motioning for Sam to follow me out.

I waited until we got all the way out to my car before I let him have it.  “Pulling a phony exit just so you could sneak back in and watch Daphne like a creeper?  That’s gotta be a new level of low for you, Sam,” I scolded, losing some of my steam when I saw his shoulders crumple in shame.  “What is going on with you?”

“I… meant no harm.  I thought it best to remain from sight since my presence seems to torment her so.”

“Torment you, you mean.  I never knew you could be so selfish,” I shook my head at him in disgust.

“Selfish?” he blinked.  “If I were selfish, I would have taken her long ago, consequences be damned.”

“You heard her in there, she loves you.  She understands you can’t be together like that, and she accepts it.  The only thing that makes it worthwhile is spending time with you, and you took that away from her tonight, but kept it for yourself.  If that’s not selfish, I don’t know what is.”

“You’re right.”  His head hung low.  “I have no right to seek solace in her company when I deny her mine, it was thoughtless of me to do so.”

“Damn straight it was.  Not to mention it’s creepy, hanging back watching someone like that.  Do you seriously not get that?”

Sam shrugged.  “It has ever been my way.  Before I met you, I hardly revealed myself to anyone.”

I tried to remember he’d been operating that way for two thousand years or more, and cut him a little slack, but he had to understand what a huge violation of trust that was.  “But you know Daphne, you know how much she wants to be with you.  How could you do that to her?”

“Because I could not sit there and listen to her dream for a future that will never come to pass!”  His eyes blazed suddenly as Sam succumbed to the frustration tearing him apart.  “I will never be able to give her those things, and it pains me to watch that light of hope die in her eyes every time she is reminded of it.  I see now why Adam left the first time, the better to spare you the pain of attachment.”

“But it didn’t work, did it?” I reminded gently.  “You can’t shut the door on your heart and expect to move on just because you choose to ignore it.  The love you feel will still be there.”  He didn’t say anything, and I shifted to catch a better look at his face.  “You’re not going to leave are you?”

The silence stretched between us, speaking volumes.

“Oh, Sam…” I caught hold of his arm, feeling like he was seconds away from taking off rather than staying to deal with the unpleasant topic.  “Just… don’t leave without saying goodbye, okay?  You owe her that at least.”

“I don’t want to leave her at all, and yet… I can’t help but feel as if I’m cheating her of the life she deserves by extending this exquisite torture.  She deserves a happily ever after.”

“Happily ever after?  That’s it, you’re cut off from Disney movies from here on out.  How many of us do you think actually get that?  Take a look around, Sam, people going on with their normal, human lives.  Maybe you’re right, the two of you will never have the picture perfect lives you see on the silver screen, but almost nobody else gets that either.  Take my advice, be happy together while you can, and hope for the best.  But if you end it yourself because you’re afraid of where it might go?  Then that’s a self-fulfilling prophecy if I ever heard one.”

“My misery is the key,” Sam said suddenly, as if he’d had an epiphany.

“Huh?” I blinked, not tracking his shift.

“If Adam is to be believed, Mariah was marked for death as a symbol to the Fallen.  That we were not to rejoice in our banishment from heaven.”

“Yes… that’s one theory,” I nodded.

“That is why he originally chose to leave you, for fear God would retaliate.  At least until you became clearly more than human and the rules were suspended.”

I no longer disputed that fact, not with three different types of Grace swimming around inside me.  “And that’s why you can’t take things to the next level with Daphne, for fear God will punish you the same way.  Where does misery enter into it?”

“Don’t you see?  As long as I am in torment, I am not an example for my brethren to follow in my footsteps,” he beamed, his face lit with joy.

“Well… I guess so, but…”

“Then I can do my best to make Daphne happy in all ways.  As long as I myself cling to misery, Daphne remains safe!”

“How do you expect to make that work?”  My brow crumpled in confusion.  “Won’t making her happy make you happy too?”

“This deserves much more thought, but I think it carries serious potential with it.”  Sam’s whole body took on a “gotta go” stance.

“Wait… before you do anything rash, maybe we should talk about specifics?” I cautioned, wondering what he had in mind.

“I’ll catch up with you later, I need to consult my books first,” he replied, already putting a few feet of distance between us.

“Merceline.”

“Did you hear that?”  My head whipped around as I heard someone call my name in the distance.

“Sorry, what?”  Sam looked back distractedly and I thought maybe I’d imagined it.  How many people would be yelling Merceline out on the street in the middle of the night?  The only person who called me by my full name was my mother, and it was definitely a male voice doing the yelling.

“I thought I heard someone calling me, that’s all.”

“Thanks for the talk.  We are still BFF’s, right?”

I returned his crooked smile, glad to see him full of some kind of hope at least.  “‘Til death or longer,” I agreed, letting out a long breath when he launched himself into the sky with a flash of white wings.  I didn’t get a chance to tell him about Ben and my encounter with Lucifer, but I didn’t have the heart to call him back either.

“Merceline.”

There it was again… “Hello?” I called out hesitantly, but it sounded like it came from much farther away than my voice would carry.  Shaking my head, I turned towards my car, hesitating when I heard the voice call again.  Definitely a male voice… it almost sounded like… like Remiel.

“Remy?” I called out louder, leaving the car behind in the direction the voice came from.  Operating more on instinct than anything else, I extended my wings, launching myself into the sky to get a better view of the streets below.  Oddly enough, I could feel where the call came from, and it wasn’t nearby at all.

“Merceline!”  The voice grew insistent, and I put on a burst of speed, counting on my instincts to lead me where I needed to go.  It got easier, as soon as I realized they led me straight back to my apartment.  Taking a page from my cousins, I landed on the balcony, throwing open the sliding door to find Remiel pacing the length of my living room.

“Well, finally, I thought I’d have to shout myself hoarse,” he drawled, some of the tension draining from his shoulders.  “See, I told ya she’d be fine,” he directed at Nelo, who crouched behind the TV.

“Nelo, what’s the matter?”  I ignored Remy for the moment, worried he’d done something to scare Nelo.  “Come out from behind there, he won’t hurt you.  You won’t.”  I wagged a finger at Remiel.  Hesitantly, the little demon left the security of the shadows, trading it for the security of crouching behind me.  My hand lightly patted his shoulder, sending him a glow of soothing Grace.

“I guess you didn’t need my help after all then, did ya, cupcake?” Remiel muttered disgustedly, plopping down on the sofa.

“What are you doing here?”

“You tell me.”  He threw his hands up in exasperation.  “I got a call you were screamin’ bloody murder and I hauled my ass over, but Kato here was less than useful in pointin’ me in the right direction.”

“My name is Nelo,” he offered politely, but Remy waved him off.

“Whatever.  Alls I know is I coulda scored twins easy with my new digs, but instead I gotta be at your beck and call, and you weren’t even in trouble.”

I didn’t want to touch the point about scoring in Adam’s place, I was more interested in how he’d even known I needed help.  “Actually, I did have a pretty troublesome evening, but I never called you.”

“I know, sweetheart, your bossy boyfriend did.”

“Adam called you?” I gasped in surprise.  So he’d heard me call after all.  He still cared, just not enough to come for me himself.  “But he didn’t tell you where to find me?”

“It’s not that easy to pinpoint over great distances.  He only said you were screamin’ like the end of the world was comin’ and I’d better find you.  Like I’m supposed to conjure you outta thin air,” he snorted.

“It’s a damn good thing I had other help then, isn’t it?  Or you never would have found me.”  A sobering thought.  “So wait, that was you calling my name… and I heard it all the way by Daphne’s house.  That’s what it sounds like, huh?”  I’d felt a strong compulsion to go to whoever called me.  Was that what any angel felt when called by their true name?

“Don’t make it sound cooler than it is, mostly it’s a pain in the ass.”  Remy shook his head.  “Anyhow, what happened to you to get Adam’s panties in a bunch?  You look no worse for wear.  I’da thought you’d be covered in brand marks to hear him tell it.”

Glad to finally have an audience for my tale, I got him a drink, and started with Ben kidnapping me, ending with me flying away from Lucifer, who watched me with more interest than I liked.  Nelo folded himself into a cross legged position on the floor, gathering my cat Mimsy in his lap, listening to the story as well.

“Damn, girl, you have had a full evenin’.”  Remiel let out a low whistle when I finished.  “Next time you call me first though, so I’ll know where you are, y’hear?”

“I will,” I promised, crossing my heart with a finger.  “Do you think I should be worried about Lucifer?  It seems like a bad thing that he even knows who I am in the first place, let alone be able to respond like that when I’m in too deep.”

“I’ve met him a few times, Mistress,” Nelo piped up.  “He seemed very personable.”

Of course, I had to consider the source.  Next to Raum the demon lord, Nelo’s old master, Lucifer was practically a member of the Rotary Club.

“He’s a tricky one, that’s for sure.”  Remy drained his glass and set it down on the table with a thud.  “Don’t spend too much time tryin’ to get inside his head though, you’ll never outthink him.”

“Gee thanks, your confidence is overwhelming.”  I gave him a sour smile, and his hands come up in a supplicating gesture.

“No offense.  I ain’t sayin’ you ain’t got the smarts for it, I’m just sayin’ it won’t do no good.   What ever he’s up to, you can bet it’s more convoluted than it needs to be.”

“So, what do I do then, try to ignore the fact that he has plans for me and my child someday?”

“Hey, I’m a lover, not a fighter, sweetheart.  Alls I know is, when the time comes, you won’t be alone, so try not to sweat it for now,” Remy winked and Nelo nodded enthusiastically.

“I would gladly give my life for your safety.”

“Thanks, guys,” I smiled at them warmly, trying to let it be enough to calm me down.

“By the way, did you pick up Azazael then?”  Remiel rubbed his hands together in anticipation and I realized only then, I’d been in such a hurry to get out of there, I’d forgotten to take him with me.

“Crap, he’s still there.  I should go check on Ben anyway, make sure he’s alright.”  Lucifer was likely long gone, but all the same, I gave Remy a winsome smile.  “I don’t supposed you’d come with me, to be on the safe side?”

“Might as well, saves me the trouble of havin’ to hunt you down when you get in a pickle again.  Let’s go, the night ain’t gettin’ any younger.”

“Shall I go too, Mistress?” Nelo stood, dislodging a disgruntled, striped cat from his lap.

“I’m sure we can handle it, Nelo, but thanks.  If you don’t hear from me in an hour though, call Sam and tell him where we went, okay?”  It didn’t hurt to have a back up plan, just in case.

“Like I need that goody-two-shoes savin’ my bacon,” Remy grumbled.  “Let’s get this show on the road.”

Once again I took to the sky.  My head fully recovered, I didn’t waste time on the scenery, trusting Remiel to keep up as I led him to the house Ben held me captive in.

The lights were on, and I kept myself dim as I approached.  It wouldn’t hide me from supernatural eyes, but if Ben was alone in the house, he shouldn’t notice me.  Remiel’s arm barred me from entering though, and he slowly and firmly pushed me aside to go in first.  I got the message loud and clear – him big man, keep me plenty safe.

Content to let him take the lead, I followed him into the small house, noticing the general state of disrepair.  Again I was struck by the thought that the place felt abandoned.  It made sense if no one lived there regularly, it made a more attractive prison that way.  The place felt completely deserted though, and a quick search turned up no sign of Ben and no sign of Azazael either.

“Damn it… I wonder if Lucifer took Azazael with him?”

“Could be,” Remy shrugged.  “If that’s the case, then you ain’t got to worry about him causin’ any trouble for you no more.  Ol’ Luce knows all the best hidey holes for burying secrets.”

“I wish I knew one way or the other.  I wonder if I should stop by Ben’s place and look in on him?”  He probably wouldn’t have been the one to take the pink box since his soul had been purged of darkness, but he might be pretty confused after everything that went on.

“My advice, if you’re of a mind to take it, is steer clear of the fella for a while.  Let him get his head on straight.  Unless you want him relyin’ on you whenever the chips are down.”  He had a point.  I wasn’t sure how much of Ben’s obsession with me was driven by Azazael and how much from any residual feelings he had for me.  Best to let him recover on his own and peek in on him in a day or two.

“And on that note, since you seem to be fine and dandy, I’ll be on my way.  There might be a chance to salvage some of this night after all,” Remy grinned.  With a saucy wink, he launched himself into the sky in a flash of dark wings.

I flew home at a much slower pace, the night’s events having taken their toll once the adrenaline faded.  The whole novelty of flying had already worn off some of its shiny newness, and driving home would have been a lot less taxing.

After shooing Nelo and Mimsy out of my bedroom, I got ready for bed, feeling like I hadn’t slept in days even though I’d spent a big chunk of the night knocked out, thanks to Ben’s love potion.  If I hadn’t been so freaked out about doctors figuring out I wasn’t exactly human anymore, I would’ve made a beeline for the ER to have some bloodwork done and make sure I was really fine.  Instead, I trusted my natural healing ability to purge any lasting effects of the drug from my system and hoped Ben wasn’t lying when he said it was safe for the baby.

It was only after I’d climbed into bed and set my phone to silent when I noticed the missed calls.

Three of them, from Adam’s number.

I wasn’t supposed to know it was his number of course, but it made sense I’d try to figure out who called.  He couldn’t really blame me for calling the number back, right?  The phone rang only once before someone picked up, and I was met with silence on the line.

“Hello?” I said hesitantly, knowing he’d never answer, and that in itself was a confirmation.  I knew he’d been able to feel my distress through our bond of shared Grace when I’d screamed his name at Ben’s insistence.  That’s the whole reason he’d sent Remiel over in the first place.  Why couldn’t he open up and tell me he was worried about me?  Why resort to leaving a bunch of hang up calls?

“I know it’s you,” I tried again, and he didn’t hang up, but for some reason I found the silence less comforting than I had the last time we’d tried communicating that way.    Once more I put in all the effort and got nothing in return for my trouble.  “If you want a report of the night’s events, I suggest you call your buddy, he can fill you in on the details.”  Nothing.  “Adam?” I sighed into the phone, feeling tears threaten behind my closed eyelids.  No matter how angry I was with him for taking off, I couldn’t leave things between us with angry words.  “I love you, please come home.”

The soft click on the line felt like a slap in the face, and I let the tears fall where they would until no more came.

“Remiel,” I breathed, the word barely making a sound as it left my lips.  Taking a long, slow breath, I repeated it, and again, a little stronger until he peeked in through my bedroom door a few minutes later.

“You called?”

At seeing his worried face, I felt bad for calling him that way, but I didn’t have his cell number.  “I know it’s late, did I spoil your plans?”

“Nah, I couldn’t get nothin’ goin’ for tonight.  What’s up, you in trouble, sugar?”  His eyes swept over my room, lighting on bed.

“There is something you can save me from, yes.”

“What’s that?”

“Be my date for the wedding on Sunday.”

Chapter Seven

Oriana’s nimble fingers braided tiny, white flowers into my chestnut hair which hung loose down my back, affording a bit of warmth on my bare shoulders.  The dresses she’d picked out for us mirrored her own pale pink gown, mine in a pastel blue and Daphne’s in a pale green.  Already dressed and coiffed, a wreath of pink flowers crowned Oriana’s brow which puckered in concentration as she finished the elaborate braids falling from my temples.  Daphne wore a similar hairstyle, the flowers in her hair a fragrant lavender.

Luck was with us, and the sun held strong, with no sign of rain clouds in the sky.  My mother had been in and out of the canvas tent a half dozen times in a flurry of activity, busying herself with all the last minute preparations to transform the corner of the park into a flower-filled fairyland.

“There… you are lovely, my sister.”  Oriana kissed the crown of my head in benediction when she finished.

“You’re the beautiful one today, you look radiant,” I smiled back at her in the small mirror propped on the camping table we’d set up.  “You too, Daphne, you look amazing,” I added, not wanting her to feel left out.  After our conversation the other night, I couldn’t help but worry about her mood, but she seemed in high spirits.

“All three of us are gorgeous today,” Daphne beamed.

“Let the menfolk beware!  Ours is a power to be reckoned with,” Oriana declared, and we shared a giggle over the pronouncement.

“Really, you don’t know how lucky you are,” Daphne sniffed.  Uh oh, so much for her good mood… “I hope you make each other happy for the rest of your lives.”

“And into the next.”  Oriana nodded solemnly, taking up Daphne’s hand in hers.  “Have no fear, your happiness lies within your grasp.”

“Do you really think so?”  That was all it took and Daphne’s mood instantly perked up.

“Oh, yes.”  Oriana’s face took on a distant cast.  “I see it clearly.”  Dropping Daphne’s hand, she picked up mine, face clouding in puzzlement.  “You are still a jumble to me.  Every time I think I catch sight of you, I’m blinded by your shine and I lose you again.”

“That’s alright, I think it’s better that way.”  I pulled my hand gently out of her grasp.  “The better to keep my watchers guessing.”  With my life showing up on so many factions’ radar, I was willing to take a bit of unpredictability if that made it harder for them to manipulate my future.

“I think we’re about as ready as we’re gonna get,” I smiled, changing the subject.  “How about I go check on the boys and let them know we’re about ready to start?”  Before I could get two steps, the tent flap opened, and my father pushed in, dressed in his Sunday best.  Even that early in the day, I could smell a little hair of the dog on him, and his eyes were bloodshot from the effects of the night before.

“Sorry, it’s girls only in here.”  I laid a hand on his chest to keep him from coming in any farther.

“I came to escort the beautiful bride down the aisle.”  He smiled wide, as if he had a perfect reason to be there.  Nevermind that Oriana herself didn’t seem to want or need his participation in the ceremony.

“That’s okay, we planned the ceremony without your help.”

“I’m trying to welcome my new daughter into the family.”  His tone grew harder though the smile remained fixed on his face.

“Oriana, do you want him to walk you down the aisle?”  I turned to ask her directly.

“I need no assistance in walking.”

“Of course you don’t, honey,” Vic chuckled over her literal interpretation.  “I’m offering my services as an escort.  It’s a tradition, you know?  The father of the bride usually does it, but since yours isn’t here…”

If I worried about her letting him guilt his way into the ceremony, I didn’t need to.  Oriana’s delicate features didn’t show the least bit of hesitation in refusing him coldly.  “I prefer to meet my beloved alone, as I came into this world.”

“Sorry, she doesn’t need your help, Vic.  Why don’t you go take a seat?  We’re almost ready to begin.”  I pressed on his chest again, pushing him back a half step.

“Let me talk to her, I’ll tell her what’s what.”

“I’m pretty sure she knows what she wants on her own wedding day, and it’s not you.  Get used to it, you won’t be walking anyone down the aisle anytime soon.”  I smiled sweetly and his eyes narrowed in anger.

“Maybe if you weren’t such a bitch you might find a man to marry you too.”

Oh, no he didn’t…  “What does this look like to you?”  I thrust my hand under his nose, Adam’s diamond ring still sparkling there.  He might not have any intention of marrying me anymore, but I couldn’t bring myself to take it off.

“You’re engaged too?” he blinked, the hostility fading in an instant as another mood swing took hold of him.  “Well, that’s wonderful, baby.  Who’s the lucky guy?”

“None of your business.  I already told you I’m not interested in your participation in the ceremony.”

“You can’t shut me out of your life forever, Mercy.  I’m your father.”

“Please, don’t remind me, I’ve been working hard enough to forget that fact for the past sixteen years,” I muttered and his face darkened again.

“I told you not to sass me, girl.  Don’t think I won’t…”

“Is there a problem here?”  Parker stepped into the tent, a bland smile covering the worry I saw behind his blue eyes, and I was relieved beyond belief to have him there.

Things had been a little strained between us at work since I’d turned down his marriage proposal at the engagement party.  Not that I thought Parker wanted a real marriage with me, he was just trying to do the right thing since finding out about the baby, especially with Adam gone.  A girl could do a lot worse than a good looking, wealthy guy who wanted to take care of her and her unborn baby by another guy.  In the end I couldn’t bring myself to think about marrying someone else, even in name only, while Adam’s ring sat on my finger.

“No problem, my father was just on his way,” I replied, matching his smile.  “Actually, maybe you could help him find his seat?  Vic, this is Parker, my…” I hovered on the edge of introducing him as my intended, but I couldn’t do that to Parker again, not after making him pretend to be Adam to my mother.  “…boss and very good friend.”

Parker’s eyes widened at the realization of who stood between us, but he recovered quickly.  “Yeah, I can do that.  Matty’s climbing the walls, by the way.  Are you girls gonna be ready anytime soon?”

I traded looks with Daphne and Oriana who watched us with rapt attention.  “Yes, we’re about ready too.”

“Fantastic.”  Parker clapped his hands together with enthusiasm.  “Come on, sir, I’ll help you to your seat.  The show’s about to start.”  From the wince on Vic’s face, I could tell just how much force Parker put into the hand on his arm as he walked him outside the tent.

“I’m sorry about that, guys.  My dad is… a little tough to take sometimes.”

“It’s fine, no harm done.  Right, Oriana?” Daphne offered a supportive smile, but the witch didn’t acknowledge her comment.  Instead her eyes remained fixed on me.

“Cast off your discomfiture, judgment is not yours to dispense.  He’s done far worse to himself than you ever could.  There is freedom in that.”

It took me a minute to absorb her words.  I wanted to be free, but the notion that I could let years of hurt feelings go without the need to punish him was hard to accept.  I’m known for holding my grudges, but at the same time, I didn’t want to hang on to all that negativity either.  “Thanks, sis, I’ll try to remember that.”

“You called me sister!” Oriana beamed.  “Do you truly accept me then, despite the hardship I bring to your life?”

She said bring, not brought.  That made me wonder if I didn’t have more trouble in store for me surrounding her disappearance from Raum’s court in the future, but I chose not to dwell on it on her special day.  “It’s no more trouble than I get into on my own.”  I hugged her carefully, not wanting to muss our hair.  “Now come on, let’s get you married before someone else shows up.”

When we emerged from the tent, the groomsmen were lined up outside to meet us.  Parker walked with me, and Steve, Matty’s friend, escorted Daphne down the aisle.  My mother hit the boombox and Crazytown’s Butterfly filled the air.  A strange choice for a wedding by my reckoning, but Matty said he always heard that song in his head whenever he saw Oriana.

“Thanks for helping me with Vic, I wasn’t up for another scene today,” I murmured to Parker as we started down the short aisle between the folding chairs set up before the makeshift altar.  Parker looked fantastic in his formalwear, clean shaven for once, his dark blonde hair tamed for the occasion.

“No problem.”  He patted my hand on his arm.  “Uh oh, some prettyboy’s trying to horn in on my territory.”

Looking out into the small audience, I was surprised to find Remiel sitting next to Parker’s date, Luz.  His mouth bent to her ear, whispering something that brought a smile to her lips.

“Oh, sorry about that.  I forgot they knew each other.”  Fairly well from their body language.  I vaguely remembered the resourceful witch mentioning she knew him intimately some time ago.

“You know that guy?”  Parker’s frown deepened in direct proportion to the lazy smile that grew on Remy’s face.

“Actually yeah, he’s my date for the wedding.”

“I didn’t realize you were dating again.”  So soon… I practically heard the unspoken words.

“It’s not a real date, I just didn’t want to face the day alone,” I whispered back, not quite sure what I found in his eyes.

“You’re not alone, Merce.”

“Thanks, boss.”  I gave his arm a squeeze before we parted to stand on opposite sides, a wire trellis threaded with flowers framing the altar.   Taking my spot on the girls’ side, I smiled at Matty, so unused to seeing him without his scruffy goatee.  He looked nervous in his rented tux, out of place with his feet bare, but Oriana insisted he go through the ceremony with bare feet, just like she would.  Luckily, she hadn’t insisted on anything like that for the rest of the wedding party, because I didn’t enjoy the prospect of going around barefoot in a public park.  Who knew what you’d end up with on the bottom of your feet?

I bit back the instinct to scold Matty to stand up straight, his slouch well pronounced until he caught sight of Oriana and his shoulders lifted as if by an invisible string.  If I had any doubts about how long their hasty marriage would last, I forgot them at seeing the simple joy on his face.  I’d never seen him so happy about… anything.  And Oriana, she glowed from within, or maybe her bright aura obscured my vision.  Whatever it was, they were head over heels in love, and it was hard to find fault with that.

The ceremony began with the standard text, and I started to zone out, more watching my brother and his bride than listening to the pastor drone on.  The ceremony was pretty generic, no bible passages or songs or anything like the elaborate Catholic ceremonies I remembered from my childhood.  Idly I wondered where they’d found the guy?  As far as I knew Matty didn’t go to church anymore, and for sure he wasn’t a Roman Catholic priest.  Then it was time for the vows, and I snapped to attention again, smiling my encouragement to Matty who looked nervous as he spoke his own vows.

“Oriana… I never knew what love was until I met you.  Then… it was like… like I could feel my heart swell up like the Grinch times ten, and I knew we had to be together forever.  No matter what.  I promise to take care of you and keep you safe by my side, in sickness and in health, for as long as there are stars in the sky.”

How had I never known my brother was such a romantic?  His words brought a sigh to the female population, and Oriana was no less affected as she began her vows.

“Matthias,” she touched his cheek gently.  “You are the sun and I am the moon.  We exist apart, but can never know our true purpose without knowing the perfect harmony of our joining.  At this turning of the wheel, we leave the darkness behind in anticipation of the light.  So too do we leave loneliness behind in anticipation of love and happiness.  I pledge my troth to you, to remain by your side through this life and into the next.”

The exchange of rings came next and within the space of a few minutes they were joined as man and wife to the delight of the crowd who cheered and clapped while the newlyweds shared an enthusiastic kiss.  Someone hit the boom box again, and we broke our formation to descend upon the picnic tables crowded with food and gifts.

I checked my mom’s face to see how she took the unorthodox vows, but she was too busy sniffing behind her handkerchief.  If she disapproved of any of it, she remained uncharacteristically quiet about it.  “That was so beautiful, Merceline,” she sighed as I joined her side.  “When you get married you should do something like that.  I think writing your own vows is so much more personal, don’t you?”

I bit back the comment about not getting married any time soon that sprang to my lips, offering her a smile.  “Yes, I do think they sound more personal that way, I’ll have to remember that when it’s my turn.”

“Don’t worry, baby, I know he’ll come around.  He loves you very much.”  She patted my cheek comfortingly.

“We’ll see.  None of that for today though, this is Matty and Oriana’s day.”  I changed the subject and for once she dropped it.  I sensed a nervous energy around her, she gabbled on even more than usual.  I mean, my mother could always talk, I suppose it’s where I got my gift of gab, but she seemed more frenetic if possible.  All at once I caught on to why.

My father.

So far she’d been able to avoid talking to him directly, but her eyes continuously tracked his movement in the crowd.  Vic stood near Matty, downing drink after congratulatory drink.  For the moment he was jolly, but Mom and I knew how quickly that could change.  Every time his voice boomed above the crowd I saw her shoulders flinch, and I hated him for doing that to her, after so many years.

“Mom, are you alright?” I asked softly, drawing her aside.

“Of course I am, why wouldn’t I be?”  I recognized the brittle smile on her lips only too well.

“He can’t hurt you anymore, I promise you.”  I wrapped an arm around her shoulders protectively.

“I know.”  She tried to brush me off, but at catching my expression shifted her feet uncomfortably.  “Your father means well, but you know how he gets.”

“Yes, I know exactly how he gets.  Which is why I want you to know I won’t let him hurt you.  I’m not a little girl anymore, I can be the one to protect you now.”  I owed her that for the years she tried to keep me safe from the brunt of his temper.  It didn’t always work, but I knew she had it much worse.  My mother fixed me with a watery smile, and I left my arm wrapped around her waist while we circulated through the party.

Wondering where Remiel disappeared to, I spotted him talking to Parker and Luz, Parker looking none too happy about that.  I flashed Parker a commiserating shrug, grinning when he rolled his eyes dramatically.  Deciding I had to try and corral my date before he charmed Parker’s lady away from under his nose, I steered my mother over to them.

“Hey, Remy, there you are.  I want you to meet my mother.”

“Why would I want to meet your mama?”  His brows drew together in confusion and I suppressed a smile as Parker looped his arm through Luz’s and led her away without a word.

“Because that’s the polite thing to do when escorting someone to a wedding.”

“Sorry, sweetcheeks, this is the first one of these things I’ve been to in an age.”

“Merceline, this boy is your date?”  My mother’s brows rose in surprise.  “What about Adam?”

“Adam is still out of town, as you well know, so I thought I’d ask Remy here to stand in for him.”  Besides not wanting to go stag, I had other reasons for inviting Remiel.  Namely to keep the peace in case Raum decided to make a play for the bride.  “Any sign of anything… off, Remy?  Or have you been too busy flirting with other people’s dates?”  I raised a brow.

“Who else am I supposed to flirt with, everybody here’s already attached,” he muttered in disgust.

“Oh, you two are friends, that’s fine,” my mother eased.  “You do have the most attractive friends, Merceline,” she smiled at Remy almost girlishly.

“Well, ain’t you a peach for that.”  Remy’s lopsided grin returned.  “And if you’ll excuse me for sayin’ so, I can see where your daughter gets her particular allure from,” he added, leaning towards her confidentially (which my mother absolutely ate up).

“Hey, don’t flirt with my mother,” I growled, bothered by it for some reason.  It didn’t annoy me when Parker buttered her up, but with Remy it felt somehow… sleazy or something.  Maybe because I had the notion he might consider hooking up with her if nothing else panned out at the reception.

“Oh, Mercy.”  My mom pushed at my shoulder.  “He’s just being friendly.”

“Well, why don’t you go be friendly over there, and don’t forget to keep an eye out for Raum or any of his goons.  You never know what he might try to get Oriana back,” I reminded him, and Remy gave a drawn out sigh.

“Yes, ma’am.  You save me a dance for later though, y’hear?”  He winked at my mom, his drawl lazy as he sauntered away.  It probably gave him some kind of sick thrill to tick me off, but I resisted the urge to call him on it.  He was doing me a favor after all.

“Who’s Raum?”  My mother asked as soon as she stopped undressing Remy with her eyes.

“He’s Oriana’s ex,” I lied glibly.  “He didn’t take it too well when she left him and it’d be just like him to show up and cause a nasty scene.”  Instantly sympathetic, she asked me for a description of him, and I went ahead and gave her one.  The more eyes on the look out for Raum as a creep the better, as far as I was concerned.

The party stretched on through the afternoon and I stuck by my mom’s side, waving away offers to dance.  Not that I needed to stick to her like glue.  The party wasn’t so big I couldn’t keep an eye on her, but to tell the truth, my heart wasn’t in it.  Maybe the pregnancy had me a little down, but I didn’t feel like smiling and chatting with people, pretending my own wedding was right around the corner whenever someone spotted my engagement ring.  So instead, I listened to my mom, or rather I let her talk at me for the most part, not thinking much of it until she gave me a teary hug.

“I had so much fun visiting with you today, Merceline.  It’s been too long since we really spent a lot of time together.”

“I know, Mom, and I’m sorry.”  I hugged her back, teary myself.  “I get so wrapped up in things.  Maybe we can…”

“My two favorite girls!”  Vic’s voice boomed from behind us and I felt my mother freeze as he wrapped his arms around our shoulders.  “This is so great, all of us together again, just like old times.”

“Yep, just like old times.”  I shrugged out of his clumsy embrace, drawing my mother up against my side.  “I think maybe it’s time to wrap things up though, it’s getting late.”  Only about half of the guests remained at the party.  Matty and Oriana had already left about a half hour before on their honeymoon to Las Vegas.  Daphne had slipped away a while ago with Sam and I was sticking it out until the end, on clean up duty along with my mom.

“I’ll tell you when the party’sh over, girl,” Vic slurred.  “I need another drink.”

“Don’t you think you’ve had enough?” my mother replied, her face pinched with worry.

“Don’t tell me my businessh, woman!”  His hand came up… I don’t know if it was just to wave in the air, or if he actually intended to hit her, but my mother flinched away regardless, and my hand shot up to catch his fist, halting the motion stone cold.  My fingers flexed over his as I fought the urge to bring him to the ground.

My instinct was to make him suffer the way he made us suffer.  I was stronger than he was, thanks to my Grace, not to mention all the other advantages I had on my side.  I wanted to make him feel scared and alone, to feel like a victim the way he’d victimized us over the years.  It would be so easy.  His eyes widened as I saw he knew it too.

It would be so easy.

In that same instant, I realized that would make me no better than him.  What had Oriana said?  There wasn’t anything I could do to him worse than what he’d already done to his life.  In fact… why waste my time on him at all?  I let go of his hand, and he clutched it to his chest, stumbling as he backed away from me.

“Come on, Mom, let’s get the leftovers packed up and I’ll drive you home.”  I smiled, completely ignoring him.

My mother flashed him an uncertain look, but nodded, trying to recover her smile when he didn’t offer another word.  Feeling much lighter, I turned to clean up duty, glad to find plenty of volunteers once we started.  There was no sign of Remiel anywhere.  I’d seen him chatting up a blonde earlier and assumed he’d found other company.  I didn’t mind so much, I wasn’t in the mood for his horrible attempts at flirting anyway.  Luz, on the other hand, cornered me by the potato salad to ask me a few not-so-subtle questions about the fallen angel.

“I thought you were still going out with Parker?” I asked as she helped me carry an armload to the dumpsters.

“I am.”  She gave a half shrug, her dark hair spilling over one shoulder at the movement.  “But it’s not serious.”

I knew the reason it wasn’t serious was because she thought Parker was in love with me.  After I’d turned down his marriage proposal he’d gone right back to acting like normal Parker, so I wasn’t so convinced of that.  “I guess you’re free to see who you like as long as you’re both on the same page,” I said carefully.  I’d never been one to play the field, but I knew Parker did.

“Exactamente,” she nodded, heaving the bags into the dumpster for me.  “I thought I might be not serious with Remy for a while if he’s in town.  Unless you’re borrowing him for a while.”

“Me?  No,” I snorted.  “He’s not my type.”

“He’s every woman’s type.”  Her eyebrows waggled playfully.  “Trust me, he’s good to cure what ails you, and I don’t mean with his Grace.”

I didn’t think so, but I gave her a little smile.  Not that I didn’t think he’d be good in bed, the guy had to have skills after so many years of chasing women, but I couldn’t think about anyone in those terms except for Adam.  It didn’t help that I didn’t feel particularly sexy lugging garbage in the late afternoon sun.

“Are you alright?”

“Hmmm?”  I realized I’d been zoning out again.  “Oh, sorry.  I’m just tired, it’s been a long day.  I’m glad the party’s over.”

“Your morning sickness is getting better, yes?”

“It still comes and goes, and not always in the morning.  Thanks for that tea, by the way, it’s been an absolute miracle.  I don’t know what I’d have done without it.”  It was the only way I could get through a shift at work sometimes when the smell of alcohol made me want to retch.

“It was my pleasure.”  Luz waved away my thanks.  “Have you been to see the doctor yet?”

“No… I’ve been sort of avoiding that.”  The less attention I got from the medical profession, the better.

“You can’t put it off for too long.  Sooner or later you’ll want to make an appointment, to make sure all is as it should be with the bebe.

Part of me didn’t want to know.  The Nephilim were described as monstrous in the bible… what if the doctor turned up something awful?  As long as I stayed in the dark I could cling to the illusion of a perfect baby growing inside me.  “I’m going with later,” I said firmly.

“Okay, well, let me know if you need a recommendation, I have a good doctor.”

“Thanks, I’ll keep that in mind,” I smiled, fully intending to forget about it as soon as she dropped it.

Chapter Eight

Balancing a bowl of ice cream on my bulging belly, I picked up the remote to start the DVD player for a little quality time with Ryan Reynolds.  Absorbed in the movie and my chocolate explosion, I didn’t notice anything wrong right away.  Then I saw the melted ice cream in the bottom of the bowl pooling on one side more than the other.  As I watched, the pool shifted as my stomach moved.  No biggie, there’s a baby in there… easy to explain the reason for the movement, until the bowl toppled to the floor after a violent shift that left me gasping in surprise.

While I watched, my stomach grew bigger and bigger, like a balloon slowly inflating – a balloon filled with hands and feet that pushed against my stretching skin like an alien trying to break free.  Strangely enough, it didn’t hurt, but watching the baby’s open mouthed scream from inside made my blood run cold.  Something else slithered and moved in there, and I froze.

I had to get it out of me.

I screamed for Adam, but he didn’t come, of course he didn’t come.  Sam’s name was the next on my lips and he appeared out of thin air with an audible pop.

“I need you to take me to the hospital. I need to get the baby out.”

“No need for a hospital.” His sword materialized in hand, and he approached, a perfectly innocent look on his face.

“Are you nuts?” I backed away from him on all fours.  “No, no swords.  Hospital, with nice numbing drugs.”

“Drugs are bad.” Sam wagged his finger at me.  “Hold her down, please.”

Who was he talking to?  Bert and Hubie appeared on either side of me, grasping hold of my arms to keep me still.

“I do hope it’s a boy,” Hubie grinned, showing a mouthful of rotten teeth.

“Or a girl,” Bert nodded enthusiastically.

“Otherwise, it gets messy and I’ve just had me jacket pressed,” Hubie preened.

Where was my super strength?  I should be able to break free of a couple of minor demons, shouldn’t I?  “Hold on a minute here, guys.  Don’t do anything crazy.  Sam… do you know what you’re doing?  You might hurt the baby.”

“Don’t worry your pretty little head about it, Mercy.  I’ve seen Shogun six times,” he beamed.

I swear I heard a keening wail as my belly distended even further.  I had to do something before it burst its way out on its own.  With a deft flick of his wrist, Sam’s sword flashed out, neatly slicing my belly open from end to end.

It didn’t hurt… why didn’t it hurt?  What was going on?  Have you ever watched the learning channel when they’re performing a c-section?  It was nothing like that.  There was no blood, only a slimy ooze as the baby pushed its way out of the womb.

No, not a baby.

As I stared in revulsion, Azazael’s head appeared on a fat, scaly body, a barbed tail whipping back and forth angrily.

“Hello, my love.” He smiled up at me, and I screamed and screamed…

“Mistress, what ails you?”

Hair plastered to my face with sweat, I thrashed away from the voice in the dark, taking a moment to process Nelo’s amber eyes as friend rather than foe.  My throat sore from yelling, I swallowed; a bitter, metallic taste on my tongue.  “What?”

“Are you unwell?  Is it the child?”  Nelo’s eyes loomed large in his face, scared to death, and only in the face of his fear did I find the ability to conquer some of mine.

“No.”  My voice sounded raspy to my own ears.  “I’m… I’m okay, I had a bad dream.”  My arms still clutched my belly protectively.

My flat belly.

Well, not super flat, I’ve never been model thin or anything, but flatter than the bulging tummy in my nightmare.

Normal.

Falling back against the pillows, I took a deep calming breath, and noticed the faint glow of my Grace growing fainter as the terror faded.

“Would you like some hot chocolate?” he asked hesitantly, and I reached out to pat his hand with a grateful smile.

“Yes, I would like that very much, Nelo, thanks.”

There would be no more sleep for me that night.

As soon as I could reasonably make the call without waking up the whole household, my fingers sought out my phone.  “Hello, Luz?  About that recommendation for a good doctor…?”

* * *

“Thanks for coming with me for moral support, I really appreciate it.”  Luz and I sat in the waiting room of her OB/GYN’s office.  I’d already picked up and discarded three magazines with smiling babies on the cover.  Somehow I couldn’t dig up enough interest in ads for breast pumps and Diaper Genies.

“No te preocupas, I don’t mind.  My sisters don’t live near here and it’s been a while since I was in your shoes.  It’s nice to share this experience again.  Think about it, Mercy, you will get to hear the baby’s heartbeat today,” she beamed.  I tried to rustle up the appropriate level of enthusiasm, but after my dream all I could think about was - would it be okay to ask the doctor to check for a tail?

We waited for another fifteen minutes, and then another twenty in the examination room, before the doctor joined us.  Dr. Hathaway bustled in, making notes on a metal clipboard before looking up with a friendly grin.  Tall and gangly, his aura was a bright yellow with orange highlights, which sorta went with his silver-streaked, blonde hair and sunny disposition.

“Which one of you is the expectant mother?  Or should I say, which one is the biological one?”

“She is, I’m just here for moral support,” Luz volunteered, taking a half step backwards.

“Good, good… nothing wrong with morals,” he nodded, scribbling something else down.  “Why don’t you hop up on the table here and we’ll get some vitals on you?”  What followed was a series of rapid fire questions about my body and past history while he scribbled notes on the clipboard and punctuated my responses with, “Good, good…”

“Is there a reason why you’re requesting an ultrasound so early?”

“Um… yeah, my family has a history of miscarriages, so I want to make sure everything’s where it should be,” I lied easily enough.  Actually, I don’t think my mother ever had any issues with her pregnancies, she always said we were big, healthy babies.

“Alrighty, let’s take a look then, shall we?”

I had to crane my head up to view the ultrasound monitor and even then I had no idea what I was looking at.  Without asking, Luz grabbed a pillow down off a shelf and propped it under my head.  It felt strange not to have Daphne by my side for the milestone, but at the same time, she had her own problems to worry about, and I didn’t want to add to her load.

The doc seemed to know what to look for, taking several still pictures, whistling to the tune of Three Times a Lady as far as I could make out.  “Okey dokey,” he said finally, “head… check, heart… beating strong, eyes… one, two, three…LMAO.”  He gave me a goofy grin and I tried to hide the breath of relief.  For a second there, I’d been worried.  Can you get hats for babies to hide a third eye?  “Listen, if you follow me on Facebook I post regular articles on pregnancy and childbirth.  I go by Hathababydoc - cute, huh?  You can find me on Twitter too.”

“How does it look, does it look normal?”  I ignored the babble about liking his status and tried to keep the unreasoning panic out of my voice as I stared at the blob on the monitor.

“As normal as a bun in the oven looks at three months along, which isn’t much to see to the naked eye.  I’d say your due date is sometime around the middle of August.”

“You mean two months,” I frowned, doing a quick bit of math in my head.  I’d slept with Adam in mid-December and it was only mid-February.

“No, I mean three.  See this measurement here?” He pointed to the hashmarks on the screen indicating it was about two inches long.  “Unless you’ve got a giant baby in there, you’re three months along.  That lines up with your last menses too, doesn’t it?”  He picked up the clipboard to consult his notes.

“Um, yeah, I guess so…”  I’d been a little off my calculations, but I thought stress had something to do with it at the time.  “But…that’s not possible.”

“Science begs to differ,” he shrugged.  “Try not to worry about it.  That means your baby won’t have to start school late when it gets to kindergarten, LOL.”

“No te preocupas,” Luz patted my shoulder.  “It will be fine.  The important thing is the bebe is healthy, no?”

“No… I mean, yes,” I murmured, unable to let that one thing go.  Adam had been trapped in Midian at the time, hadn’t he?  Whose baby was I carrying?

Dr. Hathaway went on about supplements and setting up regular monthly visits, things to avoid, punctuated with his weird text speak… I admit, I was only half listening, but Luz nodded like she absorbed it all.  All too soon, he shook my hand and herded us out of there, with a hearty goodbye.

I let her guide me back to the car, in somewhat of a daze until we reached the parking lot.  “This can’t be good.”

“So, you’re farther along than you thought,” she shrugged, taking the keys from my nerveless fingers.  “All the better to be done with it sooner.”

“No, you don’t get it.  There’s absolutely no way I could be three months pregnant.  Adam wasn’t even around and I didn’t sleep with anyone else.  What if this is something else in there masquerading as a regular baby?” I lowered my voice, knowing it sounded insane.

“Calmate, the doctor said everything is a-okay.  You have to stop freaking yourself out or you’ll make yourself sick.  Do you want me to take you home instead of back to work?”

“He said everything looked fine, that doesn’t mean it’s fine on the inside,” I insisted stubbornly.  “What if this is some kind of an immaculate conception, but of the evil variety?” I asked, thinking about Lucifer’s interest in the baby.

“No, there isn’t any evil inside you,” she declared confidently and I wondered how she could know something like that.

“Well then, what if this is one of those babies that grows twice as fast as a normal kid?  What if I wake up in a week and I’m swollen out to here?”  I put my hand a foot away from my belly.

“I think you’re going to make yourself crazy with all the what ifs.  All you can do is worry about today.  So… put your seat belt on.”  She spoke as if I was one of her kids.  “That’s a good girl.  Now, where would you like me to take you?  Back to work, or home.”

“Back to work.  Parker will kill me if I miss another shift.”

“I doubt that,” she murmured, pulling out of the parking lot with practiced ease.

I was a little subdued on the drive there, but Luz filled the empty space by going over the doctor’s instructions again.  She had her own two cents to put in on the best kind of prenatal vitamins, what books were helpful and which ones were crap.  By the time we got there, I was able to join in the conversation as my natural curiosity kicked in.

“I’d better not go inside.”  Luz handed over my keys, digging in her purse for her own set.

“Why not?  Did you and Parker have a fight or something?”  They seemed pretty chummy at the wedding.

“No, not a fight.  But… I have a date with Remy tonight.”

Interesting.  I wondered if he’d take her to Adam’s swanky pad.  “Oh, and you’d rather he not know about it?”

“I’d rather not have it come up at all.”

“I read you loud and clear.”  It didn’t mean I’d lie for her, but if her name never came up in conversation with Parker, I’d never bring it up.  “Listen, thanks again for coming with me today, it meant a lot to me.”

“You’re welcome.  Call me any time you have questions or you just want to talk, okay?”

“I will.”

“And remember, don’t worry!” she called out with a laugh.

Yeah, easy for her to say…

Walter, the bouncer at Eden, gave me a bashful smile as I entered the club.  Still early, I wondered why he was there already, but didn’t stop to chat on my way to the bar.

Parker’s smile stretched wide as soon as he caught sight of me.  “So, how did the check up go?  Is it a girl or a boy?”

“It’s way too early to tell, I don’t think they can see that for a couple of months.”

“Oh.”  He seemed somewhat disappointed by that.  “I still say the name Parker works if it’s a boy or a girl.”

“Keep dreaming, I told you I’d name my next cat after you, not my firstborn.”

“What are you going to name it then?”

I let out a long breath, leaning against the counter beside him.  “I have no idea.  I guess I’ll have to sit down and come up with a list.  Nothing too weird, you know?”

“Yeah, but you don’t want to go with anything boring either.  You need to pick a name with style.”

“Trust me, as someone named Mercy, you get a lot of flak as a kid with a different name.  So no Angel or Moonbeam or anything celestial just because it’s… you know.”

“Seriously, did everything go alright at the doctor?”  He lowered his voice confidentially, and I wondered how he picked up on it?  Jilly stood by the booth talking to Chris the DJ across the room, and there was little chance of being overheard, but he leaned closer.

“Everything’s normal, as far as he could tell.  It’s just… the dates are all wrong,” I whispered, my fingers worrying at the knot I’d made a mess of on my apron strings.

“What do you mean wrong?”

“He said I’m about three months along, but I wasn’t with anyone three months ago.  It’s kinda freaking me out.”

“Maybe his machine is on the blink?” Parker shrugged.  “They get that shit wrong all the time, don’t worry about it.”

“Yeah, maybe.”  I let out a long breath and he reached out to tilt my head up by the chin.

“Hey, you’re really upset about this, aren’t you?”  His brows drew together with concern.

“Yeah, I know it’s stupid, but I really am.  I can’t help thinking… what if this isn’t Adam’s baby at all?  What if there’s something else in there?”

“Come here, darlin’.”  Parker gathered me into his arms and for once I didn’t care if the other employees got the wrong idea about us.  I needed that hug more than anything else.  “Occam’s razor, the easiest explanation is usually the correct one.  Technology screws things up all the time.  The doc said it looked normal, right?  So, that’s what we go with.”

“Occam’s razor?”  I pulled back to raise a brow at him.

“What?  I watch TV.”  Parker sniffed self-consciously, making me laugh for the first time all afternoon.

“You’re right, I’ve got to stop freaking myself out like this.  It’s gonna be fine.”

“That’s right.  Better than fine because you are gonna be one dynamite mother.”  He tucked the hair back behind my ear with an encouraging smile.  “That is one lucky bun in your oven.”

That was the second time that day someone used the expression.  “Well, I’d better take this baby bun and get to work or I’m going to be one unemployed mother,” I replied with a half smile as our first customers of the night came in.

“That’s right, back to work, you.”  Parker snapped a towel at my behind, and I caught it, deftly tossing it back in his own face.

Suddenly, I felt like I could face the world.

* * *

I couldn’t face my mother.

Too many nagging phone conversations with bits of unsolicited advice had me dodging her calls not two weeks after I’d pledged to look after her.  I even made myself imperceptible once when I saw her on my street until she passed.  Don’t judge me, I panicked.  Haven’t you ever wished you could be invisible to avoid someone you don’t want to talk to?  Well, I can, so I did.  I felt terrible about it afterwards.

After all that stuff with my Dad, I was ready to put a little distance between me and family for a while, but he left town as abruptly as he arrived without trying to contact me at all.  I think on some level he realized I wouldn’t put up with his crap anymore and might have even been a little afraid of me, but I didn’t care enough to ask him about it.  I was just glad he’d gone without a fight.

I’d been putting Mom off for too long though, wanting to avoid her questions.  I decided to bite the bullet and meet her for lunch the next day.  My morning sickness definitely started to fade, and I was ravenous as I slid into the booth at the Edgewater’s dining room.

Everything looked good, and for once I decided to splurge, even though normally I’m more of a quick meal on the go kind of girl with my budget.  I urged my mom to order whatever she wanted too, but she stuck to the cheaper side of the menu.

“We should save our money with the baby coming anyway,” she replied after we’d placed our order.

“Our money?”  My brows lifted as I caught her use of that particular pronoun.

“Of course.  You don’t think I’d let my baby shoulder all the burden on her own do you?”  She patted my hand with a smile.

“Um, Mom… what money do you have?  You haven’t had a job for how long now?”  In fact, I wasn’t sure how she paid for her day to day expenses, Adam only footed the bill for her hotel room.

“I’ll find one.”  She waved it away as if it was a given.  “You’ll need my help after the baby comes.”

“I’ll be fine.  I get maternity leave benefits for a few months and then I’ll figure something out.  It shouldn’t be too hard to get some help with babysitting since I don’t work usual hours.”  I figured if Daphne took a night, maybe Sam with a bit of training, Parker… between them, I could keep my childcare costs to a minimum.

“Don’t be silly, I’ll be around to watch the baby when you’re at work.  It’ll save some money with me moving in with you, but we’ll need to get a bigger apartment.  I was thinking…”

“Whoa, hold on a sec… you’re not moving in with me and I’m not getting a bigger apartment.”  That needed saying right off the bat.  My place might be small, but there was room for a crib in my bedroom.

“But you don’t have enough room for a newborn in your apartment,” she insisted.

“I’ll make do.  Besides, I thought you liked staying here at the hotel?”

“It’s so impersonal here.”  Her nose wrinkled with distaste.  “And I thought you didn’t want to use his money.”

She had me there, but for some reason it didn’t bother me as much when it was her doing the using.  Maybe it was because he’d made the arrangements himself before he left.  “I don’t, but that doesn’t mean you can’t. I appreciate the offer of help, I really do.  And I can use the babysitting, I’m sure, but I need my own space, Mom.”

“Are you sure?”

“I’m very sure.”  I laid my hand over hers, sending a pulse of soothing Grace until the pinched look went out of her eyes.

“Alright then, baby.  Maybe I’ll go back home until the baby comes then?  Then I can come up for another long visit?”

“Really?” I blinked, trying to keep the relief from my face.  “If you think that’s best, then maybe you should.”  Otherwise it’d be a long six months…

“Marie’s been asking me when I’m coming home, you know she can’t get along without me for long.”  She launched into a one sided discussion about the role she played in Marie’s household (which sounded far fetched to me) until the food came to the table.

“Be sure to thank Adam for letting me stay here for so long, if you talk to him.”

I’d have plenty of other things to address first if Adam showed his face, but I smiled and nodded as we said our goodbyes after making arrangements for me to take her to the airport.

I wondered if Adam still thought about me as much as I thought about him.  The pregnancy pretty much never let me forget about him from day to day, but was he out there somewhere moving on?

If I concentrated, I could feel him out there - far away, but still in the world.  Still alive, doing God knew what with his days.  Farther still I could sense Raziel, but it was very faint with him in Midian.

As I said goodbye to my mother at the airport, I thought about calling Adam to fill him in on the latest news.  To give him a report on my life and the baby the way I had the last time he disappeared, but I put my phone away without dialing his number.  I was tired of putting myself out there into the void on the hopes that he’d throw a few crumbs of attention my way.  If he wanted to know how the baby and I were doing, he could damn well ask me himself.

Chapter Nine

Have you ever gone to sleep one night and woken up and it’s two months later?  Okay, not literally, but I swear it felt like two months went by in the blink of an eye.  Still no word from Adam, but each day got easier to accept his absence, and I started to believe he might never come home.  I started to think… maybe I didn’t want him to anymore.

The regular monthly check ups with Dr. Hathaway set my fears to rest.  The baby wasn’t growing at crazy exponential speeds, and after I could see more detail in the ultrasound I started to relax a bit.  The only thing I hadn’t been able to see was the sex of the baby, as he or she kept its behind aimed at the instruments no matter how hard we tried to get it to change position.  I took to calling the baby Bunny for my little bun in the oven for the time being, but my list of prospective names grew almost daily.

It was hard to pretend I was anything but pregnant anymore.  At a little over five months along, I definitely showed, but wasn’t so big I needed help getting up out of chairs or anything.  I could still wear some of my more stretchy tops, but I had to say goodbye to all my jeans and hope I could fit into them once I came though the other side.

Let me tell you, shopping for maternity clothes isn’t like regular shopping.  There is no joy in finding cute clothes, because they don’t exist unless you’re willing to pay an arm and a leg for them.  Sticking to my own funds, I opted to shop in secondhand stores and my biggest delight was in finding pants that looked like jeans but had a big elastic panel in the front to support my belly.  As long as I wore a baggy top I could look reasonably normal, but I felt as wide as a house on some days.  Even my feet grew a size bigger.  What was that about?

Without the constant nausea and fatigue, I got bitten by the nesting bug big time.  I had to look that up, by the way.  Apparently the mother is inspired to ready her “nest” in preparation for the coming baby.  What that translated into for me was some serious spring cleaning.  Poor Nelo, I kept him hopping with all the special chores.  We’re talking everything from toothbrushes on the grout to taking down the drapes to wash them until my apartment gleamed.

And baking.  I’d always been lousy at baking, but I had the biggest cravings for baked goods and I finally got the hang of it after a lot of trial and error.  I know, eating for two wasn’t a license to eat my weight in cookies, but I didn’t like to sit idly for very long and I seemed to not need as much sleep as soon as the second trimester hit me.  I gave away more than I ate and the guys at work got used to me showing up for my shift with a plate of something most nights.

I didn’t see much of either Sam or Daphne, and I ended up hanging out with Luz or Parker a lot when I didn’t have to work.  From the snippets of conversation I picked up when we touched bases, I gathered they were living firmly in the land of denial, pretending the course they were on couldn’t end in anything but hearts and flowers.

I finally managed to wrangle them both for a night of Totally Awesome Tuesday movies and snacks, and I’d decided to make it Hunger Games themed (minus the hunger), since that’s what I had from Netflix.  I went all out with outlandish snacks inspired by the movie and recipes I found online.  Nelo seemed very interested in the cheese tartlets, and I let him sample a little preview with Mimsy who became his very best friend the moment he sat down with it.

“It finally happened!” Daphne gushed, the moment she got to my place.  Cheeks bright with color, she looked about ready to explode with good news.

“What happened?”

“You know…”  She gave me a meaningful look, but I had no clue what she meant at all.

“You’re gonna have to throw me a bone here.  Is it bigger than a bread basket?”

“Sam and I…” she beamed, plopping down on the couch, completely ignoring the elegant buffet I’d laid out on the breakfast bar.

“Sam and you…” I waved her on, and then I got it.  “Oh.  You mean Sam and you… are dirty sinners?”  I couldn’t help but tease.

“Shut up, it’s not a sin.”  She smacked my knee with a laugh.  “We’re in love, that makes it okay.”

I wasn’t so sure about that in God’s books, but I didn’t want to argue the point.  “Wow, that’s… wow.”  I admit, I didn’t think they’d ever take the step, not with Sam knowing what the consequences could be.  Then again, they weren’t married like Adam had been when his wife was killed.  Maybe nothing bad would happen?

“I know, right?”  Whatever their actions might bring, Daphne obviously didn’t want to dwell on them, too giddy with happiness.

“When did this happen?”

“Last night.  I still can’t really believe it happened, it was so unexpected.”

“So, um, how was it?”  Not that I wanted details, but she seemed to want to talk about it.

“It was wonderful,” she sighed, leaning back against the couch.  “Well… I mean, at first he was a little like Bambi with new legs on ice, but after a while, he definitely got the hang of it.”

“Okay, that’s maybe more information than I needed to know.”  I took a cooling sip of iced tea to wash away that mental image.  “But um… so now you two are… together, together?”

“Definitely.”

I listened to her talk about the future with absolute faith in their love.  It was sweet, but part of me couldn’t help but think it wasn’t that simple.  Unable to keep from snacking, I dug into the spread while she chatted, and I was on my second trip to the breakfast bar when I noticed the time.  Sam should have been there a long time ago.

I sent him a quick text while I refilled my glass.  Where r u?  I hovered by the by the snacks while I waited for a response.

Nothing.

Finally, Daphne’s stomach gave a rumble and she looked at the clock.  “OMG, I didn’t realize it was getting so late.  No wonder I’m starving,” she grinned, hopping up to buffet.  “I wonder what’s keeping Sam?”

“I wish I knew.”  Or I wished I didn’t know, because I had definite ideas percolating in the back of my brain.

“I’ll try texting him,” she replied, fingers flying over the keyboard, and I hoped she had better luck than I did.  As the minutes ticked by, Daphne started to lose some of her good mood, and despite her rumbly tummy, she didn’t eat much of the food on her plate.  “Mercy… do you think something bad could have happened to him?” she asked at length.

“No, nothing happened to him,” I said confidently, feeling in my gut I would have known if he was in trouble thanks to our shared Grace.  “Why don’t we go ahead and start the movie though?  You know Sam, he gets easily distracted.  He’s probably holed up with one of his books and forgot about the time.”  I don’t know why I made excuses for him, I just knew she needed to hear it at the time.  Mollified by my thin assurances, Daphne settled in to watch the movie, but I found myself distracted.

Could Sam have freaked out and skipped town without saying goodbye?

By the end of the movie, I had a pretty good idea I wasn’t going to like the answer to that question.  Daphne was still in her bubble of happiness though, and I refused to be the one to burst it.  Instead I hugged her goodbye, put away my leftovers, ate my fifth cookie of the day and then stepped out into the night sky.

I’d definitely started to prefer traveling by flight than by driving.  I didn’t even worry if anyone could see me anymore.  I had the imperceptibility down pat without sparing it much thought.  Besides, it saved me a fortune on gas.

That night I had one destination in mind.  I didn’t bother to call him, via cellphone or otherwise, I knew he wouldn’t appear.  I only hoped I wasn’t too late, but Sam didn’t feel distant the same way Adam did.  I kept myself dim as I entered his apartment building through the main entrance (I was way too clumsy and awkward with my pregnant belly to manage trying the bedroom window the way most angels seemed to prefer).  It wasn’t in the best part of town, and even though I didn’t have anything to fear from most people anymore, I didn’t feel like slowing down to deal with anyone who got in my way.  I had bigger fish to fry.

Sam’s front door was unlocked, as usual, and I felt myself holding onto a breath as I entered, relieved when I saw his messy blonde curls tilt up at me.  He didn’t look all that surprised to see me, and went back to the task of carefully packing up his books without saying anything.  Even when he hid from me before he never packed up his books.  Whatever he had planned, it looked permanent.

“What the hell is this?” I demanded, slamming his door shut, but he barely flinched at all.

“I can’t watch movies with you tonight, Mercy.  Something of far more import has come up.”

“Yeah, I heard all about it,” I muttered, trying to figure out what was different about him.  It was more than the lack of his usual open smile.  Sam looked… harder.  Maybe that’s the wrong word, I don’t know, but it made me nervous.

“Then you know why I have to leave,” he said simply, continuing to ignore me for the most part, utterly focused on preserving his precious books.

“No, I don’t,” I said, my eyes narrowing.  “Why don’t you explain it to me?  Or better yet, explain it to Daphne, who is off in fantasy land expecting you to turn up at her door any moment now.”

“I can’t stay now that I’ve… sullied what we had.  I can’t risk her life by continuing it.”

“Sullied?”  Ugh, trust an angel to have guilt issues with sex.  I guess it made sense, it being his first time and forbidden and all.  “That’s one way of putting it.  Maybe you should have thought about that before you slept with her.”

Sam’s head came up and he threw me a pained look.  “I didn’t mean to!”

“Oh, someone put a gun to your head, is that it?” I fired right back at him.  “Grow up, Sam.  You made a big boy decision, now you need to stay and live with the consequences.”

“If I leave now she’ll be safe.”  Sam went back to his packing, utterly convinced in the sincerity of his words.  “Adam had many one night stands with women and there were never any reprisals.”

I pushed away the image of Adam with his bevy of bimbos.  “He wasn’t in love with any of them.  You care about Daphne, don’t you?”

“You know I do.  We would not be in this difficulty if I had not allowed myself to experience these feelings for her.”

“What makes you think she’ll be fine if you leave?”

“I can’t stay with her now.  It would be too difficult.”

“Anything worthwhile is.  I feel like I keep having the same conversation over and over with you people.  When are you going to get it through your skulls that she won’t be any safer with you gone?”

“I have no choice in the matter.”

“Yes, you do.  You have a world full of choices, this is just the easiest one.  And the stupidest, by the way.”  I waited for a rebuttal, but Sam ignored me, reaching for the packing tape.  “Then you don’t care what this does to her at all?”

“Daphne will recover soon enough.  Better she suffer this heartache now and live to love another.”

“Easy for you to say, you don’t have to be here to pick up the pieces.  Tear filled nights wondering what she’s done wrong to drive you away.  She’ll be devastated.”

“Don’t project your own abandonment issues onto our relationship,” he said coldly and I felt like I’d been slapped in the face.  This was a new Sam, and I didn’t care for the change very much.

“I thought you were different.”

“I’m just a man, same as any other.”

“You’re supposed to be better than that.”  Didn’t he see that?

“I’m not.”

I met his gaze for long moments and I was the first one to look away.  “Alright, obviously there’s no point in trying to talk you out of this, you’ve made your decision.  Are you at least going to say goodbye to her?”

“I’ve written her a letter there on the counter,” he nodded his head towards the kitchen.  “I’d consider it a favor if you took it to her.  I’ll mail it otherwise.”

What was it with angels and goodbye letters?  Were they all a big bunch of cowards on the inside?  I wasn’t sure I felt much like granting him any favors, but I didn’t want to prolong Daphne’s worry either.  If it was his final decision, she deserved to know as soon as possible.

“In time you’ll understand my decision.  In time you may come to realize certain truths about the world we live in and our role in it.”

“Call it what you want, but I won’t understand your decision to act like a douche,” I muttered, picking up the folded letter, sticking it in my pocket.

“I don’t understand.”  His forehead puckered in confusion, and for a half second I had my Sam back - slightly clueless, utterly adorable, not a mean bone in his body.  But in the next instant, he dismissed the question, his mind weighted with other matters.

“I guess this is goodbye then,” I sighed.  There didn’t seem to be anything else to say.  Sam left his books to come stand before me and I hated the solemn way we faced each other.

“Goodbye, Mercy.  This won’t be the last time we see each other, trust in that.”

“If you leave like this you’d better have a damn good ice breaker then next time you show up.”  Part of me wanted to hate him for taking the coward’s way out, but part of me was sadder than I could say at the prospect of losing him from my life too.  I didn’t want the last things I said to him to be in anger, and I wrapped my arms around him in a big hug.  After a moment’s hesitation I felt his arms encircle me as well.  “Goodbye, Sam.  I’ll miss you bunches.”

“I’ll miss you too.  Tell her… tell her I’m sorry,” he whispered into my hair. “And I hope she forgets me soon.”

Not damn likely.

Chapter Ten

“Men suck.”  In a crummy mood, I set down the row of shot glasses with too much gusto, spilling nearly half the contents.  Swearing under my breath, I picked up the bottle to top them off.

“We do.”  Parker agreed without skipping a beat, reaching over to swab up the counter with a rag.  Out of the corner of my eye I saw the little smirk on his lips, clearly amused by whatever had my panties in a bunch.  “What do we suck for, by the way?  I feel like I should know.”

“First Adam, now Sam… one moment you’re all, ‘you’ll never find a man who loves you more than I do,’ and ‘I’ll never leave you, I swear,’ and the next moment you’re gone without so much as a phone call.  What is it about sex that scrambles a man’s brains like that?  Is it genetically coded behavior or is there like an orientation you all have to attend?”

I’d already filled him in on the basics of Sam’s departure and he’d seen Daphne crying in her beer on the couple of nights I’d dragged her into the club to try and cheer her up.  With my cocktail of pregnancy hormones, all it took was the tiniest shine of tears in her eyes and I was right there bawling with her.  So far Parker had given us a wide berth, but he seemed in a sympathetic mood that night.

“I gotta say I never would have pegged Sam for a douchey move like that,” he offered, opening a new bottle of tequila for me.

“I know, right?”  I’m not sure what threw me into such a crappy mood that night.  Nothing new happened to set me off in particular, but there’s nothing like watching skeezy guys trying to hit on women all night to reinforce your opinion on the suckiness of some men.

“At least I’ve been up front with women,” Parker shrugged.  “I don’t make promises I can’t keep.  What they see is what they get, I make no bones about being shallow.”

Sometimes I wondered how much of Parker’s rep as a player was true and how much was inflated to enhance his image as a club owner.  “True, I guess.  Alright, not all men suck.”

“Sure we do.  Just give me time, I’ll disappoint you in other ways.”  His grin stretched wide and I found myself smiling in return.

“You might want to keep that on the down low.  Girls aren’t at all interested in a guy who disappoints,” I teased, and he leaned a little closer.

“Oh, that’s one area I’d never disappoint you in, darlin’.  No worries there,” he winked confidently.

“Maybe I’ll have to ask Luz about that sometime, see what she has to say on the matter.”

“I’m not too sure she’d have kind things to say anymore,” he winced and I wondered what had changed.

“Aren’t the two of you still dating?”

“No, that didn’t work out.”

“Aw, I’m sorry, Parker.  I know you liked her a lot.”

“Eh, it’s okay.  We both knew it wasn’t true love.  She moved on, no biggie,” he said, shrugging away my sympathy.

Did Remiel have anything to do with that moving on?

“I’m still sorry, boss.”  I wrapped an arm around his waist, leaning my head on his shoulder.  “You want me to help you liquor up one of the girls here tonight?  Just take your pick and I’ll start sending her double shots until she looks your way.”

“Wow, your confidence in me is overwhelming.”  He patted my hand.  “That’s okay, angel.  I’m taking a break from dating for a while.”

“You are?”  I’d never heard him say that before.

“Yeah, I think I might wait around for something better.”

“What could be better than a willing girl with a low tolerance for alcohol?” I teased, but he didn’t smile.  Instead his blue eyes met mine and I knew…

“Excuse me.”  A flat, unfriendly voice cut through the club’s music, breaking the moment.  Our heads swiveled to find Detective Anna Santiago on the other side of the bar, her features pinched with annoyance.  Or maybe that’s just the way she looks all the time.  So far I hadn’t seen her with any other expression, unless you counted flat out anger.

“Oh good, just in time for happy hour.  What can I get you, Detective?” I asked, refusing to let her shake me.  I had nothing to hide.

“I’m not here to drink.  I came to ask you a few questions.”

“Are you sure?  Cops always drink half off.”  Parker threw her a dazzling smile, but she didn’t go for it.

“Are the two of you on again?  What happened to Mr. Anderson?”  Her brows drew together and I failed to see how that could possibly be police business, but I didn’t see the harm in answering.

“No, we’re just friends.  Adam is… away on business again.”

“And you have no idea what he does.”

It was easy to hear the skepticism in her voice, she made no effort to mask it, but I kept my smile.  “That’s right.”

“How can I get ahold of him?

“I honestly don’t know, he said he might not be back again.”  Strangely enough, it didn’t hurt so much to say it out loud.

“What is this about?” Parker asked before I could.

“Detective Gates is missing again.”

“You really should stop letting him out without a leash if he’s gonna keep running away like that,” Parker quipped, and I stepped on his foot to tell him to cool it.  Detective Santiago ignored him, waiting for my response.

“I seriously don’t know where Ben is.  The last time I saw him was the night of my brother’s rehearsal dinner.”

“You did?”  Parker’s brows came up in surprise and I tried to downplay it, not wanting to go into the story with her present.

“I’ll tell you about it later.”

“I’d like to hear about it now.”  The detective’s tone brooked no argument, and I gave myself a mental kick for having brought it up in the first place.

“Alright…”  I reached for the glass of diet soda I kept behind the bar, needing a few extra seconds to come up with a convincing lie.  “Ben came to see me at the restaurant, that was at the end of January.  He wanted to talk about getting back together since Adam’s gone for the time being.  I left with him so we could talk in private, but I made it very clear I’m not interested in hooking up again.”

“And that’s it?”  She didn’t look convinced.

“He didn’t want to take no for an answer at first, but I’m pretty sure I got the message across by the time I left.”  Not a lie…

“You haven’t seen him since?”

“Haven’t heard a peep.  I went back to check on him later to make sure he was alright, but he wasn’t around.  I assumed he made it home alright.  How long has he been missing?”  A kernel of worry started to grow in the pit of my stomach.  Maybe I shouldn’t have left him with Lucifer after all?  After he’d gone through all that trouble to purge him of the evil, why would he do something to hurt Ben?

“Long enough to warrant investigation,” she replied, offering no more details.

“I wish I could help you, I really do.  If I see or hear from him I’ll let you know, I promise,” I offered earnestly and Parker echoed the sentiment.  Detective Santiago didn’t look satisfied, but left anyway, hopefully for good.  Maybe I’d ask Luz later about slipping her cousin a little something to mellow her out.

I could tell Parker had more questions for me, but there wasn’t time to talk about it because the crowd picked up and we both had our hands full keeping people from getting thirsty.  Then it was time for breaks and by the time it died down, he’d moved into his office.

It was late when we chased out the last customers and my feet were killing me.  I was going to have to break down and buy some of those fancy orthotics they sold at the drugstore next to the machine that scanned your feet.  Daphne and I couldn’t resist standing on it every time we passed one.

Untying my apron, I tossed it in the hamper and stopped in Parker’s office to pick up my purse.  “G’night, boss,” I smiled, stifling a yawn behind my hand as I pulled on my light jacket (it’s gorgeous, all the colors of spring and waterproof to boot, so necessary in Seattle!).

“You want me to give you a ride home?  You look pretty beat,” he offered, looking up from his computer spreadsheet.

“Nah, I’ll be fine to drive.  I don’t want to stick around while you finish the paperwork.”

“I could take you home then come back to finish up,” Parker suggested, but I waved him back down into his seat.

“Don’t be silly, I told you I’ll be fine.  I’ve been way more tired than this before.  I’ll see you tomorrow night, okay?”  I got out of there before he offered to call me a cab, for Pete’s sake.  Ever since it got obvious to the naked eye I was pregnant I’d catch him doing things like that.  He spent more time behind the bar too, so I didn’t have to hustle as fast.  It was sweet, except I really didn’t need him coddling me.  I was pregnant, not crippled.  I still got sore and tired, but thanks to my angelic healing I’d be pain-free within an hour, tops.

Stepping out into the parking lot, I loosened my coat when I found it wasn’t all that cold out there after all.  A nice clear night, in the eighties for most of the afternoon, though rain was predicted for later in the week.  Distracted by my coat buttons, I almost didn’t notice the tall figure leaning against the side of my car until I was less than five feet from it.

“Raziel!” I cried in happy surprise after I got over the tiny buzz of adrenaline at finding myself not alone and the bigger shock of finding him standing before me.  Raziel offered me a solemn bow, just the hint of a smile on his lips as he picked up my hands and bent to kiss the air above my wrists.

“Good evening, Mercy.  I trust you are well.”

He said it like I’d only seen him the day before, not the entire time it had been for him in Midian, trapped as a chew toy to the demon lord, Raum.  Dressed in casual elegance, his goatee neatly trimmed and shoulder length hair tamed, he looked no worse for wear for surviving the experience.  His courtly manner and dark, good looks always reminded me of an Arabian Prince from the times of Scheherazade.

“Oh my God, how are you?” I laughed, still floored to see him back in the world.  “Are you okay?  When did you get out?”

“Not long ago.  I am well enough.”

“How was it, was it awful in Midian?  Do you have a place to stay?  Or are you just stopping by to say hi?”  The questions tumbled out fast and furious, but Raziel drew himself up stiffly, ignoring them.

“Sadly, this is not a social call.”

“It’s not?” I blinked.  Then why else come and see me?  Did he have a message to deliver?  Was there a new prophecy afoot?

“We both knew this day might come.”  He shook his head, voice tinged with regret.

“What?”  I took a half step backwards as another possibility occurred to me.  Confirming my suspicions, a glowing sword appeared in his hand and he advanced, filling the space I’d just vacated.  “Oh crap…”

Chapter Eleven

“I’m truly sorry, but I am the sword of God, I must do his bidding.”  Raziel advanced another step and I backed away, glowing faintly as I faced off against the Angel of Death.

“Wait… there has to be some kind of a mistake.  The Big Guy can’t really want to kill me.  There was that whole prophecy talking about me, it never mentioned anything about being assassinated.”

“My orders were most specific,” he said sadly.  “You can not be allowed to carry that abomination into the world.”

My hands curved protectively around my belly, he wanted to take my baby?  “Well… you can’t have it.”

“That isn’t the only sentence.  You have been judged for your crimes, and the penalty is death.”

“What crimes?  Are you people insane?”  I would have laughed if he hadn’t looked so deadly serious.  “How can I be judged?  I didn’t even have a trial!  I insist on talking to the boss.”

“That isn’t possible.”

“Oh, yes it is.  I want to see him judge me himself.”  None of that passing sentence without having to see the direct effect of his arbitrary judgments.  I wanted to see the whites of his eyes.  If he had eyes.  Did God look like Zeus in the movies or was he a giant ball of energy like on Star Trek?  Either way, I wanted to meet the guy who signed my death warrant.

“You don’t get to dictate the law.  His word has already been spoken, the rest is a formality.”  Raziel shook his head and I couldn’t help but give a short bark of laughter.

“You’ll pardon me if I cling to a little formality where my life is concerned, won’t you?”  I edged around the side of the car.  So far he hadn’t done anything with the sword but I felt better with a couple tons of steel between us.  “Raziel… you know me, you know I haven’t committed any crimes.  Or if I have, I didn’t know I was doing it at the time.  There must be a mistake.”

“I wish it were so,” he said sadly, and I believed him.  Not that it would stop him from gutting me like a fish if ordered to.  “If it helps, I promise to make it as painless as possible.”

“No, it damn well doesn’t help!”  I called my own sword to hand with an angry hiss.  “And I’m not making any such promises.”  Did he expect me to lie down and accept it?  He so didn’t know me…

“Mercy, it won’t do you any good to fight it, His will must be done.  If not by me then by another.”

“Then bring it on because I’m not going down without a fight.  Whatever problem He has with me, I won’t let you kill this innocent baby.”

“So be it.”  He inclined his head gracefully, taking on a fighting stance.

“It’s on…” I breathed, trying to project more confidence than I felt, my Grace betraying me by the soft nimbus of fear surrounding me.

We circled each other warily, moving away from the car once the trash talk was over.  I tried to remember every lesson Sam ever taught me, wishing like hell he was there to have my back.  Would he side with me against Raziel?  I’d like to think so, but after a moment’s thought, I wasn’t so sure with the way he’d been acting lately.

Raziel took the first shot, his sword flashing out lightning fast to draw me out, I suppose.  It was so fast I couldn’t counter it, but I did manage to dodge out of the way in time.  I felt clumsy and out of practice, the baby throwing me off balance a little.  It had been a long time since those sword lessons, and Raziel had thousands of years of experience behind his arm.  Still, I held my own as he drove me backwards, away from the car and into the shadowy corner of the parking lot, away from prying eyes.

While my moves were slower, there was an edge of desperation to my actions that lent me just enough to keep my head attached to my body.  Eventually his skill won out over my lack of finesse and I felt his blade slice the side of my shoulder.  My eyes dropped to stare at the blood welling through the hole in my pretty jacket and his sword flashed out again to slash against the back of my hand, making me drop my sword.  The glowing blade winked out of existence, but in the next breath I called it forth again.

“You know that won’t work,” I winced, trying to ignore the sting.

“I don’t wish to cause you any more pain.  Let us end this, Mercy.”  I could see it pained him to hurt me.  Well, I didn’t care how awful he felt about it, I wasn’t about to give up yet.

“The only way this ends is with you walking away, or one of us on the end of a sword,” I replied with as much menace as I could muster, my sword flashing out for emphasis.  To my surprise, I managed to nick the side of his neck and the wound bled quickly onto his pristine collar.

His jaw twitched, but Raziel said nothing as he drove me backwards with renewed fervor.  “Why do you not yield?” he scowled in frustration. “Adamiel and Samael have both left you to your doom.  You are alone in your fate.”

I wondered why he dared to say their names aloud, knowing they could hear him, wherever they were.  And then I remembered…  “I am such a moron… I’m not alone!” I crowed in triumph.  “Remiel!”

Raziel’s eyes widened in surprise, and I followed up with another attack, driving him backwards for a change.  We fought without words, and I was too busy trying to keep from dying long enough for the cavalry to arrive.  If I could just hold him off…  Raziel seemed to realize his time was short as well, his moves grew more desperate.

“Remiel!” I yelled again, feinting to one side, following up with a quick slash to the abdomen that brought another rent in his clothes as my sword bit into his skin again.  “If you leave now, maybe he won’t kill you,” I taunted, pressing harder, buoyed by the taste of success.

“I know my duty,” Raziel said softly, thrusting from the shoulder, his actions slow, almost clumsy.  I took the opening, my sword piercing his shoulder.  Barely flinching, he came at me again, staggering a little.  As I brought up my sword, he neatly stepped into it, his movement fluid and in complete control.

“Raziel!” I screamed as my sword pierced his heart and he caught hold of me, losing his own sword as he clung to my arms to stay aloft.  I never in a million years thought I would kill him.  I guess, maybe I thought he’d give up after a while, or he’d run off after Remiel got there, or he’d kill me first.  But there wasn’t any shock or surprise on his face as he held tight to me.

“Wait…” I let go of the sword, and it disappeared, causing the blood to gush from his chest at an alarming rate.  “I didn’t mean to… I…”

Raziel fell to his knees, his hands falling away weakly and I helped him lie back on the pavement, my hands cupping over the wound.

“Lie still, I can fix this, I know I can.”  I took a shuddering breath, trying to gather my Grace to heal him before it was too late.

Raziel’s hands covered mine.  “It is too late for me, I’ve made my choice.”

“What…?”  My brow crumpled as I realized the full import of his sacrifice.  “I can fix you and then you’ll just be Fallen.  It’s not that bad, you might even like it.”  I smiled encouragingly, my hands starting to glow as I pushed my healing Grace into his wound, not bothering to try to ground myself, there wasn’t time.

Raziel grimaced in pain as the wound started to knit together, but slowly… too slowly.  “Merceline…” he groaned, letting go of my hand to place it over my heart.  “I choose… another path.”

“No…” I pushed harder, but his Grace flowed into me faster than I could give mine to him.  I felt it suffuse my entire body, more Grace than I’d ever absorbed before, and it made me dizzy.  I tried to pull away from the flow, but it was too overwhelming.

I couldn’t move.  In a paralyzed stupor as Raziel poured his lifeforce into me, my head swam, and I fought to stay conscious.

And then it eased and I could breathe again, the world spinning in a kaleidoscope of color as my body absorbed the Grace.  I became aware of a soft nimbus of golden light suffusing my skin, bright in the darkened parking lot.

At first I thought my eyes were playing tricks on me, my head still too spinny to hold a coherent thought in my brain, but I realized Raziel’s dying body started to crumble as though made of ash.  Even as Raziel’s hand fell away, it broke apart into chunks of glowing cinders, and I could do nothing but stare stupidly at him fading away into nothingness.  In mere seconds, the angel was nothing more than a pile of ash, the dying embers of his Grace winking out at last.

“What’s all the ruckus about?”

I heard Remiel’s drawl as he arrived on the scene, but I was too numb to so much as turn my head in his direction.  All I could do was stare at the smudge on the ground where Raziel had lain.

“Hey, you alright?”  Remy crouched down in front of me, waving his fingers in front of my face when I didn’t reply.  “What’s goin’ on?”

Tears slipped down the sides of my face as I tried to say the words that wouldn’t come.  I’d killed a man.  Not just a man, an angel.  My own guardian angel, in a way.  Hadn’t he been looking out for me?  Hadn’t he spent a year in a hell dimension for me?  And what had he done?  Given me the last of his Grace, sacrificing himself for me.  How could I live with myself?

“Hey… answer me.”  Remiel grabbed me by the shoulders and shook, drawing a soft cry of pain from my lips as he pressed on the cut at my shoulder.

“What the hell do you think you’re doing?” Parker yelled, keys in hand as he spotted us in the parking lot.  “Get away from her.”

“Hey, she called me, Cochise,” Remy scowled, making no move away from me in the slightest, though he did let go of my wounded shoulder.

“I said leave her alone.”  Parker’s voice grew low and threatening as he approached, but Remiel ignored him, patting me lightly on the cheek.

“What’s wrong, sugar?”

I focused on his eyes, the same bright blue as my own.  Or did I look different?  My skin still glowed like a lightning bug.  “He’s gone,” I murmured, no strength to my voice.

“Who’s gone?”

“One minute he was there and the next…” I swallowed back a wave of nausea as my head turned, sending a new wave of dizziness through me.

“Merce… are you okay?”  Parker crouched beside me, trying to get me to look at him, but I couldn’t tear my gaze away from the scorched remains of Raziel.

“I can’t believe he tried to kill me…”

“Kill you…?”  Parker choked on the word.  “Who tried to kill you?  Jesus, is that blood?”  I felt his fingers probe at the wound on my shoulder, but it didn’t hurt anymore.  Nothing hurt, I just couldn’t get back into my own head.  “Mercy, answer me.  Why are you glowing?  And who tried to kill you?”

“For Pete’s sake, will you shut the hell up?” Remiel scowled, waving absently at Parker who froze mid crouch.  “Now that’s more like it.  Gets so a body can’t even think no more, all that racket,” he muttered, pushing past him to haul me up to my feet.  “Listen to me, sweetheart.  You’re all addlepated, and I can guess why.  You got to pull yourself out of it or you won’t be makin’ sense.  Do you hear me?”

I heard him right enough, I just didn’t know how to do it.  Nodding weakly, I trusted him to keep me on my feet, my bones felt like they were made of rubber.

“You got to connect to the Earth again, y’hear?  Stomp your feet some, wake ‘em up.”  It sounded stupid, but I did as he instructed, stomping my feet in place.  Oddly enough, it did serve to shake me out of it.  “Good, now let some of that energy out of your head before it explodes, send it on down to Hades, you understand?”

How could I have forgotten?  I practiced my grounding techniques, picturing roots that extended from my feet into the Earth, sending the excess energy down until I started to feel a bit more in control.  Remy held me until I regained enough of my balance to stand up straight again, and I started to feel much better.  I still felt light headed, but at least I could think again.

“Why did you freeze Parker?” I frowned, realizing he still crouched in place beside us.

“He was on my last nerve, gettin’ you even more riled up.  I needed him to shut up so we could talk about what happened without him realizin’ what you are.”

“He already knows about me.”  I laid a hand on Parker’s cheek, not liking to see him so still even though I knew he’d be fine in a few minutes.

“You want me to make him forget?” Remy offered, and I shot him a sharp look.

“You can do that?”

“Sometimes,” he shrugged.  “It don’t always last for good, but I can make someone forget something short term most of the time.  It helps if someone’s seen somethin’ can’t be explained away by normal circumstances.”

“No, I don’t want him to forget.”  It was too nice not having to keep secrets from my closest friends.  I had to wonder though, could I do the same?  Would Daphne be better off forgetting about Sam?  At least for a while until the pain faded?  It killed me to see her in such misery, no doubt why Sam hadn’t stuck around to watch it himself.  I couldn’t think about that though, there were other pressing matters to discuss.

“You mind tellin’ me who bought the big one here?”  Remy nudged at Raziel’s ashes with the tip of his boot.

“It was Raziel.”  It hurt to say his name.  “I’d rather wait for Parker to wake up before I go through it all though, I don’t want to have to say it twice.”

“Suit yourself,” Remy shrugged, digging into the pocket of his jeans for a pack of matches, he lit up a cigarette.  I moved a couple of steps away to avoid the plume of smoke, deciding to try sitting again to avoid the worst of it, and to ease Parker’s mind when he woke up and found me in a different position.

Closing my eyes, I concentrated on taking slow, deep breaths, shaking off the last of the dizziness as my body adjusted to Raziel’s Grace.  With my eyes closed, I felt more in control, less distracted by the glow that lingered on my skin.  I felt different.  Stronger since the wooziness had worn off.

“Answer me, Merce.”  Parker unstuck, his anguish palpable, and my eyes popped open as I reached up to stroke the side of his face.

“It’s okay, I’m alright.   A little shaken up, but I survived it pretty unscathed.”

“But your arm…” Parker frowned, touching the sliced fabric at my shoulder, still stained with my blood, but I slipped it off to show him the smooth, unblemished skin beneath.

“It’s fine now, Raziel saw to that.”

“Raziel was here?  Did he chase away whoever was trying to kill you?”

“Not exactly.”  Taking a deep breath, I told my story gravely, stopping for questions as they popped up.

“Jesus Christ…” Parker brushed his hand over his face after I had nothing left to say.  “I can’t believe those fuckers actually came after you like that.”

“Christ ain’t got nothin’ to do with it.”  Remy shook his head.  “Am I the only one who sees this as a good thing?”

“A good thing?” I blinked.  “How do you figure that?  I’m on God’s hit list now.  How is that a good thing?”

“‘Cause I can pack up and go home now.  Ain’t no one can mess with you now, gorgeous.  You’re burstin’ with more power than any creature on this hunk of rock.”

“Pack up and go home?  Now that I know I’m marked for death?  That makes total sense.”  Except for not at all.

“Let him go, we don’t need him,” Parker said softly, laying his hand over mine.  “We can handle whatever else they send your way.”

“Y’all are missin’ the point here,” Remy interrupted.  “Yeah, He sent his boy out to put you down, but you represented.  Now they’ll know not to fuck with you.”  He nudged at Raziel’s remains again.  I really wished he’d stop doing that.

“You expect me to believe they won’t send anyone else after me?”  Somehow I couldn’t quite bring myself to accept that.

“So what if they do?  You put ol’ Raze down cold and that was before he hit you with his Grace.  Ain’t no angel stands a chance at takin’ you down now.”  Remiel’s grin stretched wide.

Only I hadn’t defeated Raziel at all.  He’d stepped into that final blow, I was sure of it.  If any other trained soldiers came after me, I wouldn’t stand a chance, Grace or no Grace.  That tiny tidbit I’d left out of my story though; I couldn’t stand the thought of bringing any shame to Raziel’s memory.  Not that I thought his sacrifice shameful at all, but the church’s stance on suicide was well documented, and I had to think they echoed that stance up above.

Then again, maybe Raziel didn’t have to worry about that or anything else anymore.  Did angels have souls?  Did they get into Heaven when they spent most of their lives up there, or did they go somewhere else?  Looking at the pile of ash, I couldn’t help but wonder if that was it for him.

“What about this?”  I waved my fingers through the air, watching the faint trail of light that glowed in the darkness.  “I can’t go walking around like this all the time.  People will freak out.”  Of course I could make myself dim and drift through life like a ghost the way Sam used to.  Not exactly a comforting thought.

“It’ll wear off.”  Remy shrugged, unconcerned.  “You’re already glowing less than you were when we got here.”

“I am?”  I stared at my arm, I couldn’t see any difference.

“Yeah, it’s a lot less noticeable,” Parker nodded, stretching up to a standing position and holding his hands out to help me up.  “Come on, I’ll take you home.  We can worry about what this all means in the morning.”  I put my hands in his and took the help up, not offering any objection when he wrapped a protective arm around my shoulders.

“Great, if you’ve got this I can get back to a sweet little somethin’ I was workin’ on.”

“So sorry my nearly getting killed put a damper on your night,” I muttered sourly.  Not that he’d done me a whole lot of good anyway.  If Raziel had been truly bent on killing me I don’t think I would have lasted long enough for him to get there.

“Don’t sweat it, sweetcheeks.”  He waved me off, missing the edge of sarcasm completely.  “If it’s all the same to you I think I’ll be headin’ for home soon though.  You don’t need me at your beck and call no more, you got this.”

“Because the craphole motel room is so much more appealing than Adam’s place?” My face scrunched up in confusion.  “Whatever, do what you want, you don’t owe me anything.”

“I ain’t goin’ back to the place we met, if you must know, missy,” he sniffed.  “I’m goin’ home.  I got my own place in Texas, I think it’s high time I head back there.”

“Oh.  Then you’re leaving, leaving.”  Somehow I couldn’t picture him owning property, but of course he’d had years and years to accumulate it, like Adam.  Just because he’d been living in squalor didn’t mean he didn’t have plenty of money stashed away for a rainy day.  “Well then, it was nice knowing you, Remy.  Thanks for all your help.”  I offered him a hand and he took it, pulling me off balance so that I tumbled closer to him, my other hand pressing up against his chest.

“You don’t got to look so sad, sweetness.  We’ll see each other again someday.  Until then, let me give you somethin’ to remember me by.”  Without any warning his lips descended over mine in a nicotine flavored kiss.  I heard Parker start to swear behind me, but before he could take a step, I blasted Remiel in the chest with my Grace, knocking him on his ass in an impressive shower of sparks.

“Not cool.”  I wiped the back of my hand across my mouth, feeling a little bad when I saw how far I’d thrown him.  “Shit, are you okay?”  I started forward, but Parker caught hold of my arm, keeping me in place.

“He got what he deserved.  Maybe next time you’ll think twice about how you treat a lady,” Parker simmered beside me.

“Damn, your claws got sharp.”  Remy rubbed at his chest with a groan.  “Sorry, my mistake,” he said, slowly pushing himself to his feet.  “I guess I learned my lesson.  Take care, kitty cat.  I’ll see you around.”  Still rubbing his chest, Remiel strolled away, his boots echoing on the pavement.

“Bye,” I called after him, my annoyance rapidly fading.  “Sorry.”  Remiel raised a hand, but didn’t turn around or quit walking.  “God, this is turning into the weirdest night…”

“You’re not wrong there,” Parker sighed.  “Come on, let’s get you home.”

I didn’t argue as Parker led me to his shiny, silver Camaro, slightly subdued as I still worked on processing everything that went down.  In my own little world, I tried to puzzle through what might be in store for me.  If I’d been part angel before… what was I since I had all of Raziel’s Grace swimming around inside of me?  Was I human at all anymore?  Would the skirts upstairs send another Angel of Death to try and kill me again?  Would they send an army?

Lost to deep thoughts, I didn’t notice right away when Parker turned off in the wrong direction.  Gradually, I looked past my reflection in the window to the street outside, my brows drawing together as I peered into the darkness.  “I thought you said you were taking me home?”

“I did, but I didn’t say whose home, did I?”

Chapter Twelve

In all the times I’d hung out with Parker, I’d never been to his place.  I sort of envisioned it as a James Bond type swank pad with a round bed, a bar that appeared as if by magic, and a fireplace that lit with the push of a button.  I knew he had money and I knew he liked the finer things in life, if his clothes and car were any indication.  Plus, he had a reputation as a player and I figured he’d want a place to impress the ladies.

That’s why I had no idea where the hell he had in mind as he pulled into one of the older neighborhoods about a twenty minute drive away from the club.  Mature trees and hedges lined the streets, mostly roomy Victorians and Craftsmans mixed with smaller bungalows, none of them looking like they’d been built in the past seventy years or more.  Turning down a narrow street, he signaled in front of a large, weathered Craftsman.  The windows dark and dingy; I couldn’t make out much more than decaying gray paint and rotting eaves above the front porch.

“You decided to take me to a haunted house?  It’s a little early for Halloween, isn’t it?”  My brow rose skeptically.

“Funny.”  Parker didn’t say anything else as he pulled past the house to a detached garage, hitting a remote clipped to the sun visor.  The door opened to reveal a newer building, half empty for the car and half full of construction equipment.  Everything from doors to drywall.

“This is your place?” I asked, following him up the steps to the rear of the house that opened into the kitchen.

“It’s all mine, lock stock and leaky plumbing.”  He tossed his keys onto the counter.  Actually, strike that, it wasn’t a counter exactly.  The kitchen was half torn apart, only the cabinets by the sink still in place.  A modern stainless steel fridge sat in the middle of the room blocking half of the cabinet doors though.  The “counter” he’d tossed his keys on was an old door set up on sawhorses functioning as a counter/table, littered with common kitchen objects.

“Wow, this place is um… it’s…”

“It’s a work in progress,” Parker admitted, eye sweeping the littered room.  “I bought it for a song though, and it’s coming along nicely.  Come on, I’ll show you the parts I’ve already finished.”

He took me through an equally battered formal dining room to the living room which actually looked pretty nice.  No peeling wallpaper in that room, the walls were painted a soothing sage green, the wood trim a crisp white.  Dark mahogany floors gleamed, warming the space up nicely.  A flat screen TV hung over the fireplace and a worn but comfy couch faced it.  No decorator touches like at Adam’s place, but it looked lived in.  “Hey, you did all this?  It’s nice.”

“All by my lonesome.”  A note of pride rang in his voice and I flashed him a smile.  It’s funny how you can know someone for years and not really know them.

“I didn’t realize you were so handy.”

“You know I’m good with my hands,” he winked, and I gave him the requisite roll of the eyes.  There it was, same old Parker.

“Now I know who to call if anything breaks in my apartment.”

“Anytime.  Come with me, I’ll show you the best part.”

I let him drag me up the creaky stairs, hoping I wouldn’t fall through a weak board at any moment.  Despite the squeaks and groans, the house seemed pretty solid though, and I followed him into the master bedroom.  The walls and floors were done in that room too.  The bed was messy, yesterday’s clothes lying in a heap.

“Sorry, wasn’t expecting guests.”  He kicked the mess into the closet and shut the door.

“And here I thought you always prepared for unexpected guests, in here of all places.”  I shot him a teasing grin, poking my head into the bathroom.  There was a room I could spend some major time in.  Refurbished in a period style, the old tile had been painstakingly restored, and a large framed mirror hung over the pedestal sink.  What drew the eye was the enormous clawfoot tub, the kind you can sink in up to your eyeballs, and I couldn’t help a lustful sigh.

With very little prompting, Parker shared the rest of the plans he had for the house.  There were four other bedrooms and a full basement, though it wasn’t finished.  He didn’t show me the other rooms and I assumed they were in rough shape like the rest of the house.  Taking me back down to the kitchen, he painted a picture of quartz counter tops and warm cherry cabinets.

“Do you even know how to cook?” I asked, as he went on about the six burner gas stove he’d ordered.

“That’s beside the point.  If you’re going to do something, you might as well do it right.”

“A good lesson in life,” I agreed, letting him lead me to the bottom of the stairs.

“Listen, why don’t you go up and get some rest?  You must be tired.”

“Trying to get me into your bed?” I raised a brow.  “Typical.”  I seriously thought about taking a dip in his bathtub though, but I wasn’t entirely convinced I wanted to spend the night.

Parker’s chuckled over my lame joke.  “It’s the best bed in the house, with or without me in it.”

“I’m not quite ready to sleep yet, so you go ahead if you’re tired.  I’ll just go sit on your couch and watch TV for a while.  You don’t mind, do you?  I’ll keep it low.”  I assumed not since he’d brought me over.

“I’ll stay up with you.”

“No, it’s late.  You go on up, I’ll be fine here.”  I didn’t feel tired at all, even though I’d been pretty wiped out after my shift at the club.  Raziel’s Grace must have zapped the fatigue away.

“Merce, I don’t have to be at the club until after four tomorrow, I think I can handle a late night.  Besides, I normally take a while to unwind after work, don’t you?”

“Yeah, I do,” I admitted.

“Good, then park it.”  He turned me by the shoulders and marched me to the sofa.  “Here, find something good on.”  He tossed me the remote, a rare move for a man in my experience.  “I’m gonna grab a beer, you want anything?  Coffee, tea, warm milk?”

Ugh, for warm milk…  “You wouldn’t happen to have any decaffeinated tea would you?”

“It so happens that I do.  Chai okay?”

“Very okay,” I nodded, settling into what would be my favorite spot on my own couch.  While I heard him pushing buttons on the microwave in the kitchen, I surfed through the channels with the fancy remote that showed me a preview of everything on.  Parker had every channel known to man and there were a few movies I wouldn’t mind catching the end of.  I settled on one with regency period costumes figuring he’d veto it when he joined me, but Parker didn’t bat an eye at my choice when he set our drinks on the coffee table.

“I think that one’s on demand this month if you want to start it over from the beginning,” he commented, dropping into the spot on the opposite end of the couch.  I scooted my feet out of the way to make room for him, but he picked them back up and set them on his lap once he was settled.

“No, I’m good, I’ve seen it before.”

“I have to say, I don’t get this movie.”

“I’m surprised you’ve even seen this movie.”

“It was on once while I was doing something else,” he shrugged.  “Like I said though, I don’t get it.  She’s in love with him, right?”

“Yep.”

“And he’s still in love with her, even though she broke his heart a long time ago, right?”

“Yep.  What’s not to understand?”

“So, what’s with all the dancing around it?  Why not ask her out?”

“Because they didn’t do things that way back then.”  I would have said more, but Parker picked up one of my feet and started massaging it absently.  Distracted by the action, I tried to pay attention to what he said.

“Okay, not ask her out then, but why not write her love letters or send her some posies or whatever shit they did back then?  Talk to her father or something?  He’s got money now, he’d make a good match or whatever her family’s looking for.  And her, she won’t even look at him most of the time.  It’s like she’s afraid of her own shadow.”  He shook his head in disgust.  “Those two deserve to be miserable if they won’t fight for what they want.”

He obviously paid attention the last time he’d watched the movie because that pretty much summed it up.   It wasn’t until the last ten minutes of the story that they admit their feelings for each other.  “Not everyone thinks they deserve a shot at happiness,” I replied, thinking that applied to more than the movie we watched.

“That’s a pile of crap.  Nobody gives you happiness, you have to go out and find it for yourself.”

I didn’t know what to say about that, and we fell to watching the movie, his hands still moving over my feet.

“That feels amazing,” I breathed after a while, sinking lower on the couch.

“Told you I was good with my hands.”  He gave me a lopsided grin across the couch, his hands moving higher over my ankle.

The romantic movie, a warm cup of tea, the subdued lighting, a massage… “Are you trying to seduce me?” I wondered aloud, losing a little of my calm.

“Why, is it working?”

“Parker…”

“Relax, angel, I’ll behave,” he chuckled, switching to my other foot.  “I won’t touch anything above the ankle unless you ask me to.”

“Thanks, I appreciate that.”

“But all you have to do is ask…”  His lips twitched as he returned his attention to the TV.

I did feel a lot more relaxed by the time the end credits ran, both from the soothing cup of tea and Parker’s magic fingers.  True to his word, he didn’t try anything else, just laid his arm across my ankles when he got tired of rubbing my feet.  When the last song faded, he switched off the TV.

“Sleepy yet?”

“No, not really,” I admitted, wondering if he’d suggest going up to bed again.  I wasn’t clear on the sleeping arrangements he proposed, but it was clear from what he said next he wasn’t thinking about that.

“Alright then, how about you fill me in on what really happened with Ben the last time you saw him?”

“Oh, you remembered that, huh?”  It seemed like a different night that Detective Santiago visited the bar looking for Ben.

“Yeah, something about that stuck with me.  So, let’s hear it,” he prompted, turning to face me better.

“Well, he sorta showed up at the rehearsal dinner and kidnapped me,” I began, hurrying through my narrative as best I could to downplay the danger.  Before I was halfway through the story, Parker was up pacing the length of the living room in agitation.  By the time I mentioned Lucifer, he looked ready to jump out of his skin and my words tumbled out faster, trying to set him at ease.

Parker looked nowhere close to ease when I finished though, fingers running through his hair as he leaned against the fireplace mantle as if to steady himself.  “God damn it, Mercy, you can’t keep stuff like that to yourself.  Shit… you just let him go after that?  And now he’s out there somewhere, maybe planning to come after you again.”

“He won’t.”  I sat up straight, flinching at the anger in his voice.  “The evil’s all out of him.”

“Because the devil told you so.”  His tone spoke volumes and I held my ground.

“No, I saw it myself.  I told you, Ben’s harmless.”

“Yeah, so harmless that he managed to dope you up and…”  His words fell away as distress got the better of him and I rose to take his hand.

“Hey, I’m fine.  He didn’t hurt me, he thinks he’s in love with me.”

“This time.  You understand what a guy like that will do in the name of love, right?” His eyes searched mine and I dropped my gaze, fully aware of what Ben might have done through the sick filter of his derangement.

“Yeah, I get it,” I said softly.  “It scared the hell out of me at the time.  But I got through it, and I really don’t think he’s out there planning anything else.  He probably just needed some time to get his head together after all the crap Azazael put him through.  Besides, Lucifer’s looking out for me in that respect.”

“And that’s supposed to make me feel better.”

“Parker…” I caught hold of his hand before he could get away.  “It’s over now, and I’m fine.”

He didn’t turn back to look at me, his voice tight with emotion.  “If anything happened to you…” I squeezed his hand when he didn’t say anything else and he looked back with a half smile.  “I think I’d go nuts, you know?”

“You’re a good friend.”  I used the word like a shield because we both knew it couldn’t be more, and I saw the realization of that in his eyes.

“Tell me the next time something big like that goes down, okay?  Friends do that.”

“I will, I promise.  I just didn’t want anyone to worry.”

“Christ, that’s what friends are for.”  He shook my hand lightly before letting go of it to pick up his beer, setting it back down again without drinking the warm dregs.  “I’d offer to move you in here to protect you, but something tells me you’d kick my ass for saying it.”

“Thanks, but you know I can take care of myself.”

“I know, but I’ll still worry.”

“Thank you,” I replied, thinking it was nice to have someone worry about me for a change.

“Well, it’s late.  I think we should hit the hay, and before you argue with me I’ll remind you that you’re sleeping for two,” he pointed out.

“Okay, but I’m not taking your bed.  I’ll be fine here on the couch.”

“Like I’m some kind of mook that makes you sleep on the couch?  I have a spare bed upstairs.  Come on, I’ll set you up with fresh sheets.”

“You do?” I blinked, wondering why that had been left off the tour.  I soon found out it was because the floor was covered in paper, the walls taped off for painting, the supplies piled in a corner.  The bed was covered in a plastic drop cloth, but it didn’t take long to get it made up in pristine white sheets and a spare comforter.

“The bathroom down the hall works, but it’s not pretty, so you can use mine if you want to.”  Parker scratched at the back of his head tiredly once the room was settled.  “Other than that…”

“Thanks, Parker.  I think I’ve got everything I need to get through the night.”

“How about you, little guy?”  He patted my stomach.  “Need anything else for the night?”

“I think we’re both fine, thanks,” I smiled at the thought.  “Are you alright in there, Bunny?”  I rubbed my belly and felt a flutter of movement.  “Oh… feel that.”  I grabbed his hand and placed it on the swell of my abdomen, holding my breath as I waited for it to repeat.

“What am I supposed to be feeling?”  Parker’s brows drew together in concentration as he strained to feel something.  “It just feels like you want a sandwich.”

“That’s because it’s not… oh, there, did you feel that?”  I moved his hand over a couple of inches, smiling at the silly grin that stretched across his face.

“Holy shit… there’s really something kicking around in there.”

“Of course there is.”  What did he think I had growing inside me?

“He’s a natural kicker… I’m gonna get him a soccer ball.  Or maybe a football.  He’ll need to develop defensive skills if you keep calling him Bunny,” he teased.

“Maybe she won’t mind so much,” I laughed as another flurry of movement seemed to support my statement.

“Amazing,” Parker breathed, and I glanced up to find him looking at me with undisguised longing.  For just an instant I wondered what it would be like to kiss him.  Not a hurried, sloppy kiss to convince a cop we were an item, but a real kiss.  Slow… lingering… I drifted closer to him, feeling that pull, before I realized what was happening and I turned away.

“It’s, um… it’s late.”

“Yeah,” he said, letting go of me abruptly.  “Yeah, I should let you rest.  I’ll see you in the morning.”

“Goodnight, Parker.  Thanks for everything.”

“Anytime, angel.”

Chapter Thirteen

“You’ve gotta help me.”  My brother Matt brushed right past me to flop onto my sofa the moment I opened my door.

“Nice to see you too, Matty.”  I shut the door, following him back inside.  “How’s married life treating you?”  I hadn’t seen much of him since the wedding, but I figured the last thing a newlywed wanted to do was hang out with his sister.

“Oriana’s driving me nuts.”

I bit back the I told you so that leapt to the tip of my tongue, sensing it wouldn’t be appreciated.  “What do you expect me to do about it?  You married her in sickness and in health for as long as there are stars in the sky, remember?”

“I know, I said it and I meant it.  But I need your help.”

“With what?”  If he wanted marriage counseling, he was barking up the wrong tree.

“I can’t keep bringing her to work with me, my boss is giving me looks every time he stops by and she’s there.”

I waited for him to say something else, but he didn’t elaborate.  “Then don’t take her to work with you.  Problem solved.”

“Yeah, but I can’t leave her home alone without her getting into everything.  You know how she is, she hasn’t lived in the world for… I’m not exactly sure how long.  I came home the other night and she’d shaved a hole in the carpet because she wanted to see what was under it.  I caught her just in time the other day before she drank the nasty old Windex under the sink because she loved the pretty blue color.  She’s set the microwave on fire twice now putting random things in there to see what would happen.  I’m afraid I’m gonna come home and find the building burnt to the ground one of these nights.”

It sounded worse than leaving a two year old alone at night.  I could see where he was going and I didn’t like the direction.  “She can’t stay here, you know I work most nights.”  Technically Nelo could chaperone, but I preferred not to go that route unless absolutely necessary.  His common sense skills were sometimes iffy themselves.

“No, what she needs is something to occupy her time when I’m not around.  Like a job or something.”

Personally, I was skeptical of Oriana’s employment skill set, not to mention her people skills, but I wasn’t sure what he wanted from me.  “What do you expect me to do about it, buy her a newspaper?  They advertise new jobs every day.”

“Yeah, but Oriana is… special, you know that.”

“That’s one way of putting it,” I agreed.  “What did you have in mind then?”  Because it was obvious he’d formed a plan in that head of his.

“Do you think you could get her a job at Eden?”  Matty gave me his ‘pretty please’ face, the one designed to wangle an extra cookie or scoop of ice cream when we were younger.

“Are you high?  You think a night club is the best place for Oriana to spend her nights?”

“Not just any club, your club.  That way you can sort of watch out for her and make sure she stays out of trouble.”

It was obvious he had no idea what was involved in being a bartender.  Most nights I barely had time to think, let alone watch over a problem waiting to happen like Oriana.  “It’s not my club.  Why aren’t you asking Parker about this?”  Probably because Matty knew he’d say no in a heartbeat.

“Yeah, but Parker will do whatever you ask.  Come on, sis, please?  For me?  For my sanity?”

I let out a long breath, knowing he’d never let up until I caved.  “Alright, I’ll ask him, but that’s all.  If he says no, you’re on your own.”

Of course, that was easier said that done.  Business was booming that night, and it was almost closing time by the time I found a good opportunity to get Parker alone, buttering him up by bringing him a drink in his office.

“Parker, do you have a minute?”

“Always,” he looked up with a smile.  “What’s up, darlin’?”

“I don’t suppose you could do me the teensiest little favor…” I slid the drink across the desk towards him, perching on the inside corner.

“Uh oh… should I get out my wallet or my car keys?”

“Oh, neither.  This is more a generosity of spirit.”

“You’re out of luck then.”  He leaned back in his seat with the drink, and I think he might have been checking out my legs before his eyes swung back up to me.

“Come on, you don’t even know what I’m going to ask you for yet.”

“True.  What is it then?”

“Give Oriana a job.”

“No dice.”  He sat up straight in the chair, turning away from me to face his computer again.

“Please…?  You can fire her if she doesn’t work out, like any other new hire, but give her a chance.”

“Oh, I can, can I?  It’s that easy, is it?” he snorted.  “Does she have ID?  A social security number?  A food handler’s license?”

“Um…”

“I’m running a legitimate business here, Merce.  I need those things for any new hire.”

“What if I could get them?”  Finch said I could call him if I wanted anything like that, I was sure he could get Oriana what she needed if the price was right.

“Do I even want to ask?”

“No, it’s probably for the best if you don’t.”

“Alright, if you get those things, and if she comes in and applies like anyone else, I’ll give her a shot.  But if she flips out on any of the customers she’s out the door.”

“Oh thank you, thank you, thank you!” I threw my arms around his shoulders in an excited hug, delivering a noisy kiss to his raspy cheek.  “You are the best boss in the universe, you know that?”

“Not so fast.”  He pulled me onto his lap, wrapping his arms around my hips.  “You’re in charge of training her then.  Jilly and Kara have too much on their plates to break in a new girl with zero experience.”

“I can do that, no problem.”

“And if she doesn’t work out, you are the one to show her to the door, not me.”

“Okay.”  I was a little less thrilled about that, but I went with it.  “Anything else?”

“You know, I couldn’t help but notice…” Parker’s voice became a seductive purr, his hand curving over the flare of my hip, leaving tingles in its wake.

“Yeah?” I breathed, leaning into that touch just a little, even knowing it was a bad idea.

“Is it just me or do you weigh like a ton now?  How many kids you got in there, anyway?”  Fingers poked at my sensitive sides and I squealed, throwing in a punch to his shoulder for good measure.

“Oh, you’re gonna get it for that.”

“Ow, you already got me,” he groaned.  “You pack quite a punch for a pregnant chick.”  He let go of me to rub at his shoulder.  I had to remember how much stronger I was after the last burst of Grace or I’d end up really hurting someone without meaning to.

“Maybe that’ll teach you a lesson in how to treat a lady, pregnant or not.”

“Hey, I only kid because I love.” His hands came up in a supplicating gesture.

“You have a funny way of showing it.”

“You won’t let me show you the fun way.”  He waggled his eyebrows playfully and we shared a laugh.  It felt nice to flirt with him, both of us knowing there might be a little more to it lingering just beneath the surface, but with no pressure to expose it from either side.

Aware that I still sat across his lap, I pushed myself to my feet with less poise than I’d have liked.  I stuck my tongue out at him from a safe distance across the room.  “Love you too, boss.”  I grinned, ducking out of there before I started to wonder what it would be like to let him show me the fun way for a change.

* * *

Oriana as a waitress was a complete bust.

Parker held up his end of the bargain when I brought her in complete with shiny new documents thanks to Mr. Finch.  For some reason I didn’t mind using Adam’s money to pay for Finch’s services, which were considerably expensive, seeing as how Oriana never would have followed us out of Midian if he hadn’t made the idiotic deal with Raum in the first place.

Oriana grasped the concept of waiting tables easily enough.  Take people’s orders, bring their drinks, collect the money.  Even if she didn’t recognize many of the drinks, she proved to have an incredible memory for even the most complicated of orders.  The trouble was… she was a little light on follow through (if a little light meant hopeless).

Anytime the music caught her fancy, she’d abandon her job mid task to join the throng of people on the dance floor, swaying with her own particular style of dance.  No matter how close an eye I kept on her, she had a habit of losing her shoes too, preferring to remain barefoot.  Plus, we had complaints about some of her inappropriate comments (I personally had to pour one woman a free drink when Oriana declared she didn’t serve harlots).

Parker was as understanding as he could be.  In fact, he kept her a full night longer than I would have before pulling the plug and I had to give her “the talk”.

“Oriana, I need to talk to you.”  I approached her out on the floor and she smiled wide.

“I welcome your thoughts, sister.”

“Oriana, when we hired you here, it was on a trial basis to see how it works out,” I began, trying to remember all the things I hated about being fired so I was sure not to repeat them.  It wasn’t her fault she was so easily distracted.

“Yes, I know,” she nodded earnestly.  “I wasn’t at all certain I would enjoy working, but I find it very stimulating.  Especially the colors.”  Her eyes went to the swirl of lights on the dance floor, and I could tell she wasn’t listening to me anymore.

“Oriana…  How about we go into Parker’s office so we can talk in private?”  She followed me dutifully to his office, her face open and friendly, making me feel about an inch high for giving her the sack.  Parker flashed me a thumbs up on the way and I resisted the urge to stick my tongue out at him again.

Once inside the office with the door closed, I found it easier to hold her attention.  “Like I was saying, we wanted to try and see if it would work out, but I don’t think it’s a good fit.”

“I think I fit very well.”  Oriana twirled around, the black skirt she wore as part of the club uniform fanning out in a circle of fabric.  “Though I don’t care much for the color.”

“No, that’s not what I meant.”  I caught hold of her elbows before she pirouetted again.  “Oriana, I don’t think being a waitress is the best job for you.”

“No?”  Her eyes widened, and I wasn’t sure how she took that statement.

“No.  In fact, I think maybe I should try to help you find a different job.”

“Then… I wouldn’t work here with you anymore?”

“No, I’m afraid not.”  I waited for the weepy tears from the sensitive girl, but instead she threw her arms around my neck in a brief hug before dancing a jig of happiness.  “So you, um… you’re okay with not working here then?”

“In truth I’m quite relieved, sister,” she replied confidentially.

“You are?”

“Oh yes.  When Matty explained how much you needed me to work here I was willing to set aside my reservations in order to do my part, as he said, but I confess, I dread each night of my servitude to Eden.”

“Servitude?”  What exactly had Matty said to her?  “Oriana, we don’t want to force you to work here.  I had no idea you hated it so much, you always looked like you were having a good time.”

“I enjoy some of the music and the colors that paint the walls and floor, but I dislike binding my feet, and the voices get so loud I am easily confused,” she admitted.

“It can get pretty loud out there,” I agreed.  “Why don’t you relax in here for the rest of the shift?  I’ll drive you home tonight and we’ll see if we can’t figure out something else for you to do that you might be better suited for.”  Parker might not like her hanging out in there, but he’d made me the boss for the night, I made an executive decision.

“Thank you, sister, I would like that very much.  Then we can have tea and treacle tarts while the stars sing.”

“Um… yeah, that sounds like fun,” I smiled faintly.  Just when I thought I could have a mostly normal conversation with her, things like that came out of her mouth and I was reminded how alien she was.

“Merceline…”  She caught at my hand as I turned to go.  “Bide a moment.”

“I have to get back to work, I really don’t have time to… bide.”  I tugged lightly at my hand, but she held tight to it.

“Your light grows.”

“You noticed that, huh?”  Ever since the glow of Raziel’s Grace faded I didn’t think anyone could tell.  But Oriana wasn’t just anyone.

“As does the child’s, let the heavens tremble.”

“Oh… well, I don’t think they have to tremble exactly, it’s just a harmless baby.  Unless… Oriana, can you See the baby in there?”

Oriana’s head canted to one side, her brow crumpled in confusion.  “I can not see through flesh.”

“Not with your eyes, but with your gift.  You know, can you see if the baby is normal or…”

“What is it you seek to know?”

“I want to know where the baby came from.”

“This I know.”  Her face lit up in happiness.  “When a man and a woman feel love within their hearts, that desire turns carnal and…”

“No,” I stopped her before she launched into her twisted version of the birds and the bees.  “I know where babies come from.  I want to know where this baby came from.  I already know it can’t be Adam’s.”

“How do you mean?”

I’d obviously stumped her, but how to explain an ultrasound?  “The doctor told me the baby was conceived in November, while Adam was away.  I wasn’t physically intimate with anyone else…” I waited for her to make the connection, but she stared at me blankly.  “I want to know how the baby was conceived.”

“But the child is Adam’s.”

“No, he wasn’t there at the time.  It couldn’t be his, and it’s not growing at an abnormal rate.”

“Your love transcended physical space.”

“Huh?”  She lost me.

“Did he never come to you in dreams?”

“Dreams aren’t real, they’re…”  And all at once I figured it out.  “The Ether.  Sam did say once to be careful what happened there.”  I remembered the knife I’d pulled out of the Ether once when Azazael attacked me.  Maybe I’d pulled something else out after my nights with Adam?

“Fear not, the child surely will know love from both of you.”

“I fail to see how with him gone all the time.  Wait… do you think he’ll come back then?”

“The future is ever shifting, it is difficult to cast one’s eye on it with certainty.  But his love for you both is real enough.”

“Right.”  I let out a long breath.  No one would ever love me as much he did, that was his promise to me.  Right before he promised never to leave me again.  “I’d better get back to work now, I’ll see you at the end of my shift.”

Somewhat subdued, I returned to my spot behind the bar, eager to be distracted by work.

“How did it go?” Parker asked, sidling up to me.

“Not too bad.  It turns out she didn’t like working here anyway.”

“What’s wrong with working here?”  His forehead puckered in dismay and I couldn’t help but smile.

“You wanted her gone, right?  Well, she’s gone, after tonight anyway.  I told her she could hang out in your office for the rest of the night.”

“I pay competitive wages,” Parker muttered, pouring himself a beer.  “With benefits.  Not too many clubs I know of offer employees health benefits.”

“You could go and talk her into staying if it bothers you so much,” I teased, distracted by the sight of Luz slinking her way through the crowd, dressed in a fire engine red dress that hugged her ample curves.  Her long dark hair spilled loose over one shoulder, pinned back with a jeweled comb.

“Wow, you look dressed to kill,” I greeted her.  “You got a hot date tonight?”

“Maybe, we see how things go.”  Her eyes were on Parker as she spoke, but instead of his usual playful flirtiness, he gave her a polite smile.

“Excuse me, ladies, I have to go play waitress seeing as how we’re short handed tonight.  Nice to see you again, Luz, you look good.”

I might have been mistaken, but I thought I saw disappointment flash across her features as Parker walked away.  “What can I get you to drink?  It’s on me,” I offered, and she gave me a grateful smile that didn’t last long, her eyes darting back to Parker from time to time.  I didn’t ask her anything else while I got her drink, figuring if she wanted to talk about it she would.

“I think I messed things up with Parker,” she said finally.

“I thought you broke up with him.”  That was the way Parker spun it at least.

“Not officially, we just stopped seeing each other as frequently.  Is he seeing someone else?”

I’d done my best to stay out of their relationship, given my complicated connection to Parker.  I didn’t like being dragged into the middle of it, even if she was my friend.  “He told me he’s taking a break from dating right now.”

“Ah.”  Luz took the news well.  Maybe it made her feel less of a sting at his indifference.  “Maybe I let him cool off a bit more before I try again.”

“Does this have anything to do with Remiel leaving town?”  I hazarded a guess, the slight widening of her eyes giving me my answer.

“Do you know where he went?”

“He told me he was going back to his place in Texas.”

“Oh.”  That news was less encouraging to her.  “I should have known he wouldn’t stick around.  He never does,” she sighed into her drink.

“It does seem to be a recurring theme with angels.”  I had to agree.

“I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to bring that up.”  Her face contorted with sympathy.

“It’s alright, I’m getting used to it.”  Not that I was jumping up and down with happiness over Adam’s absence, but I didn’t spend my nights crying into my pillow over him either.

“I think I’d better go.”  She slid off the barstool.  “Talk to you soon?”

“Yeah, we’ll get together,” I promised, but to tell the truth my heart wasn’t really in it.  Sure, she was great to sound out my pregnancy questions with, but after the way she’d thrown Parker over when Remiel crooked his finger, I admit I lost a bit of respect for her.  Plus, I missed sharing all my secrets with Daphne.

The rest of the night passed without incident, but Parker insisted on escorting Oriana and me to my car, just in case the Big Guy got any bright ideas about sending someone else after me.  It was easier to let him do it than explain that he’d be nothing but target practice if an actual angel showed up, glowing sword and all.

Oriana dropped to her knees just after we stepped onto the parking lot, eyes resolutely on the ground.

“What the…?”  I traded looks with Parker as we went back a couple of steps for her.  “Come on, Oriana, it’s late.  You can pray or whatever you’re doing after I get you home.”

“He comes,” Oriana replied, her voice barely above a whisper as she leaned forward to press her forehead to the ground.

“Who’s coming?”  Parker looked up to the empty sky, but the source of her fear came from another direction entirely.

“Hello m’lovely,” Raum smiled, stepping out from behind the building.

Chapter Fourteen

“The man himself.”  I offered Raum a tight smile, wondering if I could manage to grab both Parker and Oriana and fly away quicker than he could attack.  Probably not.

“Fetching as always I see,” he said, grinning like a loon.  “And my sweet witch, at least you remember some things.”  His head bobbed in acknowledgement of her position on her knees.

“Who is this joker?” Parker muttered, stepping in front of me protectively.

“This would be Raum, Demon Lord of Midian.”  Even though I’d tangled with Raum before and lived to tell the tale, his black demony eyes still creeped me out.  He hadn’t lost his manners though, nor his friendly demeanor.

“At your service,” he sketched a quick bow.  “Now then, we’ve a long way to travel, so chop chop.”  He clapped his hands at Oriana like she was a trained poodle.

“You’re not taking her with you, she’s part of my family now.”  Even though he scared the crap out of me and I couldn’t use my Grace on him, I had other options at my disposal.

“You want to play?  How delightful.”  He focused on me, his smile stretching wider.  “I have enjoyed our games in the past.”  He shivered with anticipation, “Most invigorating.”

“I’ll give you invigorating…” I called forth my sword, the glow bright under the dim parking lot lights.  “Parker, can you please take Oriana inside for me?”  I circled around to give myself a clear shot at Raum’s neck.

“I’m not leaving you out here with him,” Parker started to say, and I lost my temper.

“Now!”  Extending my wings, I spread them wide to fill the space, counting on the spectacle to impress them both.  Momentarily stunned, Parker stared at me open mouthed, making no move to take Oriana to safety.  “Parker, will you move it?” I hissed, and he nodded, practically dragging Oriana to the club door.

“Lovely,” Raum clapped his hands together, “but not much of an advantage in a fight, I think.”

“Oh, I don’t know.”  I lifted myself into the air about four feet above him.  “There’s something to be said for taking the high ground.”  Actually he had a point.  With me up in the air I actually felt more vulnerable, my legs and abdomen easier targets.  But I hoped he’d follow suit so I could lead him away from my friends.  You know that saying, be careful what you wish for?

“Well then, let’s tussle, shall we?”

All I caught was a flash of dark wings and Raum launched himself at me.  Panicking, I let go of the sword in my haste to get out of the way and the chase was on.  Parker’s voice echoed after me, but I couldn’t spare him a look back.  Hard pressed to keep ahead of Raum, I tried some evasive maneuvers, but I ended up slowing myself down.  Why had I decided to bluff my way out of there on wings anyway?

Raum caught me easily and we both plummeted towards the ground, saved at the last moment from cracking our heads open by his ugly, black wings.  We stood on a high school gymnasium rooftop overlooking tennis courts.  “Now then, m’lovely.  How’s about a nice taste?”

I tucked my wings away for the moment, needing to think fast.  He hadn’t seemed alarmed at the sight of my sword at all, and my skills were only so-so.  That meant I had to come up with something else.  “If I give you taste, will you let Oriana go?”

“It might put me in a benevolent mood.”  His head inclined slightly (as if I believed any promises he might make, ha!).

“Just one taste…”  My hand came up hesitantly as he advanced.  “That’s all.”

“For now.”  Raum backed me up against the edge of the roof and I pressed at his chest weakly.  “Oh yes, it’s so much better when you resist.”  His lips curled back to reveal sharp teeth, but this time, I wasn’t afraid.

He wanted a taste, I’d give him a taste.

I hit him with a blast of Grace, strong enough to make his head spin, and while he reeled back with the power of that gift, I flipped him onto his back the way I’d seen Sam wrangle a demon.  In a flash I had my sword pressed against his neck, pleased to see him hiss against the pain as the flesh burned wherever it touched him.  “Now then, m’lovely.”  I pressed harder, the sharp blade growing slick with dark blood.  “You’re not coming after her anymore.  Say it.”

Raum licked his lips, trying to inch away from the blade, but I held him fast, my strength easily outmatching his, to my great surprise.  “Be reasonable, pet…”

“Say it!”  Done playing with him, I brought the sword up, neatly skewering him through the shoulder and into the deck of the roof by a few inches.

“I’ll not come for her again, Mistress,” Raum blanched, face contorted with pain, or was that fear?

“Or for me, or any of my friends.  We are all off limits to you or the next time I see you, we’ll have a new kind of playtime.”  I twisted the sword a fraction to make my point, gratified to see beads of sweat pop out across his brow.

“As you wish, Mistress.”

“And before you get any bright ideas.”  I released the sword, taking a gamble.  Placing my hand over his chest, I gathered my Grace the way I’d seen Sam dispatch Cephas.  “I don’t need the sword to take care of you at all.  So, unless you feel like visiting wherever it is your kind goes when you’re abjured…”

“Understood, Mistress.  Loud and clear,” he swallowed, breathing easier without the sword through his shoulder.  “I am your humble servant.”

“Leave before I change my mind.”  I backed off, watching warily for any sign of reprisal, but Raum scuttled back on all fours, much more eager to get away from me than attack.

“Thank you, Mistress.”  Raum bobbed his head once he regained his feet.  “And if I may say so, your cunning power is only rivaled by your beauty.”

Shooing him off with a wave of my fingers, I watched him jump from the rooftop, landing light as a cat on the ground far below.  With a jaunty salute, he turned and loped off in the direction of The Honey Pot.

Letting out a shuddering breath, I took a moment to regroup, thanking my lucky stars that hadn’t turned bloodier and wondering how long Raum’s submissive stint would last.  I had to get back though, Parker was probably going out of his mind with worry.

“Are you guys in here?”  I pushed open the door to the club, glad to see Oriana inside looking bored while Parker paced on his cell phone.

“Mercy!”  Parker hung up on whoever, stalking towards me with determined steps.  Afraid he might launch into another lecture about taking risks, I talked fast.

“Hey guys, I took care of Raum.  I’m sorry if I scared you, but I had to get him away from here.  I’m fine, I…”  My words were cut off as Parker pulled me in his arms and kissed me full on the mouth.  More than a little surprised by the move, I opened my mouth to… I don’t know what I might have done, because suddenly protesting didn’t seem so important anymore.  The next thing I knew, I was kissing him back, completely losing myself in the moment.

It was electric.

Maybe it had something to do with the adrenaline high or maybe it was just something about the way he held me tight, but my heart beat crazy fast and I completely forgot where we were.  We were both breathing hard by the time the kiss came to a close and he looked just as shaken as I felt by what he’d done.

“Glad you’re okay,” he said finally, fingers untangling from my hair.

“Yeah,” I nodded, releasing the tight grip I had on his shirt.  A little dazed, I jumped back guiltily as Oriana approached.  “Um, are you alright, Oriana?  Raum won’t bother you any more, I made sure of it.”  Sure my face was beet red from how hot under the collar I felt, I tried to look at anything but Parker until I got my hormones in check.  “Oriana?” I asked again when she didn’t reply.  Maybe she was more traumatized by Raum’s appearance than I’d thought?

“Can we stop for ice cream on the way home?”

* * *

“You’re absolutely sure this Raum guy has given up?”  Matty wrapped his arms around Oriana’s delicate shoulders in a protective embrace.  We’d decided to have an impromptu debriefing at my apartment including Daphne, who Parker’d been on the phone with when I got back to the club.  Nelo was out for the night, something he’d started to do with growing regularity, exploring our small corner of the world under the cover of darkness.

“There’s always a chance he’s got something else up his sleeve, but he’d be stupid to do it.  I think we’re good though, he knows what I can do to him,” I replied, relishing the memory of the fear on his face.

“Do you really think you could do that banishing thing?” Daphne asked, and I shrugged.

“I have no idea, but it scared the crap out of Raum.”

“I still think you should have killed him when you had the chance,” Parker said more to himself than anyone else.  He’d been uncharacteristically quiet since the kiss, and I couldn’t help but wonder what he was thinking.  Did he regret it?  Would he push to take our friendship to the next level?  Did I want him to?  Forcibly, I turned my thoughts back to the conversation at hand.

“Maybe, but it might come in handy to have a demon lord in my back pocket some day.  For the time being at least, I think we’re in the clear.”

Matt looked relieved, and I hoped I wasn’t proven wrong.  “Great, then we can go home and get some rest.”  He kissed Oriana on the cheek and she turned to him, her face alight with excitement.

“Matty, I have the most wonderful news!”

“What’s that?”

“I am no longer bound to serve at Eden!”

It took him a moment to figure out what she meant before his eyes narrowed at me and Parker.  “It wasn’t working out, Matty,” I said hastily while Parker nodded beside me.

“On an epic scale.”

“What are we supposed to do now?”  My brother scowled, and I couldn’t blame him.  Oriana was as sweet as the day was long, but definitely a handful.

“Why doesn’t she get a job at that witchy store?” Daphne suggested brightly.  “You know, the one where I found that crystal unicorn.”

“I love unicorns!” Oriana clapped her hands in delight and Parker leaned over to whisper in my ear.

“She’ll definitely fit into that crowd better.”

The warm flutter of breath by my ear sent a frisson of awareness through me that I don’t think would have been there even the day before, and I struggled to keep my face from showing anything as I pointed out the obvious.  “We don’t even know if they’re hiring.”

“You could find out though, you’re friends with those witches,” Matty reminded me.

“I’d say Parker’s more friendly with them than I am.”  I raised a brow at Parker and he put his hands up.

“Never listen to gossip.”

“It’s not gossip, you dated Luz for weeks.”

“In my distant and jaded past.”

“Not so distant,” I reminded him and Daphne interrupted to offer her help.

“I’ll make some calls around tomorrow.  Don’t worry, Oriana, I’m sure we can find you something that’s more up your alley.”

“I would prefer not to work in an alley,” Oriana replied earnestly.  “I find them dank and depressing.”

“Right,” I nodded.  “Well, you two should head on home.  Like Matty said, it’s getting late.”

“But we can still hang out and catch up, right?”  Daphne surprised me by asking and I gave her a warm smile.  I’d missed our time together.

“Of course, for as long as you want.”

“I guess maybe I should…” Parker hesitated, waiting for me to fill in the blank about whether he should stay or go.

“I’ll walk you out,” I offered, not that it was particularly hard to find the front door.  “Hey Daph, why don’t you put on the kettle?”

At the door Parker lingered, leaning against the doorframe.  “You don’t want me to stick around?”

Seeing as how there was a serious disconnect on what I wanted to do with what I should do, I decided to pass on the offer.  “I have some catching up to do with Daphne, but I’ll see you tomorrow, okay?”

There was more he wanted to say, I could tell, but all he came up with was, “So… we’re good then.”

“Yeah, it’s fine.”

His eyes dropped to my lips and I thought he might try to kiss me again.  “You’re sure.”

“I’m sure, we’re… good.”  Too good maybe.

“Good.”

“G’nite, Parker.”  I leaned up to kiss his cheek and he turned into it, catching my lips instead for a brief kiss.  “Sneak,” I chastised him lightly as I pulled away.

“See you tomorrow, darlin’,” he grinned, light on his feet as he headed for the stairs.

I was still smiling like a goober when I rejoined Daphne in the kitchen.  She already had the mugs out and the cocoa mix poured.

“What’s going on with you and Parker?”

“What do you mean?” I hedged, not quite sure how to answer the question until I understood the context.

“You kept watching each other when the other one wasn’t looking.  It was like a dysfunctional tennis match.”

“We were?  Huh,” I replied, stirring my cocoa when she poured the hot water.

“Huh?  That’s all you have to say?  Now I know there’s something going on,” she grinned, her face coming alight like the Daphne I remembered.  “Go on then, spill.”

“Things between us have been a little… I don’t know, different ever since he proposed.”

“Different bad?”

“No, not bad… just different.  No, I take it back, they were still pretty normal right after he proposed.  It was after I spent the night at his place.”

“Come again?”  Her eyes widened, the spoon falling out of her hand with a clatter.

“Not like that,” I laughed, filling her in on all the details.  Once I started talking, I realized I’d been holding back a lot since her problems with Sam hit supernova.

“Wow.”  She set down her empty mug after I finished.  “Why didn’t you tell me any of this stuff before?”

“Well, you know, you were busy with Sam for a long time and now you’re going through your own stuff.  I didn’t want to add to your load of problems.”

“And I didn’t even notice any of this going on around me,” she said, shaking her head.  “I’m sorry I got so caught up in my own life that I wasn’t there for you, Mercy. I want to know when the big stuff happens in your life, especially now.”  I knew she meant since Sam was gone.

We’ve all done it.  Been completely wrapped up in a guy and totally blown off friends and family until it ended, and then suddenly you become the most attentive friend ever.  I didn’t blame her for wanting to fill the void Sam left behind and I didn’t begrudge her the time she’d had with him.  I probably would have blown her off a time or two when Adam was around, if I’d been able to get him to stick around for longer than five minutes.

“It’s alright, you have your own life.  I don’t expect you to drop everything every time something crazy happens in my life.  How are you holding up?”  I changed the subject, because I could see her starting to go down a shame spiral for leaving me in the lurch.

“I never realized how much time I spend alone in my apartment, you know?” Daphne let out a long sigh.  “Like… I didn’t used to be this lonely before I met Sam, so why does it feel like I spend so many hours of the day missing him?”

“I know exactly what you mean.  After Adam left it felt like the nights got twice as long.”

“But not anymore?”

Interesting question.  “It’s getting easier.  I still miss him, but the longer he’s gone…” I shook my head.  “How can I love a man who keeps abandoning me?”  Didn’t I deserve better than that?

“But he only left to protect you.”

“And they still sent the Angel of Death to kill me.  Sounds like a pretty stupid plan if you ask me.  If he really wanted to keep me safe, he would have stuck around.  Or at least shown up after I killed Raziel.”  Remiel had to have filled him in on that little tidbit when he gave up his protection detail.

“I can’t believe Raziel came after you like that.  You know, I thought Sam was being melodramaculous when he left, but now…”

“Now you can see it’s the real deal,” I nodded grimly.

“What are you going to do if they send someone else after you?”

“I can’t worry about that right now.  All I can do is worry about this little one.”

“Then you’re not freaked out about the baby anymore?”

“Of course I am.”  My hand settled protectively over my growing belly.  “But I’m getting used to the idea.  Listen, I signed up for a child birthing class on Monday nights, you want to come with me?”

“Sure, that sounds like fun, what time?”

Her definition of fun and mine differed greatly, but I was glad to have her on board.  We talked about the time and location and descended into gossip about movies we’d seen; all that meaningless stuff that means so much in a friendship.

“Do you think he’ll ever come back?” Daphne asked out of the blue as we cleared the dishes into the kitchen.

“Sam?”

“Yeah.”

I wanted to say something to take away that hurt puppy look from her face, but at the same time, I couldn’t give her false reason to hope.  “I think he loves you, but no, I don’t think he will.”

“That’s what I thought too.”

“Face it, Daph, maybe we’re not destined to be with angels, Fallen or otherwise.  There’s probably a good reason why it’s forbidden, but damned if I can figure out why.”

“It’s a stupid rule,” she frowned, setting her mug in the sink and I couldn’t help but agree.  “Does that mean you’re going to give Parker a chance?”

I looked down to where Adam’s ring still sat on my finger.  “I don’t know.”

Chapter Fifteen

“Thanks for doing this, Parker, especially on such short notice.”  I smiled as we left the car in the community center parking lot.

“No big deal, I’m happy to do it,” he brushed off my thanks, two fluffy pillows in hand.  Daphne had made it to the first two child birthing classes with me, but got called in to work unexpectedly the final night when partners were recommended.

“Are you sure it’s okay, you leaving the club like this?”

“It’s fine.  I do take nights off, you know.”

“Yeah, but usually I’m there to keep an eye on things,” I reminded him.

“Oh, so now you think you’re indispensible to me, do you?”

“Aren’t I?”  I batted my eyelashes at him playfully.

Parker pulled the glass door open for me.  “Get inside before I recover my good sense and kick you to the curb.”

“Hey, you don’t need to come with me if you don’t want to.”

“I want to, now scoot.”  He swatted me on the behind with one of the pillows and I darted inside.  We were running late and all the other couples were already there, sitting next to each other, chatting amiably.

“Oh, you brought your fiancé this time!  Welcome, I’m Kitty.”  The instructor greeted us and I flashed Parker a look.  “And you are?”

“Parker.  Glad to be here, Kitty.”  Parker returned her grin, clasping her offered hand.

“Have a seat, kids, we’re about to start.”

We took a seat in the corner of the room, facing the monitor set up in the middle of the room to show us the miracle of birth.  The movie was dated and grainy, and definitely didn’t sugar coat the process at all.

“That is disgusting,” Parker whispered, leaning close.

“What, the blood?  It’s not worse than anything in a sci-fi movie.”  I didn’t figure him for the squeamish type.

“No, that part’s tame.  I’m talking about all the hair.  Haven’t any of these people heard of personal landscaping?”

I suppressed a smile.  “It was the seventies, everybody looked like that back then. I would have thought you’d remember.”

“I’m not that much older than you,” Parker muttered, a disgruntled pout on his face.

“Of course not, Grandpa.”  I patted his knee with a condescending smile.

After the movie, we retrieved a yoga mat from a pile in the corner of the room and spread out.  “Get comfy on the mats now, mommies in front with daddies supporting from behind,” Kitty instructed.

“Kinky,” Parker murmured, and I stepped on his foot accidentally on purpose.

“We’re going to practice some massage techniques to relieve low back pain during labor.  Now, there’s no real wrong way to do this.  You’ll want to apply firm pressure, yes, like that.”  Kitty circulated through the room helping couples figure out what to do.  I began to see the need for partners for the class.

“Do I have permission to touch you above the ankle?” Parker asked politely.

“You do,” I nodded, tensing a little when I first felt his hands on me, but very quickly I relaxed under his care.

“How does that feel, darlin’?” he asked, scooting closer to change the angle and I suppressed a groan of pleasure.

“That feels wonderful.  Where did you learn to do that?”

“I dated a girl in massage school.  She needed me as a guinea pig to practice on, I picked up a few tips.  You like?”

“I like…” I nodded, enjoying the feel of his strong hands spreading warmth and relaxation.

“Let her know you’re there for her.”  Kitty continued her coaching.

“I’m here for you,” Parker parroted, and I caught the hint of a smirk in my peripheral vision.

“Tell her what a great job she’s doing.”

“You are doing a bang up job… sitting there doing nothing,” he added and I elbowed him discreetly.

“Daddies take your cues from your mommies.  She will guide you to what she wants.  If she wants her back rubbed, she’ll let you know.  If she doesn’t want to be touched, then don’t touch her.  Each birth is unique and there is no right or wrong way to experience it.”

“So, tell me, angel…” Parker’s voice sounded low and intimate at my ear.  “Do you want me to touch you?”

All manner of images flashed through my dirty mind that had nothing to do with the childbirth experience.  Did I want him to touch me… right at that moment I didn’t want him to stop.  “I… um…”

“Tell me what you want.”  His lips dragged across my cheek and I felt myself turning instinctively towards them.  “Guide me to what you need.”

I hardly knew…

“Very good, kids!  Alright, we’ll open the floor up to some questions and answers now.”  Just like that, massage time passed and I was spared having to answer.  I leaned back against Parker’s solid chest, feeling very comfortable with the way his arms draped around my shoulders.

Most of the questions were ones I knew the answers to from hours spent poring over books about what to expect during the delivery process, but some of them were interesting.

Parker surprised me by raising his hand.  “Kitty, I’ve read that sometimes the drugs used to take the edge off the contractions can make the mother nauseous.  Is there anything we can do to counter that?”

“A very good question!” Kitty beamed, but I missed her answer, too busy trying to get a look at Parker.  Where had that question come from?  Was he kidding or had he really spent some time reading up on the stuff?  From what I could see, he seemed pretty interested in her reply, and I had to shake my head on the inside over the change in Parker since I’d first met him.

Not that he’d ever been a man-slut or anything, but he had a reputation as a player.  The idea of him researching and participating in anything like childbirth was… I wouldn’t have believed it if anyone had told me I’d be sitting there with him even a year before.

Parker noticed me looking at him and dropped a quick wink before turning his attention back to Kitty.

“Alright, now we’ll all take a stroll down to hospital admitting and fill out the pre-registration cards.”  Kitty motioned us to our feet.  “That way, when the big day arrives you’ll be all set to go.”

“Stay put,” Parker instructed, climbing to his feet and offering me his hands to help me up.  “Damn, it’s like pulling in a marlin.”

“I’m so glad I invited you.”  I smiled sweetly, not offering any objections when he put the mat away and picked up our pillows without having to be asked.  En masse, we left the community center for the short trek to the neighboring hospital.  With so many couples, it took a while to get everything squared away, but eventually we strolled back outside into the mild evening air.

“You’ll call me when the time comes, right?” he asked, tucking the pillows into the back seat of his Camaro.

“You want to be there when the baby’s born?”

“I’d like to think I didn’t just sit through an hour of heavy breathing for nothing.  Of course I want to be there.”

“Oh sure, the first time you see me naked and I’m pushing out a watermelon?  I don’t think so.”  I brushed past him to the passenger’s side door, but he loped around the car, beating me to it.

“Fine, there’s an easy way to fix that.”

“What?”  I guessed if he stayed up by my head, he wouldn’t need to see all my unmentionables.  Or maybe I could ask to be draped for privacy?

Parker had other ideas, though.  “Let me see you naked now.”

“What?  I’m not doing that.”

“Why not?  It’ll cut that particular tension and then on the big day we can get down to business.  That way we’re both satisfied.”

“I’m not gonna strip down to satisfy your curiosity.”  I tried to reach past him to open the car door, but he blocked my access.

“I wasn’t talking about that kind of satisfaction, darlin’.”  He waggled his brows playfully.

“God, I never know when to take you seriously…” I scowled and he dropped the smarmy bit, his face earnest.

“Okay really… I’m being serious.  Will you call me when it’s time?”

Did I want him there for such an incredibly intimate event?  “I don’t know, Parker, are you sure you want to be there for that?  You saw the video, it doesn’t look at all pleasant.”

“That’s why I want to be there for you.” He brushed the hair back behind my ear.  “To help you through it.  And Daphne too, I’m pretty sure she’ll want to be there, right?”

“That’s true,” I allowed.  Somehow the idea of Daphne being there too made it feel less intimate, more like support and less like… I don’t know what.  The lines defining our friendship had grown all indistinct and blurry and I wasn’t sure how I felt about that yet.  “Yeah, okay, I’ll call you when the time comes.”

“That’s my girl,” he grinned, pulling the door open for me and I couldn’t help but think… whose girl was I, really?

* * *

After Parker dropped me off, I trudged up the stairs to my apartment, a little preoccupied as I thought about the direction my life was headed in.  Nearly six months pregnant and no sign of the father in sight.  I’d be hard pressed to keep from dipping into Adam’s funds after the baby came along, no matter how good my intentions were.

Despite the assurances I’d given my mother to keep her from moving in with me, I wasn’t all that confident in my parenting skills.  Sure, I’d practically raised Matty from preschool on, but I had little to no experience with babies, and the idea of doing it alone felt incredibly daunting.  Daphne and Parker could give me a hug and assure me I wouldn’t be alone all they wanted, but it wouldn’t change the fact that day in and day out I’d be a single parent.

No more crawling under the covers with a good book when I felt craptastic, I’d have to force myself to get up and take care of the baby whether I wanted to or not.  No more cruising to Lolly’s with the guys after work, I’d have to get home and relieve whatever sitter I’d tricked into watching Bunny for the night.  No more impromptu shopping trips, no more midnight margaritas, no more dance parties.  No more parties, period.

But I’d have someone to care for, someone to talk to, someone to love who would grow to love me back.  Someone to share the simple joys of life with and teach about the wonders of chocolate explosion ice cream.

And I’d have a part of Adam with me he could never take away.

As I laid my hand on the doorknob, I heard low voices coming from inside my apartment, and my angelic spidey senses started to twitch nervously.  Who was in there?

Making myself imperceptible, I opened the door as quietly as I could manage, the voices louder once I stepped inside.  As soon as I saw the who it was, I forgot to be stealthy, my temper getting the better of me as I saw Bert & Hubie, Raum’s minions, kicking back on my sofa, up to their elbows in snacks.

“What the hell is this?” I demanded, and Nelo dropped a plate of cookies on the floor on the way from the kitchen.

“Beggin’ yer pardon, miss.”  Bert snapped to attention, and Hubie followed quick suit, taking his dirty boots off my coffee table without having to be asked.

“We was reportin’ for duty,” Hubie nodded earnestly, whipping a worn cap from his head and fidgeting with it.

“What duty?  And who said to feed them?” I directed at Nelo, who looked up at me guiltily from picking up the broken pieces of plate.

“Was it wrong to feed them?  They’re our guests.”

“Trust me, they are not our guests, Nelo.”  I tried to sound less stern before he shook himself into a nervous fit.  “I hope your servitude to Raum was worth giving up your lives, boys, because I warned him to leave me and mine alone.”  Summoning my sword, I faced them down.

“N-No… you’ve got the w-wrong idea, miss,” Bert stammered.  “Tell her, Hubie.”  His jaundiced eyes bulged terribly.

“Indeed, we ain’t here after you, Mistress, we’s here for you.”

“For me,” I repeated, staring at them blankly.

“We’s here as tribute,” Hubie nodded so fast I thought his head might wobble off.

“To keep you safe,” Bert added with a bright smile.  Well, as bright as a mouth full of rotten teeth could be.

“To keep me safe?”  I felt like a parrot, but found myself absolutely dumbfounded by the proclamation.  The pair of them nodded and smiled, and I almost wished they’d go back to their normal sullen demeanor.

“See, they’re friends.”  Nelo smiled wide, blinking up at me with innocence, and I patted his head, letting the sword disappear.

“I don’t know about that, but you and I are going to have a talk later about the definition of guests.”  Turning to face the pair of demons, I tried to ignore the litter of food liberally dusting my living room.  “You two are here as bodyguards then?”  Why did the idea make me cringe?

“Right-o.  Where you go, we go, don’t we Hubie?”  They both visibly eased after I put the sword away.

“I don’t need a bodyguard, so you can go back home.”

Hubie took a step closer, twisting the cap in his hands.  “Oh no, we can’t go back, miss, leastwise not now.  Raum’ll have our heads.”

“Fine, then you don’t have to go home, but you can’t stay here,” I waved them off.  “Go play somewhere else.”  Preferably in traffic.

“If Raum finds out we wasn’t living up to our end of the bargain, he’d be ever so angry,” Bert said in a mournful voice.

“Tell me again why I’m supposed to care?”

Nelo tugged at my sleeve.  “Raum is must unpleasant when he’s angry,” he said softly, and I felt bad for the position Raum had put them in, but it really wasn’t my problem.

“Well, you can’t stay here.  I told you, I don’t need a bodyguard.”

“We wasn’t thinkin’ of puttin’ you out, Mistress,” Hubie piped up in an ingratiating tone.  At least I think it was supposed to be ingratiating, but it came out more annoying.  “We’ll find somewheres to hole up.  We just wanted to present ourselves all friendly-like so’s you wouldn’t be afeared when we accompany you places.”

“Boys, let me make something crystal clear.”  I clapped my hands on their shoulders, trying to ignore the cloud of stench that motion raised.  “I don’t want a demon entourage.  So, if you’re thinking about following me around day and night, you can forget it.  If you think Raum’s temper is bad, trust me, you haven’t seen mine.”

“It is a fearsome thing indeed,” Nelo nodded solemnly.

The pair flinched under my hands almost as if I’d struck them, and I let go with a sigh, disgusted with myself for feeling pity for them.  They were the same two demons that dragged me off to Midian in the first place!  I shouldn’t feel anything but contempt, but instead I couldn’t help the niggling little idea I was somehow responsible for them since Raum gifted me with them.

“What if I gave you another assignment?”

“What kind of assignment?” Bert asked, a light of hope behind his yellowed eyes.

“What if you protect Oriana instead?  She could use looking after more than I can, and she might actually appreciate a familiar face hanging around.”  Not that I thought they’d keep her out of trouble when it came to fitting in, but they could probably be counted on to keep her from burning to death in a microwave related fire.

“What do you reckon, Hubie?  Could we do such a thing?” Bert blinked, and Hubie scratched at his lanky hair absently.

“We was to follow her orders, keep her and hers safe.  Might could make it work.”

“Great, it’s a done deal as soon as I talk to Oriana.  If she objects, you guys are on your own.”

“She won’t mind, she’s always been right friendly to us,” Bert beamed.

“Right, well, we’ll see if she’s interested.  In the meantime, you guys have to clear out of here.  It’s late and you two are very… pungent.”

“I had a bath not three months ago,” Hubie smoothed his hands over his grubby coat as Bert sniffed delicately at his shoulder, shrugging them when he detected nothing amiss.

“Nelo, do you think you could help them find a place to stay for the night?”

“No worries, miss,” Hubie interrupted.  “We’ve spent plenty of time around these parts, won’t be no trouble findin’ suitable digs.”

“How comforting,” I gave him a thin smile.  “Alright then boys, why don’t you head off, and I’ll be in touch.”  Only without actually touching.  I already felt like I needed a shower just from sharing the same air with them.

“Right-o,” Hubie pushed Bert towards the door.  “Never you fear, Mistress.  We’ll be nearby in case you needs us.”

“Thank you, Mistress,” Bert echoed.  “It was ever so nice to see you again.”  He offered a last rotted smile before they were out the door.

“I can clean up the mess if you wish to rest now, Mistress,” Nelo said in a small voice.  “You must be fatigued from learning to birth.”

“Learning to… no, I wasn’t practicing the actual labor, Nelo,” I shook my head.  “The class was about what to expect when it happens.  Besides, I don’t think I could relax right now, I feel like I need to scrub down everything,” I shuddered, surveying the mess.  At least I had a vinyl couch that could be easily wiped down instead of having to rent an upholstery cleaner.

“Leave that to me, it was my mistake in welcoming them into your home.”  Nelo began to busily gather up the remains of the food, catching on to the fact that I wanted to toss all the leftovers rather than share what they’d already touched.

“It’s alright, Nelo, I’m not blaming you.  But we should talk about this,” I replied, grabbing a big, black garbage bag to help out.  “In the future, don’t let anyone in unless you know I’ve invited them, or they’re close friends.”

“As you wish, Mistress.”

“If you’re unsure, then keep them out.  Or you can try calling me if it’s an emergency.”

“I have no means to call you.”

I had no landline, just my cell phone which was usually with me.  For a split second I toyed with the idea of getting him his own phone, but decided that was a luxury I couldn’t afford.  “You just have to call my full name and I’ll hear you,” I replied.  “But only save that for real emergencies.  Running out of bacon doesn’t count.”

“What if I need bacon?” he asked, looking worried about the idea of being without its salty goodness since I’d brought it up.

“No one needs bacon all that badly.  Something like that can wait.”

“Not even if I need it for a recipe?”

“Not even then,” I replied gravely.  “Nelo, are you lonely here?” I asked, wondering if that had something to do why he’d invited frick and frack in for a party.

“Lonely?” he blinked.  “Of course not.  I have Mimsy to talk to always, and your company to look forward to.”

“I meant for your own kind.  Do you ever miss being in Midian?”

“Miss it?”  Nelo made a strange keening sound, doubling over as if he was in pain and I dropped to my knees to see what was the matter.  He rolled onto his back, feet waving in the air and that’s when I realized he was laughing.  Uncontrollable giggles to be more exact, and it took him a few minutes to catch his breath enough to speak.

“No, Mistress.  I do not miss Midian.  I love it here with you.  Why… do you wish me to return to Midian when the Bunny comes?”  His eyes widened in sudden fear.

“No, Nelo.”  I gathered him onto my shrinking lap as best I could.  “I don’t want you to go back to Midian.  Ohana means family, and we don’t leave family behind.”  I put it in terms he could understand.  “We’re adding a new member to the family, but that doesn’t mean there isn’t room for you too.  There’s always room for family.”

“Then why did you tell your mother there wasn’t room for her to live with us?”

Damn, he had me there.  “I didn’t mean there isn’t room for her in my life, I meant there isn’t room for her physically here.  She comes with way too much baggage.  Besides, you can’t have too many mama bears in the house, the baby bear won’t know who to listen to.”

“I thought you said it was a bunny…”

“It’s not…” Lord, did he really think I had a fuzzy rabbit growing inside of me?  “There’s no bunny or bear inside here, it’s a normal human baby.”  I hoped…  “Bunny is a nick name until I find out if it’s a girl or a boy and pick out a real name.”

“Oh.”  Nelo nodded in understanding.  “I like Bunny, it sounds playful.  Will the Bunny like to play?”

“Not right at first, it’ll be too small for games to start with.  Human babies are very delicate, we have to be careful not to break them.  But when it gets bigger, then yes, I think it’ll like games.”

“I’ll be very careful not to break it.”

“I know you will, Nelo.  But right at first, how about we come up with the rule that you only touch the baby when I’m around.  Just until you get the hang of being around it.”

“As you wish, Mistress.”  I held him in silence then, rocking us both gently.  “Mistress?” he asked after a while.

“Hmm?”

“Can the baby hear me?”

“I think so.  Studies have shown babies react to sounds outside the womb.”

“Good.”  He leaned down to speak against my swelling abdomen.  “I can’t wait to play with you, Bunny.”

Chapter Sixteen

“I feel like I’m always thanking you for something lately,” I remarked, stretching the seatbelt as wide as it could go to accommodate my giant belly.

“That’s not such a bad thing, is it?”  Parker looked over the tops of his sunglasses at me.  Once more he came to the rescue, offering to take me to my doctor’s appointment after my trusty car developed a terminal case of not-working-itis.  I could have flown, but I felt like a giant hippo lately, my swelling abdomen throwing me off balance.  A car ride seemed safer.

“No, I just hate asking for favors.  I should probably get used to it though unless I can scrounge up enough money for a new car.”

“Why don’t you use Adam’s car?  He left you a sweet ride, didn’t he?”

“I’d rather not owe him any favors,” I muttered, looking out the window.

“Good.”  I heard him say under his breath.

Things were still in limbo between Parker and me in the weeks that passed since the kiss.  We hadn’t talked about it at all, but I noticed that Parker started to take more liberties with me than before.  He’d come and rub my shoulders at work when I was on a break or take my hand more often if we went somewhere together.  Goodbyes were generally accompanied by a quick peck on the lips.  Once or twice not all that quick…

I didn’t object.

At the same time, I didn’t do anything to give him the green light to take it to the next level either.  I still wore Adam’s ring, and I still thought on some level that we’d work things out between us, I guess.  But it was hard to resist Parker’s attention, so most of the time I didn’t even try.  Instead I found myself sitting next to him on the couch on purpose, hoping he’d linger when the others went home whenever we all hung out together.  I probably spent more time with him than I had with most boyfriends in the past, between work and off time, but neither of us rocked the boat to define it.

I admit part of me was afraid if I gave in and did something about the growing attraction I felt for him, I might lose my chances with Adam once and for all.  Not to mention the fact that Parker wasn’t exactly known for his long term relationships.  What if we hooked up and then he decided he was done with me?  How could we remain friends or even our working relationship?  Plus, part of me didn’t want to enter a physical relationship with my body hijacked by the little critter.

I hoped the ultrasound would finally show us the sex of the baby, but after the last couple of failures I didn’t hold my breath.  Dr. Hathaway held more faith on the matter though, greeting us with a hearty smile.

“Today’s the day, I can feel it!”

“I sure hope so, the suspense is killing me.”  I shook the hand offered.  “This is Parker, he’s my…”  It was getting harder and harder to define our relationship.

“Oh, are you the fiancé?” Hathaway dropped my hand to shake his.  Maybe I should have stopped wearing the ring in Parker’s presence?  He didn’t seem to mind the misconception though.

“That’s me,” Parker grinned.  “And I know you’ll come through for us, Doc.  I’ve got a fifty lined up on it being a girl and I can’t collect until we have definitive proof.”

“Fifty, huh?” Hathaway considered aloud, still pumping Parker’s hand.  “I’ll take that action, LOL.”

Parker’s eyes narrowed and I could tell he was trying to figure if the odds had shifted out of his favor based on whatever inside information the doctor might have.  But in the end, he was a gambling man by nature, and his smile returned quickly enough.  “Done.”

“Well then, let’s get this show on the road.”  Hathaway looked positively gleeful, and I wondered if he took bets on all of his patients.

“I’ve been good by the way,” I piped up, miffed over all the interest in odds over Bunny’s health.  “My energy level’s been fine, my ankles are a little swollen though.”

“Good, good,” the doctor replied, more focused on getting the machine up and running than my answers, I suspected.

“I sure wish I’d stop craving live worms though, I can’t get enough of them.”

Parker shot me a look, but Hathaway didn’t falter.  “Good…”

“Maybe it’s from all the fresh dirt I’ve added to my diet.”

“Yep…”

“Do you think that could be the reason?” I asked, waiting expectantly and he turned to me with a blank stare.

“I’m sorry, what were you saying?”

“You didn’t get any of that, did you?”  I shook my head with a sigh while Parker sniggered beside me.

“Oh, sorry, I guess not.  I get carried away by the technology sometimes, I heart this machine,” he apologized with a silly grin.

“Don’t sweat it, Doc, we all love our toys, don’t we?” Parker grinned.  “Let’s get this baby fired up and see who’s buying dinner.”  He rubbed his hands together in anticipation.  No less eager to make sure the baby was progressing on schedule and hopefully find the answer to that question myself, I laid back, wincing at the cold gel on my abdomen as he rolled the doohickey over my skin.

A veteran of three ultrasounds, I still found it hard to figure out what displayed on the monitor.  Hathaway busily took measurements at first and didn’t offer comments on what he found.

“You really bet fifty dollars it’s a girl?” I asked Parker as we waited and he shrugged, eyes on the screen.

“Sure, why not?”

“What makes you think it’ll be a girl?”

“Girls are better than boys, everybody knows that.”  He gave me a duh look, his eyes returning to the screen to try and make heads or tails of what he saw there.  “Holy shit, there it is… I see the head.  That’s the head, right?”  He picked up my hand.

I craned my neck to see, but it was Hathaway who gave the confirmation.  “Yep, we’ve got a perfect little hand here too and another…”  The image jerked lower and I lost my frame of reference.

“Is everything alright?”  Even after getting completely normal results for the last three, I couldn’t shake the unreasoning fear something monstrous might crop up.

“Everything looks great, see, she’s waving at you.  Hello, mummy and daddy.”  He affected a falsetto voice as the baby’s hand jerked on the image.

“She’s waving at us?”  Parker’s hand tightened over mine and Hathaway’s mouth twisted in chagrin.

“Yep, I’m definitely paying for dinner.”

“It’s a girl?  I’m having a girl?”  My mouth fell open in surprise and I felt a surge of jubilation.  Not that I’d have minded a boy, but somehow hearing she was a girl made something click inside.  All of a sudden I could identify with her that much more.  My baby girl.

My daughter.

“I knew it!”  Parker crowed in triumph, his lips descending over mine in a joyful kiss.

“I guess I shouldn’t have taken that bet after all, LMAO,” the doctor chuckled.  “I’ll leave you two kids alone for a minute while I get my wallet.”

“Take your time,” Parker replied, his eyes full of an emotion I wasn’t sure I recognized when he pulled back.  “I still think Parker is a good name for a girl.”  He laid his hand over my belly and I covered it with mine.

“I still think that’s reaching a little.”

“Why, you don’t think you should name your baby after your fiancé?” he smirked and I rolled my eyes.

“You’re the one who let him think you’re the daddy, not me.”

“Why don’t we get married?” he asked with a shrug and I laughed, thinking he was still playing along.

“Funny.”

“No, I’m serious.  Why don’t we?”

“Right, you’re serious,” I scoffed.  But there wasn’t a trace of a smile on his face, and that’s when I realized, he wasn’t kidding at all.  Parker really did want to marry me.  “What?  Why would we get married?  We’re not even dating.”

“We haven’t put a label on it, but what do you think we’ve been doing these past few months, Merce?  I’m closer to you than I am to anybody, and I know you feel the same way.”

He did have a point there… maybe I confused it with something else because there wasn’t a hormone surged make-out fest at the end of every night, but we did see each other most every day in a social way.  I could honestly say I felt closer to him than anyone else, even Daphne.  Maybe I was ready to call it dating, but that didn’t mean I was ready for something like marriage.  “Being close is not the same as getting married.”

“I’m willing to take it as is for now.”

“Yeah, but marriage…” I was definitely leery of the big M after the fiasco with Adam.  I didn’t think I could take losing Parker too.

“If you’re going to do something, you might as well do it right, remember?”

“Parker… you know I don’t… you and I, we’re not…”  How could I tell him I didn’t love him the way he needed me to when he looked at me like that?

“I know, we’re not there yet.  If it wasn’t for our girl here, I wouldn’t even ask.”  He patted my middle.  “But I want to take care of you.  Both of you.”

For the first time I understood Parker really did love me in his own way.  It wasn’t the same intense love I felt from Adam, but that made it no less real.  Which was why I couldn’t let him turn his life upside down for me when there was a chance I might never love him the way he deserved to be loved in return.  “Parker, it’s not fair to you.  We’re…”

“We’re friends,” he interrupted.  “Close friends.  I know that.  Maybe someday it’ll turn into more.  But if not… either way that baby’s gonna need a positive male role model.”

“And you think that’s you?”  I raised a single brow.

“We’re good for each other, aren’t we?  I know you make me a better man at least.  I know I’ve been kind of a shit sometimes, but I promise, I can do this.   I’ll be good to you and the baby, Mercy.”

I knew he’d be a good father, maybe not father of the year, but Parker was a good man.  He knew all my big secrets, my idiosyncrasies and flaws, and he loved me anyway.  We shared plenty of interests but had enough outside ones to keep from being in each other’s hair night and day.

Maybe we could make it work?  Plenty of marriages succeeded on far less.  If it wasn’t for the love thing, I’d have an easier time making the decision.

“This is a big step, Parker.  Not a spur of the moment kind of thing.”

“I know, it’s something I’ve been thinking about for a long time.  Since before your brother’s wedding, remember?”

I hadn’t thought he was serious about it back then, but I could see he’d given it a lot of thought in the months since.  “So, you’re saying we get married, just like that?  I move into your place and we play house?”

“Basically.  We’re running out of time for long engagements if we want to do this right.”  He patted my middle again.

“Separate bedrooms?”

“If you like,” Parker replied without hesitation.  “I’ve got plenty of space.  It won’t take much to get the place ready for you.”

“And you don’t think it’ll be weird?”

“I think it’ll take some getting used to for both of us, but I kinda like the idea of seeing you every morning across the breakfast table.”

It was a nice image, the two of us in his kitchen making breakfast, a high chair pulled up to the sleek new island he’d installed.  Something kept me from saying yes right away though.  “What about Nelo?”

“He can come too, I’ve always wanted a butler.”  His fingers threaded through mine.  “Just… don’t say no right away.  Promise me you’ll think about it.”

I could promise I’d pretty much think of nothing else.

* * *

I showed up at Daphne’s apartment, ultrasound DVD in hand.  “Feel like an impromptu movie night?”

“Aw, is that what I think it is?”  She practically pulled me inside.  “Of course I want to watch it, but come on, tell me, did you find out?”

“No spoilers, you have to watch it and see for yourself.”  I shook my head, heading straight for her TV.  Cuing up the right chapter, since the same DVD had my previous three ultrasounds on it too, I sat back to watch her reaction as the machine picked up the sound in the room as well.

“Wow, you really are having a baby,” she said in wonder as the baby’s head became visible.  “A baby girl!  Oh, Mercy, that’s so great!”  We traded a hug, my grin a mile wide.  “Have you thought about a name?”

“I have a list, but none of them are jumping out at me yet.  Parker’s still pushing for Parker of course.”  I didn’t want to say more yet, as the audio track continued once the doctor left the room.  If anyone could give me an informed opinion on Parker’s proposal, it was Daphne.

“Wait… did he just ask you to marry him?”

I let our conversation do the talking, watching Daphne’s eyes grow bigger and bigger until I paused the DVD.

“So, what should I do?”

Daphne stared at me in stunned silence for a full thirty seconds before she replied.  “Do you love him?”

“Sure I do, just like I love you.  Just not… like that.”

“Well, isn’t that important?”

“I don’t know, Daph.  I used to think it was.  But look at what happened with me and Adam?  He claimed to love me, but did he stick around once he found out about the baby?  Maybe it’s better if I skip the love for now.”

“But you can’t raise a baby with a loveless marriage.”

“It’s not like I’m marrying a stranger to get a green card, it’s Parker.  It won’t be a loveless household, we just won’t have a traditional home life.  It’d be like marrying you and raising the baby together.  We’d make a great team and we’d both love the baby.”

“It would not be like marrying me, trust me.  Parker loves you, even if you don’t love him back like that.”

“I know, that’s the only part I’m not sure about.”  Parker could say he didn’t have expectations in that area, but I knew he did.  What if he was patient, but I never developed the same depth of feelings for him that he had for me?  “I’m not saying I don’t feel something for him, like that, but marriage?  It’s such a big commitment.”

“What about Adam?”

The big question, one I’d resolved to think about later, but I couldn’t put it off any longer.  I knew the answer even if it hurt to say it out loud.  “I can’t keep waiting around for something that might never happen.  I don’t even know if I want him back anymore after the way he abandoned us.  Starting now, I have to make smart choices for me and my girl.  I can’t spend my time pining away over the great love of my life.  The more I think about it, the more I’m sure Parker and I would make a good team.  I’m just not convinced marrying him is the answer.  But I can see how he’d want certain rights too if he’s rearranging his whole life to make a commitment to the baby.”

“It’s a big step,” Daphne agreed, and we sat in silence for a few minutes.  “Okay, so say you went ahead and married him.  What will you tell the baby when she grows up?  That Parker’s her father?  Or will you tell her about Adam and angels and all that stuff?”

That was a whole other can of worms, one I’d have to deal with eventually, but not for a few years I hoped.  “I honestly don’t know.  I’ll cross that bridge when I come to it.  It’s impossible to know what the future will bring.”

“You could always ask Oriana,” she said, dimpling into a smile.  It wasn’t a bad idea at that…

“You know, that’s not half bad?  Then again, she always says the future is shifting and changing.”

“That’s right, she said I’d be happy and…” Daphne looked down at her hands and my heart went out to her.

“You’ll be happy again someday, Daphne, I promise.”  From the look in her eyes, I could tell she wasn’t so sure.

* * *

I hadn’t tried to call Adam’s number in a while, but I still remembered it.  Maybe I always will.  The numbers were seared into my brain from the first time I dialed them and got nothing but open air.

“Adam?” I said into the void.  “It’s been so long, I hardly know if this is still your number.  I don’t know if you’re even still keeping tabs on us, but I thought you should know… Parker asked me to marry him.”

I don’t know what I expected to hear, really.  Maybe some kind of reaction, good or bad, but all I got was silence.  “Adam, are you there?  I need to know if you can give me any reason why I shouldn’t marry Parker.”

Nothing.

I had to try one last time before I put any foolish notions of Adam coming for me to rest.  “Did you hear me, Adam?  I want to know if you have anything to say about me marrying Parker.  Anything at all.”

The silence stretched between us, and then I heard the soft click as he dropped the call.

“Goodbye, Adam,” I said into the stillness, fingers tugging at the ring in my finger.   I’d left it on so long, partly as a symbol of my love for Adam and partly as a badge of legitimacy given my pregnant belly.  People didn’t give me the same ‘poor girl’ look they gave other unwed mothers with a rock that size on my finger.  The ring didn’t want to come off right away and I couldn’t help but think - was that an omen or just swollen fingers thanks to my pregnancy?

“Nelo?” I called out softly.

“Yes, Mistress.”

“You like Parker, don’t you?”

“Oh yes, Mistress, he makes you happy.”

Interesting observation.  I suppose I tended to be in a better mood when Parker was around.  “Is that the only reason you like him?”

“Isn’t it enough?”

“Yes, I think it is,” I considered aloud.

I had my answer.

Chapter Seventeen

There was no chance of me sleeping that night until I talked to Parker.  I knew he’d be up late with work, but I didn’t want to talk to him at the club.  Instead I waited like a stalker outside his house for him to get home… and for another half hour while I worked up the nerve to knock on his front door.

Parker’s surprise quickly gave way to an invitation to enter, but almost immediately, he held his hands up.  “Wait, before you say anything…”  He kissed me slowly, tenderly, his thumbs brushing along my jaw as he pulled me close.  Have I said before that Parker is an amazing kisser?  He is.  In that kiss, I got the hints of what a physical relationship with him would be like.  Desire definitely wouldn’t be a problem.

“I wanted to do that before it got weird,” he grinned.  Like that didn’t make it weird…  “Come on in.  I didn’t think I’d see you again tonight, is everything alright?”

“Yeah, it’s fine.”  Once I stood there before him, I had no idea how to talk about why I’d come over.  Should I come right out with it, or wait for him to bring it up?  “I just needed to see you.  It’s not too late, is it?”

“Nothing wrong with that,” his smile stretched wider.  “And no, it’s never too late for you, darlin’.”

My hands were all clammy and I wiped them on the side of my faux jeans.

“Are you sure nothing’s wrong?”

“No, it’s not wrong, it’s…”  How to blurt it out?  “Man, this is harder than I thought it would be.”

“Oh.”  Disappointment flickered across his face as he jumped to the wrong conclusion.  “That’s okay, sweetheart.  Don’t worry about it, I got the message loud and clear.  Hey, you can’t blame a guy for trying, right?”

“What?  No, that’s not why I’m here.”

“It’s not…”

“I came to say yes.”

“Yes,” he blinked.  “You mean yes, yes?  As in…”

“Let’s do it, let’s get married.”  There, it was done, and I immediately felt the burden lift from my shoulders.  There was freedom in making that choice, freedom to take control of my future and freedom to be happy again.

Parker pulled me into a tight hug, burying his face in my hair and I relaxed into his solid embrace.  “It’s gonna be great, Merce, I promise.”

“I know it is.”

“Shit, I don’t have a ring for you.”  Parker pulled back, his brow creased with worry.  “I didn’t think you’d give me your answer so quick.”

“I don’t need one.”

“Don’t be silly, every girl needs a ring.  Hey, this way you can pick it out yourself.  Otherwise I’d probably end up giving you something you didn’t like anyway.”

I tried not to think about the perfect ring in the top drawer of my jewelry box back home.  “Maybe later, after I have the baby.  Right now my fingers are as fat as sausages.”

“You are not fat.”

“Have you seen me from behind?” I raised a single brow and his grin spread wider.

“I like a girl with a little junk in her trunk.”

“Ugh, you’re disgusting, you know that?” I smacked him in the shoulder and Parker laughed, in too good of a mood to care.

“Come here,” he pulled me close.  “You’re gorgeous, you know that, right?  You’re practically glowing with good health.”

“It’s the Grace, it’s not me.  I look like a big, fat milk cow.”

“It’s never been the Grace, Mercy.”  Parker let me see his true feelings for once instead of hiding behind the shield of humor, and my lips parted with a swift intake of breath at the depth of emotion I saw there.  That time when he leaned in I met him half way, eager to feel something spark between us again.  That time I knew the flare in my heartbeat had nothing to do with adrenaline or danger, it was all Parker.  That time I wasn’t blindsided, I was right where I wanted to be.

“I do have something for you.”  Parker remembered as the kiss drew to a close.  “Come with me.”  Grabbing my hand, he tugged me upstairs, and I couldn’t help but wonder if I should worry that the something he had for me lay in the general direction of his bedroom.  Sure, I felt things when he kissed me, but marriage proposal aside, I wasn’t sure if I was ready to kick our physical relationship up that notch yet.  I’d only just gotten used to the idea of kissing him, let alone…

“Um, Parker?  Don’t you think this is a little sudden?”

“Sudden?”  He stopped at the top of the stairs, brows drawing together in puzzlement.  “Why would… oh.”  The easy grin returned as he caught the direction of my eyes.  “Relax, darlin’, I had something else in mind.”  He turned in the opposite direction of his bedroom, leading me to the room on the other end of the hallway.  “So… what do you think?”

As I stepped inside, my skepticism melted into stunned awe as I beheld the transformation from ratty spare room into a dream nursery.  The walls were painted a soothing blue, the white trim brightening the room even in the dim light.  Parker snapped on the lights, revealing a matching crib and changing table tucked into one corner of the room and a large wooden rocker by the window with a fat, stuffed penguin pillow.  There were cartoon penguins on the bedding too and on the mobile arcing over the crib.

“Penguins?”

“Yeah, why… you don’t like penguins?”  Worry clouded his features and he let go of my hand to wind up the mobile which started to play a song about jolly holidays from Mary Poppins.  “I got the idea from the movie… we can change it out if you don’t like it though.  It’s just an idea.”

“It’s… perfect,” I breathed, stumbling over the words as my emotions got the better of me.  “I can’t believe you did all this for me.”  It was so much more than a bank account, Parker had gone out of his way to make a place for us in his home without even knowing if I’d accept his proposal.  It was overwhelming, and I could feel tears gathering at the corners of my eyes.

“I did it for us.”  He pulled me close, hand resting on the swell of my abdomen between us.  “For all of us.”

For the first time in months, I started to think things might be alright.  God, I’m an idiot…

* * *

“OMG, look at this one!” Daphne’s eyes got all soft and dreamy as she showed me another frothy confection from the stack of bridal magazines on her lap.  Even though I’d look ridiculous in a get up like that given my advanced pregnancy and I couldn’t afford those prices to boot.  When I’d told her the good news, she’d shown up on my doorstep with an armload of inspiration material.  Every day since she found another new bit of inspiration she had to share with me.

Gently, I shook my head, not wanting to insult her taste.  “I don’t know why you even bought those magazines, Daphne.  I told you, I don’t want to make a big fuss over this wedding.”  I believe my exact words were more like “small and tasteful”, a direct contradiction to the flounce of ruffles on the picture she wagged under my nose.

“How can you not want to make a fuss?  We’ve been planning our weddings since junior high.”

“You have.  I’ve never been into a giant wedding with tons of people I don’t even know.”  Maybe it was to avoid a big family get together, but I’d never shared those dreams with other little girls.  Such a huge waste of money by my way of thinking, all for one big party and then what would you have to show for it?  A dress you could never wear again and a bunch of embarrassing pictures.

“Your mom’s going to want a big wedding for you though,” she reminded, and I had to admit, she had a point.  My mother’s frustration over Matty’s lack of frills wedding would translate into an even bigger furor over mine.

“Which is exactly why I’m not going to tell her anything about it until it’s over and she comes up to visit to see the baby.”

“She’ll be disappointed.”

“No she won’t, she’ll be glad I’m not an unwed mother anymore.”  She did seem to like Parker too, at least when she’d thought he was my boyfriend.  “Plus, she’ll be thrilled to hold her granddaughter in her arms for the first time.”  I counted on that as a major distraction in my master plan.

“Still, are you sure you don’t want something fancier than City Hall?  That’s not very romantic, you know.”

“This marriage isn’t about romance, it’s about partnership and family,” I reminded her before she tried to turn it into something it wasn’t.  “Besides, Parker doesn’t want a church wedding anyway.”  His views on that were crystal clear.

“If you say so.”

Poor Daphne, I hadn’t given her much as a way of living vicariously through me for the wedding planning business.  “It’s just going to formalize things between us, like I said, make us a family.  It’s not a romantic day at all.”

“Don’t be too sure about that,” she muttered, and my eyes narrowed in suspicion.

“Why, what do you know?”

“Nothing…” Daphne squirmed, realizing she’d said too much.  “I’m just saying, you know Parker…”

“Yes, I do.  And…?”

“And… maybe it’s not a romantic day for you, but it is for him.”

“Parker knows we’re not there yet.”  At least, most of the time I thought so.  But sometimes when we kissed… I wasn’t so sure what was holding me back.

“Then the two of you haven’t…”

“No, of course not.”

“Oh right, of course not.  How silly of me to assume you’ve had sex with the guy you’re going to marry.”  A roll of the eyes was given.  “You’re telling me you don’t have the hots for Parker at all?  How can you marry a guy who doesn’t do it for you?”

“I didn’t say I wasn’t attracted to Parker.  He’s all kinds of sexy when he wants to be.  But even if I wanted to, it’s hard to feel sexy myself when I look like I swallowed a basketball.”

“I bet you Parker doesn’t care.”

The way he looked at me sometimes I didn’t dispute that.  “I’m not saying we won’t eventually, but it’ll probably be after the baby comes.”  It felt like I said that to myself a lot lately, putting things off until the baby came, like a magical talisman for change.

“Then the two of you aren’t planning to, ah… consummate the marriage on your wedding night?”

“No,” I replied with more confidence than I felt.  Did Parker have expectations in that area?  He’d said he didn’t want to rush me… but we’d definitely grown a lot closer physically over the past few weeks.

“I still think you should…” Daphne’s advice went unspoken as Oriana and Matty arrived, letting themselves in without knocking.  If nothing else I looked forward to a bit more privacy after I moved in with Parker.

“Oh good, you’re here.”  I hauled myself up to my feet, watching in amusement as Mimsy immediately left her spot by my feet to bound up to Oriana with a squeak of greeting.  Sometimes I thought she could communicate with the little cat from the way she spoke to her.

“You said you had some stuff for us?”  Ever the opportunist, Matty’s eyes swept my apartment before lighting on the small stack of boxes by the bedroom.  Since making the decision to combine households, there didn’t seem to be much reason for hanging onto some of the duplicates we’d end up with.  I wasn’t ready to part with all of it yet, but Matty would inherit my fake leather couch and coffee table too.

With the baby coming in just a couple of months, I’d given notice to my landlord, and Parker had already helped me move over some of my winter sweaters and things I wouldn’t need to get into for a while.

“Right.  They’re over there, help yourself.  And anything you don’t want you can give to Goodwill.”

“Sweet, thanks, sis,” he grinned.  Giving a sharp whistle, the door opened again and Bert and Hubie stepped in to help him with the stack.  I waited for the demons to leave, a placid smile on my face until it was just us girls again.

“Are you enjoying your entourage, Oriana?”

“You mean the boys?”  Her face registered understanding with a sunny smile.  “Oh yes, they’re ever so helpful, you know.  And Matty says they’ll be wonderful stage dressing once we’re on the circuit.”

“The circuit?” Daphne asked, trading a blank look with me.

“Yes, he says my talents would be best served there and I could help so many more people.”

A sneaking suspicion began to dawn on me as to what Matty had in mind.  Oriana had gotten a job at the witchy store easily enough.  Summer had a soft spot for the naïve witch (thank goodness, because she still hated me for freezing her last winter), letting her set up a small table in the corner to give readings.  Oriana enjoyed it and it provided a safe place for her to spend most evenings.  From what I understood, she was pretty popular and had a bunch of regulars already.  It wasn’t much of a stretch to see Matty had bigger plans for her gifts though.

“I thought you were happy at the witchy store?”

“Yes, I love it there, but Matty says we have to go where the action is.”

“What kind of action?” Daphne’s brow furrowed in confusion.

“I confess, I don’t know.”  Oriana scratched under Mimsy’s chin thoughtfully.  “But he’s so excited, I can’t help but think it’ll be wonderful.”

“Yeah, I’m sure it’ll be great.”  My eyes flicked down to where I could see Matty ordering the demon pair around on the street below.  “Excuse me for a minute, ladies.  I’ll go make sure they’re not having any trouble getting the boxes into the car.  Daphne, why don’t you show her the dress you showed me.”  Eager for the distraction, Daphne readily agreed, and I snuck out while their blonde heads bent together over the bridal magazine.

“Take a break, guys.”  I dismissed the demons, gratified to see them scurry away without having to be told twice.  “What do you have up your sleeve now?”

“Nothing,” Matty blinked, looking around guiltily.  “You said I could take this stuff.”

“That’s not what I’m talking about.  What’s this I hear about you taking Oriana on ‘the circuit’?  Please don’t tell me you’re running away to join the circus!”

“Oh, that.”  His shoulders relaxed visibly.  “No, not the circus, Las Vegas!”

“Not that again…”

“It’s perfect.  You’ve seen what she can do.  No more of this nickel and dime stuff, Mercy, we’re taking it to the big time.”

“I’ve seen she isn’t the most… well adjusted person.  Are you sure Las Vegas is the best environment for Oriana?”

“It’s the perfect environment for someone special like her.”  His face lit up, convinced in the brilliance of his plan.  “No one blinks an eye when a stage performer talks all kooky, they’ll assume it’s part of the show.”

“Part of the show.  What exactly do you have in mind?”

Matty talked animatedly about the ideas he had for Madame Oriana and her stage show, featuring Bert and Hubie as part of the act.  I have to admit, it did sound entertaining.

“I don’t know, Matty.  I still think this is kinda risky.  You don’t even know if there’s a market for a show like that in Vegas.”

“I’ve already talked to an agent, he sounded very interested.”

I let out a breath, surprised he’d gotten that far.  My brother tended to be more talk than action.  “So, you’re definitely doing this?”

“As soon as we can put something together, yeah.”

“And when were you going to tell me?  I thought you wanted my couch and stuff, and now you’re moving to Vegas?”

“I didn’t want to say anything until I had a deal worked out.”  More likely he didn’t want me to try and talk him out of it.  “And the guys have all kinds of people they know in Vegas.  We’re guaranteed a place to crash until we get settled.”

I shut my mouth without reminding him that any friends Bert or Hubie had in Vegas were likely to be demons as well.  He was a big boy.  I’d stopped trying to make his decisions for him a long time ago, no matter how idiotic I thought they were.

“I hope it turns out to be what you wanted,” I said finally, giving him a hug.  “Are you still going to be here for the ceremony?”

“Oh yeah, we’ll be here next weekend.  Ori would kill me if we left without giving you her blessing on your big day.”

“Good.  Remember, mum’s the word to Mom, or Dad for that matter.”

“Yeah, I remember.  I still think Mom’s gonna go completely mental when she finds out you didn’t invite her to the wedding.”

“Oh no, I’m pretty sure she’ll be distracted by finding out you ran off to Las Vegas without telling her,” I smiled sweetly.  His uncomfortable look told me he hadn’t planned on sharing that with her either.  “I’d better get back up there before they have this whole thing planned without me.” I glanced up at my window.

They were whispering together when I returned to my apartment, and I considered making myself dim to listen in on the conversation for a moment, but I wasn’t sure I could hide from Oriana entirely.  It turned out I didn’t have to bother, as Daphne and Oriana happily filled me in on everything they’d talked about in my absence.  It took me a good fifteen minutes to talk them out of the bachelorette party they’d cooked up between them.

Skillfully, I directed the conversation back to Oriana’s impending move to Las Vegas and they were both easily distracted enough to drop the subject before it inevitably returned to wedding plans.  The last thing I wanted was a drunken pub crawl with me as the designated driver to celebrate my last night as a single woman.  In fact, the more they chatted about the wedding, the more I wanted it to be over and done with.  Maybe I could talk Parker into going down to City Hall with me alone and we could have a reception at the club afterwards?

I knew Parker would go along with it; he’d wanted to marry me the day after his proposal, and we didn’t need blood tests in the state of Washington.  We could get married in less than an hour if we wanted to.  Convinced in the brilliance of that idea, I let them make all the plans they wanted.

I didn’t get a chance to talk to Parker about it that night though.  It was busier than usual at the club and whenever he was on the floor, it was to help out or to give me a break.  After work he walked me to my car (which was running again after a ridiculously priced motor mount was replaced), and I was too distracted by his attempts to get me to follow him back to his place to talk about wedding stuff.

Resolving to talk to him about it the next day, I drove home, my mind spinning all sorts of happy scenarios as to how the next day would go.  By the end of the day I’d be a married woman, and baby Bunny would have a real father.  It was almost enough to make me turn the car around to talk to him about it that night, but the thought of surprising him with the idea was too much fun.

Nelo greeted me at the door and I should have noticed the nervous way he danced from side to side right away.  I was distracted by sunny thoughts of the future, until he wouldn’t step out of the way to let me in.

“We have a guest…”

“What did we say about not letting guests into the house without my permission?” I asked, taking pains to keep the frustration out of my voice.

“He did not ask permission, Mistress, he simply…”

That meant it was probably an angel in there, maybe Remiel or… ugh, I hoped it wasn’t Nathanael.  “Who’s in there, Nelo?” I looked past him, my mouth doing dry at the sight of Adam kicking back on my sofa.

Adam. Holy shit…

“I think I’m hallucinating…” I murmured, even as he rose with fluid grace, his handsome features unmistakable.  Dressed in his trademark black denim jeans and a black t-shirt that stretched tight across his perfect body, I could only stand there, staring at him stupidly as he leaned against the back of my couch.  His brilliant blue eyes, the same color as mine, swept over the swell of my belly.

“Long time no see,” he smirked.

Chapter Eighteen

I couldn’t say a word.  Where would I even start?

“Mercy?”  His brows drew together into a single dark line when I didn’t immediately run into his arms.  I wasn’t convinced I hadn’t nodded off into a crazy dream somewhere between work and home, crashing my car into a ditch.  It was incomprehensible to me that the real Adam could be standing in my living room looking like he’d just popped down to the corner store a half hour ago instead of disappearing for months.

“Wh…”  My voice had no sound, and I licked my lips, trying again.  “Why are you here?”

His eyes dropped to my abdomen, pausing for a drawn out moment.  “I think I may have made a mistake.”

The mighty Adam admitting fault?  After all that time had passed?  A slew of retorts slipped past my tongue, none of them taking shape.  Instead, a single word emerged, summing up exactly how I felt.  “No.”

“I appreciate that, Merce, but I do have to take my share of the blame.”  He fixed me with a lopsided grin and I just lost it.

“Your share?” I choked on the words.  “Are you calling some of this debacle my fault?”

“Well, not exactly.”  His brows twitched together again, not sure how to take my outburst. “But it takes two to tango, so it’s not entirely…”  He swallowed uncomfortably (I imagined at noticing how I was doing my level best to set him on fire with the power of my brain).  Sadly, I didn’t possess those powers, so I had to settle for words.

“You have fifteen seconds to tell me why you’re here.”

“Like I said…”  He licked his lips, taking a step towards me.  “I admit, I was a little hasty in leaving, but I think I’ve figured out how we can be together in a way.”

“In a way?”  That I had to hear.

“Sure.  It won’t be as good as what we had before, but there’s no reason for us to be completely apart, not when we can still see each other in the Ether.”

“The Ether,” I replied woodenly.  “That’s your big idea for getting back together?”  No apologies, no attempts to make anything up to me or find a way to raise our child together; he offered a Band-aid without addressing the wound.

“It makes perfect sense if you think about it.  Especially without Azazael stalking you in there anymore.”  He looked so pleased with himself for thinking of it.  I had to clench my hand, fingernails digging little half moons into my palms, before I could speak without tearing his head off.

“Adam,” I said as calmly as I could manage.  “I would like you to leave, right now.”

“But I just got here…”

“It’s too late.”  That summed it up as simply as I could manage.  Even though a traitorous part of me ached to run into his arms and beg him never to leave again, I couldn’t allow myself to be that weak.  I deserved better, damn it, and I couldn’t let him smooth it all over like it didn’t matter.

“You said you wanted to know what I thought about you marrying Parker.”  His brows rose mildly, not overly perturbed by my pronouncement.  “Why call me if you don’t want to hear what I have to say?”

“That was before I told him yes.  It’s too late now.”

“You’re not already married are you?” Adam edged closer, slowly, as if he expected me to bolt like a skittish colt.

“No…” I took a deep breath, trying to regain control of the conversation.  “Adam, I just got my life back.  You can’t show up whenever you want and expect me to drop everything for you.”  Was that even what he was doing?  Did he really expect me to accept the Ether and nothing more?

“I don’t, but marrying Parker?  Come on, you can’t seriously tell me you’re in love with that…”

“Hey, Parker’s been there for me,” I interrupted, jabbing him in the chest with my finger. “That’s more than I can say for you.”

“Point taken.”  He rubbed at his pec absently.  “But not because I wanted it that way.”

“Really?  Because it sure seems like you’re the one making that decision each time you leave.  What happened to loving me more than any other man ever?” I didn’t bother to try and hide the hurt accusation in my voice.

“I meant it when I said it.”  His eyes blazed with brilliant, blue fire as Adam took hold of my shoulders.  He would have pulled me closer still, but for my hands pushing at his chest to keep the cushion of space between us.

“You have a shitty way of showing it.”

“Look, I said I made a mistake, okay?”  He let go of my arms, but not before I noticed how much stronger I was than him with Raziel’s Grace.  “I’m here now, let’s fix this.”

“It doesn’t work like that.  Five months might be a drop in the bucket of time for someone like you, but I’ve lived through it day in and day out.”

“Is that what you think?”  His eyes narrowed to slits.  “That I didn’t feel the same bleeding hole in my heart every day I was away from you?”

I felt myself drawn into his angst, and I gathered my pain around me like a shield.  “Don’t you dare try to make me feel sorry for you when it was you who left in the first place!  And don’t you dare try to make me feel bad for trying to cobble a life for myself with Parker.”

“That’s my kid, not Parker’s.  He can’t swoop in and play daddy just like that.”  Adam snapped his fingers.

“You didn’t seem so sure about that when you found out I was pregnant,” I retorted, remembering the pain of that accusation.

“I was upset…”

“That makes two of us.”

“Don’t do this, Mercy.”  His voice was plaintive, and I made a point of avoiding his gaze, keeping my resolve strong.

“You don’t get to tell me what to do anymore.  You made it perfectly clear you don’t want to be a part of our lives.”

“Yeah, for your own protection.”

“Then what are you doing here, trying to keep me away from Parker?  Shouldn’t I be with someone who can protect me, ‘cause I obviously can’t rely on you.”  I turned to walk away from him and he grabbed hold of my arm, holding me back.

“Because I happen to love you.”

“Then stop messing with my head!” I shoved against his chest, pushing him against the wall hard enough for the air to rush out of his lungs.  Adam’s arms wrapped around my waist, pulling me with him, and my body pressed against him intimately.

“Are you saying you don’t love me anymore?”

Oh, I felt something alright… but it wasn’t enough.  I realized it for the first time, and that alone gave me the strength to pull away from the lure of those lips poised so close to mine.  “It has nothing to do with what I feel for you.  It’s not about what I want or what you want anymore, it’s all about this little one.”  I pushed away from him, hands settling over my abdomen.  “You’re out of the picture, I’ve made my peace with that.”

Adam looked anything but peaceful with my decision.  “You don’t need him, you’re stronger than that.  I gave you plenty of money…”

“Is that your solution to everything, throw money at it?  I don’t want your stupid money.  And that’s not why I’m marrying Parker either.”

“Why are you marrying him?”

“Because I can count on him.”

“Well, cue the violins, that might be the most romantic thing I’ve ever heard,” he deadpanned.

“That’s what I need in a man right now.  I don’t need money, a fancy house, or sexy bedroom eyes.  I need a man who’ll be there for me when the baby gets sick at two in the morning, and to do the laundry when I’m dead on my feet, or just to smile at me when I’ve had a craptastic day.  I’m tired of being alone.”

“Then hire a nanny with capped teeth.  That’s not a good reason to marry someone.”

“Maybe I love him.”

“No, you don’t,” Adam snorted, not convinced in the slightest by my reply.

“I could love him if I wanted to,” I insisted.  “He’s good looking and decent and he makes me laugh.”

“So does Sam, it doesn’t mean you should marry him either.”

The mention of Sam brought a whole other rush of frustrations for his boneheaded treatment of Daphne, pretty much killing his point.  “Well, it’s not up to you.  Is that the only reason you came here?  To order me not to marry Parker?”

“I’m not ordering you, I’m pointing out the stupidity of your impending decision.”

“Fine, then I’m pointing out the stupidity of your continued absence.”

“Maybe someday…” A wistful note crept into his voice and I had to force my train of thought not to go there.  Not that I was ready to take him back like nothing happened, but if he’d decide to beg my forgiveness and pledge to be by my side always instead of his stupid Ether idea…

“I can’t live my life for someday.  If you can’t make a commitment to me and our daughter right now…”

“It’s a girl?”  He lost his train of thought, eyes landing on my belly again with wonder before he tore his gaze back up to mine.  I saw the answer in his eyes before he said the words.  “You know I can’t.”

“I’m serious Adam.  If you can’t be here for us, then you should just leave and don’t come back.”

Adam looked as though I’d slapped him.  “You don’t mean that.”

“The hell I don’t.  I told you, this isn’t about you and me anymore.  I have to think about our future.  I mean it, Adam.”

“Mercy…”

I walked to the door, pulling it open expectantly.  “Goodbye, Adam.”

Adam was silent as he crossed the room, until he paused in front of me.  “You know this isn’t over between us.  You still love me.”

“I know I do,” I acknowledged, swallowing past a lump of emotion that made it difficult to speak.  “Part of me will always love you.  But I can’t let you hurt me anymore.  I deserve to be with a man who loves me every day.”

Pain flickered across his features and Adam gave me a last, lingering look.  “I never wanted to hurt you.”

I looked away, not trusting myself to speak because it took everything I had not to pull him into my arms for a kiss goodbye, or to throw all my good intentions aside and take what he offered.  Adam paused, waiting for me to reply, his boots ringing on the cheap linoleum in the hallway once he got the message loud and clear.

Shutting the door, I sagged against the wall, biting my lips to keep from making any sound as the tears spilled freely down my cheeks.

It was over, really over.  I wanted to crawl into a hole and cry for a week, until Bunny kicked me firmly in the ribs and I was reminded my life wasn’t over.  Far from it.  No matter how much it hurt to say those things to Adam, I meant every word of it.  I deserved better, and I would make a better life for my child no matter what.

Swiping at my cheeks, I made a beeline for the box of tissues on the coffee table, blowing my nose noisily.  “You can come out now, Nelo.  The yelling part is over.”

I knew how much it bothered him when we fought, and it strengthened my feeling that I’d done the right thing.  How much would it bother our child to suffer through arguments over the years?  My psyche still had the battle scars from my screwed up childhood, I couldn’t put my daughter through it if I had a choice in the matter.

“Master Adam is gone?” Nelo stepped out of the shadow behind the TV, amber eyes looming large in his face.

“Yep, Adam is gone for good.”

“I thought you wanted him to return,” he blinked in confusion.

“I did.”

“But you don’t any longer?”

“It’s… complicated, Nelo.”

“If you say so, Mistress.”

I sat there on the couch, my eyes on the darkness outside the sliding glass door as Nelo puttered around the apartment, leaving me to my thoughts.  Gradually the sky lightened, revealing a gray, drizzly day that matched my mood.

I kept coming back to the last thing I’d said to Adam.  I deserved to be with a man who loved me every day.  But what about what Parker - didn’t he deserve the same?

“What am I doing?” I murmured to the empty room, gratified when Nelo’s head poked out of the closet.

“Were you speaking to me, Mistress?”

“Tell me I’m not making a huge mistake in marrying Parker.”

“You are not making a huge mistake in marrying Parker,” he parroted back, and I shot him a look.

“No… don’t tell me what you think I want to hear, tell me what you really think.”

“He loves you very much.”

“Yeah,” I nodded, laying my head on the arm of the couch, “that’s the problem.”

* * *

Three hours later found me in the exact same position on the couch.  I didn’t feel particularly tired, more numb than anything, really.  It was the baby kicking that got me up and moving around again.  Going through the motions, I took a shower and forced myself to make a bagel.  Once I started eating I quickly became ravenous, polishing off a container of yogurt and a stale oatmeal cookie to boot (don’t judge, oatmeal is a breakfast food).

A niggling, uneasy feeling plagued me under everything I did and after kicking around the apartment for another restless hour, I knew what I had to do.

Hardly knowing if he’d be awake so early, I drove to Parker’s house, knocking on the back door once I saw the kitchen light on.  Parker answered the door in a pair of flannel boxers and a t-shirt, his hair still matted from sleep.

“This is a nice surprise,” he smiled wide, holding the door open for me to enter.  “What brings you over so bright and early?”

“I can’t do it.  I’m sorry,” I blurted out, pushing past him into the shiny, perfect kitchen.

“Can’t do what?”

“I thought I could, but it would just be screwing up three lives instead of fixing them.”

“Screwing up whose lives?”  His slack jaw showed he wasn’t tracking my part of the conversation very well and I let out a long breath.

“I can’t marry you, Parker.  You deserve so much more than I have to give.”

Understanding dawned, and with it came a furrow to his brow.  “That’s for me to decide, isn’t it?  I happen to think I’d be lucky to have you.”

“No, I can’t let you put your life on hold for me on the off chance I might learn to love you.  We’re setting ourselves up for failure and dragging Bunny into it in the bargain.”

“We talked about this before, Mercy, and you were fine with it.  What’s got you all in a tizzy over it?”

“Adam came to see me last night,” I admitted, a ribbon of guilt slicing through me even though it wasn’t like I’d done anything wrong.  Parker jumped to his own conclusions though, his face twisting into a scowl.

“So, that’s what this is about.  He snaps his fingers and you go running back to him.  You could have said so, Merce.  You didn’t have to make out like you’re doing me this big favor because you care about me so much,” he replied bitterly and I laid my hand on his arm, sending him a burst of soothing Grace.

“No, it wasn’t like that.  I told Adam to leave, that I deserved better.”

“You did?” he blinked.  “I don’t get it, then what’s the problem?”

“That’s just it, Parker, don’t you see?  We both deserve better.  We both deserve someone to love who will love us back and be there no matter what.  I know how you feel about me, but what if I never feel the same way?”

“I told you, I’m willing to take whatever you give me.”  He laid his hand over mine, his voice softening.

“What if I can’t live with myself knowing you made that kind of a sacrifice for me?”

“You can’t live your life based on what ifs, you’ll drive yourself nuts.  There are no guarantees in life, you have to play the cards you’re dealt and make the best of them.  That’s all I want to do, Merce, make the best of both our lives.”

“What if someday you decide that’s not enough?” I pressed, unwilling to drop it.

Parker’s head canted to one side.  “You honestly don’t feel anything for me?”

That wasn’t true.  Part of me definitely felt something when he kissed me.  Part of me could very easily learn to love Parker, but it was a small part for the time being and he deserved a whole woman.  I knew what I had to do or he’d keep nursing the hope that I’d change my mind.  “No, I love you as a friend, nothing more.”

I watched the play of emotions over his face as Parker went through hurt and disappointment to resignation.  “Fine, then stay here with me, as a friend.”

“Move in here with you anyway?”  Was he serious?

“Yeah, why not?  You still need help with the baby on the way and I’ve got the space all decked out for you.  You already gave your landlord notice on your apartment, right?”

There were so many problems with that suggestion I wasn’t sure where to begin.  “Parker…”

“No, hear me out,” he interrupted, taking my hand in his.  “I know you want to be strong and on your own, and you don’t want to be a burden and all that shit, but I need this too.  Do you think I did all of this for me?”  He gestured to the modern kitchen, a cook’s dream.  “Every time I went to those appointments with you, they talked to me like I was the father, like I was a real part of your life, and I just… I want that.  I want to share this with you, Merce.  I want to be there when she’s born and for her first tooth and her first bike ride.  I want to do all those normal things you do with kids that I missed out on the first time around.  Don’t marry me if you don’t want to, but don’t cut me out of her life too.”

I saw the naked emotion behind his eyes, how much he wanted to be a part of our lives and I felt my resolve crumble.  “So, we’d skip the wedding and I just move in here with you.  Like roommates.”

“More than roommates, I’m hoping.”  His smile returned as he sensed I wasn’t completely rejecting his offer.  “But I can wait until you’re ready.”

“With separate bedrooms.”

“For as long as you want.”  He tugged me closer and I couldn’t help but notice how well the unshaven look suited him.

“Friends…”

“Friends,” he repeated, fingers brushing along the tops of my arms, “with benefits.”

“What kind of benefits?”  My imagination was already running wild, involving the breakfast bar.

His gaze dropped to my lips.  “I can kiss you whenever I want, not just when angry policewomen are present.”

The corner of my mouth twitched before I forced myself not to smile.  “Not at work though, that wouldn’t be appropriate.”

“Whenever I want,” he repeated, our breath mingling as he stopped a hair’s breadth away from my mouth.

“Kissing is definitely negotiable,” I murmured against his lips, the last of my self-discipline falling away.

“Whenever I want.”  Parker’s mouth took possession of mine, wooing me with a slow, deliberate kiss until I would have promised him anything.  Instead, he pulled back with a satisfied grin.  “Until you tell me not to.”

“Deal,” I breathed, taking a moment to collect myself.  “But if it gets weird, I’m leaving.”

“Deal.”  His grin stretched wider.  “Now, how about some eggs?”

Chapter Nineteen

I moved in the next day.  Or at least, I started to.  It took a lot of little trips to haul my stuff over there, so it ended up being over a week later by the time I had everything out of the apartment.  It turned out Matty didn’t take my furniture after all since he was on the Vegas kick, but the Veterans’ charity organization came to pick it all up for me.  I was sad to see the fake leather sofa go, I’d spent many a happy hour on it, but it was nice to think about it going to a good cause.  Ditto with my bed (the bed in Parker’s spare room had a much nicer mattress), and most of my other furniture.  Besides my boxes of stuff, the only real furniture I brought with me was my dining set.  Even though it was far too small for his formal dining room, it was better than nothing.

Parker insisted I could put my stuff anywhere I liked because he wanted me to make myself at home.  I loved, loved, loved the big kitchen, using every inch of counter space when the baking bug hit me.  I never realized how sucky my old kitchen was until I got spoiled by the modern appliances.  Like the ice maker.  Anytime you want it, ice at the press of a button.  I get that most people have been hip to that convenience for a while, but for those of us who lived in older apartment buildings, it was like stepping into the future.

For the most part it was just like when we hung out before, only I didn’t go home at night, instead I went upstairs to bed.  Parker didn’t try to put the moves on me anymore than he had before, despite his ability to ‘kiss me whenever he wanted’.  All in all, I have to say it was kinda nice to have someone share things with.  Someone to cook for and watch TV with.

And Nelo, he loved the new place.  Parker gave him the entire basement as his own demon pad, which suited Nelo fine.  Parker promised to fix it up with drywall and carpet eventually after the common spaces were done.  Nelo was in no hurry.  He didn’t mind the unfinished floors or the concrete walls.  With blackout curtains on the windows and a big fluffy dog bed on the floor, he was in demon heaven.

I could tell Parker wasn’t used to having the little guy around all the time, but he didn’t appear uncomfortable at all.  I figured it was good practice for him for when Bunny got older, fielding Nelo’s random questions.  After a few days we settled into a fairly normal routine.  Nelo took up his usual chores around the house and even assisted Parker with some of the easier tasks, like sanding and painting.  Let me tell you, you haven’t lived until you’ve walked in on your boss/boyfriend and his trusty demon helper whistling along with cartoons on the television while they painted window casings.

Mimsy was another story.  She set one foot in the place and hissed, retreating to the safety of the cat carrier.  No amount of coaxing or tuna could get her to come out and explore the house.  In the end, we put her down in Nelo’s space until she got used to the place and they both seemed happy with the arrangement.

For the first Totally Awesome Tuesday, my usual day off, Parker was at work when Daphne came over.  After giving her the fifty cent tour, we settled into the cozy living room to watch a movie about killer robots from outer space.

She’d taken the news about calling the wedding off harder than I thought she would, but we hadn’t had much of a chance to talk about it since.  I hadn’t told her about my visit from Adam yet.

“Isn’t it weird, living here with Parker after cancelling the wedding and everything?” she asked after we had the popcorn between us.

“You’d think it would be, but so far it’s not.  Parker’s been… just like normal.”  I had zero complaints.

“Except that he loves you.”

“But he’s not being all googly eyed and lovey, that’s the difference.  He’s giving me space, which is exactly what I need right now.  And we’re definitely getting closer,” I admitted, telling her about his kissing clause in our agreement, sensing it would appeal to her sense of the romantic.

“Then you are starting to have those kinds of feelings for him, I knew it!”  She grinned in vindication.

“I’m not made of stone, Daph.  He’s a very good kisser.”  I allowed myself a dreamy sigh.

“So why not marry him and do the family thing?”

“Because I only want to get married once and I want it to be for love, not necessity.”

Daphne was silent for a few minutes as we watched the movie.  “You’re still holding out on Adam returning, is that it?”

I had to tell her.  “Actually, I saw Adam last week.”

Daphne grabbed for the remote, pausing the movie.  “Spill,” she demanded.

It wasn’t that I didn’t want to tell her about it, I just didn’t like talking about the conversation at all.  It was heartbreaking to relive it all in detail, so I summed it up the best I could.  “Adam showed up to say we should get back together again.”

“Oh Mercy, that’s wonderful!”

I held my hand up before she picked up too much steam.  “In the Ether only.  He still doesn’t want to risk being together in the real world.”

“What did you say?  Is that why you called off the wedding?  Because you’re seeing Adam in the Ether?”

“No, of course not. I couldn’t do that to Parker.”  Not that he’d ever know about it.  All he’d realize was that I spent too much time sleeping, but I’d know, and I wasn’t the type to keep an angel on the side.

“Couldn’t do that to Parker… what about Adam?  How could you say no to him?”

I realized if Sam made her the same offer she would’ve jumped at the chance.  Maybe he should have, they could’ve been somewhat happy I suppose, but it wasn’t for me.  “I can’t do that, Daphne.  I have our baby to think about.  I can’t spend all my time in another reality.  I laid it all out on the line.  I told him he had to either make a commitment to me and the baby or leave and never come back.”

“What did he say?”  Her eyes grew wide and I shook my head.

“He left.”

“Oh Mercy, I’m so sorry.”  Her pretty blue eyes filled with tears, and I think it had to do a little more with her own abandonment issues than my situation.

“It’s alright, I’ll be fine.  I told you, it’s better to make a clean break and move on.  All that pining, waiting for him to show… that was the worst part, I’m glad it’s over.  Who says I need a man to be happy anyway?”

“What are you going to tell Bunny about him?”

“I have no idea.  I guess it’ll depend on whether or not she turns out to be a normal little girl or if there’s something… different about her.”  I couldn’t say monstrous, not about my own child, not anymore.  “For all I know she’ll be born knowing what she is and where she comes from.”

“I never thought of that before,” Daphne murmured, deep in thought.

“I’ve had plenty of time to explore theories.”  I patted my hand against my middle.  In the end I’d had to leave it all behind and hope for the best.

“Hey, speaking of time, you’re running out of it to pick a name.  Have you made any decisions yet, or are you sticking with Bunny?”

“No, I’m not mean enough to do that to her,” I laughed, reaching for the pad of paper I kept on the little table by my side of the couch.  Whenever I saw a name I liked from movies or whatever, I jotted it down.  “Here’s the short list.”

We restarted the movie, and I added to the list a bit, nothing I was really serious about though, unless I wanted to name my daughter after a slutty robot or a dumb bimbo.  Daphne begged off watching the third movie, opting to head for home, and I admit, I wasn’t in a lather to watch it either.

When Parker came home, he joined me on the couch, and it was my turn to treat him to a shoulder massage since he’d been the one to work all night.  He might have magic fingers, but I had the benefit of my Grace to heal the aches and pains from a long day at the club.

“Am I allowed to tell you how awesome you are?” he sighed contentedly.

“Me or my hands?”

“All of you, but your hands are exceptionally awesome.”  He kissed the back of one of my hands, and then the other before craning his neck to steal a quick kiss.

“You’re in a good mood tonight.”

“Why shouldn’t I be?  I’ve got my two best girls here,” he said, rubbing my belly gently.  Then he raised his bottle and set it on the table.  “I’ve got a beer in hand, and business is good.  It doesn’t get a whole lot better than this.”

“I can think of one way.”  I leaned closer for a brief kiss, but Parker didn’t let me get away so easily.  He did a much more thorough job of it before he released me.

“I stand corrected.  You can make my day better anytime you want, darlin’.”

“I’ll let you in on a little secret.”  My hands slipped lower, brushing across the solid planes of his chest.  “I think you’re pretty awesome yourself.”

“Really…”  He quirked a brow, turning this body into my touch, his hand sliding across my belly to rest against my hip as he positioned himself for another kiss.  “Let me ask you this,” he said against my lips, but it was long seconds before he stopped kissing long enough to pose the question.  “If you’re awesome… and I’m awesome…”  Barely aware of whatever point he was making, I was far more interested in what his hands were doing.  “Doesn’t it make sense we would be awesome together?”

“Very awesome,” I nodded, my head falling to one side as he nibbled down the side of my jaw to my ear.

“Let me know if I’m out of line here, I don’t want to pressure you.”  Despite the words, he kept up his tender assault, teeth catching hold of my earlobe as his hands continued to explore.

“No, you’re fine.”  I sucked in a breath as his thumb brushed over my sensitive breasts.  I felt pressure alright.  Not from him, but rather building between us as I let my hands roam as well.

“You know,” he continued a path down the side of my neck, pausing to lave his tongue over the hollow at my collar bone.  “There are all kinds of awesome.  It doesn’t have to be all or nothing.”

“You don’t say.”  I let my fingers graze lower, a thrill going through me as I felt his sharp intake of breath against my throat.  We were heading towards dangerous territory, but I didn’t want to stop, not yet.

“Mmm, I do, I definitely do.  How about we settle for some PG-13 awesome?”

“How awesome is that?”

“Touching only, clothes are optional, either here or upstairs.”

I could still think clearly enough to realize that if we went upstairs we’d end up doing a hell of a lot more than touching.  “The clothes stay on, we stay here,” I insisted.

“Deal, just don’t stop doing that.”

“What if I do this instead?”

“Awesome…” he groaned, capturing my mouth with his.

It was a little like dating in high school, feverishly hoping no one walked in before you got there, and we were both breathing hard by the time we collapsed against each other on the couch.  I felt warm and tingly all over and very, very relaxed.  I listened to Parker’s heart beat against mine until we both calmed, neither one of us making a move to get up for the time being.  Parts of me ached for something more, but it was enough.

“It just doesn’t get any better than this,” Parker murmured into my hair drowsily, and I sighed contentedly, snuggling deeper into his side on the couch.

Chapter Twenty

I don’t know when it happened exactly, but somewhere along the line I forgot to be self conscious around Parker.

Did my pregnant stomach get in the way between us sometimes?

Yep.

Did it feel weird?

Not so much.

It probably helped that he obviously didn’t have an issue with it at all.  Not only did he seem to like the way I looked at the end of my third trimester, he went out of his way to touch me in some small way every time we were together.

I don’t know when it stopped bothering me if he kissed me at work, and when I started to think of Parker not as a friend or even a friend with benefits, but as my guy.  It was as if canceling the wedding took off some kind of pressure to act a certain way and all of a sudden… I didn’t feel pressure, I could just feel.  And what I felt was real and good, and the best part of all was that he showed no signs of bolting every time he got a piece of news he didn’t like.

As things between us grew more and more… awesome, I started sleeping in the master bedroom with him, even though we hadn’t taken that final big step into NC-17 awesomeness yet.  He didn’t seem to be in too much of a hurry to reach that level of intimacy, but I did catch him giving Dr. Hathaway a wink when the doc okayed sex to help induce contractions at my last check up.

In the last few weeks of my pregnancy, I wasn’t feeling all that great though.  Hot and uncomfortable, it proved impossible to sit comfortably for too long with my swelling girth.  Not having air conditioning isn’t normally a problem in Washington, but for about two weeks every year it gets swelteringly hot.  It wasn’t as bad as my third floor apartment, but it definitely added to my level of discomfort.

Despite the physical awkwardness, I kept working, though I didn’t hustle drinks quite as fast as I could in my spry days.  Thanks to my Grace, I didn’t suffer too badly from low back pain or aching feet from being on them all day.  Mostly I just felt big and unwieldy, all too ready for Bunny to put in an appearance so I could get my body back.

But when the first contraction hit me, I wasn’t nearly as ready as I thought I’d be.  The pain hit fast and hard, out of nowhere, and I dropped a full pitcher of beer before I remembered to try and breathe through it.

“Ooh, good job, butterfingers,” Jilly grinned, before she realized it was more than a slip of the hand.  “Hey, are you alright?”

“Super,” I bit out, still not getting the hang of the breathing thing while my insides felt like they were being torn apart.  But then it started to ease, and I sucked in a shallow breath, holding tight to the bar while the pain faded.  “I’m gonna go sit down for a few minutes.  Can you help Luis at the bar for a bit?”

“No problem, go right ahead.”  Jilly watched me shuffle slowly to Parker’s office, half hunched over as I recovered.

Parker took one look at me when I staggered through the door and I wished I’d had the presence of mind to make myself dim before entering.  “What’s wrong?” he demanded, coming out from behind his desk.

Suddenly, sitting in his office didn’t sound so good.  I wanted to lie down in comfort.  “I think I’d better go on home.”

“Is it the baby?”

“Just one contraction, nothing to get worried about, but if they keep coming steady I’ll head over to the hospital and give you a call.”  I reached for my purse, but he plucked it out of my reach.

“Are you nuts?  I’m coming with you.”

“Parker, you know the first stages of labor can take hours and hours and we don’t even know if these are those Braxton thingies or not.”  Though it sure didn’t feel anything like a practice contraction.

“I’m not letting you drive my car.  What if you crash it having another contraction?”

“That’s what insurance is for.”  I reached for my purse again, coming away with it successfully.  “Besides, if I feel another one come on, I’ll pull over until it passes.”  It sounded simple enough, but if I had a repeat incident like I did with the pitcher of beer, he definitely had cause to worry.  Still, I stubbornly headed for the door with Parker hot on my heels.

“I’m not taking the chance and missing out on my daughter’s birth.  If it turns out to be nothing then fine.  But I’m driving,” he insisted, holding the door open for me.

I caught the slip, but didn’t call him on it.  I had other things on my mind as another contraction came hot on the heels of the first.  “Motherfu…” I clenched my eyes shut against the pain, gripping the doorframe tightly.  Was that supposed to happen?  I’d thought they’d be more like ten or fifteen minutes apart to start with.  I’d barely had a few minutes between them.

“Is everything okay?  Jilly said you’re going into labor.”  I heard Walter, the bouncer, ask, but I wasn’t capable of answering yet.

“Looks like it,” Parker replied, his voice thick with tension or excitement, maybe both.

“Do you need some help?  I could carry her to the car.”

The pain started to fade and I sucked in a greedy breath, taking in Walter’s worried expression.  He always was a sweet guy.

“I’m okay,” I breathed, taking a step forward, but Parker wasn’t so sure.

“No, if anyone’s gonna carry her it’ll be me.”   They argued over the best way to get me to the hospital, with Walter favoring calling an ambulance and Parker insisting he could get me there in half the time.

“Guys, I’m not an invalid, I’m having a baby,” I interrupted.  “Dr. H said walking is good during the first stages of labor.  I’m sure I can…”  I dropped my purse as another contraction hit, and a mewling sound I didn’t recognize came out of my mouth as I fought to ride it out.  That couldn’t be normal.

“Just breathe,” Parker said by my ear and I tried to do what he said, but it was tough to draw in a breath when every movement made the fire in my belly so much worse.  I started to pant, sounding nothing like the breathing exercises in class, but somehow it got me through it and I opened my eyes to see a small crowd of people gathered around me.  “Okay, give me a hand with her.  Jilly get the door.  Luis, the next round’s on the house.”  Walter stepped up on my other side, and between both men my feet barely touched the ground between the bar and the front door.  I didn’t argue any more, I just wanted to get to somewhere where I could lay down and die in privacy.

Not three steps into the parking lot I felt a warm rush of fluid and we all stared at the ground stupidly, paralyzed for a moment as my water broke.  Under the harsh streetlight, I saw tinges of blood.  It wasn’t supposed to be bloody, was it?  “Parker?”

“I’m gonna get you there, darlin’, don’t worry.  Walter, hold her up, I’ll go bring the car around.”  I felt myself handed off, but my sense of the passage of time for Parker to get the car was severely warped by the onset of another contraction.   Walter must have picked me up, because the next thing I knew, I was in the front seat of Parker’s car.

Parker kept up a steady litany of supportive instructions as he drove like a bat out of hell to the hospital.  He remembered way more of the childbirth class than I did, but nothing I was supposed to do to get through the pain did any good.

After another particularly strong one, I noticed I’d cracked the hand grip on the door handle from holding on too tightly.  “It’s not helping,” I panted, out of breath.  “I feel like I’m gonna split in two.”

“We’re almost there.  It’ll be alright, I promise.”

I caught his expression though, there was definitely fear behind his eyes.

Thanks to the pre-registration process, checking into the hospital went swifter than checking into a hotel, and I was wheeled up to the labor and delivery floor within minutes.  Somehow I’d gotten it into my brain that once I got to the hospital everything would be okay, but the pain didn’t lessen as Parker helped me change into a hospital gown and climb onto the bed.

“This is crazy, I’m gonna have the nurse give you something to kill the pain.”  Parker reached for the nurse call button after we’d been left alone for a few minutes, but I shook my head.

“No, no drugs.”  I couldn’t take a chance it might affect Bunny adversely.  And if there was a problem, I wanted to be in my right mind to deal with it.  Sure, the pain was awful, but so far it wasn’t more than I could handle.  Besides, women had been giving birth drug free for thousands of years.  I could handle it.  God, I was stupid.

The nurse arrived all the same, so Parker must have pressed the button.  Asking me a zillion questions, she paused patiently when I couldn’t answer due to the pain, picking up again as if nothing happened once it passed.

“Did you call Dr. Hathaway?” I managed to get in a question of my own.

“He’s not on call tonight.  Dr. Helfer is going to attend to you,” she replied with a friendly smile.

“What?  But Hathaway is supposed to be here, he said we could call…”  Another contraction hit, I could have sworn they were coming faster.

“I’ll go call him, Merce.”

“No, don’t leave me.”  I held onto his hand with a deathgrip, and I saw him wince.  Forcing myself to loosen my hold before I broke him like I broke his car door, I pleaded with him to stay.  “Please, Parker.”

“I’ll do whatever you want, sweetheart.”  He brushed the hair away from my brow and kissed my forehead.  “Nurse, we were led to believe it’d be her own OB/GYN to deliver the baby.”

“Right, and it probably will be when she’s ready to deliver sometime tomorrow morning,” she nodded.  “But there’s no need to wake him up now, it’ll probably be hours yet before she’s ready to push.  You want him to be well rested, don’t you?”

I officially hated the friendly nurse with a passion.  How was I supposed to survive for hours?  A scream caught in the back of my throat as I felt another contraction hit, followed by a rush of warmth.  Something was wrong, I could tell.

“Oh, my God.”  I heard Parker say by my side.  “That’s not… it’s not supposed to do that is it?”

“Sweet Mary…” she breathed.  “I’ll go get the doctor.”

“What is it?  What’s wrong?” I whimpered, too weak to lift my head off the pillow to see what had them freaked out.

“It’s gonna be fine, Mercy.  They’ll know what to do.”

I could tell he didn’t believe it though.  My head lolled to one side and I caught sight of deep, red stains on the sheets below my waist.  “No… no, this can’t… I can’t…” Fat tears rolled down my cheeks as another wave of pain tore through me and I somehow found the breath to scream, not caring who heard me anymore.

“Don’t leave me, okay?”  My voice was little more than a croak when it passed.

“I’ll never leave you, Mercy.  I love you.”  He kissed the back of my hand, holding it over his heart.

I believed him.  And all at once I knew I felt the same way.  “I love you too, Parker.  I thought you should know, just in case…”

“Don’t…” his brows twitched together. “It’s fine.  We’re in the hospital, they know exactly what to do.  In ten minutes we’ll have a perfect baby girl and you get an interesting new scar for bikini season.”  He gave a fair approximation of his regular grin.

“Parker, that’s…” I couldn’t talk, I couldn’t breathe, I couldn’t even scream as the pain intensified.  Dimly, I became aware of other people in the room, and a flurry of activity around me.  A dizzying sensation swept over me as I was moved to a gurney and I felt Parker drop my hand.  “Parker…” I struggled to call out to him, but I don’t think I made any noise.

“I’m right behind you.  It’ll be okay, angel, you’ll see.”

My last fleeting thought was that I hoped to God he was right and I lived to see them both before I slipped into the comforting embrace of darkness.

Chapter Twenty-One

I hate hospitals.

I don’t know if I’ve ever mentioned that before, but you can probably guess why.  Nothing against the people who work in them.  I’ve met my share of helpful staff, that’s not my beef at all.  Even before I almost died in one, they made me uncomfortable, and since the cocktail of Sam, Adam and Raziel’s Grace made me more than human, I had extra reason to be uneasy.

Nothing good ever seemed to come from a hospital stay.  Not to say they didn’t save lives and all, but in general, hospital = bad times in my books.  I’d almost started to convince myself that it could all change with the baby coming though.  Finally, a happy reason to go to the hospital.  I’d gone through the tour with an open mind, and was impressed with the friendly and knowledgeable staff there.

But when I woke up alone in the darkened hospital room, I knew I shouldn’t have been so optimistic.

I had on a fresh hospital gown, covered in little blue flowers.  No sign of blood or anything to indicate how bad things had gotten.  It took me a few seconds to realize there wasn’t any sign of the baby either, my flat (well, flatter) stomach being the only clue I’d delivered her.  I didn’t feel any pain, just a general soreness around my abdominal area.

So where was my Bunny?

Or Parker for that matter?  Then again, who knew how long I’d been out cold?  Maybe he was with her?  Or getting a cup of coffee or something?

Looking around for the nurse call button, I found it looped around the bedrail and was in the process of reaching for it when the toilet flushed in the bathroom.  Flooded with relief, I sat higher, expecting Parker to come through the door, but it was Daphne who opened it.

“Oh, you’re awake,” she smiled sunnily.  “Great, now I can open some of these curtains, huh?”  Without pausing she went to the windows and I realized it was actually mid-afternoon.

“Where’s Parker?” I asked, swallowing against the dryness in my throat.  Somehow I thought my voice should be worn out from screaming, but I supposed I had the Grace to thank for healing it.

“He’ll be up in a minute.  He went down to get you some ice cream.”

An odd choice, I thought, but it eased my mind.  Ice cream sounded celebratory.  Pushing the button to sit upright, I tested my range of motion, and everything seemed to be in working order, that had to be a good sign too.  “Did everything go alright?”

“Like a charm,” she grinned.  “You should rest your voice though.”

Ignoring the advice, I didn’t bother to remind her about the healing Grace.  “But they whisked me in there so fast, how is she?” I pressed, needing to hear she’d come through it alright.

“You’re fine.”

“No, how is Bunny?  Is she healthy?”  Is she normal?

“Bunny?”  She stared at me blankly.

Parker stuck his head in, smiling once he saw me up and talking.  “Hey, how’s my girl?  They didn’t have any chocolate, but I got mint chip.  I figured that might be more soothing anyway.  How are you feeling?”  He leaned down to kiss my forehead.

“I’d be better if you could tell me everything went down alright.  Did they have to do emergency surgery?”

“No, the doc said it all went like clockwork.  You’re gonna be fine.”

“But what about Bunny?  Is she okay?  I’d like to see her.”

Parker traded looks with Daphne and she shrugged.  “I don’t know, she asked about that before.  You want me to stop by your place and pick up a stuffed animal?”

They had to be screwing with me.  It was annoying, but at least I had the comfort of knowing they wouldn’t joke around like that if she was really sick or worse.  “Funny, guys.  I’d like to see my baby now if it’s all the same to you.”

“What baby?” Daphne asked blankly and a kernel of worry started to form in the pit of my stomach.

“The baby.  My baby.  The entire reason I’m here.  I’d like to see her.”  Deciding the joke had gone far enough, I pressed the button to call the nurse.

“Whoa, maybe you should take it easy.”  Parker took the call button away from me, but not before I saw the little light go on.  “They said she might be loopy, didn’t they?”

“Yes, but she’s been out of recovery for a while now,” Daphne frowned, and I lost it.

“Would you two stop talking about me like I’m not here?  I want to see my baby and I want to see her now.”  If I had to get up and search for her myself, I would.  In fact, it didn’t sound like a bad idea at all.  I started to pull back the covers as the nurse came in.  “Oh, thank God,” I breathed in relief.  “Can you please have them bring my baby in?  I’d like to see her.”

“You know, we really don’t encourage you to bring babies in for visiting time because of all the germs.  But as long as you keep it short, I don’t see a problem with it.”  The nurse looked to Parker and Daphne as if they’d be the ones to fetch said baby.

“You don’t recommend newborns visit in the maternity wing?  On the tour they said we could keep her with us the whole time once all the initial tests were done.”

“Well sure, on the maternity floor.”  Her smile grew puzzled.  “But we generally don’t bring them down here.”

I think I exercised my patience pretty well as I found my calm voice.  “Why am I not on the maternity floor?”

“Why would you be?  You had a tonsillectomy.”

“Is everyone high?  I was nine months pregnant when I checked in.”  Everyone laughed and I felt like my eye was about to explode in its socket if someone didn’t take me seriously pretty damn quick.  “Hello?  Do not tell me you screwed up my chart and lost my child.  You’d better find her fast or you’re gonna have one hell of a lawsuit on your hands, lady.”  My eyes blazed with anger and frustration and it took everything I had not to summon the sword to get her attention.

“I think maybe I’d better get the doctor,” the nurse murmured, backing away.

“Please do,” I glowered, falling back against the pillow when she left the room.  “I can’t believe this.  You hear about crap like this on TV, but you never expect it to be true.”

“Merce, lie back and take a breath.”  Parker picked up my hand.  “I’m sure they’ll sort everything out.”

“How can you say that when she’s missing?  When’s the last time you saw her?  Daphne, can you go down to the nursery and see if you can find her please?”

“Mercy…” Daphne sat on the edge of the bed instead of doing as I asked.  “You know we love you, but we don’t know what you’re talking about.  There is no baby.  The nurse was right, you’re here to have your tonsils out.”

“That’s crazy.  I had my tonsils out when I was fourteen.  Parker, tell her…”

“Maybe you’re having a bad reaction to the anesthesia?”  He shrugged and a ribbon of fear sliced through me.

“No… this isn’t happening…”  What the hell was going on?

“Whoa, where do you think you’re going?  You’re supposed to stay in bed.”  Parker blocked my path the moment I swung my legs off the side of the bed.

“I have to find her.  She’s somewhere in this hospital and if neither of you will help me, I’ll have to do it myself.  Now get out of my way.”

“Be reasonable…”  He started to protest and I physically moved him aside.  I wasn’t up to full strength yet, but it was definitely enough to overpower him.

“Mercy, calm down,” Daphne pleaded.  “We’ll help you, okay?  Just lie back down.”

I recognized the ploy for what it was, and I wasn’t in the mood.  Unfortunately, the doctor picked that moment to show up, some guy I’d never seen before.

“I understand we’re having a bit of disorientation, is that right?”  He smiled condescendingly and I ignored him, looking for my clothes, but they were nowhere to be found.

“She’s a little off kilter today,” Parker replied.  “Is that normal after a routine surgery?”

“Why don’t you have a seat and let me take a look at you?”  The doctor laid a hand on my shoulder and I brushed him off.

“Thanks all the same, doctor, but unless you can point me in the direction of my baby, I’m not interested.”  I couldn’t find any clothes, so that meant I’d have to hope the crossover flap stayed closed on the thin robe.  Not that I cared all that much though, my first thought was for finding Bunny.

“Doc, she doesn’t, ah… have a baby.”  I heard Parker say, sotto voce and I lost it.

“Don’t say that!” I yelled, a sob rising in my chest.  I didn’t know why none of them remembered my pregnancy, but I knew in my heart I wasn’t delusional.  “I will find her and then I’ll show you.”

“Ma’am, you need to get back into bed.”  The doctor motioned and a male nurse appeared in the doorway.

“You can’t keep me here, I know my rights.”

“They’re just trying to help you, darlin’.”  Parker took their side as Daphne looked on, her face creased with worry.  “Get back in bed and we’ll get you checked out.”

“I told you, I have to find her.”  It was like talking to a stone.  And then the three of them advanced on me.  “Get away from me, I don’t want to hurt you.”  But I’d be damned if I let them keep me there against my will.

“No one wants to hurt you,” the doctor replied, but I felt multiple hands on me, urging me towards the bed.  I shoved at them, my angelic strength easily outmatching theirs, until I felt the prick of a needle and I knew I was screwed.

“Please, don’t do this,” I pleaded with Parker, whose face suddenly loomed large before my eyes.  “I have to find her.”

“Mercy, they’re gonna help you, I promise.”

“You promised she’d be okay,” I sobbed as I fought against the drugs, but they walked me back to the bed and there wasn’t much I could do about it, save fighting my way clear with a sword, which was impossible.

“Ma’am, if you’ll just calm down…” the doctor insisted, but all it brought was a surge of panic as I felt the darkness tease the edge of my vision.

“You calm the fuck down.  Adamiel!” I screamed for the one person who might help me.  The one person who might still remember the child that drove a wedge between us.  “Adamiel!” I screamed again.  At least I thought it was a scream.  As the drugs took hold of me, everything faded into oblivion.

* * *

I expected to wake up in a padded cell, my wrists strapped down with Velcro restraints, but it was the same hospital room when I opened my eyes.  Parker slouched in a chair in the corner, passed out cold.  He looked exhausted, or maybe just worried, even in his sleep.

Careful not to make a sound, I lifted up my gown, examining my abdomen closely.   There had to be some way I could prove I’d carried a child for the past nine months.  With the way the delivery had gone I’d assumed I was headed for an emergency c-section when they wheeled me away, but I found no sign of a scar, not even any stretch marks. With my angelic healing, I wasn’t sure what that meant.  The only indication I’d been pregnant at all was a few extra pounds I’d gained around my midsection, but that could be from overeating.  No… I wasn’t about to go there, I wasn’t crazy.

I did have a baby, and I had to find her.  The only trouble was… I had no idea how to go about doing it.

It was like someone hit the reset button and put everybody back to where they were before Christmas.  I wondered if Daphne or Parker remembered anything about fallen angels or my Grace?  What would I do if it had all been wiped clean?

No threat of demons trying to kidnap me, no Azazael hijacking Ben… was Matty still married to Oriana?  What about Nelo?  Would I find him living in our basement?  Our basement… did I still live with Parker or was I back in my apartment again in that reality?  If nothing supernatural touched my life anymore, I could go back to being regular old Mercy.  Bartender, lover of showtunes and sunscreen.  Life could get back to normal.

Only I wasn’t normal.

I was still me, Grace and all, and somewhere out there was my baby, whether they remembered her or not.

First things first, I had to get out of the hospital before they had me committed.  It was a safe bet I wouldn’t find Bunny in the nursery.  Someone had gone through a lot of trouble to spin the new reality, and the only way to find her was to find out who was behind it.

“Hey, you’re up.”  Parker straightened in his chair.  “Feeling better?”

There was such concern on his face, I at least knew one thing hadn’t changed.  “Yep, I am.  How did the surgery go, did my tonsils come out okay?” I offered a bland smile.

“Yeah… it went smooth as clockwork.”  He left the chair, coming to the side of the bed, clearly still worried about me.  “You don’t, ah… remember waking up after the surgery?”

“You mean in the recovery room?  No,” I lied smoothly.  “Hey, is there any water?  I’m so thirsty.”

“Sure, darlin’.”  Parker gave me a relieved smile, getting up to fill a plastic cup from the tap.

“You know I had the funniest dream.  I dreamt I was here to have a baby and they lost it,” I forced a laugh.  “Crazy, huh?”

“That’s some crazy dream alright,” he chuckled, sitting on the side of the bed to hold the cup for me.  “Was it mine?”

“That’d be kinda rushing things a little, don’t you think?” I raised a brow, taking a long sip, trying to gauge where things stood between us.

“A little,” he agreed, setting the cup aside when I was through.  “But someday maybe.”  Parker picked up my hand and gave it a squeeze.

So, we were definitely together, good to know.  “I thought Daphne would be here when I woke up.  Is she around?”

“You just missed her, she had to take off for work.  Listen, are you really feeling alright?”

“Yep, I feel fine.  Why?”  I searched his face, wondering if he’d tell me, but instead he shook his head.

“No reason, I’m just glad you’re alright.”

“My throat is a little sore, but I’m sure I’ll be healed up in no time.”

“That’s true, you sound normal, not hoarse or scratchy at all.”

“You know, I’m feeling so good, I think maybe I’ll check out instead of staying overnight.”

His face instantly clouded with worry.  “I’m not so sure that’s a good idea.  They have those guidelines for a reason.  If it’s the money…”

“No, that’s not it.”  I cut him off before he offered to pay for my bogus surgery.  “But you know me… if I stick around they may start to ask why I’m healing so fast.”  It was a calculated risk.  If he didn’t remember anything about angels or the Grace, he’d think I’d stepped off into the deep end again.  Luckily, he seemed to know exactly what I meant.

“I can see how that might be a problem.  Okay, I’ll help you with this prison break,” he winked.  “But we go straight home and you go right to bed, no arguments.  Deal?”

“Deal,” I smiled, letting out a long breath once he turned away.  I hated to use him like that, but I had to get out of there and it was the best way I could see short of jumping out the window.

I sat there with a placid smile on my face while the doctor came to examine me, feigning total ignorance of the earlier “episode”.  With Parker on my side promising round the clock care, he reluctantly signed my release papers.  And then it was a quick forty-five minute wait until they finally wheeled me out of the room.

My toes tapped with impatience the entire time, but I did my best to keep my cool, vowing not to deviate from the plan until I was in a safe place.  Parker drove me to his house, confirming we definitely still lived together, and once again I wondered where the line was drawn.  What other parts might be scrubbed from his memory?

Chapter Twenty-Two

It felt good to be up and around again when we got to the house, and the soreness I experienced quickly faded.  Still, I let Parker take my arm to help me up the stairs and I accepted his offer of a cup of tea once he had me settled in our bed in my own PJs.  The moment I heard him reach the bottom of the stairs I was out of bed like a shot, creeping down the hallway to Bunny’s room.

The room was still painted a pale blue, but the crib, the changing table… all the baby things, they were all gone.  Only the rocking chair still sat by the window, looking forlorn without its stuffed penguin.  A lump rose in my throat as I resisted the urge to sit in the chair and rock; I had to get back to bed to think things through.

True to his word, Parker stuck by my side like glue, ever anxious to keep me happy.  I suppose he was worried I’d start spouting nonsense again, but I’d learned my lesson in the hospital.  I wasn’t about to mention Bunny again until I had something to support my claim, and all I had to do was wait until dark.

I pretended to read a book while he took care of some work on his laptop, but I couldn’t focus on the plot.  There was too much riding on whether or not Nelo put in an appearance after sundown.  I guess I could have gone down to the basement looking for him, but it would have been too hard to explain away if he wasn’t there and I couldn’t figure out a good way to ask Parker if he remembered the demon living in our basement.

Nelo came up after the sun went down, a small plate of oreos in hand.  “Are you well, Mistress?”

“Nelo!”  Pulling him into my arms, I hugged him tight, the cookies forgotten.  I’d half expected him to be gone, and I was so relieved, I lost some of my tight control.  “I’m so glad to see you.”

“You just saw him yesterday.”  Parker shook his head in amusement, looking up from his laptop.

“Right,” I smiled, releasing my death grip on the poor little guy.  “But I really wanted some Oreos.”  I picked one off the bedspread and shoved it into my mouth.  “I don’t suppose you could get me a glass of milk?” I gave Parker a hopeful smile.

“I can fetch that for you, Mistress.”  Nelo started away, but I held fast to his arm.

“No, I need you to, um… do some mending for me.  I’ll show you what needs it.  Parker, could you please get the milk?  It’s time for your coffee right about now, too.  Isn’t it?”

Parker gave me an odd look, but closed the laptop with a sigh.  “Sure, no problem.  Are you sure you don’t want your usual cup of java too?”

Right.  Because I could drink caffeine again if I wasn’t pregnant.  “Actually, you’re right.  Coffee sounds so much better.  You know how I like it,” I smiled winsomely.  Parker left without argument, and I held on to Nelo’s arm until I guessed he’d reached the first floor.

“Is there something troubling you, Mistress?” Nelo fretted, his distress palpable.  I eased my grip on his arm, worried I’d hurt him.

“Yes, there is something troubling me big time,” I confided, keeping my voice low.  “Please tell me you remember the baby.”

“I remember the baby.”

Unfortunately, that could mean he was parroting back what I wanted to hear.  “No… wait.  Don’t say what I told you to say, tell me if you remember me being pregnant at all.”

“Of course, Mistress.”  His brow remained furrowed with concern even as his eyes dropped to my midsection.  “When you did not return last night, I thought she might have come by now but I don’t smell anyone else in the house.  Where is she?”

“You can smell how many people are in the… wait, nevermind.”  I shook my head, focusing on the bigger importance of what he’d just said.  “You definitely remember her then, my baby.  Mine and Adam’s.”

“I have not met her yet, but yes, of course I do.  Why would I not?”

“Thank God,” I breathed, eyes closing for a moment.  Not that I really thought I was nuts, but I felt a world of better at getting that confirmation.  “She’s missing.  And not only that, no one even remembers I was pregnant in the first place.”

Nelo took a moment to digest that, blinking at me owlishly.  “That is most strange, Mistress.  How could they not remember?”

“I have no idea, but Parker, Daphne, the people at the hospital - they thought I was nuts when I started talking about my baby and all her stuff is gone from the nursery.  We have to figure this out, Nelo, you and me.”

“No one has been here in your absence, I would have known it.  Even during the day.”  We sat in silence for a few minutes, munching on Oreos as we tried to figure out what it all meant.  “Why not call Master Adam?” he asked finally.

“Adam doesn’t care about our problems, Nelo.  For all I know he doesn’t remember a thing about the baby anymore either.”

“He is not human, he may have an idea how it was done.”

“That’s possible, but I already tried calling him, and nothing.”  Even if he’d been far away at the time it had been hours since I called for him at the hospital and not a peep.  Then again, he might not be all that inclined to come when I called after the way we’d left things between us.

“Why not try Sam then?”

“You are a genius,” I grinned, dropping a kiss on the top of his head.  “Samael?”  We sat around expectantly, and I called his name again a few times, but the only one who came into the room was Parker, a plastic tray in his hands.

Forgetting the pretense of taking it easy anymore, I hopped out of bed, armed with an ally this time when I confronted him.  “Parker, Nelo remembers Bunny!  See, I told you I’m not crazy,” I gushed, only to have Parker’s brows draw together into a single line.

“Not this again… you said you didn’t remember any of that stuff.”

“Yeah, well, you wouldn’t have let me come home if I hadn’t pretended, would you?”  Without waiting for an answer I pulled open dresser drawers looking for regular clothes to wear.  None of the maternity clothes were there, of course, but I was glad to get into my jeans again.

“I think I’d better call the doctor…”

“Don’t you dare,” I shot him a look.  “Don’t you get it?  Nelo remembers me being pregnant, just like I told you.  I’m not nuts.  Someone stole her and erased all of your memories about her.”

“Yeah, because that makes sense.”

“Think about it.  Sam’s prophecies talk about me being the mother of a new race without original sin and all that jazz.  Ben kidnapped me to try and help Azazael be reborn through me…”  From the look on his face, he didn’t remember any of that either.  “Nelo remembers it all, don’t you Nelo?”

“I do, Mistress,” he smiled brightly, but Parker wasn’t buying it.

“Nelo would say anything to make you happy,” he muttered in disgust.  “I’m pretty sure I’d remember if you were having my baby.”

“She’s not yours.”

“What?”  He looked as if I’d socked him in the gut.

“She’s Adam’s,” I said as gently as I could, but a scowl still formed on his face.

“I thought we agreed not to mention him.”

“I don’t remember making any such agreement, so I’m thinking it doesn’t count.  Look, you can stick your head in the sand about this all you want, but it doesn’t change the fact that my baby is out there somewhere.  A baby you agreed to raise as you own, by the way, and I can think of at least three factions that would like to get their hands on her.”  If it wasn’t Ben and Azazael, maybe Raum had gotten it into his head to come after her as a way to regain his hold over me?  And hadn’t Lucifer said he had his own plans for her?

“I agreed to raise Adam’s baby as my own?” Parker scoffed.  “That doesn’t sound like me at all.”

“We were sort of a package deal.  Why, are you saying you wouldn’t?”  That brought me up short.  I’d been so used to Parker offering his love and support for the past several months, it was hard to get into his frame of mind.  I didn’t know what kind of memories were swimming around in his head about the past six months, but I imagined news of an instant baby would be pretty jarring.  That Parker hadn’t gone to the doctor’s appointments with me, or attended childbirth class.  What did he even know about babies?  He’d never crafted a nursery or asked me to marry him to be a father for my child.

“Mercy… you’re asking me to accept a lot on faith here.”  He paced uncomfortably at being put on the spot.

“You never proposed to me, did you?”

“Propose marriage?  What else happened in bizarro land where you live?”

It cemented my belief that he never would have asked to marry me if I hadn’t been pregnant, and I felt vindicated in deciding to call the wedding off.  But where did that leave us?  We’d have to redo every conversation for the past half year trying to figure out where we stood with each other.  I sank onto the end of the bed, a little lost for having one of the cornerstones of my life crumble under the pressure.  “It’s all gone, isn’t it?  Everything we shared together.”

“It’s not all gone, Merce.”  Parker sat beside me, picking up my hand and loosely holding it in his own.  “I love you, you know that, don’t you?”  At least that hadn’t changed, and I gave him a weak smile.  “This is a lot for me to swallow all at once.  I mean look at you, you don’t look like you just gave birth.”

“It’s the Grace.”  I shook my head miserably.  “I have to get her back, Parker.  I can’t just accept that she’s gone.”

“Alright, if you say so, we’ll get her back,” he said with determination.  I appreciated the effort, but I could tell he still didn’t really believe me.  “As for marriage… I can’t say I haven’t thought about it before, but I thought you wanted to take things slow.  It was hard enough to talk you into moving in here with me.”  He grinned and I wished I could see his memory of how that conversation went.

“Mistress, I could seek out my brethren.  Perhaps I can find out if anyone knows where Bunny has been taken.”

I’d almost forgotten Nelo was in the room, he’d been so quiet, watching the conversation with big eyes.  It wasn’t quite like the tempestuous arguments I’d gotten into with Adam, but I could tell any conflict made him nervous.  “That’s a fantastic idea, Nelo.  I’d love it if you could try and find something out.  Just be careful.”

“I would gladly brave much more to find her.  We are family, are we not?”

“Yes, Nelo, we’re still a family, and we’ll figure this out.”  I sent him a jolt of Grace so he’d have plenty of energy to pop between shadows on his search.

“So, we’re married with a kid on the way in this other reality, huh?  I guess I can’t complain too much about that,” Parker remarked once Nelo left.

“No, we didn’t get married.”

“But I did propose?”

“Yep, you did, twice.”

“Why didn’t we get married then?”

“Because when you asked me…” I considered not getting into it, but decided to go with honesty.  “I didn’t love you the same way you loved me.”

Parker took the news in stride, looking down at our joined hands.  “But we are together, right?”

“Yes, Parker, we’re definitely together.”  I leaned forward to kiss him, glad to find something else that hadn’t changed.  “In your memory, are we sleeping together?” I asked as the kiss broke, wondering what else might be different between us.

“What do you think?” he smirked.

Ugh, and I missed it?

“I’m just kidding, darlin’,” he chuckled at seeing my expression.  “Technically we sleep in the same bed, but you said you wanted to take things slow and I’m… learning patience.”

“Then you and I never…”

“Not yet, no, but I’m hopeful.”

“Oh, good.”  I breathed easier.  “I kinda wanted us to have our first time together… together.”

“This has got to be one of the weirdest conversations I’ve ever had.”

“That makes two of us,” I agreed wholeheartedly.

“Call it an uneven three,” Adam smirked from the doorway.

Chapter Twenty-Three

“Jesus Christ.”  I dropped Parker’s hand to clutch at my chest where my heart beat a mile a minute.

“Nope, just me,” Adam grinned.  From the lack of reaction from Parker, I guessed he’d kept himself imperceptible to the human eye.

“What’s wrong?”

Parker drew my attention, but I was at a loss for what to say.  I knew he didn’t want to hear Adam’s name, but it felt wrong to talk around the fact that Adam had made himself comfortable in Parker’s favorite chair by the window.  “I, um… it’s…”

“Did you know there’s a fat Armenian couple squatting in your apartment?” Adam continued as if Parker hadn’t spoken.

“I live here now.”

“Yeah, you do.”  Parker’s head tilted to one side to study me carefully.  “Or didn’t you in that other reality?”

“I have to say I kinda like your old place better.  This one is bigger, but it has too much… I dunno, Parker in it,” Adam grimaced.

“No, I did, I do.”  I turned back to Parker, starting to get a headache.

“Why didn’t you move into the house I left for you?”

“Because I didn’t want your stupid guilt money, or your car, or anything else,” I spat at Adam, completely losing the ability to carry on both conversations simultaneously.

“Who are you talking to?”

“Uh oh, the jig is up, sweetcheeks.  I think he’s on to us.”

Instead of playing that game, I answered Parker honestly.  I had nothing to hide, not anymore.  “Adam.”

“Adam is here,” Parker replied blankly.

“In the flesh.”  Adam flashed his eyes at me playfully, still remaining hidden from sight.

“Could you please not do that right now?  I’m having a hard enough time getting him to believe I’m not making up too many other things at the moment.”

“Okay, okay, chill.”  Adam must have made himself visible, because Parker immediately bristled.

“What’s he doing here?”

“Hey, she called me, pal.  Didn’t you?”  Adam gave me that lazy smile, the one that used to melt my toes.  At that moment it made me want to smack him upside the head for deliberately trying to rile Parker up.

“Okay, she called, you came, now you can be on your way.”  Parker’s eyes narrowed and I got to see a new side of him.  Pure male jealousy.  If he ever felt it about Adam’s presence before, he kept it tightly controlled.

“I think that’s for the lady to decide.”

“Last time I checked this was my house, pal.”  Parker rose to his feet, and I caught hold of his hand, sending calming Grace to soothe his nerves.

“Can I have a few minutes to talk to him, please?”  Parker eased, but didn’t relax his stance.  “Please, Parker?”

He stared at Adam a few seconds longer before nodding.  “I’m gonna go down and get a drink.  You want one too?”

The last thing I wanted was a drink, but I agreed readily enough.  “That would be nice, thanks.”

“I’ll take a scotch if you’re going that way anyway,” Adam smiled cheerfully, but we both ignored him.  Instead I accompanied Parker to the door, radiating soothing Grace the entire way.

“It’ll be fine, I promise.”

Parker nodded, but I could see the hurt behind his eyes.  The fact that I’d called Adam at all was a sore spot between us and I guess I couldn’t blame him.  The fact was, I needed them both, I just hoped they could put aside their enmity long enough to help me get Bunny back.

“You got your body back.  Well, mostly.”  I turned around to see Adam staring at me with open hunger, but he quickly shuttered it behind his trademark grin.  “Where is the little rug rat anyway?”

I ignored the barb, a rush of relief sweeping through me when he brought up the baby.  If he remembered Bunny, the chances were he could help me figure out who took her.  “You heard me calling you from the hospital?”

“I sure didn’t come to watch the happy couple.  How was the wedding, by the way?  Did you wear white?”

“Then you remember our baby.  You remember why you left me.”

“Is that a trick question?”  It was Adam’s turn to look confused.  “Of course I do.  You don’t think I’d have left otherwise, do you?”

I didn’t want to fight about the stupidity of that statement at the moment, I just wanted his help.  “Yeah, well… you, me, and Nelo are the only ones that do.  Everyone else has developed amnesia as far as the baby is concerned.”

“Really?”  His face changed, but I wasn’t sure with what.  He almost looked pleased to hear it.

“Not only that, she’s gone.  I went into the hospital and it was… bad.”  I swallowed at the agonizing memory.  “When I woke up, she was gone and they called me insane for claiming to have ever been pregnant.”

“No sign of the child at all.”

“No, nothing.  Even her crib and things are all gone.  What do you think could make everyone forget like this?”

“Not only a loss of memory, but the fabric of reality has been altered.”  Adam lost the lackadaisical attitude and I was gratified to see him take me seriously.  “Offhand, I’d say there are some pretty dark magics involved.”

“But magic can’t obliterate a person, right?  Whatever magic was done, Bunny’s still out there, right?  She does exist somewhere.”

“Bunny?”

“Would you try to focus please!” I yelled in exasperation at the look on his face.

“Yes, in theory.  The baby is still out there somewhere, but we don’t really know what we’re dealing with.”

“Then there’s a chance she might just be gone.”  I sank onto the bed, the strength going out of my legs as I wrapped my arms around my empty middle.

“Hey, it’ll be okay, Mercy.  We’ll get her back one way or the other.”

“But if…”

All of a sudden he pulled me into his arms, and I felt his Grace kindle mine as he calmed me with his touch.  “Don’t even go there.  I’m here now, and I’ll help you get her back, I swear.”

“I can’t believe any of this is happening.”  I sucked in a gulp of air.  “Nine months, you know?  Nine months I’ve been waiting to meet her and now she’s…”

“Hey, shhh.”  His hand stroked my back lazily.  “Once we find out who did this we’ll make him reverse it and boom, we get her back easy peasey.”

I looked up to find him gazing at me, our faces close enough to share breath.  “I, um… thank you.”  I pulled back, needing to put some space between us.

“Mercy, I…”

“Am I interrupting?” Parker said from the doorway, a drink in either hand.

“No, perfect timing as always.”  I offered him a smile to counter Adam’s scowl.

“Yeah, perfect,” Adam muttered, leaving his place by my side to pluck a drink from Parker’s hand.  “So, we’re on a baby hunt.  Any ideas where to look first?”

“That’s why I called you.  I can think of a few, but I’m not sure where the best place to start is.”

“Okay, first thing we do is…”

“Wait… wait a minute here,” Parker interrupted, not at all happy with the turn of events.  “When did this turn into Adam running the show?  I said I’d help you find her, Merce.  We don’t need him.”

“How can you say that?  We need all the help we can get.  We’re lucky to have Adam on our side.”

“What can he do that we can’t?”

“It’s this kind of stupidity that’s keeping our baby out of your arms, Mercy,” Adam snarked.  “I can see why you called me.”

“You, zip it,” I said, pointing a finger at Adam.  “That is not helpful.  Parker, every second we spend arguing about this is another that goes by with her out there somewhere.  God only knows what could be happening to her.  I’d never forgive myself if I let Azazael or Raum hurt her, just because Adam’s a tool.”

“Hey,” Adam protested, much to Parker’s amusement.

“Alright, I’m sorry, I understand.”  Parker wrapped an arm around my waist.  “I’m not trying to make this harder on you, I swear.  We’ll find her.”

I went into his arms, trying to take the support offered, but to tell the truth, I felt pretty uncomfortable in the room with both of them.  “I think we should make a plan of attack.  List out every possible suspect and then rank them in order of likelihood.”  It helped to have something to do, even if it might only be busywork for the time being.

“You start on that list, I’m gonna call Sam and get him in on this too,” Adam added, maybe as an excuse not to have to watch us in each other’s arms.  I guess I couldn’t blame him.  I didn’t think he’d be able to reach him though.

“It’s no use, I already tried calling him.  He didn’t come.”

“Hey, it’s me,” Adam replied cockily.  “I’ll get him back here in two shakes.”

We all left the bedroom - Adam to step outside and make his call, and Parker and I to the kitchen table to work on the list.  As near as I could tell, my top three suspects were still Raum, Azazael and Lucifer, but I had no idea what order to rank them in.  Adam came in a few minutes later, looking none too pleased.

“Did you talk to him?”

“I got him, but he’s on the ass other side of the world.  It’ll take him a while to get here, but he’s coming.”

For some reason that made me feel a hundred times lighter.  I missed Sam so much, despite how I thought he’d messed things up with Daphne.  Just knowing he was on the way made it feel like the odds were stacked more in our favor.

“Who’s on the list so far?”

We pored over the paper, making a list of pros and cons in a complicated ranking system none of us could quite agree on.  Adam insisted we call Lucifer by anything but his real name so he wouldn’t know we were talking about him.  An hour later found us no closer to picking a place to start.  Personally, I leaned towards Azazael, but none of us were sure how to find him.

Adam suggested we have Luz do a locator spell to try and find the baby, but a quick phone call nixed that idea.  First of all, Luz didn’t remember a thing about the baby.  Second, she said she’d need a personal item from whoever we were looking for to track them down, and not a scrap of physical evidence remained of Bunny’s existence.

Adam’s money was on Lucifer as the culprit, because there was no one sneakier than him and he had access to the most powerful magics to be found.  But I wasn’t sure I agreed.  When I’d met him, he didn’t seem like the type to go through all the trouble of changing reality.  If he wanted Bunny, I thought he’d take her and be done with it.

Parker… I still wasn’t sure if he really bought into it all, but he played along well for my benefit.  All in all, it was more frustrating than anything else until Nelo stepped out of the shadow behind the TV, practically dancing in place with excitement.

“Mistress, I bring news.”

“Well, don’t just stand there, out with it,” Adam encouraged him.

Noticing Adam for the first time, Nelo broke into a toothsome smile.  “Master Adam does care about our problems after all, Mistress.  See, I told you he would come.”

“Nelo…” I prompted, a warning creeping into my tone and the little demon snapped back to the topic at hand.

“I have heard it said that Raum has a new plaything.  One he guards jealously, absenting himself for great periods of time.  None have seen it, but there have been reports of strange wailing cries from his private chambers.”

“That’s good enough for me.”  Adam patted him on the head.  “Great job, Nelo.”

“Did I truly help, Mistress?”

“More than helped, you cracked this case wide open.”  I pulled him into a grateful hug.  “That settles it, we’re going to Midian.”

“Great, we’ll pop in, snatch her back and pop back out again.  Where’s the ring?”

Adam held out his hand, but I gave him a shake of the head.

“I don’t have it, I gave it back to Remiel.”

“We’ll have to get him to cough it up again.  He owes me for thrashing my house anyway.  What possessed you to let him crash there?” he added irritably, reaching for his phone.

“There’s no time, he went back to Texas.”  I stopped him before he got too far.  “This isn’t a problem, we’ll go through the main gate.”  Getting into Midian wasn’t a worry.  Come to think of it, the only worry I had was for Bunny’s safety once we got there.

“Are you nuts?” Adam stared at me as if I’d grown a second head.  “What makes you think Raum will let you walk out of there if this is a trap?”

“I’m not afraid of Raum, not one bit.”  I gave a half shrug, heading for the hall closet to get a light jacket.  It would be warm in the tunnels, but the open air of Midian could get chilly.

“It’s true, she pretty much kicked his ass when he came looking for Oriana.”  Parker gave me a supportive smile and I was glad he still retained that memory at least.

“Having a tussle with Raum in the world is a little different from going up against him in his seat of power,” Adam insisted, a deep furrow still present on his brow.  “We need to plan this out more.”

“I don’t care, I’m going.”  I slipped on my jacket, more concerned with how I’d convince Parker to stay behind.

“The hell you are,” Adam growled, physically blocking me from the front door.  “What makes you think I’m letting you put yourself in danger again?”

It was time for lesson in humility.  “What makes you think you have a say in what I do or where I go?”  Where Adam’s strength had once far surpassed my own, the gift of Raziel’s Grace gave me the ability to physically move him out of the way.  Not easily, but I didn’t break a sweat.  I think I made my point.

Adam’s face registered shock as he realized I was stronger than him.  “What happened to you?” he breathed in wonder.  I might have felt more inclined to explain if I wasn’t still mad that he’d left me to fight the Angel of Death on my own in order to “protect me”.

“I don’t have time to play catch up with you right now, Adam.  If you want to know, you can tag along and I’ll fill you in on the way.”

“At least wait for Sam to get here,” he pleaded, hand resting light on my arm, but I shook it off.

“I’m not waiting any longer.  I’ll be glad to have you with me, but I’m calling the shots.  Can you live with that?”

I saw a slew of sarcastic remarks threaten to spill from his perfect lips, but instead he nodded.  “Yeah, I’m good with that.”

“I’ll drive.”  Parker picked up his keys, taking his cues from me.

“You’re not going,” I said as gently as I could manage.  “I might not be able to protect you and Bunny at the same time, and I know you don’t want to rely on Adam.”

“I can take care of myself.”  He started to work himself up to an argument, but I laid a finger to his lips.

“No, you can’t.  Not in Midian.”

“You’d better sit this one out, sparky.  Don’t worry, I’ve got things well in hand.”  I wasn’t looking at him, but I could hear the smirk in Adam’s voice and I could guess his meaning at having things in hand.

“Adam, go wait outside, I’ll be ready in a few minutes.”

Instead of arguing, Adam obediently stepped through the door.  “I’ll be waiting.”

“Should I wait outside too, Mistress?” Nelo asked, looking to the door in trepidation.

“No, you can sit this one out too, Nelo.”  I had a feeling things were going to get a whole hell of a lot bloodier than they had on our past forays into Midian.  That time it wasn’t about stealth, it was about going in and taking back what belonged to me.  If Raum was the one behind stealing Bunny, I couldn’t let him live to try it again.  I didn’t want to expose Nelo to that.

“But… ohana means family…”

“I know, Nelo, and that’s why I need you to stay here with Parker and help him remember our family for when we get back, okay?  I’m counting on you to help him fill in the blanks.  You’re the only one who can help him do that.”

“As you wish, Mistress.”

“Good, now give me a hug.”  I held his little body to mine, a goodbye without saying goodbye.  “Why don’t you go start a pot of coffee for Parker, I’m sure he’ll be up late tonight.”

“I really wish you’d let me go with you on this one.”  Parker’s voice was low as Nelo left the room.  “At least let me be there with the car for when you get back.  You never know what you’ll end up bringing back with you.”

Which was exactly why I didn’t want him anywhere near the portal.  “Thanks, but we won’t need a ride, remember?” With a flex of muscles my wings appeared for an instant before I tucked them away again.  I counted on it as a distraction, but it didn’t work for very long.

“Mercy… why not wait for Sam?  Even up the odds a bit if you won’t take me.”

“Parker, I’ll be fine, I promise.  You know what I can do.  I meant it when I said I wasn’t afraid of Raum in the slightest.  The last time I saw him I had him flat on his back begging for his life,” I smiled.  “Besides, I have Adam there to watch my back.”

“You know he’s using this as an excuse to get close to you again,” he said, his eyes narrowing.

“I get it, I just don’t care.  I’ll do anything I have to in order to get her back.  Parker, you have nothing to worry about.”  I cupped his cheek with my hand.  “If I were you, I’d be more worried about getting used to the idea of me bringing a newborn back home with me.  We’re completely unprepared here.  We need everything, a crib, clothes, diapers, carseat…”

“Okay, okay, I understand.  Just… God, it’s killing me to let you go off like this with him.”  He leaned into my touch and I brushed my thumb across the corner of his mouth.

“Don’t you trust me?”  Leaning up on my tiptoes, I showed him how much he meant to me the best way I knew how.  It felt strange to kiss him without the bulk of my pregnant belly between us, but as his arms wrapped around my waist and he hauled me up against his body, the strangeness melted away in the heat of his embrace.  Knowing full well it might be our last kiss if things went wrong, I put all my love and longing into it and it was long minutes before we came up for air.

“Of course I do.”  Parker rested his forehead against mine.  “It’s him I don’t trust.”

“You don’t have to.  He’s the one who threw away his chance to be a part of this family.  I’m going out there to bring back our daughter.  Ours, yours and mine.  That is if you still want to raise her with me.”

“It’s still a lot to wrap my head around,” he answered honestly, and I could understand the hesitation.  “I wish I had the same memories you did.”  He touched my face gently.

“So do I.  This is more than we can talk about right now, I have to go.  We’ll continue this when I get back.”

“Merce…”  He caught hold of my hand when I pulled away.  “What if Raum plotted this all as a trap for you?”

“I really hope he has.”

“Huh?” he blinked in confusion.

“At least then we’ll know where she is for sure, and let him try and stop me from taking her back.”

Chapter Twenty-Four

“This will never work, you know.”  Adam kept pace beside me easily, his longer strides eating up the road once we emerged from the tunnels into open air.

“Less talking, more walking.”  If it wasn’t for the disgusting morfrans, I would have taken to the mauve sky and flown over the arid, rusty rocks below.  I didn’t want to waste my energy on fighting anything but Raum though.  For a moment I wondered if it wouldn’t have been smarter to bring Nelo with us, the faster to hop from shadow to shadow.  It was too late for that, and a few more minutes of walking wouldn’t change anything one way or another.  I hoped.

“Even if Raum does have the baby, you don’t think he’ll give her up without a fight, do you?”

“Naberios let us pass without a word.”  He’d taken one look at me and stepped aside.  Then again, it was always easier to get into Midian than it was to get out.

“Not really the same thing.”

“Look, are you here to help me or not?” I demanded, coming to a stop.  “Because all this negativity is getting on my last nerve!”

“I’m sorry.”  His hands came up in a defensive gesture.  “I’m just worried.  You remember the last time we were here, everything Raum threw at us to keep us from leaving?  Without that handy dandy portal…”

“I’m well aware of the odds. But what do you want me to say?  Okay, let’s let him have her and go home?”

“Of course not.  That’s not what I meant at all.”

I started walking again.  “Then what did you mean?”

“Like I said, I’m worried about you.  Both of you.  Regardless of what you believe I still care, you know.”

“Wouldn’t know it from our end,” I muttered, wishing we hadn’t gotten into it.  Retreading through the same old arguments didn’t serve any purpose.  He’d made his choice and I’d made mine.  I’d moved on over the past several months.  I was sorry if he hadn’t, but he had no one to blame but himself.

“How much time do you think has passed here since she’s been gone?” I asked, more to change the subject than anything else.

“It’s hard to say, why?”

“Because it means she might not be a newborn anymore.”  Time worked differently between the two worlds.  A few hours could mean days in Midian and she’d been gone for nearly a day.  For all I knew I’d missed her first smile.

“We’ll get her back, Mercy.  All they do is sleep the first few weeks anyway.”

“How would you know?”

“I’ve been around a long, long time.  I think I know a little something about babies.”

I tried to picture what he’d be like as a father and came up blank.  In the whole time I’d been pregnant, I realized I never really expected him to come back and raise our child with me.  I couldn’t picture him with spit up all over his designer shirts, or getting up to change diapers in the middle of the night.

The silence stretched between us as Raum’s palace loomed up ahead.  “Mercy, you know this isn’t how I wanted this to turn out.  I wanted…”

“Adam,” I said softly, catching hold of his hand.  “I really can’t do this right now, okay?  I can’t go in there if I’m all tied up in knots inside.  Whatever unfinished business there is between us, we need to put it away for the moment and focus on getting her back.  Can you do that?”

“Yeah.”  His blue eyes filled with resolve and Adam gave my hand a squeeze.  “Yeah, I can do that.  Let’s go get our girl.”

* * *

There are a lot of stairs to get to Raum’s court on the top floor, somewhere around thirty floors.  I’d never climbed them all myself.  The first time I visited as an honored “guest” I’d been borne on a litter, and after that I’d had Nelo to help pop me between shadows.  That time we didn’t have that luxury.

Adam and I ignored the demons on the lower levels, moving like we had every right to be there until we reached the main stairs.  And climbed.  And climbed… until I realized we were being stupid when there was another way up at our disposal.

“This is lame, why don’t we fly up to Raum’s court?  It’s open to the sky.”  I stopped to catch my breath by a stone window large enough to step out of.

“I thought you wanted to lay low, conserve our energy?”

“How much good is that gonna do if I’m ready to collapse from all of these stupid stairs?” I pointed out.  “Besides, there’s something to be said for making an entrance.”  I jumped out the window without waiting for a reply, trusty wings unfurling before I fell more than a few feet.

Adam followed right behind me, and we climbed to the top of the gargantuan palace in a fraction of the time it would have taken via the stairs.  Ready to make my grand entrance, I landed in the center of his open air court, wings spread wide and sword drawn.  Unfortunately, it made very little impact on the deserted floor.  Maybe it was still a little light out for the demon population, despite the murky purple clouds overhead.

“Raum!  Where are you?” I demanded at full volume.

“Not the most subtle of entrances…” Adam landed light on his feet beside me.

“I have a plan,” I said more softly.  “Raum!  Show yourself, you coward!”

“Okay, maybe you should have shared your plan with me before we got here.  There was that whole walk…”

“Now this is a nice surprise.”  Raum appeared on his throne on the stone dais above us dressed in a burgundy smoking jacket and tailored pants like we’d caught him on his way to his study.  “Two for the price of one.  You should have told me you were coming, I would have planned a party.”

“Bring her to me right now.”  I started up the steps, undaunted by his cool reception.

“I can’t imagine who you could mean.”

From the smile on his face, I could tell it was all a great big joke to him.  He knew exactly who I meant.  “Stop dicking around and bring her to me, right now.  I’m not playing with you, Raum.  You remember what happened the last time we met?”

Raum snapped his fingers and a column of guards appeared on the stones below.  “I think the odds have shifted significantly since then.  Your lover agrees with me, don’t you?”

“I like our chances just fine,” Adam returned.  Calling forth his sword, he turned to keep himself between the guards and me.

I ascended the last few stairs, ignoring Raum’s confidence.  I knew what fear looked like behind his eyes and I was eager to put it there again.  “Give her to me and I won’t kill you.”

“Such a boast, m’lovely.  I fail to see what interest you could possibly have in her welfare.  She’s nothing to you.”

That made me stop short.  “Have you gone completely mental?  How could you say that to me?  Did you really think I’d let you have her?”

“Why on Earth not?  You stole my witch, it seems only fair,” Raum’s brow furrowed in confusion.

“Mercy…” Adam called out from below.  “I think maybe we’re talking about two different things here.  Even Raum can’t be that obtuse.”

“I’m done talking.  Well, maybe one more thing.”  Grabbing Raum by the throat, I flipped him over the arm of his throne to smash him against the stone floor.  Instead of skewering him this time, I went with the best weapon I had at my disposal.  Operating completely on instinct, I laid my hand over his heart.  “I judge thee, unclean thing.  I abjure thee, and cast thee into the cleansing fires of Hell.”  My hand started to glow and Raum made a gurgling, choking noise.

“Whoa…Mercy,” Adam abandoned his post at the foot of the stairs to join me.  “You shouldn’t do that.”

“Why not?”  To be honest, I wasn’t sure what came next, but I could feel the power building under my hand.

“Better the devil you know.”

“What’s that supposed to mean?”

“I mean, what do you think will happen if you abjure Raum?  Someone will step up to fill the vacuum of power and there’s no guarantee they’ll be any better.  Raum at least will play by the rules.”

“Yes, yes I will, Mistress.”  Raum’s eyes bugged out of his head, his face a mask of terror.

“Oh, for the love of…” I let the energy dissipate but kept my hand over his heart.  “I’m not your Mistress, okay?  Do you or do you not have my child?”

“The babe?  No, I would never…”  I heard real surprise there, to my utter dismay.  I wanted nothing better than to kill Raum, take Bunny back and moonwalk out of there.

“You really don’t have her?” I gave him a shake.  “Because if you’re hiding her from me, I will personally tear the flesh from your body with a melon baller and then abjure the carcass.”

Raum blanched, darting a look to Adam who gave a single nod.  “She’ll do it too.”

“No, I offer you my solemn word.  It would be suicide to take a child from a mother of your… stature, Mistress.  I made a peace offering, did you not like my gifts?”

“Yeah, they’re swell.”  I sat back on my heels as hot disappointment lanced through me.  What were we supposed to do?  Sure, I could tear Midian apart looking for her, but I believed Raum, he didn’t know where she was.  We were no closer to finding Bunny and the clock still ticked away.  I felt Adam’s hand on my shoulder, but I couldn’t look up at him.  If I did I might lose it.  The urge to curl up into a ball and weep swelled stronger, but I forced myself to put it away for later.  It wouldn’t do to show any weakness in Midian.

“If you don’t have her, then who was it you thought we came to see?” Adam asked.

“My, ah… new companion.”

“Why would I give a rat’s ass about your love life?”  Deciding I didn’t feel like being so close to Raum anymore, I backed off, letting him get to his feet.  A quick glance to the court below showed it to be deserted again.  Maybe he didn’t want an audience for having his ass handed to him like a common imp.

Raum straightened himself to his full height, tugging at his smoking jacket to set it to rights.  “Because you seem to take an inordinate interest in those I borrow from the world.  I hardly thought you’d know this one though.  She’s not from your region at all.”

I dismissed the thought before he even finished talking.  All I could think about was where to turn next.  “If he doesn’t have her, where do we go now?” I asked Adam, but it was Raum who replied.

“Perhaps Azazael.  Wasn’t he interested in your babe, m’lovely?”

“He was, but I still don’t see how he’d go about doing it.  He’s trapped in the box and his hold over Ben is broken.”

“There are ever ways to get stupid humans to do your bidding,” Raum chuckled, sobering when I shot him a look.  “Not that I would ever do such a thing…”

“We have to find him.  He’s right, he’s the next logical step.”

“Easier said than done,” Adam mused aloud.  “Hey, maybe we can get Parker’s pet witch to do a locator spell on him or something.”

“She’s not his pet anything,” I scowled, wondering where things stood between Parker and Luz in the current reality.  In my own memory, I hadn’t seen much of her in the latter half of my pregnancy.  “Do you think that would work though?  Can witches really do that?”  I still struggled with the notion of magic even in light of the crazy things I’d seen in my life.

“It’s worth a shot,” Adam shrugged, even as Raum stepped forward, a practiced smile on his lips.

“Perhaps I might offer the services of my witch?”

“It’s a good idea.  Oriana might have a better chance of finding him,” I agreed.  Her strange insights were often spot on.

“No, no… my new companion, Dahlia.  Would you like to meet her?”

We didn’t have time to dilly dally, but if she really was a witch, it might be faster than tracking Oriana down in Vegas or wherever Matty had dragged her off to.  “Alright, that would be helpful, Raum, thank you,” I replied, figuring it couldn’t hurt to be polite and let him save a little face in his own palace.  Besides, I had to admit, I was curious to find out if he’d snatched her from the world.  The least we could do was offer to break her out if he kept her prisoner.

All smiles, Raum led us to the warren of rooms he liked to keep his guests in, and I recognized the path to Oriana’s room.  Instead of the overabundance of plants and living things in her old apartments, the room was gloomy and dark, almost dismal, and it took my eyes a few seconds to adjust enough to spot the woman sitting cross legged at the foot of the bed.  Petite, with a dark pageboy haircut with severe bangs, she wore an oversized grey sweatshirt with the neck cut out, and black leggings.  Her bare shoulder was covered in intricate ink that I couldn’t quite make out in the gloom.  Her aura was a riot of colors, vivid reds, yellows and blues pocked with darker bits, swirling and moving… I’d never seen anything like it.  She almost looked as if she were asleep, but her eyes snapped open the moment Raum shut the door behind him.  I saw sharp intelligence in her dark eyes, and suspicion.

“We don’t have her,” she said flatly, and I wasn’t sure whether to be impressed or if she’d been eavesdropping on us in the throne room the whole time.

“That’s already been established, pet.”  Raum smiled in a kindly way, stroking the top of her head as one might a cat.  “They would like you to find…”

“Azazael, I know.”

I decided I didn’t like her.  Maybe she had the Sight and could help us, but I could tell from her aura that she’d already spent too much time in the company of darkness to want to leave.  Dahlia stared at me for long seconds before her eyes flicked to Adam and a speculative smile pursed her lips.  Yeah, I definitely didn’t like her.

“Great, then the sooner you find him for us, the sooner we’ll be on our way,” I smiled sweetly.

“What’s your hurry?” she purred, her eyes sweeping over his muscular form.  I expected to see Adam’s cocky smirk in return, but he actually looked uncomfortable under her gaze.

“Make haste.”  Raum’s voice grew stern, and I was glad to see a little fear slip into her expression.  Does that make me a bad person?

“As you wish, my Lord,” Dahlia said meekly, but her eyes snapped with anger from under her downcast lashes.  She rose to her feet and I caught the sight of more tattoos down the smooth expanse of her bare back as she stalked out to the terrace.

“That is one scary chick,” Adam muttered, but his face was carefully blank when I turned to look at him.

Dahlia paused before a metal brazier full of hot coals on the stone patio.   Picking up a pitcher of water, she poured the entire thing over the embers, lips moving silently as the cloud of steam enveloped her.  Her hair fell forward, all but obscuring her face as she leaned over the brazier.  I still couldn’t make out the words she said, but the air felt alive and tingly, the way it had in my apartment when the witches bound Azazael to the box.

I had a worried thought that she might be trying to break that binding to summon Azazael himself and took a half step towards her to try and stop her, but Adam caught hold of my arm, his head shaking slowly from side to side.  While we watched, the steam cleared and the floating ashes coalesced in the center of the brazier, becoming darker, almost oily as they sat on top of the water.

Dahlia plunged her hands into the water up to her wrists and the black, oily mass shimmered, catching the light.  My lips parted in a gasp of amazement as I saw Ben in the reflection, disheveled and distorted by the water, but clearly him.  He sat huddled against the side of a building, a swaddled blanket in his arms.

“Oh no, Ben…”  He was supposed to be back to normal!

“I thought you fixed him.”  Adam’s brows drew together in puzzlement.

“So did I.”  It killed me to think of him going through that torture with the souleater for nothing, but that wasn’t my greatest concern at the moment.  “Where are they?”

Instead of replying, Dahlia turned her wrists and the image pulled back a little, revealing the front of the building.

“I know that place, that’s in Portland,” Adam said confidently and Dahlia let the image go, drying her hands off on her pants.  “Come on, Mercy, we’re outta here.  Thanks for the help, Raum.”  Whether it was deliberate or not, he didn’t so much as look at Dahlia but I had to thank her.

“Thank you so much for showing us this.  This is real time, isn’t it?  Not in the past.”

“As much as time is real,” Dahlia replied, rubbing her hands as if they burned.  I thought about offering to heal her, but she stopped before I could ask the question.  Instead, I offered her the next best thing.

“If you want to come back with us to the real world, we can take you out of here.”

“That’s hardly sporting of you after I offered her services so selflessly.”  Raum looked affronted, but Dahlia shook her sleek head.

“Oh no, I wouldn’t dream of leaving.”

“You wouldn’t?”

“Not at all,” she insisted and Raum preened.

“Alright, but if you ever change your mind, call me and I’ll come get you out of here.  My name is Merceline.”  It was the least I could do, even if I did think she was nuts.  Maybe that’s how Raum preferred his witches?

“I know exactly who you are.  Maybe better than you do.”  Her eyes held secrets as she smiled back at me, but I didn’t have time to play twenty questions.

“Right.”  Adam wrapped his hand around mine and gave a gentle tug towards the door.  “Now that we all know who we are, we’ll be on our way.  Later, Raum, it was interesting, as always.”

“Perhaps next time you could stay longer,” Dahlia smiled, and Raum echoed the sentiment, each looking at us respectively.  Even though I knew I could take them, they both creeped me out big time.

“I wouldn’t count on it,” I muttered, letting Adam drag me out the door.  Somehow it felt wrong to turn our back on them until we reached the hallway, and I didn’t feel safe until we found a convenient window and took to the skies, Adam’s hand still in mine.

I kept checking over my shoulder for signs of anyone pursuing us, but nothing filled the sky except for purple storm clouds.  Still, I felt a lot better once we reached the safety of the tunnels where they could only come at us from one direction if Raum decided to get stupid.  Adam kept hold of my hand in the tunnel, citing the darkness as an excuse, and I let him get away with it.  It really was dark in there.

“Why did you offer Dahlia a ticket out of there,” he asked after we’d been walking for a while.  “That’s exactly where she wants to be.”

“Because no one deserves to live in a demon realm, I don’t care how twisted they are.  Someday Raum might get tired of her, and then she’ll need my help.”

“I say we leave her there and hope she never calls.  She’s dangerous.”

“I’m pretty sure I can take on a single witch,” I scoffed, but Adam couldn’t be shaken.

“She’s not only a witch, she’s an energy vampire.”

“A what?”

“You know, like a bloodsucker, only she saps people’s energy.  It can be just as deadly though.”

An energy vampire.  I’d never heard of such a thing.  “How can you tell?”

“I saw the mark of her clan on her back.”

“There are clans of energy vampires?”

“Babydoll, that’s a whole other story.”

Chapter Twenty-Five

We emerged into the mild summer night and I breathed in the city air with a measure of relief.  Adam took a moment to orient himself and then launched into the air.  “Portland is this way,” he said confidently, waiting for me to join him.  “We’re gonna pick up the pace.”

I wasn’t sure I could fly much faster than I did when I normally flew, but with some personal instruction, I caught the hang of zooming through the sky fast enough to make my head spin.  Once more I relied on Adam for guidance, taking his hand while he kept us on track.  He assured me that with practice I could learn to travel great distances in a short amount of time, even travel the globe without tiring once I got the hang of it.  I think he enjoyed being the Alpha male again, having something to teach me.  The fact that I had more Grace than he did must have rankled something awful.

Once we landed in Portland, I begged a few minutes to clear my head and excused myself to the closest public rest room.  After washing my hands and face, I pulled out my cell to give Parker an update.  He wasn’t happy about being left out of the search again, but thanks to the time difference in Midian, it hadn’t taken all that long for our first unsuccessful attempt.  I was still giving him my assurances that I’d check in soon when Adam rapped on the door.

“When you’re done talking to loverboy, we’ve got a baby to find.”

“I’ll be right out!”  A few murmured endearments and I joined Adam with a combination of annoyance and shame.  In a way he was right, it was starting to get late.  The chances we would find Ben in exactly the same spot grew slimmer by the minute.  Still, I knew Parker would be a ball of worry at home, and I didn’t begrudge him that time.

“Finally,” Adam muttered, starting off at a brisk pace the moment I came into view.  I ignored his tone, jogging to catch up with him.

“Are you absolutely sure it’s the train station in Portland?  I didn’t see any signs with the city name on it.”  I’d only been to Portland a few times myself, mostly on the road up or down to California.

“Yeah, the building is pretty distinguishable, you’ll see,” he replied with confidence.  “It’s right over there.”  Turning a corner, the big brick building came into view and I had to give him props, it definitely was the same building alright.  My steps grew perceptibly faster as the station loomed up ahead, eager to find them, but the spot where we’d seen him huddled over was empty.

“Damn it,” I hissed, looking frantically in every direction.

“Relax, he’s probably inside.  Come on.”  Undaunted, Adam strode to the main entrance with purpose.  I wanted to look around outside a bit more, but I could see the logic in checking the inside of the station first.  Not that it was all that cold outside on a warm August night, but inside would undoubtedly be more comfortable if he didn’t have somewhere else to go.  I didn’t want to think about what we’d do if we couldn’t find him in the vicinity.  Stake it out and hope he returned?

There were still a fair amount of people in the station despite the late hour, and we spotted a few people who might have been homeless parked on benches, but none of them bore the slightest resemblance to Ben.  I stopped trying to get a look at any of their faces, instead focusing on their auras to clue me in.  Even in his darkest period, the base of Ben’s aura remained true.

I’d started to give serious thought to splitting up and searching again when I spotted the familiar wash of indigo that marked Ben’s soul.  Wearing a dirty brown sweater and a ratty pair of pants that had once been khakis, his dark curly hair was matted and stuck up at odd angles.  A bushy beard shot with strands of gray all but obscured his face, and his brown eyes were hooded as he sat rocking back and forth on a long wooden bench outside the ladies room.

Clutched in his arms was the same gray woolen blanket and he muttered to it as he rocked, his foot tapping in counterpart as if he couldn’t stand to stay still for a second.  With a sob of relief, I moved faster than I thought possible, snatching the bundle out of his arms.

Dimly, I heard his cry of outrage, and I became aware of a minor scuffle as Adam kept him from lunging at me to retrieve the bundle.  But all I could focus on was the pain twisting my heart when the threadbare blanket fell away to reveal the dirty, pink, plastic box.

I sank to my knees, numb with disappointment as I stared at the stupid thing.  I’d been so sure!  So sure Ben had Bunny and I’d have her back in my arms that very night.  I should have known.  I should have realized Ben was in no shape to kidnap a baby and steal it all the way down to Portland.  How could I have been so stupid?

The walls holding back my emotions crumbled and rotted away in the face of the new disappointment, and I openly wept, not caring what it must look like to the people in the train station.  Gradually, I felt Adam’s arms go around me, holding me close, and I cried all over his shoulder until I ran out of tears.  Even then, I didn’t want to move.  I didn’t want to open my eyes and embrace a reality without my child in it.

“Mercy…” Adam’s voice was low at my ear.  “We should get moving.  Come on, let’s go.”

He was right, I knew it, but it didn’t make it any easier to lift my head.  In the end, it was concern for Ben that made me pull back with a sniff.  Ben sat on the ground next to the bench, clutching Azazael’s box, rocking back and forth again.

“Is he okay?”

“Ben’s gone completely out of his gourd, but I think it works for him,” Adam replied, gently pulling me to my feet.  Ben’s aura was still a peaceful indigo with no sign of the darkness that had been eaten away thanks to Lucifer, but Ben was far from the man I’d known.

“Ben?” I said gently, pulling myself out of Adam’s arms to crouch down beside him.  “Ben, can you hear me?”

“Of course I can hear you.”  He smiled up at me sunnily before a distracted look swept over his features.  “No, she can’t,” he added.

“What are you doing here?”

“Sitting.”

“Okay, why are you sitting here?”

“Because this is where my shoes are.”  The same distracted look affected him and he muttered something else I couldn’t quite catch.

“Ben, you have to give us the box.  It’s not good for you.”  I held out my arms, but he only clutched Azazael tighter, a petulant moue twisting his lips.

“No, this is my only sunshine.”

“Ben… please?”

“No, you know what happened last time, I won’t do it again.  Burned and burned and ate my guts for garters.  She doesn’t have it in her anymore anyways, can’t you see?  She’s empty, like you.”  Ben scratched at his beard furiously with both hands, hard enough to make me wince.

I traded looks with Adam who made a crazy loop around his ear with his finger.  “Ben, are you talking to Azazael?”

“He’s a poop,” he smiled up at me again.

“No arguments here,” Adam smirked, and I straightened up to talk to him.

“We have to help him, we can’t just leave him here.”

“Why not?  He looks happy enough.”

“Because he’s a human being.  One that deserves a hell of a lot more than a life like this.”

“Hey, he made his choices.  What do you want me to do, tie him up and take him with us?  He likes it here.”

“You’re impossible, you know that?” I scowled at him.  “We have to get Azazael away from him, that’s what’s making him looney tunes.  Maybe then he’ll go back to normal.”

“Alright, I’ll take care of that.”  Bending down, he scooped the pink box out of Ben’s arms easily, freezing him in place when he started to bellow in protest.  “There, that wasn’t so hard, was it?  Now, you keep him like that while I take care of our friend here.”

“Are you nuts?  I can’t keep him all frozen like this.  What if someone notices?”  Not that anyone paid us any particular mind, but the longer we stuck around, the bigger risk we took.

“They’ll think he had a stroke, no biggie.”

“And you just take off and leave me here with him?  Typical,” I snorted, and Adam’s eyes narrowed angrily.

“What’s that supposed to mean?”

“Like you don’t know.”

“Whatever.  Look, I’m gonna get rid of this and I’ll be right back.”

“I think maybe I’d better hang onto him.  I promised him to Remiel.”  Plucking the box from Adam’s hands, I tucked it under my arm.  “Now help me with Ben, we’re not leaving him here.”

Adam’s mouth opened and closed like he thought better of what he’d been about to say, then he bent over to pick Ben up, tossing him over his shoulder like a sack of potatoes.  “Ugh, he could sure use a bath,” he muttered, shifting his hold on him.

“That’s probably a good idea, let’s get him cleaned up.  Who knows, a little food, a hot shower and no Azazael, and he might be back to his old self.”

Only it didn’t work.

I stowed Azazael in a locker for safekeeping at the bus terminal across the street, and then we found a cheap motel to hole up in and try to get Ben cleaned up.  An hour later, Ben was cleaner, fuller, but no less nuts.  After tucking him into the bed, I held his hand until he fell asleep as my presence seemed to calm him.

“He’s asleep,” I reported, joining Adam on the lumpy couch of our presidential suite.  “Any ideas where we go now?”

“You should get some rest,” he replied, brushing the hair back from my shoulder.  “You look pretty wiped out.”

“I wouldn’t be able to sleep right now.”  I didn’t even know if I could.  I’d noticed I slept less and less each night, and I was willing to bet I didn’t need to sleep at all anymore.

“Sure you can.  You’ll feel better in the morning.”

“That seems doubtful seeing as how we still have no idea where Bunny is.”  I pressed the heels of my hands against my eyes, wishing I could sleep.  Then maybe I could magically wake up and find it had all been a terrible dream.  But that wasn’t reality, and as soon as we regrouped I’d have to press on.

“Still, it’s a good idea to clear the mind.”  Adam rubbed at my shoulder and I gave a little groan as muscles I hadn’t realized were clenched and tense responded.  Only the last thing my mind felt was clear when he was that close to me.  I know I should have pulled away, it was inappropriate to say the least, but it felt so good… I let him keep rubbing my shoulders, knowing it fully well it was a bad idea.  To my utter surprise, Adam pulled away on his own after a few minutes and I rolled my shoulders experimentally.

“Thanks,” I murmured, but he didn’t look up at me, staring straight ahead at the dark television set.

“This never would have happened I hadn’t left you.”

I’d already had that thought, but let it go.  There was no use in crying over what couldn’t be changed.  Still, it was surprising to hear that bit of introspection from him.  “You don’t know that.”

“We’ll never know, will we?”  His head came up and I felt my heart twist at the anguish I saw in his clear, blue eyes.

“Adam…” I pulled him into a hug, offering the comforting shoulder that time.  He clung to me fiercely, burying his face in my neck.

“I’m sorry, Mercy, so sorry…” he breathed.  “I never meant for any of this to happen.  I thought… I wanted you to be safe.  Both of you.”

“I know.”  I smoothed my fingers through his hair, but I couldn’t tell him it was okay… no matter how much I wanted him to stop suffering, because it wasn’t.  It might not be his fault Bunny was missing, but I couldn’t tell him he’d made the right decision.  He was right about one thing - we’d never know how it would have turned out if he’d never left.  With Adam present in the delivery room would I have our baby safe and sound in my arms?  It was useless to speculate.

We sat like that for a long time, soaking in each other’s comfort and misery until he pulled back to look at me.

“I hate to be the one to say this, but have you thought about the possibility that we won’t be able to get her back?” he said gravely and I shoved him away a little harder than I intended to.

“Don’t say that.”

“I’m saying what needs to be said.  I’ll keep looking with you while we have leads to follow up on, but eventually we might have to accept…”

“No, there is no eventually.  I’m getting her back.”  I rose to pace the small room, the inactivity suddenly unacceptable.  “Parker will help me if you don’t want to anymore.”

“I didn’t say I didn’t want to help.  Damn it Mercy, I’m trying to get you to accept certain realities.”

“Realities change all the time, this is proof of that.”

“Speaking of which, I’m done running away from my problems.  I’m ready to try this again.”

“Try what again?”

“You and me.”

Did Adam figure I could pretend we’d never had a baby and things would go back to the way they were before he left?  I stared at him in a combination of horror and self loathing at the tiny piece of me that wanted to take him up on his offer.  “You’re too late, I’m not available.”

“I don’t see a ring on your finger and you know there’s no excuse for you to be with Parker anymore now that the baby’s gone.”

All of a sudden it got a lot easier to say no.  “I don’t need an excuse to be with Parker.  I choose to be with him.”

“I thought you said you didn’t love him.”

“A lot has changed since you left.”

“I still love you.  Doesn’t that count for anything?”

“Not when you made the decision to abandon us.”  I held up my hand when he started to say more.  “No, I don’t want to hear your reasons.  I understand they seemed like good reasons to you, but the truth is, you’ve never been there when I needed you.  Parker has.  He’s earned the right to my love and I’m not going to dump him now because you decide it’s safe to risk being in my life again.”

“So that’s it?  I’m supposed to step aside and let him have you?”

“It’s not up to you.  You lost the right to be a part of my life like that.  If… when we get Bunny back, that’s a different story.  If you want to be involved with her upbringing, we’ll figure something out.  But you and I…”

“You can’t tell me he gives you everything you need…”

Before I could say another word he pulled me into his arms, his lips covering mine.  I wish I could say I shoved him away or delivered a dramatic slap across the face like they do in the movies, but I’m weak.  I kissed him back.  It was a wonderful, awful, thrilling, heart-pounding, magical, gut-wrenching kiss, because I knew in the back of my mind it was also a form of goodbye.  Because as much as I loved the passion in his kiss, it wasn’t enough.

“Neither do you,” I whispered when the kiss drew to a close.

Adam’s thumb brushed across my cheek as he took in my words, and I saw defeat in his eyes for the first time.  With a nod, he let go of me, long strides carrying him to the door.

“You’re leaving?”  I don’t know why it surprised me, but I still felt disappointment.

“Relax, I’ll be back later.  I have to take care of some things.”

Chapter Twenty-Six

Adam was right.  My body didn’t need the rest but my mind needed some time to clear, and I fell asleep on the couch after he left.  I wasn’t sure how much time passed, but it was still dark out when a knock sounded on the door, rousing me from my nap.

Looking through the peephole, I found a man and a woman I’d never seen before standing outside.  Her light brown hair spilled loose around her shoulders almost to her waist, and she wore a pale blue sundress with flipflops that had little flowers glued to the straps.  The man had on jeans and a blue button up shirt, a brown leather jacket a little out of place in the warm summer night.  From their auras I knew they weren’t drug dealers or kidnappers, but I studied them a few moments longer, wondering if they’d go away when I didn’t answer.  Odds were they had the wrong door.

“How do you even know she’s awake?” I heard him ask her through the door.

“Because this is the right room.  I wrote it down, see?”

“Maybe he meant the one in Tigard?”  He laid his ear to the door and I went completely still.  “Does that mean we have to schlep ourselves all the way out there now?”

“You could have stayed home, you’re the one who insisted on coming with me.”  The woman knocked again politely, a confident set to her shoulders.

“Oh right, like I’m gonna let you go off in the middle of the night to some seedy motel.  That’ll happen… never.”

“It’s not a seedy…”

“Can I help you?”  I swung the door open, willing to give them a few minutes to set them on the right path.

“Hi, you must be Mercy, right?”  The woman’s smile broadened the instant she saw me.  “Adam described you perfectly.”

“Adam sent you here?”  My brows drew together in confusion.

“He thought you could use our help.  I’m Annaliese and this is Nick.”  She held out her hand and I shook it, then Nick’s.

“Help?”  They looked so… normal.  Then again, there was something about her…  “I’m sorry, he didn’t tell me he was sending anyone over.  What did he say you could help me with?”  Anyone could drop Adam’s name, I wasn’t sure it was such a good idea to let them in, even if their auras were clean.

“He said you have a friend who’s had a special run of bad luck lately,” she said carefully, looking over her shoulder.  “He thinks we might be able to help get him back on track.”

“Bat shit crazy is what he said, actually,” Nick supplied, throwing her a “what?” expression when she shot him a dirty look.  “Well, he did…”

“Do you think maybe we could come in to talk about it?”

“If it helps I am a cop.”  Nick produced an ID badge.  “So, we’re not trying to lure our way into your motel room to have our wicked way with you.”  He waggled his eyebrows playfully.

I’m not sure why, but that made me feel better, despite my hit and miss experience with the police.  Besides, I was pretty sure I could handle them if they weren’t who they said they were, and I had a hunch Ben might feel better with a cop around too.

“Sure, come on in, Detective.”  I stepped away from the door, holding it open wide.

“Actually, it’s Sergeant,” he corrected me, and I caught Annaliese tell him to drop it under her breath with an elbow to his ribs.

“What is it you can do for Ben?” I asked once we were all inside.  Not entirely sure what Adam told them, I didn’t want to volunteer anything.

“Basically he said your friend used to be a cop…”

“A very noble profession,” Nick, interjected.

“But he’s been off the force since he had a mental breakdown following prolonged contact with… dark forces.”

“It’s never the light forces,” Nick sighed, taking a seat on the low couch.

“Right, that part I already know.”  My head ping ponged between them as they spoke.  “Where do you two come in?”

“Adam said the two of you were in the middle of something big.”  Talk about an understatement. “We’re here to make sure Ben gets the help he needs.”

“You can help with something like that?  Are you a shrink?”

“No, but my coven might be able to help him.”

“She means witches, not vampires,” Nick interrupted again.  “I know, it sounds a little cuckoo, but they really can help.  I’ve seen it with my own two eyes.”

Adam had called in the local reinforcements.  “Oh, you’re a witch.”  That made me feel a lot better.  “Okay, great.  He’s in the bedroom resting.  I have to say, he’s pretty far gone, but I’m hoping if we keep him away from Azazael, he’ll start to recover.”  I started to lead the way to the bedroom before I noticed she hadn’t moved.

“Azazael’s involved?” she replied in surprise.

“Yeah, why?”

“Interesting that Adam didn’t happen to mention that fact.”

“Who’s Azazael?” Nick asked, his brow furrowed in puzzlement.

“Another one of those things you don’t believe in, sweetie,” she said, patting his arm.  “That could change things quite a bit.  He’s not a good one to tangle with.”

“Oh, he’s not here.  We’ve got him bound and out of the way.”  I didn’t share where though.

“Azazael’s been bound?”  Her smile returned.  “That changes things back again.  Show me your friend.”

Scarcely a few minutes later, I felt a whole lot more comfortable around the pair.  The witch had a sweet, caring personality and genuinely wanted to help.  I could see Ben would be in good hands with her.  The cop was there as a somewhat skeptical bodyguard, injecting his silly brand of humor whenever the opportunity presented itself.  It was easy to see he was nuts about Annaliese, even if he didn’t completely accept everything we talked about in the little bedroom.

Unfortunately, curing Ben wasn’t as simple as a wave of the fingers and a few flowery words, she informed me.  They were prepared to take Ben with them to meet with her coven, or if needed, to set Ben up at a private psychiatric facility on Adam’s dime if all efforts to restore him failed.

“It sounds like you’ve got all the bases covered.”  I had to admit once she finished explaining the plan.  “I don’t suppose you know when Adam planned to come back, do you?”

Annaliese turned to Nick.  “Why don’t you help Ben to the car and I’ll be there in a minute?”  The detective agreed after a moment’s hesitation, easily steering Ben towards the door.  Annaliese waited until we were alone before she spoke again.  “Some things he knows, but there’s still a lot he won’t accept,” she said by way of explanation.

“He seems like a good guy.”

“He’s a great guy,” her smile dimpled wider before she sobered.  “I sort of got the impression Adam wasn’t coming back until he took care of some errands.”

“What kind of errands?”

“I’m not sure what he’s up to entirely, but he mentioned going to Hell and back to get what was stolen from you.  If it was anyone else I’d assume it was a figure of speech, but with Adam…”

* * *

I spent the next twenty minutes yelling myself hoarse for Adamiel to show his sorry face.  Fortunately, all it took was a few minutes of quiet for my vocal cords to repair themselves, and I was back at it again.  I spared a moment’s worry I might bother the neighbors, but then again, considering the type of motel I was in, it was probably the least objectionable thing going on in it that night.

When the front door opened, my heart stopped, but instead of Adam’s dark good looks, I saw something almost as comforting.

“Sam!”  Gone was the cute faux-hawk he’d been sporting since my makeover.  His hair a mop of unruly blonde curls, but he hadn’t gone back to dressing like a hobo yet.  He looked neat and clean in a black turtleneck and dressy pants.

“Mercy, you’re a sight for sore eyes.”  He hugged me fiercely and I felt the desperation of loneliness in his embrace.

“They didn’t have to be so sore, you know.  You could’ve come to visit me,” I chided him lightly, unable to keep from smiling to see him again.

“I’m truly sorry, but it couldn’t be helped.”

It could, but I didn’t want to get into it with him.  “What took you so long to get here?”

“I got here as soon as I could.  I went to Seattle first before I checked my voicemail and realized you’d come here.”

“Where were you that it took so long?”

“I’ve been living in the land Down Under.  Though, it’s not really under anything, I’ve found.”

“Australia?” I blinked.  “How did you end up down there?”

“It seemed to make sense to pick the ass end of the world, as Adam put it.  He said the distance would make it easier not to break my resolve.”

“Adam’s advice, I see.”  No wonder it was so stellar.

I half expected him to ask me about Daphne, but when he didn’t, I filled him in on our efforts to get Bunny back and Adam’s sudden departure for Hell if Annaliese could be believed.  Sam didn’t question it for a moment.

“It does make sense from the message he left me.”

“What did he say?”  I stopped myself from asking if I could listen to the message myself.

“Merely that he had to prove himself and put your child safely back in your arms.”

Typical, as if that one heroic act could somehow negate the months of abandonment…  “You know, I’m kinda worried about Adam’s safety in going to Hell alone.  Or is that something you angels do all the time?”  Lucifer was their brother, after all.

“No, I would not willingly go there,” Sam assured me with an emphatic shake of the head.  “Nor, do I think, does Adam take it lightly.”

That didn’t sound so good.  “What could happen to him there?  Could he get stuck in Hell?”  I wasn’t sure how Hell worked.  Was it another dimension like Midian you had to get to through a portal?  I’d never had occasion to ask anyone and the one time I’d met Lucifer, I’d been too distracted to ask him about his homeland.

“Do you mean in torment for his sins?  Oh no, that’s not very probable at all,” Sam reported, and I breathed a little easier.  “More likely he’ll die in one of the levels before he gets to Lucifer at all.”

“Die?” I coughed, not sure I’d heard him quite right from his cavalier attitude.  “Are you kidding me?”

“Why would I kid you about death?”  His forehead furrowed in puzzlement.

“Sam, we have to go after him!  He should never have gone alone.  Why did he have to be such an idiot?”

“I believe he did it to win back your love.”

“Fat lot of good it’ll do him if he dies in the process,” I muttered.  “Sam, you have to take me there right now before it’s too late.”

“I can’t take you to Hell.  No human can enter and hope to escape with their immortal soul intact.”

“Yeah well, as you’ve been so keen to remind me, I’m not exactly human anymore, am I?  So, let’s stop arguing about it and go.”  I grabbed his arm to tug him towards the door, but Sam dug his heels in.

“You still have your soul though.  That’s not a thing to be given up lightly.  Lucifer would surely try to steal a part of it away.”

“I happen to know he’s got plenty of souls to keep him busy, he’s not at all interested in mine.”

“Why, because he told you so?  And you call me naïve…”

“What do you propose we do then?  We can’t just sit around on our asses while Adam risks life and limb to get the baby back.”

“We don’t have to sit at all,” he brightened.  “In fact, I am instructed to deliver you safely home and then to linger in order to prevent the romantic reunion between you and Parker.”

“Oh, really?  And what are you supposed to do to prevent… you know what, never mind.  I’m not interested in Adam’s orders, I’m interested in getting Bunny back, but not at the risk of losing Adam.”

“Then you do still care for him?”

“Do you still care about Daphne?” I countered, and he fell silent.  “I know you do, but you can’t be around her to protect her, right?  Well, I can’t be around Adam, I have to protect myself from getting hurt by him again.  That doesn’t mean I don’t still care what happens to him though.  Now, are you going to show me how to get to Hell or not?”

“I can’t, Adam was most specific…”

“Damn it, Sam, Adam is not the boss of us!” I snapped.  “If you don’t tell me, I’ll figure it out on my own then.”

“How would you find the gate to Hell without my assistance?”  Sam called my bluff.

“I’ll ask a demon,” I decided on the spot.  “There’s bound to be at least one hanging around the portal to Midian who knows how to get there.  Or maybe call Oriana and see if she knows?  Bert and Hubie might have some ideas.”  I wasn’t completely without resources, but it would save a hell of a lot of time if Sam helped me on his own.

“I can’t let you…”

“Try and stop me.”  My eyes blazed in defiance.  I got as far as the door when I felt his hand on my shoulder.  Closing my eyes as I tried to decide if I had it in me to put Sam down in order to make my escape, I was surprised to feel the rush of cool air as the door opened before me.  My eyes popped open in time to catch Adam before he fell to his knees.

“I found her, I know where she is.”  He got out before his eyes turned up and Adam passed out in a heap on the floor.

“Adam!”  I caught him before he smashed his head against the doorframe, gently easing him to the worn carpet.  “Sam, get me a pillow for his head, would you?”  There wasn’t a mark on him, but his hands were dirty and smudged with soot that traveled up the length of his arms.  “What’s wrong with him?” I asked, as Sam crouched beside me, propping his head up with a couch cushion.

“I told you, the road to Hell is not to be traversed lightly.  It takes its toll.”

“Yeah, but there are no wounds…” I lifted his shirt, but there was no sign of injury.

“There are many wounds that leave no scars,” Sam said gravely.  “He needs Grace.”  His hands hovered over Adam’s chest, but I brushed them aside.

“No, let me.”  I had more to spare, and besides… it was because of me he’d taken such a stupid chance in the first place.  The healing energy pooled beneath my outstretched hands, and I sent him a surge of Grace.  It was so much easier than the time I’d healed him of the gunshot wounds.  I felt so much more in control, not dizzy at all, despite not taking the time to ground myself.  Adam’s eyes opened with a start and he drew in a sharp intake of breath.  I kept the Grace flowing, until he covered my hands with his.

“That’s enough, Mercy.  I’m fine.”

I kept the Grace flowing for a few more seconds, wanting to make sure he wasn’t trying to be macho before I sat back on my heels and took my own deep, cleansing breath.  “Are you sure you’re alright?”

“I don’t know… if I say no, will you do that again?” he smirked, and I shoved at his hand playfully.

“The next time it’ll be a bolt lobbed at your head,” I snorted.  “How could you be so stupid as to go to Hell all alone?”

“Yeah well, I got to thinking.”  Adam sat up, leaning on his elbows.  “You were right, I haven’t been there for you.  That’s why I had to take my shot and do this for you.”

“I never asked you to go on a suicide mission.”

“It would have been worth it.”  He picked up my hand and kissed the back of it before laying back down again.

“I fail to see how it would be worth it for you to die without producing the child,” Sam frowned, following the conversation with interest.

“You’re both forgetting something,” Adam smirked.  “It worked.  I know exactly where Bunny is.”

I almost smiled over his usage of the nickname Bunny, it was the first time he’d done so.  I was too distracted by his claim.  “Does Lucifer have her in Hell?”  How in the blazes were we going to get her back?

“Nope.”

“Then where…?”

“We had it ass backwards.  It wasn’t demons or fallen angels that did this to us, it was the other side.”

“The other side.”  My jaw dropped at the implication.  “Then you mean…”

“The angels have her.”

Chapter Twenty-Seven

“She’s in heaven?  Does that mean she died?”  It was almost too awful to say out loud.

“No, that’s not what it means at all,” Adam was quick to interject.  “She’s alive and well, holed up with Nathanael and his flunkies.”

“How do you know that’s where she is?  I mean, how did you figure it out?”

“Lucifer clued me in.  He was actually pretty helpful.”

“Are you sure we can trust him?”  That crack from Sam about me being naïve still stung.

“No, but I believe him.  He’d have no reason to lie to me.  If she’s not there I’ll go back and dip him head first into the lake of fire, and I’m pretty sure he knows that.”

Even though technically we weren’t any closer to reaching Bunny, I have to admit I felt better knowing she was with angels, no matter how screwed up their ethics were.  “Nathanael… I knew he had it in for me, but to not only kidnap but erase her entire existence from the world… that’s cold.”

“That rat bastard,” Sam spat out and Adam and I both shot him a surprised look.  “To abuse the power of creation thusly…” he growled.

“Power of creation?” I wasn’t sure what that meant, but it sounded a lot more positive than dark magic as Adam suspected.  “Is that how he did the amnesia thing?”

“It isn’t often used because it’s a pretty big deal, but occasionally the order comes down to do a cosmic reset and angels have limited abilities to affect the fabric of reality,” Adam explained, and my eyes narrowed at him.

“And you didn’t think to mention this to me before?  We should have started looking for her there first!”

“I’m sorry, I didn’t even think of it.  His hands came up in supplication.  “How was I supposed to know our kid justified screwing with the world like that?”

“The signs were all there,” Sam muttered.  “Mercy’s right, we should have seen it.”

“Okay, it doesn’t much matter now.  How do we get her back?  Do we march right up to heaven and storm the pearly gates?”

“They’re not keeping her in heaven, she’s in Eden.”

“As in the garden of?”

“Yep.”

“Of course,” Sam nodded.  “It makes perfect sense.  No man may trespass there.  Remember the words of the prophecy, From her issue will arise a new race of man, free from Original Sin.  She could abide there in peace and tranquility.  An ideal place to raise the babe.”

“But we can go there, right?” I insisted, already getting to my feet, a new sense of excitement pulsing through me.

“You bet your sweet ass we can.”  Adam’s grin stretched wide as he joined me.  He looked to the window where the sun was just emerging over the tops of the buildings in the distance.  “We’ll have her back by lunch.”

* * *

It turns out Eden is right here on Earth.

No dimensional portals, no magic spells, just in a valley in Northern Syria.  Syria sounded exotic enough to me, and I wasn’t sure how we’d get there as quickly as Adam predicted.  The boys assured me it was easy peasey though, as long as you knew where to look.  We took to the skies, flying super fast, but once again navigation proved too much for me to handle.  Just because my body had enough Grace to make the trek didn’t mean my mind could wrap itself around that level of speed.  All it took was Adam’s steady hand to lead the way though and they were right, it was easy to maintain the pace for hours.  I didn’t even break a sweat.

I wasn’t sure I’d see the valley at first.  Sam said it was hidden from human eyes, but I guess that proved just how far from human I’d become when I saw the green rolling hills plain as day, smack dab in the middle of the dessert.

The air felt palpably different as we crossed some unseen barrier.  The heat of the sun diminished and a cool, sweet breeze blew through the trees.  All kinds of trees.  Not well suited to the desert, but there they were, huge oaks and sycamores dotted the landscape mixed in with towering redwoods and drooping willows.  Four rivers bisected the valley, the water crystal clear and inviting, and there were all manner of wildlife ranging over the hills.  It was like God’s own private game reserve hidden away from the real world and I couldn’t help but wonder if I’d find unicorns running free.

We slowed to a manageable speed as we approached, and I was struck by the strangest sense of déjà vu.  “I’ve been here before.”

“You have?  Without us?”  Sam’s face fell in disappointment.

“No, I mean, I’ve seen this before… maybe in a dream… oh!”  All at once I knew where I’d seen those same rolling hills before.  In the Ether.  “This was Azazael’s dreamspace in the Ether.  Remember, Adam?”

“Oh yeah, it does look like it, doesn’t it?” he agreed.  “It wouldn’t be exactly here though, just a reasonable facsimile.  I think we’d better fly lower now, you never know who might be about.”  Still holding fast to my hand, he brought me with him, and Sam followed suit.

“How do we know where to look?  I didn’t see any houses or settlements when we were up high.”  It didn’t mean there weren’t some sprinkled in the trees, but if we couldn’t use height to our advantage, it could take a long time to search the entire valley.

“There are none,” Sam replied.  “Man didn’t have houses when they lived here.  There are no harsh elements to survive in Eden, the worst you’ll find here is a gentle rain.”

“So… is this like Club Med for you guys?  Angels only?  You can hang out and not be bugged by dirty humans?”

“No, ‘tis a lonely place,” Sam shook his head, but Adam disagreed.

“I don’t know about that, I’ve spent a fair amount of time here.  It’s a good place to come and think, unwind.  Sometimes being alone is just what the doctor ordered.”

Something about the way Adam said that made me think he’d been hiding out in Eden after leaving me.  I could picture him lying on a grassy knoll looking up at the sky.  No need to eat or sleep, the gentle rain coming and going, and him just staring up at the clouds.  Maybe that was an overly romanticized way of looking at it though; he’d more likely gone to Bangkok to let off a little steam.

“So, how do we go about doing this?” I asked, dragging my mind away from thinking of him going back to his debauching ways.

“We can’t hide,” Adam replied.  “I say we split up.  If anyone spots anything, then you sing out and we’ll come find you.  But no one acts on their own.”  He narrowed his eyes at me.

“Okay, okay, I promise.”  I crossed my heart with a single finger.  “Same goes for you then too.  No more taking off on your own to play the hero.”

We went our separate ways, staying low so as not to be easily spotted.  I stuck to the trees, figuring they wouldn’t keep her out in the open just in case someone discovered their hiding place.  Apart from some interesting wildlife, I didn’t spot anyone, angelic or otherwise.  It struck me that Adam was right, it was a very peaceful place.  Perfect for quiet reflecting should the occasion call for it.  Not that I expected to pop over whenever I wanted peace and quiet.  I wasn’t even sure I could find the place again on my own.

Forced to go on foot when the trees became impossibly dense, I started to worry we’d been given some bad intel.  Consider the source… I knew Lucifer had an unhealthy interest in the baby.  What if it was all a ploy to keep us on a never ending goose chase while he did… whatever he planned to do with her?

The sound of my name being whispered through the trees drew my full attention, and my head whipped around, trying to pinpoint the origin.  I could tell it was Sam, and I could tell there was an undercurrent of excitement to his tone, but the way it reverberated through the trees made it difficult to track.

“Merceline…”  It came again, and I decided to stop listening and trust my instincts.  Closing my eyes, I let my feet carry me where I needed to go, rising into the air when the trees thinned out.  I spotted him crouched by an outcropping of rocks overlooking a meadow down below, but there was no sign of the baby anywhere.

“What is it?” I asked when I landed by his side and Sam immediately shushed me.

“They are near.”

“Near where?” I peered below across the empty meadow.

Adam stepped out of a copse of trees, running towards us in a half crouch.  “You’re right, they’re in there alright.  Come on, this way.”  He turned and loped back in the direction he’d come.  I followed without question, mirroring his actions as best I could until we reached the edge of the meadow and a cave opening became visible on the edge of the trees.

“Is that where she is?  In that cave?” My heart slammed against my chest as a shot of adrenaline hit me.  Were we really that close?

“Yep, that’s it.  Now we have to be quiet…” Adam started to say, but I didn’t want to hear it.

“You actually saw her?”

“Actually, I heard her.  She’s got a set of lungs on her you wouldn’t believe,” he smirked, and I felt a pang at missing her first cries.

“Then what are we waiting for?  Let’s go get her!” I started up out of my crouch, but they each grabbed a hold of my arms, pulling me back down.  One or the other I could have taken but with both of them holding onto me, I had trouble breaking free.  “Let go of me,” I hissed, eyes narrowing in anger.

“Be at peace,” Sam said, and I could feel him sending me calming Grace.  I didn’t want it though, I wanted that adrenaline to give me the surge of energy I needed to run in there and take my baby back.  “Now is not the time for folly.”

“I only saw one angel with her, but there could easily be more of them,” Adam whispered at my ear.  “We want this to go as smooth as possible, right?  That means stealth is our friend.”

I heard the logic in his words, but part of me wanted to charge off anyway.  Instead, I forced a slow, calming breath, giving them a short nod.  “Alright, what’s the plan?”

“First we get closer to the mouth of the cave and see what we can see.”

You know that scene in the Wizard of Oz where they’re stalking the castle, trying to figure out how to get in there to steal the witch’s broom?  That’s exactly what I felt like.  Completely out of my depth, but pretending to move forward like I had a clue because I had to get in there.  I guess that made Sam the scarecrow, Adam the tin man and me Dorothy by default.  In a way all I wanted to do was go home, but with Bunny in my arms.

At one point I heard a tiny cry on the breeze and I froze, emotion welling so thick I nearly choked on it.  She really was in there!  The three of us crouched near the entrance to the cave, and I could see a blonde angel sitting cross legged on a woven blanket, rocking a bundle wrapped in a pink fuzzy blanket.  He crooned softly to the baby, his face full of joy, and I spared a moment of thankful prayer she’d at least been taken care of by someone who didn’t treat her like an abomination the way Nathanael thought of me.

There were baby supplies scattered around the cave.  Diapers, bottles - synthetic materials looking horribly out of place in the primitive setting.  I recognized the collapsible playpen and the fat stuffed penguin right away.  “They stole our stuff!” I gasped in outrage.

“They stole our baby, and you’re mad about the stuff?” Adam snorted.

“Shhh!” Sam chided us and we fell silent.  “I’ll approach him first.  There may be more of them deeper in the caves.”  I wanted to protest that I should be the one to go get her, but he was right, best to let him approach.  The angel might not freak out as much.

“Samael?”  The angel’s eyes stretched wide with surprise, but not suspicion when Sam stepped into the cave.  “How came you here?”

“I had to see it with my own eyes.  Is that the prophesized child?”

“She is,” he smiled beatifically.  “Can you not see her light?”

I couldn’t see much, but I did see a shock of dark hair atop a round pink face, a warm golden nimbus marking her as more than human.

“I see it,” Sam smiled, moving closer.  “May I hold her?”

The angel held the baby protectively in his arms, rising to his feet.  “I’m not to let any touch her until Nathanael returns.  There are those that seek to corrupt her.”

“Surely you don’t think I am among those who would corrupt an innocent child.”  Sam’s voice was pitched low and soothing, but the other angel took a step backwards.

“You are among the Fallen, you are not to be trusted.”

“And you think you follow a better path?  Ripping a child from the arms of its mother?”

“Nathanael never said…”

“No, he never does,” Adam called out, rising and entering the cave.  Not to be left behind, I followed, wondering when the unseen signal was given that it was time to leave our hiding place.  “How could you let this come to pass, brother?” Adam said sternly.

“Adamiel, and…”  His eyes widened when he recognized me.  “It’s you.”

“Yeah, it’s me.”  I stepped into the cave, my eyes on the bundle at first until I realized I recognized the guy.  “Hey, I know him.  I know you.  You were at that angelic jamboree, the meeting out near Seattle, right?”  He’d been among the circle of angels I’d met that day.

“Yes, I am Davael,” he smiled sunnily.

“It’s real great to see you again, Davy, but I think you have something that belongs to me.”  I took a step closer, moving slowly.

“I can’t allow you to take her.”  His face clouded with what looked like genuine regret.  “Nathanael was most specific.”

“Be reasonable, Davael.  There are three of us, and only two of you and I think the baby’s actually on our side.”  Adam circled around to his other side, advancing slowly.  “There’s no way this doesn’t end with my daughter returned to her mother.  So how about you hand her over nice and peaceful like so she can continue her nap and maybe I’ll forget about your involvement in this?”

“I… I…” Davael’s head toggled back and forth as all three of us advanced on him, but I’m the one who lost my patience and broke ranks first.  Rushing forward, I delivered a swift boot to his crotch.  I was willing to bet he’d never been kicked in the jumblies before, and Davael predictably doubled over, allowing me to pluck Bunny from his arms without a fight.  Hey, war is hell.  And we were definitely at war.  Between God sending the Angel of Death to kill me and then kidnapping my child, we were definitely on opposing sides.

I heard Adam make a commiserating sound as Davael crumpled to the ground, but mostly I was absorbed in seeing my daughter for the first time.  As much as I wanted to pull open the blanket and inspect her all over, I contented myself with gazing into her sweet face, laying a kiss to her soft forehead while her shock of dark hair tickled my nose.  So beautiful…

I became aware of Adam standing by my side, and I shifted my hold on her so he could see her better.  “Adam, I would like you to meet your daughter, Eve.  Evie, say hello to your daddy.”

There were no cracks about the name I’d picked, nothing but wonder in Adam’s face as he laid a hand to the top of her head.  “We did this.  We made her,” he said in amazement.

“Yep.  Whatever you can say about our trainwreck of a relationship, we at least did one thing right,” I sighed, my heart melting when she snuffled in her sleep.

“As much as I hate to interrupt the family reunion, we should continue it elsewhere.  It’s not safe here,” Sam insisted, herding us to the mouth of the cave.  Right on cue, Davael wheezed, fighting his way to his knees, giving a curious whistle.

“He’s right, we’d better get out of here.”  Adam’s eyes lost their dreamy cast, hardening as he looked to the mouth of the cave.  “Before it’s…”

“Too late…” Sam echoed as Nathanael descended into the center of the meadow outside, flanked by half a dozen other angels.

Chapter Twenty-Eight

“I can’t let you take the child,” Nathanael declared, his brothers fanning out to fill the empty space in the clearing.

“You’re nuts if you think I’m letting you steal her away from me again.”  I shifted my hold on the baby, intent on keeping her close.  “Do all your lackeys know that, by the way?  That you stole her from me without letting me so much as see her?”  I could see from the looks traded among his companions that some of them were a little light on details, and I tried to use that to my advantage.  If I could get even one or two of them to switch sides, we stood a much better chance.

“They know she needs to be protected from corruption, which clearly you three know nothing about.”

“Look at me and tell me what you see,” I challenged them.  “I know you can see I’m not evil or corrupt.”  At least I hoped my aura didn’t show signs of any character defects.

“I see an abomination,” Nathanael spat out.  “But your child may yet be saved.  Surely you want the best upbringing for her.  The babe is not of your world, she belongs with us.”

“The hell she does,” I growled, rocking her gently as she made a whimpering sound.  “She belongs with me.”

“Enough, we will take the child now.”  Nathanael waved his hand forward, but his followers were hesitant to carry through the order until he turned, brows drawn together in a single dark line.  “Now,” he ordered.

“Give it up, boys.”  Adam stepped forward, inserting himself between me and the others, his sword materializing with a flick of the wrist.  “You know you’re not up to doing what it takes to get her back.  We’ll fight to the death to keep her and you guys don’t seriously think you can get past me, do you?”

“What’s he doing?  There are seven of them,” I murmured to Sam who stayed by my side.

“No, he’s right.  None of the angels assembled have met on the field of battle before.  They are of a different caste.  Powerful, but not skilled in combat.”

Despite Sam’s assurances, the angels drew their swords, looking no less determined to see things through.  Sam summoned his sword as well, and I shifted my hold on Bunny to awkwardly call my sword forth too.  I had no idea how I’d go about it, but I’d go down fighting to protect my child.

“Give me the child and you may yet live,” Nathanael offered.  “Should you press your ridiculous fight, I can not make the same guarantee.”

“I’ll give you ridiculous…”  Adam stepped forward to engage the angel closest to him, dispatching him with surprising skill.  I realized I’d never seen him fight before, the threat of combat was usually enough for him to get what he wanted.  He moved with deadly purpose, easily meeting the clumsier attempts to defend by the inexperienced angels.  Sam was no less skilled, and I hung back, holding tight to Eve, hoping no one got past their line of defense.

A rush of air was my only warning and I whirled to find myself face to face with Nathanael, his sneer chasing away any fear I felt.  How dare he look down on me like something he’d stepped in?  I hadn’t asked for any of the Grace given to me, and if he or God didn’t like the way things had turned out, then too bad.

All at once I let the sword go, knowing I couldn’t easily manage it and hold onto Bunny as carefully as a newborn ought to be.  Besides, I wasn’t exactly defenseless without it.  “Go ahead, come for her.  I dare you,” I challenged him boldly.

Nathanael didn’t draw his sword either, probably finding me too easy of a challenge to need it.  Instead he advanced and I let him have it with a blast of Grace right in the solar plexus.  He went down to his knees with a groan, face crumpling with dismay and possibly surprise.  Instead of waiting for him to get up and try again, I closed the distance between us, laying my hand on his shoulder.

“No, don’t get up, I think I like you down there,” I insisted, hitting him with another burst of energy point blank.  This time he went flat on his back and I followed up with a boot to the throat.  “Don’t even think about moving,” I growled, darting a look behind me.  Just when I thought we stood a chance, I realized another handful of angels had joined the melee.

Adam’s arm was cut and bleeding, and Sam moved as if he’d hurt something in his side.  I couldn’t let Nathanael go to help them, and besides, could I really bring a baby into a sword fight?  Looking down, bright blue eyes caught my attention and the rest of the battle fell away as I exchanged glances with my daughter.  “It’s not a good time to be awake, Bunny,” I said softly, stroking her cheek.  Her mouth instantly turned towards the touch, and I realized she was probably hungry.  Not that I could do anything about it.

Somehow, Sam and Adam managed to hold their own despite being wounded and the new opponents, and I thought maybe it would be a good time to fly away and hide somewhere to regroup and heal.  I opened my mouth to suggest it, only to stifle a cry of dismay when a score of angels filled the sky, descending onto the makeshift battlefield.

The fighting drew to a halt, my boys falling back to my side protectively.  I saw there were few actual casualties as the sides drew apart.  Most of the angels were merely wounded or knocked out, but there were a couple of piles of glowing embers, all that remained of the heavenly bodies.

“Stay behind us,” Adam panted, still retaining enough of his usual good spirits to toss me a playful wink.  “We’ll use him for leverage.”  He pressed his sword to Nathanael’s neck.

I could do more than stand behind them.  I laid a hand on Adam’s shoulder, sending healing Grace to restore him to full strength.  “Thanks, babydoll, I needed that,” he grinned, stealing a kiss when I was done.  I offered the same to Sam and all at once his breathing became less hitched and he stood straighter.  There wasn’t time to formulate a plan when Gabriel himself stepped forward, placing himself between the two factions.

I heard Nathanael’s sharp intake of breath and I thought maybe Adam’s sword nicked him, but I realized his attention was wholly focused on the archangel in the clearing, his eyes bulging with fear.  And that’s when I understood… the newest batch of angels weren’t there to reinforce Nathanael’s goons, they were there to reinforce us.

“Let him go.”  I pushed Adam’s sword away from Nathanael’s throat, waiting to see what happened next.

“Let him go, are you nuts?” Adam snorted, but I laid a hand over his, forcing him to let go of his sword.

“It’ll be alright, I promise.”

Nathanael bound to his feet, skirting us with a wide berth to approach his superior, hands spread wide.  “I only sought to keep the child holy.”  If Gabriel replied, none of us heard it save Nathanael.  Instead the archangel stared him down with the power of his terrible gaze, and Nathanael fell to his knees in abject terror.  “No… I beg of you, have mercy.  That punishment is too great.”  The rest of us watched in fascination as Gabriel meted out his justice.

Lifting the horn to his lips, Gabriel blew out a long, plaintive note.  I knew the sound could carry great distances and would be impossible to ignore for any of the heavenly host.  Heck, it made me want to move closer to him and I was only a few feet away.  The sound had a profound effect on Bunny though.  She wrinkled her face up and screamed bloody murder.

As I tucked her up against my neck and patted her back soothingly, Gabriel blew his horn again.  Angels began to descend, alone and in pairs until the clearing was full of every angel in that part of the world.  Gabriel remained still until satisfied there were enough of us to bear witness to the sentence.

“Please, Gabriel.”  Nathanael licked his lips, and I felt a measure of satisfaction in seeing him squirm on the ground like that.  “I shall repent, you need not cast me from Heaven.”

“Talk about the punishment fitting the crime,” Adam smirked, and I saw Sam nod in approval.

“Can he do that?  Kick him out of Heaven?” I whispered and Sam nodded.

“Oh yes, if he’s been given dispensation by God to cast Nathanael among the Fallen, any archangel may deliver His judgment.”

“Nice,” I nodded, hiding my smile behind the baby’s blanket as I held her close.  Luckily, she settled down as soon as Gabriel quit blowing on his horn.

Nathanael’s head bowed as he was forced to deliver his own sentence to the crowd assembled.  “Let all who gather here bear witness to my shame.  I am cast out of His favor, cast out of Heaven, never again to dwell among my brethren.  Hereafter I shall seek my shelter among men, joining the Fallen for all eternity.”

His head lifted and Nathanael met Gabriel’s gaze squarely.  “I take full responsibility for my actions and humbly accept His justice.  Pray do not judge my brothers as I have been judged.  I led them to believe I acted upon His orders, but it was my own selfish desires I sought to fulfill.  It was I who sent the Angel of Death to kill the Bringer of Life, and it was I who sought to absent the child from the world.  I ask no mercy for myself, and stand ready to accept my fate.”

“Did he just say…?” I started to ask Sam, but he shook his head.  It wasn’t the time for words, but I couldn’t help but reel over Nathanael’s confession.  He was the one who send Raziel to kill me?  Did that mean I wasn’t in God’s bad books after all?

Gabriel laid a hand on Nathanael’s head, almost like a benediction, but for the sorrow in his eyes.  “So let it be done,” he said softly.  His hand began to glow and Nathanael’s entire body grew rigid as though in terrible pain.  I thought I could watch it, but I didn’t like to see anyone suffer, even the man who’d never treated me with anything but disdain.

Tuning away, I saw Adam’s jaw tighten and Sam stared at the ground.  No doubt they were remembering their own similar experience and I figured it must be awful even thousands of years later.  Reaching for Adam’s hand, I gave it a squeeze and he looked away from the spectacle, eyes haunted.  Sending him soothing Grace, I saw some of the tension leave his jaw and he offered me a sad smile.

When I looked back to the center of the clearing, Gabriel had released Nathanael and the new Fallen lay panting on the ground, broken.

“His will be done,” the angels chanted as one.

Gabriel approached us, his face solemn, and I felt Adam stiffen beside me, but the archangel’s expression softened as he looked down at Eve.  Gently, he touched the dark fuzz on top of her head, his mouth splitting into a wide smile when she yawned.  “Your journey is just beginning, I think.  Love her well and all will be as it should.”

“So… I’m really not in trouble with God?  He doesn’t want to kill me or the baby?”

Gabriel only smiled and launched himself up in the air, taking to the sky.  About half of the angels immediately followed suit, the others staying behind to help heal the wounded.  A few approached offering their apologies, Davael among them, and I mumbled thanks, not sure what to say to someone who’d been hell bent on taking my child not a half hour before.  Neither Sam nor Adam seemed to think twice about it, taking the apologies in stride.

The boys looked like they wanted to stay a bit longer, maybe feeling deprived of angelic company for a while, so I let them visit for a few minutes.  I retreated to the cave to change the baby with the supplies I found, satisfying my curiosity that she really was unhurt by the ordeal.  I found ten perfect fingers and ten perfect toes with everything in between looking completely normal, as far as I could tell.  Apart from the golden glow she looked like any other newborn, no scaly patches or other monstrous features.

Sam joined me as I was wrapping her up like a big burrito the way they’d shown us at the child birth class to make her feel secure like she did in the womb.   “Is your reunion almost over?  ‘Cause I’d like to get this little sucker home and get her something to eat soon.”  I had no idea what they’d been feeding her so far, there might be cans of formula among the supplies, or they could have used wild goat’s milk for all I knew.  Maybe she didn’t even need to eat with both my and Adam’s Grace to sustain her, but she looked hungry when I touched her cheek.

“We can go now if you like, Nathanael has fled.”

“Thank God for that, huh?” I breathed a sigh of relief, taking the baby into my arms again.  “I’m thinking that was a pretty rare thing we witnessed, right?”

“Indeed,” Sam agreed.  “It’s nothing to be taken lightly.  Once one joins the ranks of the Fallen, there is no going back.”

I could tell it was a sore subject with him, and I tried changing it.  “You know, I didn’t think Gabriel could actually talk,” I mentioned.  “I thought he was a mute or a telepath or something.”

“You heard Gabriel speak?” Sam blinked in surprise.  “You heard actual words?”

“Yes, didn’t you?  When he did the thing with Nathanael and then when he came over to talk to me?  You were standing right there.”

“You’re the new Clarion.”

“The what?”

“The Clarion.  You alone speak for Gabriel when words are needed.  Nathanael was the Clarion and clearly, Gabriel chose you to succeed him.  That is so kewlies!”  His face broke into a wide grin.

“Wait… so, I have to go to all those angel meetings and talk for him and stuff?”  How come he hadn’t said anything about that or asked me if it was something I’d be interested in doing?

“It is a high honor to be chosen as Clarion.  You should feel very flattered.”

“You guys ready to blow this popsicle stand?”  Adam poked his head in.  “I could use a hot shower and a week’s vacation right about now.”

“Sounds good to me.”  I agreed whole heartedly, shifting my hold on Bunny as I left the cave.  I was nervous about carrying her while I flew, but at the same time I didn’t want to give her up to anyone else to carry either.  “Are you sure she’ll be able to travel so fast without being hurt?”

“Hey, she’s our kid, right?  That means she’s tougher than she looks,” Adam grinned, offering his thumb to her little fingers which promptly wrapped around it.  “See, she’s got the death grip down.”

“She should be well protected in any case.  Even a normal human could survive the journey, though likely a bit of travel sickness would result,” Sam considered aloud.

“So, what do you say, Mercy?  I’m betting Fiji’s looking pretty good right about now, isn’t it?”  Adam waggled his brows at me and I hated to kill his playful mood, but there was only one place I wanted to go at the moment.

“I think I’d rather go home, where I belong.”

Chapter Twenty-Nine

Life goes on after you beat the bad guy.

You think life will go back to normal, but what is normal?  Adversity changes you and it’s not always easy to change back.

Though the rational side of my brain knew Bunny wasn’t in danger anymore, I found it hard to relax my guard.  It was like I was afraid to put her down for more than two minutes at a time.  I didn’t sleep well.  Maybe it was because I didn’t strictly need sleep anymore, or maybe it was nerves, I don’t know.  I could only hope it would pass in time.

Nelo helped Parker recreate a pretty close match of the nursery, but there were a few things they didn’t think to get like a baby bath or a diaper bag, little things that weren’t readily apparent to the uninitiated.  I didn’t mind the excuse to shop so much, especially when I found that Adam had Finch transfer a chunk of money directly into my bank account since I hadn’t touched his.  I rationalized using the money for things Bunny needed, especially since I hadn’t gone back to work yet.  In addition to the money, Finch helped get Bunny’s birth certificate in order since I had no record of ever being pregnant or giving birth at the hospital.  Sure, I could have said I’d given birth at home, but it seemed simpler to let him handle it.  (It did chap my hide to have to pay my high deductible for the stupid tonsillectomy I never had, by the way.)

Parker… he tried really hard, I could tell, but I know it overwhelmed him to have an infant in the house.  Being a new parent is hard under the best of circumstances, and without much time to get used to the idea, he struggled with the realities of caring for a baby day in and day out.

It helped that he loved me and I could tell that he was charmed by Bunny most days.  For her part, Bunny was an easy baby to love.  Generally cheerful with a sweet disposition, she slept well and only cried when she needed attention.  But did he allow her completely into his heart?  I think something held him back from accepting her as his own.

Adam stayed away.

Before we parted, I repeated my offer to include him in her life if he chose to be involved, but he never gave me his answer.  I think it hurt him too much to be around us and not completely with us.  Not that he ever offered to make any kind of commitment with me beyond the crack about Fiji.  For all I knew he still only wanted a fling in the Ether.  At the end of the day I couldn’t make a commitment with him, that trust just wasn’t there.

Sam stopped by to visit every now and again, but only when he knew Daphne wouldn’t be around.  I was glad he hadn’t cut himself off completely from all of us.  I knew he’d been to see Daphne, only not revealing himself to her, and I knew it couldn’t be healthy for him in the long run.  Then again, who was I to tell anyone how to love?  My own relationships were notoriously screwy.

All the time I found myself daydreaming, wondering if I’d made the right choice in not trying to work things out with Adam for Bunny’s sake.  Or if things between Parker and I would ever be the same again with that chunk of shared memories missing.  But mostly I was too busy learning how to be a mother to dwell on it much.  It wasn’t paradise, but it was enough.

Gradually I stopped watching Bunny like a hawk, coming to accept she wouldn’t disappear if I turned my head.  I even left her with Parker to go visit Ben once a week.  Sadly, Annaliese’s coven hadn’t been able to restore his mind and the regular doctors hadn’t made a dent in cracking his psychosis.  True to his word, Adam put him up in the swankiest private sanitarium money could buy.

We didn’t talk much when I came to visit, mostly because Ben didn’t make much sense, but he always seemed happy to see me.  As a rule, he liked to stack checkers and I watched, over and over again until they toppled and he picked up the pieces and started again.  I brought him a box of Legos once, thinking he might enjoy building with them, but all he did was use the box as a base to stack his checkers on.

One day a few weeks after I started coming to visit him, I was surprised to find a man sitting with him when I arrived.  Ben studiously ignored his visitor, his attention wholly focused on the growing tower of checkers.  I thought about leaving to come back another time, but curiosity got the better of me.  Especially when I saw his visitor was none other than the archangel, Gabriel.

“Fancy meeting you here,” he smiled when I approached.  Once again I was struck by the sound of his voice, deep and even as though he spoke all the time.  Hell, he could have done TV voiceovers, his voice was that smooth.

“Fancy meeting you anywhere,” I replied, taking a seat at the table.  “Do you come to visit Ben often, or is this a special occasion?”

“Actually, I came to see you and I thought you might appreciate it if I approached you here rather than in your home.”

I thought that over and figured he was probably right.  I might have gotten a little defensive if he’d appeared in my bedroom, angel style.  “I do appreciate that, thanks.  Did you need to talk to me about something in particular, or is this about one of those Clarion things?”

“I came to make you a proposal of sorts.”

The mind boggled.  I couldn’t even begin to fathom what someone like him might propose.  “Okay, I’m listening,” I said carefully.

“Merceline, you have been greatly wronged since you were first touched with Grace, and it has been suggested that reparations of sorts might be in order.”

“Reparations?” I blinked.  And here I thought he wanted to ask me to do something for him.  “Suggested by who?”

His eyes went skyward before they returned to me.  “Indeed.  What would you have me do to set your world to rights?”

“What are we talking about here exactly?  Are you saying you could reverse what Nathanael did to Bunny?”  I wouldn’t have to keep explaining why I suddenly had a baby to people, and my mom might get over her sulk at me having “kept her own grandbaby a secret” from her.

“It can be done if you so choose.  Would you have me return things as they were before he altered the fabric of reality?  Set them back on course?”

“You can really do that?”

“If that is what you desire to set your world to rights,” he nodded earnestly.

Set my world to rights.  What was right?  A future with Parker or Adam?  If I could rewind the cosmic tape recorder how far could I go back?  How far did I want to go back?  “Wow, that’s… that’s quite an offer.”  I let out a long breath.  “Do I have to decide right this moment?”

“Not at all,” Gabriel smiled with a kindly pat to my hand.  “Take all the time you need.  You have only to call me when you decide.”

Ben smiled to himself, shaking his head when the stack of checkers fell to the floor.  Dropping to his knees, he picked them up, counting by fives out loud for each one he picked up.  “Batter up,” he beamed once he retook his seat to begin stacking again.

All at once I knew what I had to do.  “I know what I want,” I said, my eyes on the man whose life I’d utterly destroyed.  “Can you fix Ben?  Alter reality so it’s as if he and I never met at all?  Then he could go back to being a cop and he’d have his normal life back before all this craziness happened.”  I turned to face Gabriel.  “Can you do that?”

“As you wish,” Gabriel nodded.

“Good.”  I let out another long breath.  “Good, so um, how does this work?  Is there some kind of spell, or does the Big Kahuna have to give the order?”

“We all have the power within us to shape the world, you have only to learn how to use it.  Take my hands.”  He held out his palms to me.  “Lend me your Grace and I will show you.”

“Right now?  Here?”  My eyes darted around nervously, but none of the other residents or staff paid us any attention whatsoever.

“You would prefer to wait?” he asked, and I shook my head, gingerly placing my hands in his.  “Have faith, Merceline.  All will be well.”

“Right,” I nodded, more than a little nervous.  What if it didn’t go well and taking Ben out of the picture screwed up something else?  Would it just affect people’s memories?  How much of reality were we changing?  I tried to trust Gabriel to know what he was doing.  “Goodbye, Ben.  Good luck, I wish you a happy, normal, quiet life.”

“Quiet is as quiet does,” he murmured, eyes never leaving the stack of checkers.

“Okay, what do I do?”

“Relax, and leave everything to me,” Gabriel replied, his tone oddly commanding.  His eyes drifted shut and his chest rose as he took in a deep breath.  Instead of the incantation I expected, his mouth opened to accommodate a low note of song, almost like a Gregorian chant but with no words.

As I watched, his voice grew louder, expanding to fill the room, though no one else seemed to notice.  The tone deepened and intensified and it sounded like a score of voices singing at once.  I found myself singing along, knowing instinctively how to join my Grace with his.  I became a part of the sound, and it filled all my senses, obscuring everything but the truth in the tone.  All too soon it faded and I became aware that we still sat at the table, our hands joined, but there was no sign of Ben anywhere.

“Did it work?” I yawned, trying to clear the ringing sensation in my ears that lingered.

“It is done,” Gabriel said simply, releasing my hands.  “His life has been restored and he will not know you should you come face to face in the future.”

“Thank you.”  I sat back in my chair.  There, at least I could say I’d done something right.  “Listen, about this Clarion thing.  Are you sure I’m the right choice for this thing?  Half of the angels don’t want to listen to anything I have to say anyway.”

“You, more than anyone, have the ability to make them listen, Merceline,” he smiled, rising to his feet.

“If you say so,” I muttered.  “How often will I have to serve as your messenger?”

“When the need arises,” he replied, and I bit back the urge to thank him for vagueing that up for me.  “You’ll know what to do when the time comes.”

“Super.”  I smiled with false cheer, standing up to get out of there before someone asked me what I was doing in the looney bin.  “Listen, thanks again.  I just hope it was enough to set Ben’s life back on track.”  It was tempting to try and sneak a peek and make sure Ben was alright, but I didn’t want to risk him getting mixed up in my life again.

Gabriel simply nodded, but turned back as an afterthought before he left.  “You chose wisely.”

* * *

The whole way home I second guessed myself, despite Gabriel’s assertion that I’d made the right choice.  Could I have somehow worded the request to restore Parker’s memories too?  Or would that leave things open to tumble down the same path again?  I had to face the facts.  There were no easy outs.  Parker and I would rebuild what we had before, I just had to give it some time.

But the moment I stepped across the threshold Parker ambushed me, capturing my mouth in a deep, passionate kiss.

“Wow, you really missed me, huh?  I’ll have to go out and come back more often,” I quipped once he let me come up for air.

“More than you know, darlin’.”  His face fairly shone with excitement, and I couldn’t help but think he knew something I didn’t.

“What is it?  What did I miss while I was out?”

“It’s not what you missed, it’s what I found.”

“You lost me,” I stared at him blankly.

“I’ve got it all back.  The past few months, our time together.”

“Are you kidding me?  How?”

“I have no idea.  I was winding up the mobile for Bunny’s nap and it all came flooding back, just like that.”

“Gabriel…” I murmured, that had to be it.  Somehow he’d decided I deserved a bonus maybe?  “It had to be him.  I saw him while I was visiting Ben.”

“Visiting who?”

That solved the question of whether or not Ben’s reality and mine were separated.  It begged the question, where did Parker think I’d gone out to?  I dismissed it as unimportant.  “It doesn’t matter, none of that matters.  Are you alright though?  Is it weird merging those realities in your head?”  Clearly he hadn’t just gone back to the way things were before, he remembered having those missing memories, that was a little different from just rewinding things.

“Yeah, it’s fine, I’m good.  Better than good.  I’m just so… God, you can’t imagine what it’s like to know a piece of you is missing and holding you back from everything you know you should feel.”  He wrapped his arms around my waist, pulling me close again.

“Then you remember everything?”

“I remember it all.  The late night cravings for chili fries, the back rubs, that awful movie with the hairy couple, everything that matters.  I remember every bit of awesome.”

“Oh, you do, do you?” I settled my arms around his neck, matching his smile.  “I’m sorry things haven’t been so awesome between us these past few weeks.  It’s just been crazy trying to settle back in and taking care of Bunny and…”

“No, I know, I get it.”  He let me off the hook, fingers tugging at the belt loops of my jeans to pull me closer.  “There’s no reason why they can’t be awesome between us now though, is there?”

“You mean now, now?”  I pressed my body against the length of his, a teasing smile on my lips as I kissed him.  I could feel just how ready he was to take things to the next level between us.

“You’re not gonna make me wait any longer, are you?”

I was tired of waiting.  There was nothing to stand between us and I wanted nothing more than to take that final step with Parker.  “How long ago did you put Bunny down for a nap?” I whispered at his ear, catching hold of the delicate lobe between my teeth for a little love bite.  The effect was electrifying.  Parker pulled me in for a possessive kiss, his hands roaming freely over my body.  Not to be left out, I responded in kind, tugging his shirt free to slip my hands underneath, exploring the strong planes of his back.

“About twenty minutes ago, she should be good for a couple of hours,” he managed to get out between kisses as he tugged my shirt up and over my head.  No sooner had he said the words than Bunny proved him a liar.  For such a little thing, she sure had a piercing cry.  Parker let out a little whimper of his own, his head resting against mine.  “Perfect timing.”

“It’s okay, there’s no rush.  We have the rest of our lives together.”  Of course there was still a huge chance I’d outlive him by eternity, but I didn’t want to think about that for the moment.  “I’ll go see what our Mistress wants and I’ll come right back to you.”  I gave him a brief kiss, trying to untangle my shirt enough to get it back on.

“No, you leave that off,” Parker shook his head with a grin.  “I’ll go get her settled back down and I’ll meet you in the bedroom.”

“Are you sure?”  I already had my arms in anyway.

“Yeah, I’m sure, I got this.”  He stole another quick kiss.  “Give me ten minutes, tops.”

But he didn’t move another muscle.  Not a single one.  It took me a few seconds to realize he was completely frozen in place.  “Parker?” I patted his unresponsive cheek.  That’s when I noticed the baby had gone silent.  “Oh, sweet Jesus…”  My feet barely touched the floor as I zoomed up the stairs, my heart pounding a mile a minute as I burst into the nursery to see Bunny gurgling happily in Adam’s arms.

“What the… Adam!  What is wrong with you?  Don’t do that!” I tugged my shirt the rest of the way on with short, angry movements.

“What?” he blinked innocently.  “You said I could visit her whenever I wanted.  She missed me, see?  Didn’t you, baby Bunny…” he added in a ridiculously saccharine tone.  Bunny cooed happily at the attention, and I started to wonder if he’d woken her up deliberately.

“Yeah, you can visit her, but you can’t pop in whenever you want like you own the place.  And you sure as hell can’t freeze Parker like that.  You almost gave me a freaking heart attack.”

“Oh right, sorry.  I didn’t want to have to hear you getting busy with him.  Today’s the big day, huh?”

I pressed my lips tightly to keep from letting out a scream of frustration.  It took a few seconds, but when I opened my mouth again, I could maintain a civil tone.  “If you’d knocked at the door you wouldn’t have had to hear any of it,” I pointed out.

“I didn’t think he’d let me in without you here.  You know I’m starting to think he doesn’t like me,” he feigned surprise.  “Especially now.”

Then he’d been there for some time…  All at once I clued in to the reason for his visit.  “That was you who fixed his memory, wasn’t it?”  I’d thought Gabriel went out of his way to make things right, but it was Adam all along.  “Why would you do that?”  I knew he didn’t approve of my relationship with Parker, he could have used the missing memories as a wedge to drive between us.

“Call it an early wedding present.”

“We’re not engaged to be married.”

“It’s not hard to see where this is headed,” he shrugged, rocking Bunny gently in his arms.  “As much as I hate to say it, it’s not the worst idea ever, the two of you together.  And Bunny seems to like him.”

Was he really the same man who said he’d love me more than any other?  Or maybe he finally figured out what that meant.  “I don’t know what to say.  Thank you for doing this, Adam.”

“You’re welcome, Mama.”  He waved Bunny’s little fist.  “She helped, didn’t you, sweetheart.”

I didn’t want to think how he’d managed to accomplish that.  “Please don’t use our daughter’s Grace, we don’t know what that’ll do to her.”

“Oh relax, it didn’t hurt her.  She had a good time, didn’t you, Bunbun?”

“Ugh, don’t call her that.  Can’t you be serious for two seconds?”  Why did everything have to be a big joke to him?

“I’d never hurt her,” Adam said seriously, holding the baby to his cheek for long seconds before putting her back down in the crib.

“I know you wouldn’t.”  Not on purpose anyway.  “Look, do you want to stay for dinner or something?”

“No thanks, I don’t think I’m invited for what Parker has planned on the menu.  I’d better take off.”

I didn’t know how long he’d be gone this time.  Maybe I’d never know.  Maybe my life would be full of impromptu visits from Adam whenever he felt like it; freezing Parker, dropping in unannounced.  That didn’t sound like the worst thing in the world.  “Thanks again, I owe you one.”

“You still owe me a striptease, you know,” he winked.  “You could pay me back with that anytime.”

“Someday, maybe,” I smiled.

“Someday,” he nodded thoughtfully, already halfway through the window.  “I’ll take it, for now.”

The future held endless possibilities.

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Read on for a preview of Lisa Olsen’s novel, Wake Me When the Sun Goes Down, available now!

Books by Lisa Olsen:

The Touch

Pretty Witches All in a Row

Moonsong

Nine Steps to Sara

The Fallen Series:

Angel of Mercy

Mercy for the Wicked

Mercy for the Damned

Child of Mercy

Forged Bloodlines Series:

Wake Me When the Sun Goes Down

Meet Me When the Sun Goes Down

Find Me When the Sun Goes Down (Spring 2013)

For more information, visit the author’s website at http://www.lisaolsen.net

Wake Me When the Sun Goes Down

Chapter One

I couldn’t move.

I wasn’t strapped to the table, or in a straight jacket, though one might have been a good idea in hindsight; I just couldn’t make my limbs obey me.  It felt like my entire body was weighed down, as if I’d been mountain climbing all day (not that I’ve ever done such a thing in my lifetime).  I couldn’t even turn my head, which was disconcerting, especially since the hard surface at my back didn’t feel at all like my Serta mattress.

My other senses were in overdrive though.  Something strong and astringent in the air made the back of my throat tingle unpleasantly.  Was my roommate up cleaning the bathroom with a bucket of bleach?  No, that didn’t seem quite right.  It had a different chemical smell I couldn’t quite place, along with an underlying scent that smelled good.  Like the spicy aroma of Chinese food that lingers long after the last egg roll is gone.  Besides, I couldn’t picture a world in which Bridget would be up cleaning in the middle of the night.

My skin felt itchy all over, irritated by the rough material pressed up against it.  Where were my warm, cuddly pajamas?  A sheet was pulled all the way up over my head, as if I’d been trying to hide in my sleep.  I noticed my feet were bare, which was really odd.  I always slept with at least one pair of socks on, so my feet wouldn’t freeze.  They didn’t feel cold at the time though.  I didn’t feel hot or cold, just… normal, apart from the fact that I couldn’t move.  I took some small comfort in the fact that I wasn’t completely paralyzed with no feeling in my body whatsoever.  A muffled but steady thump reached my ears, and in my foggy state I lay there trying to figure out what it was.

That’s when I realized… I wasn’t alone.

There was someone else in the room with me, I could hear him breathing.  For two seconds I forgot to breathe myself, fear paralyzing what was left of my moving body.  Who was in my bedroom?  Was I even in my bedroom?  Suddenly it seemed less like a weird dream and more like a dangerous situation to be in, especially when I found I couldn’t open my eyes.

A swishing sound hit my ears, like a swinging door being pushed open, footsteps echoing in its wake.  “Hey, I’m here to pick up an Anja Evans?”

That’s me!  Only the guy mispronounced my name, with a hard “j” instead of the softer “y” sound of Ahnyah it’s supposed to sound like, so obviously I didn’t know the guy.  Also his shoes squeaked, so we definitely weren’t in my bedroom, not that I really thought I was anymore.

“Evans… Evans… I don’t have an Evans, how long has she been here?” a different man answered, sounding bored as he flipped through papers.

“I don’t know, some time tonight.  Are you sure you don’t have her?  Maybe she’s not updated in the computer yet.  Blonde hair, blue eyes, about average height, wearing some kind of costume?”

That sounded like me alright, but costume?  My hands moved a tiny bit, sliding across the heavy fabric that felt nothing like my pj’s.  Why would I be dressed up in a costume?

“Oh, Jane Doe number six.  Sure, we’ve got her over here.”  The steps got louder as they walked in my direction.

“You’ve had six unidentified females today?  Are they that common here?”  He sounded almost as surprised as I was.  If they didn’t know who I was, that meant they hadn’t called my family or anyone yet.  I was completely on my own.

“No, they’re really not.  That’s why she’s only number six, ever.”

I’m over here, I’m awake… I tried to speak, but I couldn’t make any sound, and my eyes still wouldn’t budge no matter how hard I tried to force them open. My fingers started to respond sluggishly, but the men must not have noticed under the sheet.

All at once, I realized I must be in the hospital.  That would explain the uncomfortable bed, the vague disinterest about me and the smell of disinfectant.  I drew some comfort from that, because if I was drugged out or paralyzed, at least I was under a doctor’s care.  That was my assumption anyway…

“Are you sure you have the right one?  I’ll catch hell if I bring back the wrong body.  How did she die?”

Die?  I couldn’t be dead!  I could still hear, smell, and feel everything.  On the plus side, my tongue started to loosen, and I could open and close my teeth.  If I could move, I couldn’t possibly be dead, but something was definitely wrong.  I swallowed uncomfortably past the lump that rose in my throat.

What had happened to me?  All too soon, the comfort of finding myself in the hospital turned to despair, and I could feel a silent tear slip from the corner of my eye.  It went unnoticed by the men in the room thanks to the sheet pulled up over my head.

“Ah… looks like traumatic blood loss.  Tissue damage to the neck, died in transit to the hospital, that’s all I’ve got here.  But you’re welcome to take a look before you take her.”

A millisecond before the sheet came off, my eyes popped open and a high, keening cry leaked out of me like the air out of a balloon; my only available version of a scream, I suppose.  The effect was electrifying.  Both men screamed, and like a switch was flipped, I felt the energy rush back into my limbs.  Filling my lungs with air, I screamed right back at them, and we stared at each other, all of us screaming for a good ten seconds before the room got really quiet.

“You’re… you’re…”  The guy dropped his clipboard as he backed up a few feet.  The other man, the one who came to get me I assumed, continued to stare at me like I had just risen from the dead, which was understandable.

“W-where am I?”  My voice sounded shrill to my ears and I couldn’t help but wince, doing my best to swallow back my fear.  I felt… wrong somehow, but I couldn’t quite identify why.  Finding myself in such strange surroundings was too distracting.

“Shoreline Memorial Hospital in San Francisco.  You’re, um… you’re supposed to be dead.”

“I’m sorry…” slipped out reflexively, though what I had to be sorry about, I couldn’t imagine.  Shoreline was the same hospital Bridget worked at, and I wondered if she knew I was there.  I was tired of lying down and I might have said something to that effect as I pushed myself up to a seated position, but I was too busy looking at my surroundings to be sure if I’d spoken out loud.  It wasn’t a hospital room as I’d assumed, but what looked like a morgue, based on my experience with TV and movies.

I was still half lying on a gurney, but a large stainless steel table stood in the center of the room, with holes drilled through it for drainage of various… ugh, I didn’t want to go there.  “I feel…” dizzy, confused, itchy, nauseous, sore, tired…wrong… “…different.”  My tongue finally supplied, and I again marveled at the sound of my own voice.  Was it my ears or the timbre of my voice that had changed?  It was impossible to tell.

“That’s understandable, you’ve been dead for over an hour,” the morgue attendant replied distractedly, bending to pick up the clipboard.

“Oh come on, Dave, there’s obviously been a mistake.  She’s no more dead than you or me.  I know some folks that are going to be glad to see you up and walking around.”  The other guy gave me an encouraging smile.

Walking around didn’t sound like too bad of an option.  More than anything I wanted out of the morgue with its strange smells and disturbing tables.  Despite the dizziness, I launched myself to my feet, throwing myself off balance as my muscles propelled me farther than I had intended.  I careened into the icky metal table, sending a tray of tools crashing to the ground.  The sound was deafening, and I clamped my hands over my ears as I waited for it to end.

“Whoa, are you sure you should be up and around?”  Smiley guy reached out to steady me, catching hold of my elbows.

That’s when I noticed the front of my dress had been cut and gaped open, showing more of my natural assets than I cared to, outside of a beach.  When I say my dress, I don’t mean my dress.  I’d never seen the thing before in my life.  No wonder they reported I’d been wearing a costume, I would have made the same assumption.  The underdress was made from a scratchy, coarse linen, the color of marigolds.  The outer layer was a heavier, indigo wool, held up just below the shoulders by two round metal broaches adorned with three running horses, their legs intertwined.

It was hard for me to gauge the whole effect in looking down.  Wherever it came from, they’d never get the deposit back.  Besides the long cut down the chest, it was also soaked through with blood on the left side of my body.

“I don’t belong here,” I murmured, pulling myself free from his grasp and doing my best to hold the dress closed.  Overcorrecting, I nearly fell over the other way.  Trying to muster a modicum of dignity, I swallowed again, clearing my throat in search of my normal tone of voice.  “Can either of you tell me what’s going on?”

“I’m not sure, this almost never happens,” Dave replied, losing some of the stunned look from his face.  I saw his eyes dip to my chest and I shot him a look.

“But it does sometimes?” That was disturbing to hear on many levels.

Dave’s face flushed when he saw that I noticed him looking and he turned away, coughing into his hand as he approached a desk set in the far corner of the room.  “Well no, not down here.  Usually they catch that sort of thing up on the main floors.  Um, let’s see what I can find out here.”  He tapped on the computer and the other man followed to look over his shoulder.  “You were brought in a little over an hour ago… and died enroute to the hospital.  They tried to revive you, but…”

He’d already said that before, but it was like it had happened to someone else.  “I don’t remember any of this.”  I shook my head miserably, it was starting to pound something fierce.

Smiley guy took pity on me, fixing me with that same reassuring smile.  “You’ve been through quite a trauma, ma’am.  Maybe you should sit down?”  Nodding, I avoided the creepy tables and slid into a plastic molded chair by the swinging door.  “I’m Mike Turley, I work for the medical examiner’s office with SFPD, and I’m glad to find you alive and breathing.”

“Anja Evans.”  I stuck out my hand by force of habit and after a moment’s hesitation, he shook it.  I was struck by how warm his hand was, but I didn’t feel uncomfortably cold.  Any difference in temperature was probably from my lying in the chilly morgue for an hour without my socks on.

“Nice to meet you, Anja.”  He pronounced my name correctly that time.  “Sit tight, I’m sure there are a lot of people who want to talk to you.”  Straightening, he turned back to where Dave sat at the computer.  “I’m going to need to make some calls and my signal’s for shit.  Do you have a phone I can use?”

“Oh yeah, there’s never any signal down here.  Feel free to use this line here, dial nine to get out.  I should really get a doctor down here to examine her, or I wonder if I should take her up to the ED myself…”

A lot of people who wanted to talk to me.  Cool beans.  And lots of doctors poking and prodding me as well.  Even better.  My eyes flicked to the swinging door beside me, the urge to flee growing stronger and stronger, until I lurched out of the chair and out the door with a soft rush of air.  Once I was on the move, it seemed a simple thing to keep going.  Objects in motion are easier to stay in motion, or something like that.  I’ve never been particularly good at physics, no matter what you may have heard.

I’d always had the stigma of being kind of a book nerd.  It’s cliché, but maybe it had something to do with the braces and glasses I wore all through high school.  Okay, so looking back I can admit it had more than a little to do with button down shirts and skirts that didn’t rise above the knee, but my parents were really strict while I was growing up.  Even three years out of high school, I still had trouble coming out of my shell, as my sister Hanna liked to call it.  Or pulling the stick out of my… behind (I’m paraphrasing), as Bridget liked to say a bit more colorfully.

While the braces were long gone, the glasses remained, but I liked to think I didn’t look all that different from any other student at the Central Coast Academy of Fine Arts.  When I wasn’t wandering through the bowels of the hospital wearing a torn, bloody rag, that was.

The need to get away from the morgue propelled me forward, I thought it was adrenaline lending me swiftness at the time.  The earlier stiffness was completely gone, no trace of the paralysis, though I still felt off my game.  Every second that drew me farther away, I expected to hear my name called from behind, or even a ‘stop that girl!’ yelled after me.  But I didn’t run into a soul on my way to the wide elevator at the end of the hallway.  As the doors slid shut, so did my eyes, and I allowed myself a brief moment to catch my breath and give thanks to the gods above for not only allowing me to get away, but for sparing me from whatever near-death experience I’d narrowly escaped.

As conspicuous as I felt in my bare feet and ruined dress on the ground floor, it was nothing compared to the flare of embarrassment that went through me when someone joined me in the elevator.  A little wisp of a man, close to my height, peered at me from behind oversized glasses.  Dressed in blue scrubs, he could have been anything from laundry staff to a neurosurgeon to my untrained eyes.

“Are you alright?” he asked, more than a little concerned by my appearance.

“Yes, of course.  This isn’t my blood,” I waved off the concern.  Come to think of it, I wasn’t in any pain.  What had the guy said back in the morgue… tissue damage at the neck?  My neck felt fine.  Surreptitiously, my hand snaked up to probe at my neck and felt nothing but smooth skin.  “It’s ah… it was a costume party that got a little out of hand.  You know how it is.”  I gave him my best smile and crazily enough, he bought it.

“I remember those days,” he smiled wistfully.  The doors opened on the second floor then and he held them open for me.  “Getting off?”  There was definitely a light of hope in his eyes.  What kind of a weirdo wanted to flirt with a barefoot, bloody wreck of a girl in the middle of the night in a hospital?

“Sorry, not my floor.”  I pushed the button for the third floor, stepping back with a faint smile as he shuffled off.  What I wouldn’t give for a mirror…  Self consciously, I pushed the hair out of my eyes and realized for the first time I wasn’t wearing my glasses.

I wasn’t blind by any means; I could tell the difference between a tube of toothpaste and a tube of anti-itch cream, but I had trouble whenever reading was involved.  Normally when I forgot to put my glasses on, after a few minutes I’d get a light headache until I put them back on again, but I’d been walking around the hospital just fine without them.

Looking at the numbers on the elevator buttons, they were sharp and distinct.  I could clearly read the posted weight limit and even the elevator permit behind grubby plastic.  Maybe it was one of those things where you got hit on the head and it changed your eyesight?  Only I didn’t think I’d hit my head, and since when did the Flintstones logic work anyway?  The night kept getting weirder and weirder.

The elevator doors opened and I stepped out onto the deserted hallway.  I knew my roommate Bridget worked nights up on the third floor in long term care as a ward assistant (a glorified name for an orderly, but I’d learned long ago she didn’t particularly appreciate that label), and I hoped it wouldn’t be too hard to find her without attracting more attention.  Luckily, I didn’t meet a soul, and I spotted her standing at the nurse’s station, head bobbing to Linkin Park blaring from her earbuds.

You’d never think someone like Bridget and I would be friends from looking at us.  Maybe that makes me a little judgmental of appearances, but you have to admit, most people do make snap decisions based on looks.  Paired with her maroon scrubs, she wore chunky, black combat boots that flopped open at the top, a score of black rubber bracelets like Madonna used to wear back in the eighties, and at least three chunky silver necklaces.  Her dark hair was plaited into thick braids that hung down her back, revealing the top of the tattoo on her neck.  I’ve always wanted one, but I could never picture myself as a grandmother with a tattoo.  Who wants to see a cool design get saggy, old, and faded as you age?

Bridget didn’t know how to do subtle with makeup, and I could see the heavy dark eyeliner on her eyelids and deep red ‘vixen’ lips from a mile away.  It was a little surprising the hospital didn’t care how she altered the dress code to suit her tastes, but when you worked the graveyard shift, things were more lax, I supposed.

I guess you could say I’ve always been a little bit classical and she was a little bit rock and roll.  Not that I didn’t want to be rock and roll myself… I did like rock music, I just hadn’t had much opportunity to pursue that kind of lifestyle, not even in college.  But at least I knew who Linkin Park was.  I should get points for that, right?

Making a beeline for the nurse’s desk, I was gratified to find it deserted, except for the two of us.  The entire floor was silent, but for the soft drone and beeps of equipment in the background.  Her head bobbed to the music, casually flipping through a magazine on the counter, completely unaware of my approach until I touched her elbow and she jumped a foot.

“Jesus Christ, what are you trying to do, give me a heart attack?” she gasped, hand flying to cover her heart.  I could practically hear it beating too, thump, thump, thump, it was almost hypnotic.  “Hello?  Earth to Anja…”  She waggled her fingers in front of my face, and I snapped out of it.

“Oh, sorry.  I was just… I’m having the weirdest night.”  Talk about an understatement.  Now that I’d found her, I wasn’t sure where to begin.  It was obvious she had no idea I’d been down in the morgue.  Hopefully that meant my family was blissfully unaware of the fact as well.

“Ah, it’s a little early for Halloween isn’t it?  What’s with the ensemble?”  Her fingers waved again in the general direction of my outfit.

“That is the least of my worries right now.  Do you think we could sit down and talk for a bit?”  I could see the aversion on her face.  Maybe she thought I was having boyfriend troubles.  Bridget wasn’t big on heart to hearts.  “Please?  It’s important.”

“Fine, you don’t have to be so dramatic,” she rolled her eyes, slouching against the counter.

My eyes darted up and down the length of the corridor.  “Can we talk somewhere more private?”  Anyone could come along and spot me at any moment and I still dreaded the questions that would come with it until I had more answers myself.

Another roll of the eyes was given, but she led me into a patient’s room.  “Is this good enough for you?”

I looked at the old man occupying the bed, his eyes watching us with vague interest.  “What about him?”

“Oh, don’t worry about him, he’s deaf as a post.”

“But won’t we keep him awake?”  The idea of barging into his room didn’t sit well with me.

“Old people don’t sleep,” she scoffed as if it was a well known fact.  “Hi, Mr. Gutterman!” she yelled.  “Just ignore us, we’re having a little girl talk, okay?” she nodded and flashed him a thumbs up sign.  The old man gave no indication he’d heard a single thing she said and Bridget turned her back on him.  “See, we’re fine.  So spill, what’s so important it’s got you out of bed past ten o’clock?”

My tongue darted out to moisten my lips.  “I think… I think I died.”